Ep #82: Processing Emotions

 In Podcast

Processing Emotions

We’ve got a lot happening in the world, and if you’re feeling disappointed, frustrated, or exhausted with the way this year has turned out, you’re not alone. Many people think that because I teach about selling most of the time, that I endorse prioritizing our businesses over our wellbeing, but this is not the case.

Today, I want to help you take care of your emotional world by showing you how to feel your emotions and process them all the way through. I see a lot of resistance to doing this because this practice may feel like it’s slowing down your trajectory towards your goals, but in all honesty, doing this work is taking the most direct and fastest route to the results you want.

Join me on the podcast this week as I show you why the most radical thing you can do to build your business and get closer to making money is to believe that you are worth the time to take a break and process your emotions. It is crucial to be willing to feel your emotions and process them, and I’m sharing the repercussions of not doing this, as well as some thoughts that will support you in making this a practice.

If you want to start making serious money as a coach, you need to check out 2K for 2K. Click here to join!

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • Why we have to be willing to feel our feelings.
  • What happens when we don’t process our emotions.
  • How not feeling your emotions keeps you from creating what you want and simultaneously creates what you don’t want.
  • The difference between feeling an emotion and processing an emotion.
  • 5 of the most prevalent thoughts that keep you from feeling and processing your emotions.
  • What happens when you are able to bring up an emotion ahead of time.
  • 8 thoughts that will support your emotions and processing them through.
  • How to know if you’re actually feeling your emotions and processing them.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach podcast, where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

Hi coaches, welcome to episode 82. There have been a lot of intense feelings in the world, and like I said when the pandemic started, it’s going to bring up all our shit and magnify everything that we struggle with. It will present our work in the world that we need to do and we will continue to run into the things that we haven’t done our work on until we do our work.

So one of the big things I see my students struggling with right now is feeling their feelings and processing their emotions. And I struggle with this too. There is logically knowing that we need to do it, and then there’s actually doing it when your body is in fight or flight, experiencing an emotion that our brain believes is going to kill us.

And some of you that are listening might not have training in this particular area, and you might not use it in your own coaching practice. You might not talk about feelings. You might not teach your clients processing emotions. So this might be your first introduction to feeling work today on the processing emotions podcast, and that’s okay.

I just want to offer first, before we dive into – we’re going to take this actually a couple of steps at a time. So what I’m going to talk about first is why we want to do it. I’m going to sell you on that first. And then I want to talk about what keeps us from being able to do it and then how to do it.

Okay, so let’s talk about why do we have to feel our feelings. Why is that so important? Some of y’all are on board. I talk a lot to my 2Ks – I’ve talked a lot to my 2K students and you all have expressed to me so deeply your desire to have help processing your emotions, but for those of you – I’m just going to assume while I sell you on the need to process and feel your emotions, I’m just going to assume that you are like, totally against it and your brain’s like, no, this is stupid and I don’t see the value.

I’m just going to sell you from there. So when we don’t – let’s talk about when we don’t feel our feelings. What happens is they end up taking over our consults, our coaching calls, our day, our experiences, our life in its entirety. We spend a lot of unconscious energy trying to cover our feelings up and trying to avoid them, or doing things to distract from them. This is called buffering.

So Netflix and cookies distracts from the disappointment of not signing a client. Hustling and overworking helps us avoid and run from insufficiency around money. Yelling at our husbands allows us to deflect the frustration we feel about not being further along and not having belief in ourselves.

So when we avoid these feelings, when we don’t acknowledge them, when we buffer over them, distract from them, escape from them, here’s what happens. One of the things that happens is we don’t allow ourselves to get uncomfortable enough to make change, to figure it out, to decide and commit to getting what we want.

So I was talking to a client recently who was learning to sell a low-end product and she really struggled. She has been in the river of misery, as we like to call it. She came into it, I think, with a little bit of success expectancy of what it should be like and how fast it should happen and how many people would be buying.

And it let her down a little bit. And so for the past several months, she’s been very uncomfortable. But I was telling her the other day that that discomfort is good because when she allows the emotion and she can be with it, and the more she fails and the more she feels and the more uncomfortable she allows herself to get, the more determined she will become to find a solution.

It’s like when the pain of staying the same gets greater than the pain of change, or in this case, of just figuring out how to sell this program. When we buffer and avoid our emotions, we don’t get to the point when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change. We never get to that point because we’re not acknowledging how we’re feeling in the first place.

So that’s one reason. We need to allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable to be willing to do the work to make lasting, permanent change. This is in your business or in your life. If your marriage is not working and you feel frustrated and disappointed but you eat instead of feel, you will not get to feel uncomfortable enough to stop and say okay, I have to do something about this, this isn’t working.

And when that happens, instead of working through the emotions and coming to a solution or a result or an understanding and getting closer to what you want, when you buffer, when you avoid, when you escape, you end up creating more results that you don’t want. Like weight gain from all the cookie eating.

I think actually weight gain is a big sign to check in with what’s really going on here. What am I not feeling? Because I often think it’s a sign of holding on. At least it was for me. And many of the students I have worked with, when they really work to process emotions and process, sometimes long-standing pain, they will lose weight.

I just think unprocessed pain in general can show up in a lot of different ways in the physical form. It shows up as illness in the body, muscle ache, spasms, injuries, viruses. It shows up in physical form in your house. Like a disorganized house or a messy car or in not accomplishing what you want to accomplish, or through lack of money.

So not feeling keeps you from creating what you want and creates a lot of what you don’t want. Your feelings drive every single action you take. All of your behavior. So for many of you, the reason you’re not making the money that you want to make, signing the clients you want to sign, and the reason you’re not able to coach on objections, the reason that you won’t say the hard thing on the call with the client is the unwillingness to feel an emotion.

Because once you feel an emotion, even a very strong one, it loses power over you. When you are resisting the feeling, it clouds the highest functioning part of your brain. You lose access to your logic and your knowledge and your critical thinking.

Your brain thinks the feeling awkward is a tiger. Your brain directs all of your energy to the focus of fighting or flighting against your own inner world, against your emotions. So of course, you can’t come up with a smooth question from curiosity that opens your client up with such awareness that they decide to hire you after saying they can’t afford it.

Of course. Your brain and your body are too busy at war, fighting off the feeling of awkward. But the moment that you tell your brain on the consult in the moment, where your client says, you know I just really can’t afford it and you tell your brain it’s okay, I’ve invited awkward here, and you allow that feeling, your body stops warring and you get to work serving the person that’s right in front of you.

So when you resist, it gets bigger. When you bury it deep inside you, when you keep it out of your unconsciousness, you end up with a bunch of results and experiences that you don’t understand and are confused about. Like, I don’t understand how I’ve gotten 29 nos in a row, I don’t know why I have taken all this action with no results, or I don’t know why I haven’t taken action at all this week.

When you go unconscious with your feelings, you also go unconscious with your brain. You lose awareness. And if you aren’t giving attention to the feeling, how can you ever find the thought behind it that is driving all your actions without your awareness and creating the results you don’t want?

Feeling is the key to finding. Finding out what’s really going on. Am I doing a good job selling you? Feeling is the key to finding. Quote. That really is. Your willingness to feel is going to directly determine how quickly you figure out what the hell is going on.

So what’s really working and what’s not and what you’re going to do differently. So many of my students, I see in the beginning they do this work, they go do evaluations, and they’re doing them from a place of not being aware of their thoughts and feelings. Not the true ones that are dictating and driving their actions because they’re just not feeling.

And listen my friends, feelings tell you so much about what’s happening in your mind. And listen my friends, they are part of our lies. They’re how we’re made. The sooner we get to feeling them, the sooner we get to living life truly to the fullest of the spectrum, the emotional spectrum, and creating what we do want in our lives.

Think about it. If there’s ever a day that you don’t go to work for your dreams, it is because you’re stuck in an emotion that you don’t want to feel and when you allow that emotion, that’s when you can get to work. I really believe the goal of life coaching is not to feel good all the time, but to be willing to feel everything, anything, at any given moment.

Okay, so let’s talk about the difference between feeling an emotion and processing an emotion. So feeling an emotion, in my experience, with coaching my students and coaching myself, this is what I experience. I can feel an emotion and then sometimes it gets to the point where the emotion, I get fatigued from feeling it, I have drama around feeling it, I have thoughts around feeling it, and I can feel it for a little bit, and then I go shove it down.

Processing through an emotion is being willing to stick with it all the way until it leaves your body on its own. Like it just goes all the way through you. I like to think of it as like, it comes in through my head and it goes all the way through my body, and out my toes.

Like it feels like it goes through all of me, where I really let myself lean all the way into feeling it and I see it all the way through. So that’s the definition I’m going to give here is like, there’s feeling and then there’s processing all the way through.

And I want to make that distinction only because I have a lot of people tell me, “Well, I felt disappointment. I felt disappointed for 20 minutes.” And I’m like, listen, sometimes my disappointment stays with me for two weeks. And a lot of that, I will say, when it stays for two weeks, really what’s happening is my mind is resisting and it’s trying to grapple with or understand and make peace with the experience.

So for example, I had specific feelings about my wedding being canceled. Very strong emotions. Despair, disappointment, anger, rage, frustration, pity. I mean, the spectrum of the emotions that came and went. Processing through all of those emotions took me a long time. I would say probably two solid months of I would have waves of grief come back at random times in a day.

So there’s processing through emotions of a really big event, something like that where it brings a ton of different feelings, and you have a lot of different feelings and a lot of different thoughts, and it’s not just this like, I’m going to sit here and feel disappointment and in a couple of hours it’s gone.

Sometimes that happens. Sometimes you feel disappointed about your husband forgot your anniversary. And if you’re willing to sit with your disappointment for an entire evening, by the next day, you feel fine.

So there’s no timeline. I don’t want you to get stuck on that. But for example, when my wedding was canceled, that took a long time to work all the way through it in my mind and in my body, to a point now where I feel a lot more peace and I feel a lot less triggered. I get a lot less triggered, and I experience a lot less of what feels like surprise emotions at random parts of the day, and I feel a lot more calm and neutral about it.

Another example of this processing an emotion more in a condensed time period, I recently had a coaching call with my coach where I uncovered some trauma recently that I didn’t realize I hadn’t actually processed. I thought that I had processed it. Really, I had just shoved it down really, really, really far.

This was way before I had life coaching and coaching tools. But in one hour, we sat there with all of the emotions and we gave them attention and we talked through everything that happened. And I cried my eyes out and I just really let all of the heaviness come over me and really just be there. And it was very difficult, but by the end of the hour, my body was calming down, it was coming out of fight or flight, it was starting to leave me.

I felt kind of crummy the rest of the day and a little bit low energy the next day, but then after a couple of days, it really started to feel like, oh, I really let that go. I really worked through that now. So that’s the way I like to kind of differentiate them is a feeling is just something you’re experiencing, it’s a vibration in your body. And then when you actually process through an emotion, you don’t just feel that, but you feel it all the way through until it leaves your body.

Okay, so now before we get into feeling, here’s how I want to approach this first. I want to talk about thoughts that keep you from feeling your emotions and then processing your emotions. So thoughts that keep you from even knowing what’s happening in your body and then actually dealing with and allowing what’s happening in your body.

Now, this isn’t a complete list of the only thoughts, but these are the ones that come up for me the most or that I see my students struggle with and tell me about. Number one, all thoughts about time. It’s taking too long or it will take too long, I don’t have time to sit here and feel my emotions, I don’t have time to deal with it, I have stuff to do, there are more important things to do.

I hear a lot of that. It’s probably the number one reason we, as humans, do not feel our emotions and we as humans have so many results that we are working through in society and personally is because we’re just moving so fast that we’re not willing to take time to take care of our emotional world.

So any thoughts about it taking too long, I don’t have time for it, I have stuff to do, there are more important things is going to keep you from allowing and feeling those emotions. Number two is fear that something has gone wrong, that it shouldn’t be this way, it shouldn’t feel this way, it’s too painful, it’s too much.

This is probably the second biggest one. That’s why I have it listed as number two. A lot of you think, and I remember when I was going through massive heartbreak and feeling like no, but this is actually going to kill me, my heart is beating too fast, something’s wrong. This emotion is too strong, I really have to get away, it’s not supposed to be like this.

Number three is self-doubt and criticism that you’re doing it wrong, that you’re not feeling. So I have a lot of students who will try to work through emotions for the first time, and they’ll be like, well, I just sat there, I didn’t really feel like anything was going on. And really what happened is they sat there and started criticizing themselves immediately that they were doing it wrong.

And then of course, all they experienced was their own drama and criticism around it. So just notice when you go to work on processing your emotions and feeling your feelings that notice if you start criticizing yourself the moment you start giving it attention. That just isn’t useful and it really blocks you from figuring out what’s really going on.

Number four is fear that you will lose yourself in the emotion and never recover. It will never go away; it won’t be able to be contained. I see this the most with deep pain that maybe is from your past, that maybe is a divorce or grief from losing a parent or a spouse, or I’ve seen with a lot of my students recently is racist things that have happened to them in their past.

And it feels like if I bring this up, I may never be able to get out of it. It’s going to be so strong and so deep and overcome so much of me that I might lose myself in it. And I just want you to be aware first, that’s the first step is just notice if that’s what’s happening for you and that is what’s keeping you from dealing with a lot of your emotions around really painful events.

And keeping you really, I like to think of when I don’t process an emotion, what I’m really doing is keeping that experience, that very painful trauma locked in my body, rather than giving it attention to release it. But we’ll talk about that in a second when I’m going to give you thoughts to support feeling and processing through your emotions as well.

And number five, that it will harm others. Your children, your spouse, your family, your boss, your coworkers, your clients. And this one can be interpreted in a lot of different ways. But I’ve seen it come up a lot for my students where – I’m going to use this example.

So something happens in the workplace and you’re a woman and you feel like what happened was sexism. And it was inappropriate and maybe even slightly harassment or a lot harassment and discomfort and was wrong. And you feel so agitated, you feel so – such intense emotion that you’re afraid that if you give it any sort of attention, that you’ll explode and you could lose your job, or that you’ll yell at your coworker, or you’ll fly off the handle at your spouse.

It’s things like that. It will emotionally traumatize your children if they see you crying or if they see you feeling depressed or anxious. It will emotionally traumatize them. So I’m trying to give some examples there. I see this a lot but it’s sort form of it’s going to harm other people or put me in conflict with other people.

So those are the thoughts that keep us from processing our feelings or even approaching this work. So now I want to give you some thoughts that will support the feeling and process through your emotions. Number one, and this was huge for me, this is just an emotion happening in my body.

I called my coach once when I was having a legitimate panic attack. I could not breathe. I was hyperventilating. And that’s all she said to me. Here’s what I need you to know. First things first, all that is happening is you’re having an emotion happening in your body. An emotion is taking place in your body.

And that immediately calmed my brain down. My brain stopped thinking I was going to die and I was able to breathe better. So that is a huge one. This is just an emotion happening in my body.

Number two, I am capable of feeling this. Number three, I will be okay. I am okay. I am safe. I recently did this work with one of my 2K students and my own personal work with this with my coach when I worked through processing trauma. She had me find a safe spot in my house. Think of a really safe spot.

I chose my movie room where I feel the most cozy and I chose to have my dogs surrounding me and my fiancé right next to me. And that’s what was in my mind while we processed trauma. And any time the emotion felt too big to bear, she would remind me to find my safe spot, and I would go there any time it started to feel like I was unsafe.

And so I really recommend this for you is not just to remind yourself that you are currently safe, especially if you’re processing really heavy emotion. But also to actually imagine a safe space in your mind, and even to be in a safe space when you do this. So be in a safe place within your home or within a home that feels comfortable to you where you feel safe to begin with in your physical surroundings.

Number four is this is an opportunity to feel more connected to me. This is an opportunity to know me better. Number five, this is an opportunity to lead the way for my children and my relationships. This is something I feel really strongly about. I have noticed this with a lot of friends recently is the one thing they’ll say about me is that I create a space where they can feel safe to feel however they want to feel and it’s part of my commitment to have that same authenticity when I’m with my fiancé, when I’m with my friends, when I’m with my family, when I’m even with my clients.

I think it’s really important to lead the way and show that you can feel the hard feelings and still show up. And you can feel hard feelings, you can feel sad and disappointed and grief, and it doesn’t mean anything about you. It doesn’t take away from your success, it doesn’t take away from your authority or your leadership or your self-image or your self-concept. None of that.

You can really lead the way for healthy emotional management that we’re given all the feelings and we’re allowed to feel them all, and none of them are bad. Number six is I’m doing it the exact way I’m meant to because there is no wrong way to feel.

Y’all, this is a big one. I’m going to talk about this in just a second when we dive into actually working on feeling and processing an emotion, but I just want to challenge you to play around with that. That you’re experiencing it the exact way you’re meant to and there isn’t a wrong way to do it, so it’s impossible for you to do it wrong.

Number seven is this will pass. The only emotions that stay are the ones that aren’t processed. And number eight, it takes longer not to process emotions. Unprocessed emotions show up in our energy and our behavior and our very specific results and actually make things take longer.

That one’s it, y’all. That’s the big one. Because the biggest thing that we tell ourselves is we don’t have time to do it, but truly, we don’t have time not to do it. Because it takes longer to get what we want when we’re shoving our emotions down.

Okay, so once you’re ready, here’s what I want you to do. Find out where you feel the vibration of the emotion you’re experiencing in your body. That’s all an emotion is. It’s a vibration in your body. And be willing to sit with that vibration as long as you can without distancing or pushing it down.

Now, if you’re new to this work, I want to offer that you don’t have to try to process all the way through a feeling or an emotion or a trauma your first time around. Maybe start with giving yourself 10 minutes. 10 minutes to sit there and feel.

I also love when you do this on purpose and sit down and try to feel. You can actually bring up the emotion that you’re most resistant to. For example, it might be humiliation. A lot of you experience that when you go to livestream or launch a podcast or you do your first consult. Humiliation is a big one for a lot of my students.

So if you can actually sit down, and even if you’re not feeling bad in the moment and bring that emotion up, you can think about something that would feel humiliating and feel it ahead of time in your body. And what happens when you do this ahead of time is you actually teach your brain that you’re the one controlling it.

Because if you can bring it up, you can of course also let it go and move it away. You have the power to bring it up and take it out. That’s the way to explain it. So try it. Whether you try it with an emotion that you’re not currently feeling that you want to bring up, one that you are just really afraid of, or if you want to do it with an emotion that you’re really struggling to experience in the moment, either way is fine.

And just give yourself five minutes, 10 minutes, you don’t have to go all the way through. Don’t try to nail it on your first try. Do what you can. Some people have to work their resilience and their ability to feel, they have to work that up with time and experience.

Okay, so now once you’ve brought up whatever emotion, whether it’s the emotion that you’re experiencing in the current moment or one you’re bringing up, notice it, pay attention to it. What does it feel like? How would you describe it to someone else?

And then just make sure you focus on everything that’s vibrationally happening being okay and allowed. Like, nothing goes wrong in this feeling session. And here’s how you know you’re actually feeling it. When you can allow it to be there and not do anything about it.

So when you can feel humiliation and just let it be there and not need to run away from it, avoid it, go eat cookies, get up, scroll on Facebook, go lie down. Just being able to allow it to be there and not do anything about it is feeling your emotion. Then processing it is staying with it all the way through until it leaves.

Many of my students don’t sit with this all the way through. They start to get antsy and hustly, and they think that they have to take action quickly. And really, they’re just having most likely one of those thoughts I listed that keeps them from fully engaging.

And when this happens, all that’s going to happen is we’re given the opportunity to try again by it coming back. So remember while you are feeling to remind your brain that you are safe so that you can experience them longer and longer and process through them more often and build up your resiliency to feeling them in the first place.

Some emotions will be heavier than others. Start with the less heavy ones if you want, but just make sure you start. Now, we could go much deeper into how to feel, but I want you to experience it on your own and try not to engage with the idea that you’re doing it wrong. That’s going to take you out of the feeling and into your brain and into thinking.

So just be willing to work at it and experiment. And when you get practiced, you will find yourself getting more and more functional while you’re feeling. So I’m not saying – I want to be careful. I’m not saying that you just need to sit around feeling all day. I don’t think that’s what life coaching is.

And it’s what some people think our industry is about. I do a lot more in one week than some people will do in an entire month or even a year. And it’s actually because I feel my feelings. Not because I just sit around feeling. I feel and I take those feelings with me out into the world.

I am now a functional feeler. That’s what we’ll call it. A functional feeler. I can feel and function. But only because I practice this. One who would not give up on figuring out how to walk ever because it’s essential to life. I’m never going to give up practicing feeling my feelings because it’s essential to life.

And when I’m functioning and feeling, it does sometimes feel like my coach used to describe this as carrying around a heavy purse. Some of y’all think that you can’t sell with a really heavy purse, with a really heavy body, with really heavy emotion.

But I just want you to imagine that your really heavy purse is just full of money. When you’re walking around with your shame, you’re just carrying your heavy purse full of money you’re about to make by being willing to feel your emotions.

But really, if you’ve listened by now to my selling while feeling negative podcast, and if you haven’t, just go back and grab that one because many of y’all really do have it wrong. You think you need to feel positive to sell. You really just need to be authentic. You need to be in touch with yourself.

When I feel my feelings, I give the world the most authentic version of me, however I’m feeling. I give myself the most authentic version. And that is what marketing is really. It’s giving the world an authentic version of you from a place of service.

So if we want people to know us, if we want to show them who we are, meet people, tell them you’re a life coach, show them you’re a life coach, make offers to help them, it’s the second step of the three most important steps you’re going to spend your time doing building your business, we have to know who and how we are and have that honesty with ourselves first.

And I think this is the first lesson of life coaching mastery really is that however I’m feeling, I can be authentic and honest with that because there is no wrong emotion, there’s no better feelings, there’s just feelings. And the secret to life is feeling them all.

My coach always says if there’s nothing you’re unwilling to feel, there will be nothing you’re unwilling to do. And I really genuinely believe that’s true. The only thing keeping you from going after stuff in your business right now, doing crazy ideas that you have or ideas that don’t feel like small ideas, big ideas, what’s keeping you from showing up is just an unwillingness to feel an emotion.

So if you can do that, if you can be authentic and just who you are and feel your emotions and carry whatever you’re feeling with you, marketing is energy, you will be marketing yourself as a product of your product. You will send a wordless message to the world, hey, are you struggling with feeling, are you buffering, are you avoiding, are you shoving down and running away from how you really feel, are you eating cookies instead of dealing with the stress of not enjoying being a mom, are you overworking to not deal with your marriage, are you hustling to not deal with insufficiency around money, I got you. I know how to feel. I will teach you too.

This is the wordless message, the intangible thing that sells you to every room you walk into virtual or real, that sells you as a life coach. And listen, if you think that you have too much to do to work through your emotions, just remember that you’ve forgotten what your job is. Sometimes the best business building activity you can do is feel your shit and get honest with yourself about where you are.

Dealing with that makes everything else you do so much more productive. Even your evaluations of what worked, what didn’t work, and what you’re going to do differently. Okay, so in the last few weeks, I have given many of my clients and myself the permission to feel. We have a lot going on in the world. A lot of trauma, a lot of emotional stuff coming up.

And I want to give you that permission too. Even if you feel like you’re in a hurry and you’ve got to make money, this is the way to do it. You’ve got to give yourself permission to feel, even if it takes a couple of weeks. Even if in the moment, it does feel so heavy, that you have to actually move things and you don’t hit deadlines and you don’t get the damn house cleaned. That’s okay.

I was telling one of my students this just yesterday, that you are more important than even your monetary goals. Sometimes we forget that. We know it in theory, but then when it actually comes to pushing a launch back so that we can rest and take care of ourselves, so that we can grieve, so that we can take care of our body, we’re like, oh my gosh, I’m a failure, I’m never going to hit my goals, what if I don’t get to the end of the year and do what I said I was going to do? Am I letting my audience down?

We have all of these thoughts about it. You have to genuinely know that you are more important than your money goals, your business goals, and everybody else’s goals for you. And you have to take care of you before you can take care of your business. You take care of you, then you take care of the baby.

It might feel like slowing down, but really, it’s taking the most direct route. So I’m going to leave you with this story. I’m going to tie it back to business. So I remember, I launched a retreat a couple of years ago called A Midnight in Paris in Michigan. My god, I heard it as I said it, but at the time, it had a lot of symbolism and I totally sold people on this shit. It was great.

The retreat itself was actually really amazing. It’s still one of my favorite memories from my business and building my business was that retreat, the house, the experiences, the women I got to coach, everything about it was magic. I’m just laughing a little at the name.

But anyway, the house only held a certain amount of people. I think it was like, 12. And at the time, I had 20 students in Diva Business School, I had 23 private clients, like one-on-one clients. And so the retreat sold out the hour that it launched. It was immediately filled up.

And I had clients who couldn’t get in. I was like, I’m really sorry, it’s first come first serve and I had so many students that were like, I was still transferring money, I was still doing this, they couldn’t get in. And so they said will you open up another weekend, will you do a second one so that we can take part in this.

And so I really thought about it, I decided to do it, I talked to the house, I had to put a down payment down on the house. And I decided to do just two retreats back to back with two days in between. And then I’d go back and tell all my clients, yes, I have room for you now, we’re doing a second weekend, and there was six or seven of them that had all said if you do a second week, we’re 100% going to go all in.

And they all said oh, actually, I’m not going to be able to do it, this came up, and it turns out this is happening and this and this. And I was devastated. So disappointed. I had already kind of told the world that I was doing a second launch because the first one went so well.

And I felt so much disappointment and frustration and fear since I’d already put money down that I didn’t immediately try to just fix it and start selling or keep selling it. I just went silent for two weeks on social media and I gave myself time to really feel all of my emotions about it, work through what I felt like had happened, coach myself, and decide what I was going to do moving forward.

And I decided to open it back up and really launch it and come from a perspective of not planning on anyone buying. Not having any success expectancy with it whatsoever. And I actually relaunched it by doing a Facebook Live and talking about how to handle failure and disappointment and how to be willing to work through all of that before you take your next step, even if it feels like there’s a really long time between that last step and then the next step.

And that’s what it felt like. It felt like a really long time to let two weeks go by. But I was just working through so much disappointment and embarrassment and shame. I mean, I was still new in my business. I don’t think I would let something like that be that dramatic now, but at the time, it was like, I’d never experienced anything like that.

And so I really had to work through it, and I did feel like my brain was trying to rush me to do something about it. You’ve already paid the money; the money is down. My brain was telling me you can’t just drop off the face of the planet, you can’t just stop marketing it in the mid-launch of it.

And I just was like, I got to feel. This is the most important thing. I’ve got to – and I didn’t just sit around feeling all day, but I really was coaching myself and working through the emotions and just being with that and really getting clean in my mind.

If you’re in 2K, this is what I talk about in the clean selling modules is really getting in a clean place before you go out and sell again. And so I did that, and I ended up selling eight of the 12 spots and ended up having the second retreat. And it was like, that moment taught me forever this lesson.

So for some of you, it may not be two weeks, but some of you are doing consults feeling so disappointed and frustrated, and you’re feeling all these emotions and then you don’t coach yourself at all and just get on the next consult, and then you wonder why you’re 20 consults in and no one is buying, or you’re three consults in, you had three consults back to back and they all said no.

Don’t schedule your consults back to back. Schedule them with enough time to be with yourself after you have one and process your emotions through however you’re feeling. Coach yourself, do an evaluation. Have enough time set to do all of that before you do another consult.

I’m telling you, just that alone will make your consults so much better. Alright, so go feel your feelings, permission granted. We’ve got a lot happening in the world, and if you’re feeling low, if you’re feeling disappointed, if you’re feeling frustrated, exhausted, I just want you to know you’re not alone.

And it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling, and you can still feel however you’re feeling, feel disappointed about the way this year has turned out, you can feel grief about what’s happening in our world and the racism that exists in our world and everything that’s happening. You can feel everything. Let that be there.

And if you choose, and really see this as a choice, if you choose, you can also go to work and serve others. But you don’t have to. It’s never a have. You never have to do that. I’ve been coaching some students with trauma and I’m like, listen, you don’t have to go serve anyone. Take care of you.

And that sometimes is the most radical thing that you can do to build your business and to get closer to making money is to believe that you are worth that break, that you are worth that time, and that you are not just a work horse that’s supposed to produce content for other people.

Your business has to be for you too, and it has to support you too. And it has to be something that you don’t turn around and tie yourself up in like a job. You can’t restrict yourself down to I am locked into this job instead of I have the freedom to have this amazing business that I feel so passionately about and that fuels me, instead of drains me.

And this is what happens when we put our business before taking care of our emotional world. So a lot of people think because I talk about selling all the time that that’s the message I’m giving, and it’s 100% not. I always take care of me, I always make sure I’m clean when I’m selling, and that all starts with being able to feel your emotions and process through them.

Alright, I love you all so much. I really am thinking of all of you in the world right now. I am sending everyone extra love, extra courage, extra support, and if you want that extra support, just make sure that you join 2K and let us support you. Let my team, let myself, let my coaches be there for you, let the other students in the program be there for you and let’s put those two together. We can feel and we can make money. Alright, I’ll see you next week.

Hey, if you are ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2K for 2K program, where you’re going to make your first $2000, the hardest part, and then $200,000 using my proven formula. It’s risk-free. You either make your 2K or I give you your 2K back. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.

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