Ep #164: Convincing and Arguing with Your Audience

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

Hey coaches, welcome to episode 164. We are in the midst of Making Offers Bootcamp in 2K for 2K. So, a lot of content is coming out of the coaching that’s happening in that bootcamp in our program every single week over a six week period. So, at the time of this recording when you’re hearing this we will be midway through the bootcamp. It’s not too late to join, you can join us. You just need to go to staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. And you can sign up and you can be a part of the bootcamp. And we’ll link that up in the show notes as well.

But we’ve been coaching a lot on not the offer itself. We did that in offer week. We coached on creating an irresistible offer and loving that offer, being sold on that offer. But now students are out there actually making offers. So, I’ve told them if they want to get coaching on the call they have to be out there actively making offers. They have to be selling their offer to real humans.

So, whether that is marketing or that’s their consults, they’re coming back. And we’re talking about what’s happening in their sales experience. What’s happening in their brain. What’s happening with the way that they’re talking about their offers to their potential clients. The way their clients are receiving those offers. And what’s happening in that transaction that’s creating a sale or not.

And when we’re talking about making offers we can’t have that conversation without talking about the subtle ways that we argue with our audience when we’re making offers to them. And how our brains go to when we’re in lack and insufficiency, or in doubt and disbelief is to convince. So, we’re going to talk about convincing and arguing with your audience today. So, the first thing I want you to think about is have you ever been with a salesperson when they tell you you’re wrong for your choices? And there’s a million ways to do that or experience that as the buyer.

But I want to give you an example once from Dior when I was shopping on Rodeo Drive. I was so excited. I have never been to Rodeo Drive. I think I’ve even told this story on the podcast, never been to Rodeo Drive. And I finally go, we went right before our honeymoon. And I go at a time where I can actually – the shops on Rodeo Drive are not shops that I’m looking up to and hoping one day, not that there’s anything wrong with it to buy but they’re actually shops I shop at on a regular basis. So, to me it just felt like the mall, all my favorite places all in one place. It was fantastic.

And if you know me by now you know that Dior is my favorite. So, I go into Dior and I’m so excited and I try an outfit on. And it was $7,000 and I was hesitant to buy it, not because I don’t have $7,000 but truthfully we were trying to get pregnant. And it was a fall outfit, it was a very thick sweater, and it was an amazing leopard sweater, let me just tell you, but very thick sweater, leather skirt, very cute.

But I know that I live in Kentucky first of all and it doesn’t get cold in Kentucky until November and sometimes even December. It’s sometimes still warm in November and December in Kentucky. And then we freeze from January through April, ice, snow, all the things. So, we stay very warm, August, September, October we’ll be experiencing 100 degree weather. So, I’m sitting there counting how many attempts that will be at getting pregnant and the likelihood of me being able to wear it would have been minimal.

It ended up being a good decision by the way because by the time it did get cold I thought about that outfit, and I would not have been able to wear it. I was already pregnant. I was already very bloated and with a belly bump showing. It wouldn’t have happened. So, I was really exercising good judgment. I fell in love with it, but it really wasn’t going to be feasible. And the salesperson kept saying in this very judgmental tone, his sub context was really telling me that my line of thinking was wrong.

Was, “Well, you’re going to end up coming back and it’s going to be sold out. And really, I mean I’m really not, it’s going to be terrible. I’m going to feel really bad when you come back, and it’s gone.” In this way that just didn’t motivate me to buy. Let’s say that. It didn’t make me feel bad. It annoyed me. I don’t like to be sold that way. But it just didn’t motivate me to buy at the bottom line. So, what you have to think is, is my offer motivating someone to buy? And if your energy is arguing, convincing, judging, it is not.

You can’t motivate someone to buy by arguing with them. You can’t motivate someone to buy by convincing them. You can’t motivate someone to buy by judging them. Yet if we’re being honest, I want you to think about just for you, because I just know I have done this before, so I know that other coaches are doing this too. And I coach my clients on this all of the time, we’re coaching in Making Offers Bootcamp on this. I just coached someone in 200K on this. We coach in 2K on this all the time.

So, it’s after working with thousands of coaches, this is one of the number one thing that does come up when it comes to making offers with coaches. So, I just want you to find for you personally, take an honest look and say, “How much of the time when you’re marketing, how much of that time does your marketing have that flavor?” I call it the flavor, it’s got the flavor of argument, the flavor of convincing, the flavor of judgment.

Listen, I can scroll on Facebook for five minutes and find 10 posts that are coming from a place of telling someone that they are wrong for something they are doing or thinking. For not investing in themselves, for not signing up for the consult, or from buying from someone else, or not taking action. And we really think that we’re doing this from love. That’s how it kind of feels in the moment, we think it’s loving. But really what’s happened is we’ve gotten subtly frustrated at the people who are not our best clients.

We have subtly taken our attention from our best people, the people who really want what we have to offer, the people who are qualified, you’ve heard me talk about this, who are qualified clients, who are actively looking for help and looking to us to help them. We shift our focus ever so slightly from them to the people who don’t want our help, who aren’t looking to us to help them, or are not looking to coaching to help them. It’s the subtlest shift and it is the most profound work you can do is to grow your awareness of this shift when this happens, when you’re out there making offers.

The way you do that by the way just a sidenote, is by gauging how you feel when you’re marketing, when you’re making offers. You’ve got to be able to figure out what’s happening in your inner world, in your body. What’s happening in your mind, if you’re not someone that can access feelings, what’s happening in your mind? What’s the subtle thoughts you’re having? What’s the subtle judgments you’re having? Does it feel like an argument? I’m going to talk about that in a second.

But we do this subtle shift, and all it takes is one person commenting and saying something negative on a post, one person saying no on a consult, one post going without a lot of likes. It’s very small things that can happen that are very normal things when you’re out there being an online marketer. Or if you’re in person, someone saying, “Oh, life coaching”, or someone not asking you about your business and not having a successful event even if you’re in person.

It just takes one of those things that is actually meaningless and part of the process, one little perceived fail and your brain can shift that way. And we think about the people who want to do it a different way than what we are teaching and offering. We think about the people who aren’t even trying to get help. We start thinking about the people who don’t want the help. We start thinking about people who don’t think coaching works or they think it’s a scam. We start thinking about people who don’t want to invest, or don’t have money to invest, or who aren’t ready to get help.

And then we start subtly trying to convince them to be ready. I’m going to give you some actual tangible examples of this. I was recently coaching a client and she was telling me that she was exhausted from her marketing and from making offers. And we uncovered that what she was thinking is everyone’s doing dating wrong. They’re approaching it the wrong way. And they have this idea that this is the right way. And she said, “What I feel like I’m spending all of my time doing, so much of my time is I’m trying to correct all of these thoughts that everyone is having.”

It sounds so lovely, doesn’t it? I’m trying to correct all of these thoughts that everyone is having. That doesn’t even feel like, so you have to be really onto yourself. I’m sure that didn’t feel like arguing or convincing to her. Correcting feels just a little different. I’m trying to correct all these thoughts that everyone’s having. So, I asked her, “What if you didn’t have to correct any of the thoughts?” So, here’s the example that I gave her that I want to give you.

Now, there’s a lot of business coaches or people who coach coaches have this thought or this kind of battle where it’s me against the industry. And it’s a very exhausting thought because it requires you, when you think it’s you against someone or against something, it requires you to be constantly fighting a battle, constantly at war. And it’s always from this place that feels like an uphill battle, you’re never winning.

So, we’ll take my business for example. I teach coaches how to market organically, which it’s fancy for making money without paying for leads, not paying for leads. And I do tell them why I recommend this. I do tell them the benefits, I tell you all the benefits and skills that you will develop learning how to market organically. I sell you on how simple of a win it can be, and it will be for you. But you don’t hear me waging an all-out war on ads.

What would my messaging be like if my thoughts were, coaches are doing it wrong? I have to correct them from running ads and I have to argue against that school of thought. That’s what I have to do all the time when I’m marketing is argue against that school of thought. I don’t even talk about ads in my marketing because my thoughts aren’t that I need to convince coaches to try organic marketing. I don’t think they’re doing it wrong if they do. I don’t need to argue with them or tell them they’re wrong.

What I do want to do is I want to offer, I want to offer, we’re making offers, I want to offer that unless you’re super tech savvy or you want to spend a lot of money upfront, organic marketing might be a better way. It is a better way. I want to offer that until you know your niche and the language that works to communicate with your audience. Until you’re closing at a solid rate you could go through a lot of unnecessary failure and spend a lot of unnecessary money if you don’t have those things down, if you’re running ads.

So, it’s a really good idea to get the first 10 clients organically first as proof of concept that you know how to communicate your offer to the right people and sell it to them, actually get buyers before investing money in the ads. I of course want to offer these things. But I’m not at war against ads or anything else. So, it doesn’t need to be in every conversation. My whole platform isn’t here’s my philosophy, it’s me against ads, it’s organic marketing against ads. I just sell coaches on organic marketing and its simplicity. I could do that without ever mentioning ads.

So, I want you to think about that. I can sell coaches on organic marketing and its simplicity, and all of its benefits, and all of its ease and never mention ads ever, never mention paid marketing. I could just talk about it, it’s the only form of marketing available. But see how calm and loving my brain is when I talk about it. I am simply offering perspective. That’s what we do when we make offers, we give our perspective on how to get results simply. And then we offer for our audience to learn more and personalize it, and take it deeper by working with us.

And that first step might be to get on a consult and go over the process in a personalized manner. And I’m just offering that from love, from openness, from a non-judgmental space. But really from a place of both things work, this is just why I love this. This is why I love organic marketing. And even if you do run ads already, great, you can either use what I teach about organic marketing when you join 2K and have two different methods for making money which at $10 million I still implement both methods.

Or you could just skip it and just learn how to sell your consults that are coming from the ads better with the rest of the modules. We have clean selling, we have consults, we have overcoming objections. Just those three, if you just learned overcoming objections that would be worth 2K, not a problem. The only problem I’m solving really is you not making money. So, we don’t need to argue about that. You want that, I want to help you with it. I don’t need to convince you about organic marketing. I don’t need to argue with you about ads, those are not my thoughts.

And I don’t need to unwind your thoughts, that’s also not a useful thought. I don’t need to spend lots of time educating you to get you to be onboard with what I’m offering. My belief is that once you hear me talk about it once you will be onboard because it’s enticing, it’s simple, it’s new, it’s fresh, it’s doable, it’s easy, it makes sense. It allows you to just get started now. It’s the fastest way to get what you want. Those are my thoughts about my offer. Do you see how subtle it is? If your thoughts are like that what will be different about the way you talk to your audience?

For me, I’m just offering a breath of fresh air. I’m just offering something new and exciting. I’m offering an alternative for the people who this alternative works for. That’s another thought I have, is there are people who innately just get technology. They can learn how to do ads. They get it. They can implement it, yes, they’re still going to have to learn how to sell and do the consults and all of that, but they’re able to get consults flowing in that way and it just makes sense for them. They can build websites, they can do all.

There are a lot of people out there that are all into funnels and they understand it, and they can create it and they’re all in. And then there’s people like me who are like, “What is a funnel? How do I do it? I don’t have any idea about ads, all of its overwhelming. If I have to think about it I’m going to go eat cookies on the couch.” However, I’m pretty decent or good at, or could be good at just talking to people. I am a human, I could engage with a conversation, that’s possible for me.

I remember having those thoughts when I was a new coach. That’s possible for me, I could just talk to other humans. Or I could get on a Facebook live, I understand that technology. Or I can make a post, I get that. So, for me I’m like, yes, there might be 50% of the world who is all about the ads. And then there’s 50% of the world who the only way they’re ever going to get their business off the ground is if they keep it simple and they just meet people and tell them they’re a coach and make offers to help them.

So, what I’m offering is for them, it’s for those people. It’s for those people who are going to resonate, and I already anticipate, think about my thoughts are I’m already anticipating that they’re going to resonate with this message. That’s very different than I have to correct all these thoughts that they’re having. So, I just want to offer, I am literally giving you a vaults of my thoughts here that serve me very well in making offers. So, you can take them, you can use them, they’re yours. PS, you get nine million more of them when you join 2K.

And when you go through offer week or if you join us right now for Making Offers Bootcamp you’re going to get nine million of these. I just throw them out there. These are the ways that I think about making offers and these thoughts are producing $10 million worth of coaching revenue on a yearly basis. So, they’re working.

Alright, so let me give you another example, I’m just going to give you another of my business examples. As you hear me say, you’ve heard me say on the podcast that I think you should totally hire a one-on-one coach or get some type of one-on-one coaching at some point. Sometimes you can be a part of a program that offers one-on-one coaching. But at some point have a one-on-one coaching experience.

I also think you should get certified, that’s a good idea to learn deeply and at mastery level how to use the coaching tools, or how to use coaching tools in general. There are some that you gravitate towards, you learn them through books or through programs and you learn Byron Katie’s, The Work after reading Loving What is. And you’re like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. This is the tools I resonate with. You could go coach with those right away. But if you have a chance I would highly recommend that if you love the work that you go take her certification program if she has one.

Or if you love the love the model, go get certified with LCS. If you’re using it, it’s very useful for you and your self-coaching, you’re starting to use it with your clients, and you haven’t gotten certified yet, get that mastery level education. And then you should also invest in business and sales training. I say those are the three investments, one-on-one, get certified, learn mastery level of a coaching tool or coaching tools, and get business and sales training. But you’re not going to ever hear me putting anyone down for not doing it.

This is very subtle. I simply state these three investments are a good idea. Make them in any order at any point. And lots of people have taken different paths and made money regardless. It won’t keep you from making money. I’m not saying you’re going to do it wrong. Do you hear me? I’m not saying you’re going to do it wrong if you don’t. I’m saying here’s just a really good idea I just want to offer you. And my thoughts are I can help you either way in any order. You can make money without all of these things. People are doing it.

These things will just make your life easier and save you on potential failure if you want. If you want my advice these are the three things. I’m not talking to coaches who don’t want to pay to get certified, don’t think they need a one-on-one coach, think they’re amazing at selling and have no desire to get better. And I’m not talking about the people who are like, “Absolutely you must get certified, this is the only way to do it, or you must hire a one-on-one coach, it’s the only way to do it.” I’m not arguing with those people. I’m not fighting against those people. I’m not talking to any of those people.

Here are the people I am talking to, my assumption is they want it. They might be confused on where to get started but they’re in it for all of it. I’m going not suggest these three things and you’re going to be like, “Yes, all of those three things sound like a good idea.” That’s who I’m thinking about. It’s the only people I’m thinking about. You don’t want the people who are – I’m putting this in air quotes. You can’t see me but I’m putting this in air quotes, ‘doing it wrong’. And I said this to my client. I said, “In your opinion.”

Because I promise, for every thought you have about someone doing it wrong, someone is out there doing it that way and getting results they love. So, another thought that I have that actually keeps me out of arguing is every process works. And what keeps me out of convincing is, but they want mine. Alright, are you guys ready? I’m giving you seriously so much value, so much money worth of my thoughts. What keeps me out of arguing is every process works. And what keeps me out of convincing is, but they want mine.

You want the people who are either currently doing something else that doesn’t feel right to them. It’s not resonating with them, it isn’t working, and they know it. And they’re actively searching for a better mousetrap, a better solution or they’re the people who have no method and you’re the first and only method and message that they have. They just think this is the way it was always supposed to be. So, if they came to me they’re like, “Organic marketing, that’s the way you do it. There’s no other ways to make money.” They’re just, that’s the way.

That’s how I was when I first hired my first life coach, I was like, “This is just what you do, you hire a coach for a year.” I was that last group. I wasn’t out there searching for coaches. I did actively know that what I was doing was not working. I did definitely know because at the time it was my work and my relationship, and a lot of other areas of my life, my money. So, I knew they weren’t working, and I was kind of actively seeking in a way of like I had gone through kind of a spiritual journey, and a religious journey.

I was definitely out there trying, open to there’s got to be a shift or a change that I need to make but I don’t know how. That kind of was in place. But for the most part I hadn’t put a name to it. I wasn’t out there doing consults with other coaches. I wasn’t out there following coaches. I wasn’t out there having another experience. I wasn’t setting up multiple calls. I was just, this is the way it’s supposed to be, you meet your coach in a grocery store who also works for your company. And she sells coaching for a year, and this is what you do.

You want those people, no need for arguing or convincing. When you find those people it’s easy. Your marketing should feel easy. Your offer should feel easy. And listen, this is what’s so important. When I’m not thinking about all the people who are doing it wrong in my opinion, my messaging gets super clear. My messaging gets very potent.

Messaging that’s held up by putting someone else or something else down consistently in my opinion is the least valuable effective and serving messaging. Meaning, and this is why I have been thinking a lot about this, why doesn’t it serve as much? Why isn’t it as valuable? Why isn’t it as effective? And my theory is I don’t think it gets people transformations ahead of time. That’s not the thing that sells them.

When you sell them that what they’re doing now is the problem, the process they’re doing is inherently wrong. Or the person they’re working with is not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, a good enough coach, they’re guiding them wrong. When you’re selling them that what they are doing is wrong, what you’re doing is selling them that they are wrong. And I think that you get people then who are sold based on fear, resistance, and victim mentality. They’re like, yes, I didn’t get results because this business coach was having me do this.

And the right way was really this thing that you’re offering. They just mirror back your thoughts, you are doing it wrong. You’re doing it the wrong way. The way I am offering is the right way. So, they’re like, “You’re right.” It was the business coach that was the problem, the method that was the problem. And what happens is that’s their predominant thought when they buy which means they go into your offer with that thought. So, number one, they’re not sold from a place that feels good for them. They’re sold from a place of I’ve done it wrong, and I have to pay to correct it.

And then they’re coming in with the same thought process and they’re going to be the same client with you that they were with the other coach, the other program, the other process. So, I don’t want people taking me up on my offer and buying from me from these thoughts. They might have them, it’s possible that they have them. But I don’t want their predominant feelings to be I’ve done something wrong, and shame, and failure. I want their predominant feelings to be motivated, and excited, and courageous, and brave. I want them to feel good when they hit buy when they say yes.

Not they say yes and then go eat a pint of ice-cream feeling like shit about themselves. Because the student who feels motivated, and excited, and courageous, they’re going to be a way better student. They’re going to be able to make way more use. Their mindset is going to be in a place that allows them to make way more use of the program and get more results, or my process, and then get results much faster. Messaging that’s directly focused on what you do have to offer, your perspective, from love, from offering without any assumptions about the client having done anything wrong.

I think this allows them to stay out of the beating themselves up, feeling like a failure, feeling stressed. And that allows them to get a transformation. To agree with you and believe in you and themselves, it’s the best place to buy from ever. So, whether it’s weight loss, or marriage coaching, or business coaching, or just general life coaching. I want you to practice the belief we are on the same side. We want the same things. I am here to offer you something new and valuable that will help. And either way I love you, I wish the best for you, and I believe in you. You can do this.

And I’m just offering that I might be able to make it faster, and simpler, and easier. So, here’s my offer. Think about how that feels. Think about how it feels to buy from a salesperson who thinks that. If we take it back to Dior, and we’ll end with this.

If we take it back to Dior, imagine if the thoughts in the salesperson’s head shifted just a little and his thoughts was like, oh my God, she’s so cute in this. I love her so much. And listen, I think you look amazing in this. I don’t want you to come back and be sad if it sells out. So just really think about, even if you can’t wear it this season, do you want it forever? It’s Dior, it’s never going out of style. You look fantastic. I just want to offer that if you get it you’re always going to have it. And after the baby you can go ahead and start rocking it.

And then if it takes a little bit longer then you could wear it, but either way you’re going to wear it. It’s not going to leave your closet, I promise, it’s Dior. And it looks phenomenal on you. So, I just want to offer, obviously think about it, it’s a lot of money. I want you to be happy. I want you to be comfortable. I want you to feel like you got what you wanted. Take some time, think about it. But just know, listen, just know you’re going to look amazing in it. You’re going to wear it whether it’s this season or next, it’s never going out of style. It’s totally you. You love it.

You feel great in it. That’s why you haven’t taken it off yet. So, I want to offer that it will not go to waste if you get it now regardless of whether you can wear it or not. Let me know if you have any questions. Just think about how that feels versus, well, you’re going to end up coming back and it’s going to be sold out. That feels terrible. It’s so subtle. It’s not even maybe what you would say to them would change, but how it would feel to the person receiving the message, how it would feel to you to say it. That would change. It’s very subtle.

But this is why we’ve been talking about this in Making Offers Bootcamp, the hardest thing for coaches to believe in the beginning. Which is so ironic since this is what we teach our clients in some way, shape or form, whether it’s you go through the thought approach, or the energy approach, the aura approach, the feelings approach, your personality approach, whatever it is. Whatever approach you have for coaching in some way, you are attributing that someone’s thoughts, or feelings, or energy, or aura is what’s creating their results for the most part, most coaches, not all, but most.

These are the ones I’m talking to, if you’ve made it this far in the podcast, you’ve got to have some degree of believing that for your clients. Yet when we go to make offers we think it’s some other thing other than the thoughts fueling the offers we’re making. And I’m here to just tell you that it’s all the little subtle thoughts like this, these are the things. When you get into this place where you’re loving your audience, and you’re not arguing, and you’re not convincing, you’re not judging, you’re just offering from service, from love. It’s that simple, we’re just offering from service and love, that’s it.

It doesn’t even have to be complicated. And just doing that, it’s going to feel differently for you. You’re going to want to do it more often. You’re going to have more fun and be playful with it. And your people are going to receive it differently and they’re going to be more motivated to take you up on it.

Alright, that’s my episode for you all today. I love you all so much. I do want to offer again, if you have not signed up for 2K for 2K, seriously best time ever to do it. We are talking about offers all day long in the Facebook community. We’re coaching about it every week. Everything will be on demand. As soon as we finish a call and it uploads, we upload it into the portal, so you have access to that. But we’re literally just – I always used to say, we’re slinging slicers when I was pitching.

We’re just slinging thoughts all around that are really useful for getting consults and signing clients. So, we would love to have you. Alright, I’ll talk to you next week.

Hey, if you are ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2K for 2K program where you’re going to make your first $2000, the hardest part, and then $200,000 using my proven formula. It’s risk-free. You either make your 2K or I give you your 2K back. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.