Episode #317: The 8 Emotional Capacities of Millionaires

 Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

Hey coaches, welcome to episode 317. Today I want to talk to you about the eight emotional capacities of millionaires. So last week I shared the five-step framework that I teach to go from hundreds of thousands of dollars to your first millions and beyond. So there’s the what you do to actually transition your business from six to seven figures, and then there’s the emotional work of it all. And I don’t remember where I heard this, but I’ve heard it many times, and I think it’s very, very true and worth contemplating, that emotions are the currency to your dreams. What if that were true?

So for everything you haven’t done that you want to do, there is an emotion you’re avoiding feeling in the way. So the reason we don’t take the action is because we anticipate an emotion that we will experience and we don’t want to experience that emotion, so then we don’t take the action. For every problem that gets solved, the amount of time it takes to solve it, this is so important, right? The difference of the work ethic and the production and the purposefulness to which I worked years ago to now, the only difference is I don’t spend any time in emotional distress thinking about the work or stuck in my emotions trying to do the work and or I solve problems very quickly because of my ability to manage my emotional world and thought world around on the problem. So for every problem that gets solved, the amount of time it takes to solve it has to do with the amount of capacity you have to feel the emotion that the problem creates to be able to feel it and then move forward with it. What if that were true? I want you to really think about this.

We don’t spend enough time contemplating, I think, how important emotional work is. So if you don’t grow your capacity to experience, and we’re gonna talk about positive emotions on this episode as well, but typically it’s a negative emotion that your brain tells you is not safe and that’s the one you’re trying to avoid, but when you don’t grow your capacity and your emotional range, you will hit your limit of what you can achieve, of what you can emotionally bear, of the things that you can do that create emotions for you, again, that you don’t wanna feel. You will hit a limit. And if you’re someone who shoves down or avoids buffers over emotions, there will be a limit to which you can impact, coach and lead others. And actually I think this is true maybe now that I’m saying it out loud for all of us, right? 

Our emotional range is the limit to which we can impact, coach and lead others. You can’t take people beyond your own emotional capacity. Like in 2K for 2K, we’ll see this a lot where coaches are getting their first clients and then they’re coaching them. And then the stuff comes up when they’re coaching those first clients. And sometimes it happens on the console, but sometimes it happens, you know, we see it in the conversations when the coaching relationship starts, where someone will have something that feels too big for the coach to coach on. When that happens, typically, you’re just being asked to coach outside your emotional range. And it doesn’t mean you can’t do it, but I’ve seen a lot of coaches struggle to get their clients’ results, and typically when you’re struggling to get your clients’ results, it’s because you’re trying to take them beyond your emotional capacity. Like for them, the jump for them that would be required in their own emotional capacity is bigger than the jump you’re currently making for yourself.

I also think this is why objections are so hard. We get caught up in our own thoughts about someone’s objections and how awful that would feel or how true it feels or how we emotionally agree, and then we can’t coach past it. But when your range of willingness to feel emotions is very big, then there aren’t a lot of frictions, obstacles, setbacks, excuses, objections, whatever you wanna call them. There aren’t a lot that you don’t feel past. You know how we say see past something? You got to feel past something.

So I have expanded over the last 10 years my emotional range so much so that it’s especially when it comes to business but even in my own personal life and solved such deep problems and grown my ability to feel such deep things and work with some really tough emotions like humiliation, disappointment, things like that, you know, they’re really like what everyone has like a different one that’s hard for them, but disappointment and humiliation are probably my top two and there’s no way you become highly visible and highly successful without having felt those emotions and or like fear of like letting someone down like that feeling it ‘s It’s almost like disappointment in other people and the shame that comes with that, that’s been really challenging for me too.

And so I have grown my range so much and I’ve gone through so many obstacles and overcome so much resistance and friction in my way to get where I’m going that it’s really hard for people to give me objections. And I’m like, oh, yes, you’re right. That’s where the line ends. I don’t know what to say beyond that. But in the beginning, I remember that being really hard. I remember people saying things and me feeling that emotion or the vibration of that emotion and getting kind of stuck there. So this is how we know that you can’t take people beyond your emotional capacity is if you have awareness happening where if you’re coaching or you’re selling and someone offers you an emotional vibration that you get stuck in, that’s an indicator.

Or if they have a problem that you identify with and you agree with, we call this being in the pool, that’s an emotional range or emotional capacity issue. So in the beginning, and really always, you have to work on growing your emotional capacity to experience friction and move past it, overcome obstacles, find solutions, show up, serve others, even when you have life happening all around you too. You have to have the capacity to experience risk to even start a business and then to invest in that business over and over and over, especially if the early investments don’t turn out the way that you thought they were going to, like you have to have a lot of tolerance in your emotional body for risk. To make offers for that business that you’ve started, it requires emotional risk. To tell the world that you’re starting this thing and showing them what your dreams are and allowing them to know what those dreams are before you know if they’re actually going to come true or not, that’s a lot of emotional risk. You’re risking feeling an emotion you don’t want to feel.

So you have to have the capacity to fail, to get back up, to try honestly again with all of your heart. Because sometimes we get ourselves back up and we try, but it’s like with half of our heart to try to protect ourselves. So it really is a lot of, it requires a lot of emotional capacity to restore yourself to your full commitment, your full energy, and your full capacity to go again. As we grow our income, we have to grow our capacity. Our income won’t grow beyond our capacity. And if it does, it won’t stay there forever. And so that’s kind of for everyone. I think regardless of your income, I think that is true. We’re always expanding our ability to show up, to find solutions, to overcome obstacles, to experience friction, to experience risk. All of those things are always true.

And I do think there are unique challenges that specifically millionaires face in this emotional capacity work that I coach on pretty regularly over many, many rounds of the 2 Million Dollar Group. So I’ve really found that there are 8 specific ones that I thought I would share on this episode today. And then I’ll give you a tip for one of the ways. I have many ways that I help my students break through and expand their capacity, but I’ll share one of them with you today. But I wanna say before we dive in to these eight capacities that millionaires specifically tend to face, and you may still identify with this, so keep listening. Regardless, this will be really valuable to hear other than the ones I’ve already mentioned.

But I’ve really found before I talk through these eight, I found that it’s easier work to talk about in theory versus actually do, like that’s the hard part. Like the solution and identifying the problem isn’t necessarily the hard part, it’s the going through the part. It’s the part that nobody can do for you, right? I can’t feel an emotion for you. So that is the hard part. And that’s the thing that typically people come back to over and over and over is finding a window into their brain and a desire and a courageousness to actually go out and do the thing and feel the thing. And I’ve also found that it’s a lot easier to do it when you surround yourself with and are surrounded by people going through the same or similar things, especially in similar income ranges, this has always been one of the biggest things about the rooms I’ve been in.

I specifically choose masterminds that I believe can handle and can coach through and can meet me at my emotional capacity. And I choose mentors who I can tell and I know, based on conversations we have or the work that I hear from them, are way beyond my emotional capacity. That’s typically the number one thing, actually, if I’m thinking about it. I feel like strategy can always be worked through and typically, especially in the rooms I ‘ve been in and then also my students I’ve coached, that tends to be the reason I even think of my five-step process as more of a framework is because I think about it being so loose and flexible and when you get into this million-dollar stage, how you do things tends to be very unique from person to person to person. No one has the same exact strategy as far as how they’re marketing, how they’re selling, how they’re delivering, and the offers that they’re having.

The unique businesses and even their leadership and their values all really start to kind of set themselves apart. So I always believe that the strategy will work out. I’ll always learn what I need to learn as far as the things I need to improve on and do. But I also know that my emotions are going to be the reason that I don’t do them quickly or the reason I don’t take all the suggestions or the reason I get stuck somewhere a really long time. The reason I can’t find my way back to what I call the current but like a state of high belief and a high value cycle for myself is always because of the emotional work. And so I think it’s really important to have spaces that can hold this and people who are going through this at the same time. It’s not the entire conversation, but it happens in the conversations.

I find that it happens in sometimes strategy conversations, sometimes people come and they just know that this is where they’re stuck and they know they’re experiencing this. So it comes up here and there, but when it does come up, it’s so important to be around people who can hold space for that. So that’s what I will say. So let’s talk about the eight emotional capacities. So the first one that I think is really starts to kind of like rear its head and show its face for people wanting to go to millions or at their early millions. The first capacity that you have to be able to expand is the capacity to hold space for more people and more dreams in your hands.

And when I say hold space, what I mean is to be able to, if you think about if you’re in my 2K for 2K program, for example, in that container, I am holding, metaphorically, holding a space that contains almost 5,500 people in that space, so it’s a lot of people. So I have to have sufficiency, safety, and certainty and be as unbiased as possible and as clean as I can be in my thinking for all of those people. And when you have 5,500 people in a space, there are going to be lots of people that do lots of things that trigger you, that worry you, that make you… I remember early on, I would spend a lot of time thinking about people who hadn’t made their money back to a point where the opposite of holding space is worrying and obsessing and checking in and pulling along and forcing and pushing and really trying to get the results for your clients and being very stressed at the space.

This is how it shows up for me when I’m coaching people is they will feel very stressed at imagining having even a hundred people in their space and they’re like, I don’t know how I would, I would serve all those people. I’d be worried all the time. I won’t be able to check in with them and know how, you know, if they’re having a good time, I won’t know if they’re liking the program. I won’t know what their thoughts are about the program. And that all feels very anxiety inducing. So that’s the opposite. So that’s the first capacity that has to really grow is your ability to be holding in your hands more, more people, more results, more dreams than maybe you ever have before.

In the beginning when you’re just coaching 20 clients one-on-one or you have a little small group of 5 to 10 people, it’s really easy to know what’s going on with everybody, to know exactly where they are in their transformation, to know if you feel like they’re having a good time and they find value in the program or not. It’s very easy to do that. It’s much harder when it gets to be 100 people, 1,000 people. And if you don’t want to be in your program 24 hours a day, at night, on the weekends, on vacation, can’t ever leave it because you think something terrible is going to happen. If you do, or people won’t be happy, or people won’t get results and you feel that like people pleasing coming up, that’s kind of the opposite of holding space. 

So that’s the biggest emotional capacity that really has to be developed for a millionaire is the ability to have a lot more clients than what maybe you’ve been used to having and all the different types of clients and all the different types of personalities and all the different behaviors that they, that they have and being willing and able to really stay in that coach heart and then that coach space for everyone. So the second capacity, the second emotional capacity to develop is the ability to solve bigger problems, to experience bigger problems. And again, it’s not actually the problems, those are circumstances. But when the problem occurs, we have an emotional reaction to it. And our reaction to the problem, whatever capacity we have to whatever emotion is coming up for us will be dependent on how fast we solve that problem.

And as you grow again, your visibility, have more clients, are more seen in the industry, especially as people start seeing you as having more money, they start holding you to a very different standard. I’m kind of at a place now where my reputation and my knownness, I don’t know what the word is for that, but knownness in the industry does tend to have an effect where people don’t see me as a real human anymore. And there’s a certain standard that we hold, people who we think are celebrity-like or influencer-like, who have lots of money. And then there’s a way and expectation of how we expect people to react to how we expect them to make decisions. There’s a lot of things that come with that.

And so as you are on a bigger stage, and as you are more visible, and then as the things that come up seem a little bigger because you’re on the bigger stage, because more people see you, because they also have this view of you now that’s like a little bit like you’re not on the same level of them anymore. You have a lot more than them. They see you as a lot more abundant than them. Then you have to have a really strong emotional center to be really solid in your decision making and be able to make them quick and to solve problems as they come up in a way that is the best for the business, aligns with where you’re going, aligns with your values, even when sometimes that will create friction with your audience or your customers or people will have thoughts about a decision that aren’t the thoughts you had making the decision.

You know, we recently had an issue in my business come up and I could tell how much I have worked on solving for my emotional capacity when problems emerge, especially on my team. So if my team were to make a mistake and that mistake would be client-facing and we would have to address it with clients, always the feeling that I have is humiliation. And the more humiliation I feel, the harder it is to solve the problem quickly. And then if it’s layered on top by anger, frustration, especially if I feel like there wasn’t emotional regret by the person who made the mistake, or it was really careless or flippant, then I also have that to deal with as well.

And so we recently had something that came up that would have, and I had a really strong, big emotional reaction when I first found out about it, and then I processed it relatively quickly and was able to make such fast decisions that I kind of look back and it still blows my mind. And I’m like, what? Who was that? How fast you just solved that. I didn’t wallow in it at all. I didn’t spend a lot of time fighting against it happening. I didn’t make it mean anything more than it was. I decided to be safe. I think that was the big transformation for me. I just decided to be safe. This was a thing that my brain would tell me normally is very unsafe, and I decided to be safe in it. Because I created safety so relatively quickly for myself, moving into let’s just solve the problem was so lightning fast. And then having solutions when you’re in that energy, they just come so quick. 

So whatever it is, it can be operational issues, client-facing issues, money issues. It could be, I’ve coached so many of my students through cashflow problems, especially when they get into doing live events and hiring a bunch of people or having contracts that don’t, you know, go the way that they wanted. And like, there’s a lot of problems that just come up that feel magnified when you are at a higher level and you’re operating with more money and then you’re being seen by more people. It just feels like it kind of exacerbates those problems. And so you really have to grow the emotional capacity to kind of like, the way I always talk about it with my friends is like be annoyed as the CEO. Pretty much there’s going to be every day an opportunity. In some capacity to be annoyed as a CEO, and to be frustrated. Problems just get presented to you all day long, right? Your door is open for people to bring problems and for you to be solving them and decisions that you have to make. This is like a small one, but it’s such a good example.

When we send workbooks out for our company, I have a funnel that people can go through for my 2K for 2K program. And at the end, they get offered if they buy within a certain amount of time frame, we will mail them a hard copy of the consultation code. And so we work with a company that makes those and sends those out. We have nothing to do with it. And they recently had new ownership that came in. And now they’re charging this monthly fee to hold all your things. And then they’re also charging credit card fees, which if y’all have been listening to the podcast for a long time, this is like… 

Sometimes it’s not even big problems. It’s like little things that really piss you off and you get irrational about them and then you can’t get past them. Credit card fees are one of them. I really like can lose my ability to rationally make a decision when it comes to credit card fees. Like I get so mad about it. I refuse to pay them. I have fired contractors. I’ve not hired contractors. I have like caused myself probably way too much time and energy because that makes me so mad. It’s just a cost of doing business. and it’s so ridiculous.

Could you imagine if you bought 2K for 2K and I was like, oh yeah, and you got to pay my PayPal fee. What the… What? Anyways, so those things, sometimes those things can poke at you harder than the big thing. So it’s not always bigger problems. Sometimes it’s just the ones that irrationally get you really mad. And my bookkeeper was telling me like, well, if it really bothers you, we can start having them printed and then you guys could start shipping them out only when we use them. And it was just like, oh, like over a monthly retainer fee and a credit card charge, like we cannot take this on. Like you have to go past your like emotional resistance to this credit card fee and you gotta get over it and just make it happen.

So sometimes it’s smaller problems too. But things like that come up all of the time. I have about 10 of those all day long in my inbox and so it can really wear you down, especially as you get bigger in your business and into the million, maybe not as much on your way to millions, but in the millions, these things can really slow you down. And so your ability to just manage your emotions around them and have the capacity to feel these annoyances, feel these problems, big or small, ones that poke you or ones that are ones you just gotta get in and take care of, whatever it is, it’s a really important one to develop.

The third one is in line with solving bigger problems, but it’s the capacity to steward bigger amounts of money and to experience bigger money mistakes. I remember the first huge money mistake that I made and actively remember was a $30,000 loss on Facebook ads. And I’m very, like right now, especially with my 2 Million Dollar Group students, but really anyone that starts running ads and is coaching with me. I share this story very frequently because I want to warn people away from advice that I was given which is like, oh, well, you know, if you want this many sales and we just need this many leads and you just need to spend this much money to get these leads and then you’ll get these leads and they’ll convert at industry standard and you’ll make all this money. That doesn’t always happen. Sometimes it takes three or four months of testing and it’s not guaranteed that the people are going to convert.

And so I spent $30,000 on a launch being basically told I was guaranteed, I was just buying these conversions and we got no conversions from them. And that first money mistake was so difficult to swallow. It really like the thought that I’ve seen a lot of people have at this level, at the millionaire level, is that the mistake could harm their family or ruin their family’s financial future. It could harm their spouse. It could harm their children. It could cause great amounts of stress and hurt.

And then if you’re a breadwinner on top of that, it can be magnified. And so it does require a different level of emotional capacity. As an entrepreneur, especially in the millionaire stage, you will make money mistakes. There’s no one that’s made millions and millions of dollars and become extremely wealthy that is walking around telling anyone they’ve never had a mistake with money. They’ve never miscalculated their taxes. They’ve never misfiled something. They’ve never hired the wrong person.

I just saw somewhere, I can’t remember where I saw this, that someone had hired someone and it cost them $69,000 and they were unwinding, hiring the wrong person and that level of money loss. And I don’t remember where I saw this because I’m in a lot of coaching groups and also I’m in my customer service inbox. But at some point, I saw this this week and I just remember feeling such compassion, like, oh, God, I know how that feels. Like, I know how that feels. But your ability to succeed and to grow to bigger amounts of money is your ability to feel responsible and to trust yourself and to recover from the mistakes and not let the mistakes mean anything about your ability to succeed in the future, but to deeply learn from them.

And so I do think there, especially for women, this comes up a lot, because anything around money is going to trigger a lot of deep emotions like this is money is what society is built around and the bigger and bigger amounts that you start stewarding, the higher level of emotional work really truly is required to do it wisely. The fourth is the emotional capacity to have larger and more frequent fails. So when you’re at multiple six figures, typically, especially if you’re my student, your business looks probably very similar to either you’re full of one-on-ones or you’re doing group and making multiple six figures in group. But likely, again, especially if you’re a 2K student and a 200K student, your conversion rates are really high. And typically, your business is very fun and it kind of feels like it’s winning all the time and things are always great and everybody loves you and you’re always getting yes and you’re in so much demand and that feels really amazing.

And one of the things I’ve seen that has happened, that not has happened but that students go through when they start scaling is that they shift from winning all the time to hearing a lot more no’s and a larger percentage of no’s because you’re becoming more visible, you’re bringing in more people into your business, because you’re making more offers, and especially if you’ve developed your scalable offer, you’re offering that to a lot more people at the same time. And so the percentage of yeses is going to dramatically drop and the percentage of noes will increase. Now, the whole goal is we just want the percentage of yeses to equal seven figures and then it doesn’t matter, except our brains don’t really understand that. Our brains are like, it matters.

People are telling me no a lot, especially if you’re in the beginning, you will likely be managing your own customer service inbox or you’ll be like really in it, like in it, in it, in it. So you’re going to see all of the people that e-mail in and tell you no and have all the reasons to say no or are stuck or say, you know, on your social media, you’ll see a lot more next time and wish I could do this, wish I could afford this, wish I was here. Sounds amazing. Next time, next year, one day, and the people who are buying are not at the same rate saying like love this program, can’t wait to be in, yes I’m in, this is for me.

So it’s like a lot of what feels like no when it comes to social media, it could be especially if you’re launching more often and you’re learning how to sell off consults that you’re hearing no a lot more often. And there’s just a lot more people available when you’re more visible to tell you no. And so your brain just wants to have a big freak out about that and wants to hide from that and find safety from that. And really, we just have to expand into that ability to have larger and more frequent fails. And it’s not always fails when it comes to revenue. It can be fails on handling a customer service issue correctly. It could be fails, clients not getting results. I have a lot of clients who have one or two people or five people or ten people don’t get results. If someone asks for a refund, if someone’s not happy with the program, it really can take them out. I’ve seen it take people out for three months, four months, six months, and they lose all of their confidence.

This is, especially in the millionaire room, this is something where we have to grow a much stronger internal emotional environment to be able to handle, the more fails. Because remember, you’re failing a lot more than you’ve ever failed, but you’re also making more money than you’ve ever made. It’s crazy. I know. But that’s what happens. The fifth emotional capacity is the emotional capacity to deal with imperfection. So I always tell my CEOs, future CEOs, and I really just consider you become a CEO when you start having people work under you, whether they’re VAs or employees, but as you start having people work for you, you’re moving into CEO status. When you start doing managing and a lot more leading and a lot less doing, that’s kind of what I call a CEO. But as a CEO, as your business gets bigger and bigger and bigger, and even on the scale up to a million dollars, we… I see this a lot because he’ll come into the 2 Million Group room. We know the end result that you want. We reverse engineer back. 

And that scale, I have recently been talking about this idea that there’s a pre-scale and then an actual scale. And the pre-scale is really where you’re just getting all of your business cleaned up and your offers created and a lot of your engine created and you’re figuring things out. That took me six months to get my business positioned to be ready. And then there’s the actual scale. And for everybody, it’s a different amount of time. It could be six months. It could be a year. And the full scale could take anywhere from 12 months or 24 months.

Everybody is different in where they’re starting. But along the way, knowing where you’re headed, you’re going to see a lot of things that need to be done to get there. And then once you’re there, as a CEO, you will see a list of improvement projects all the time. And you will never have enough of you to improve all of them at the same time unless you are willing to work 90 to 100 hours a week and on vacations, and even then I still don’t think you’ll get the job done. It’s just a really big project.

I always tell my students, we are coaches, so we live in the world of self-improvement. And because we live in the world of self-improvement, we’re always looking at what we can improve. And because we’re always looking at what we can improve, we find what we can improve. But then there’s only so many things you can improve. This is why I created this idea of the three essentials in my 200K and in my 2 Million Group. We work at three things at a time so you don’t go crazy and then I help you figure out how to be okay with the things that are unimproved until you have time for them. And that emotional art work is literally an art form, is one of the things that allows me to work three days a week and be really sane and not be super busy and overwhelmed and crazy all the time and to be really like a very calm CEO.

My calmness, my certainty, my assuredness, my planning skills, and my ability to focus and laser in on the truly most essential things, the most important things and get those done and move forward, that makes your life feel like I just know the difference between when you feel that way and when you don’t. And it has to do with your ability to sit with seeing that things need to be improved and then not be able to act on all of them all at once right away immediately. A lot of people who take a lot of fast action and who would be considered maybe workaholics, like people who struggle with work-life balance and tend to experience burnout, typically that happens because you don’t have the ability to deal with imperfection and sitting with improvement projects and seeing what could be fixed but not fixing it.

The inability to rest when you know things could be fixed, it is a hard thing, but also you’re a thought leader. You are producing thought and resources and tools with your brain and in order for your brain to do that at the highest level, it needs rest. I am able to create at such a high level for my students and get them results, which is the thing I care about the most because my brain is not clogged all the time, and it’s not moving 100 miles an hour, and it’s not so sped up. I have a lot of time to evaluate and get better quicker because it’s not so sped up, and I think I hold better space for my students because it’s not so sped up. I’m always just so calm, and the reason for that is my ability to sit with things that are undone and maybe will not be done for a while. So that is a big one.

And then the sixth emotional capacity is the ability to receive criticism and displease others. And this one is really the hardest one. And when I say criticism, I don’t mean criticism like I’m not talking about hate, I’m not talking about haters, I’m not talking about people who lie about you on the internet or say things that aren’t true about you on the internet. I’m saying people who offer you a criticism and whether they do it directly to you or online or if people come to you in your inbox and are displeased your ability to receive that. It doesn’t have to dictate what you do about it. I think it’s always best to look and if you see truth, like dive in and go into it. But you will be, for many reasons, you will be criticized more as you grow and you will have to make decisions. You just can’t please everyone.

You can’t, when you run a huge community, there are going to be half the people that think you should do it one way and half the people that think you should do it another way. A great example of this, I think I’ve even told this on the podcast before, but in the COVID time, I was doing live events at the time of during COVID. And I remember the first event we did after lockdown was in Cabo San Lucas, all open air. It was when vaccines were readily available. People were back out in the world again. And there was somewhat of a sense of established safety. People were still wearing masks, but it was very much fine if you weren’t as well. And there were no issues. We didn’t do any testing. We just told people you have the ability to get vaccinated. So it’s just you come at your comfort level. And we had no issues.

And then we had a live event in the middle of winter during the height of Omicron, if I’m remembering the name correctly. And I think it hit us in January and my event was like mid-January, and it was not responding to vaccines, and it was rapidly transmissible, and so we were like faced very quickly with like what are we gonna do? And I had researched a lot, and one of the things I believed, just out of like common sense, is if you are going to test, and you really are truly trying to make sure no one in the room has the virus and passes it, you have to test every morning. Otherwise, someone could not test positive one day and then test positive the next day, but you didn’t test the next day. A lot of events at the time were only making you turn in a test that you had taken 72 hours prior to the event. And it made no sense to me. Like, I was like, this just feels more like cover your ass versus like, what’s the intention that we’re trying to create? 

And so I was like, if we do it, we have to do it every single morning. And it’s gonna be super annoying to everybody, I know, and it’s gonna cost a lot of money, but if we’re gonna be safe, we gotta do it. And I had people emailing in my inbox telling us both sides, if you test, we’re not coming. If you don’t test, we’re not coming. It was like such a like polarizing issue. And I had so much on my own heart as far as like making people do a medical test or like, I don’t know, there just felt like I had a resistance to being the one that makes that call that people have to do something. So I didn’t make people be vaccinated, but we decided to test and there were people who were upset, and there were people who didn’t come. And there were people who thought that I gave in to the fear, and I gave in to the mass media, and all of these things. And from the bottom of my heart, I just wanted to make sure everyone was safe.

And I think I was pregnant at the time. And I just remember thinking that I would never forgive myself if something happened to my baby, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to someone in my audience that was immunocompromised. And it’s just a lot to hold as a CEO on your plate. And so I just had to be willing, like no matter what call I made, I was going to displease people. And then there was also another event the next time where we didn’t test because I felt like things were beyond that and people were upset about that. And I thought we just at some point have to get back to regular life. And so there was a lot of thought that went into it and there was no amount of thinking that was going to change displeasing other people. And especially if you struggle with people-pleasing, this one can be a difficult one.

But I will tell you, I’ve done a lot of work on this. I’ve received a lot of criticism in my 10 years. I have displeased people in my 10 years. And I’ve gone through the gauntlet of a lot of stuff. And I’ve come out the other side having gotten really good at receiving it and learning from it and applying what I’ve learned. I’ve gotten good at hearing things that don’t feel true and not going into them. Like I’ve really, I have created a place in my body where I feel like I know myself more. I feel more confident. I am more certain about my decisions because I have so many decision protocols and filters that I use to make decisions and I have really good people in my corner to help me make decisions. And I really think the sky is the limit for your growth when you develop your emotional capacity around this one. And then the seventh one is the emotional capacity to feel successful, rich, step into a greater circumstance of wealth, to meet yourself in your power, to see your own greatness, to feel joy in your business. You have to equally allow the capacity to shine brighter and lighter than the harder capacities. And there’s another one I’m actually, I’m just thinking of now because I’ve mentioned it a couple of times on this episode is really along with this one, it’s the capacity to feel safe when highly visible, highly successful, having lots of money, and to feel like that’s not going to go away. Like to be able to embrace the success you’ve created, where you’ve made it, where you’re going, how great you truly are.

When I embraced the idea that I truly was a thought leader in this industry, everything changed. The way I treated myself, the way I treated my work, the way I treat the things I create, the time I put into things, the thought that I put into things, the contemplations and the way I explore things, the people and the conversations I have, everything changed when I saw myself as a really serious leader and, you know, person and successful person in this industry that people really looked up for, everything changed. But on the other side of that, also truly, you can’t take on all the harder things that I’ve just talked about if the business doesn’t bring you deep amounts of joy.

And so one of the things I’m doing a lot for my clients is always helping them find that joy. Always helping them. I just did a coaching call actually with my 200K Mastermind, but we also talked about this recently in my 2 Million Group, which was like always thanking the business. Thank you business for giving me the money to pay for this expensive medical procedure that I wouldn’t have been able to do if I didn’t have this business and I didn’t have this cash on hand. Thank you business for letting me be at home so that I can see my child every single day and he doesn’t have to go to public childcare. Thank you business for my ability to take this vacation. Thank you business for my ability to work on myself every day and see improvement in my home life. Thank you business for this. Thank you business for that.

And like continuing on like when you can really expand your love and your delight for the work that you do, it really makes all the hard stuff so much easier. And then the eighth emotional capacity is the emotional capacity to lead. And when I think about being a leader, it’s being the person who has to call the shot and that shot might be wrong and affect other people, like my testing story. One of the big, huge fails that I had in my business, I remember going over how I felt so stupid. I felt so caught off guard, like how did I not see it? Like once I was through the fail, it felt so freaking obvious and I’m like how on earth did this happen? Like how did I make this decision? It doesn’t even feel like me. It doesn’t make sense like me. I don’t see how I could have made this type of decision that would end in this big of a fail.

And my coach gave me this thought, and I’ve said this on the podcast before, but I’m going to give it to you all again, which is I made the best decision with the thoughts I had at the time. And that is the ultimate thing of being a leader, is you make the best decisions. You’re the one that has to make it every day with the thoughts you have at the time. And then I also believe leadership is taking responsibility for everything always, regardless of who meets you there, and takes ownership of their part. And that one has been a challenge for me over the years when I take responsibility but someone else isn’t taking responsibility and I’m like, why am I always the one taking responsibility? I get really like frustrated and I told my coach many times like, can’t anyone else ever take it? Like is it always me? Like sometimes I’m just tired of taking responsibility. This comes up a lot with my family. Love them but I feel like I’m always coaching on what I can take responsibility for and I’m like, no one else in this family is. Not my family I live with, my extended family.

So, leadership is going first. It’s taking ownership always and seeing what you could take responsibility for. You know, contractors, when you’re working with contractors, they’re never going to take responsibility. Like you’re never going to have an employee that you have to fire that’s like, oh my God, you’re right. This was totally on me. Like I was taking three-hour breaks during the middle of the day or I did use your personal credit card for an expense or like and create fraud or oh, I did homeschool my child in the middle of the day and make up things to put on my calendar to say I was working. That was on me. No, they’re going to be like you’re a terrible boss and we hate you and you know, this is unfair and so you’re always going to be the one to take responsibility. Always.

You’re always going to have to own everything and the reason is so that you gain the value. The reason, and by the way, all of those scenarios have actually happened to me, I’m not joking. All of them. Again, you get into business and you stay in business for 10 years, you’re going to have a lot of stories to tell, but you will always be the one that takes responsibility because you’ll always be the one that wants to gain the value. But also, leadership is going first. It’s being the first domino. It’s doing as you teach at harder levels than you would ever ask anybody else. And there is an emotional capacity that comes with that, to take responsibility over and over and over and over again, even when you really don’t have to, finding the responsibility that you could have so that every single thing that happens. Every fail, every money mistake, everything that comes your way, that you’re able to extract value from it, become more valuable, become a better leader, grow your emotional capacity, and then expand your income level.

So those are the eight emotional capacities. I told you I would tell you one trick. It’s very simple, but it’s extraordinarily difficult. And this is why we coach. This is why I coach. This is why I still get coaching at this level. This is why I always recommend being in a strong room that can hold you to this level, because it’s not the solution. It’s the doing in the process. But this is the number one thing that has helped me grow my capacity. When an emotion happens and triggers me and sends me into a fight or flight of any kind or resistance, I tell my brain this emotion is not an emergency. It’s very simple.

I got it from a spinoff from one of my good friends and old coaches, Brenda Lomeli, who taught me that hunger is not an emergency. This emotion that I’m feeling in my body is not an emergency, it’s not. And the times where I can catch that and tell myself that and believe that, I have much different reactions and I take much faster action towards something than I do if I think it’s an emergency. All hell that we create in our lives is typically created from believing the emotion we’re feeling is an emergency and we need to tamp it down, shut it off, make it go away, avoid it, buffer over it, run from it, freeze because of it. It’s our brain and our body telling us we’re not safe with this emotion in our body.

By the way, I’m also reading a lot of toddler books about emotions. And one of the things that Dr. Becky suggests from Good Inside is that the whole point of when your toddler is unregulated, dysregulated, and having a tantrum, the most important thing for a parent is to be regulated and to model emotional regulation, to not let you get dysregulated by your toddler freaking out in the grocery store and throwing their body on the ground like you can’t then get freaked out that everybody’s watching you. You have to model for them emotional regulation and then that’s how they learn to regulate themselves is by being with you and experiencing that.

And whether that’s you holding them while they’re screaming and crying and you’re regulating or that’s you staying firm with a boundary and being loving but also regulated with whatever emotion they have. And so this has been really impactful for me even to take on in my own self and say that my job as a leader, as a person growing my business to millions, is to always find my regulation. The way you find regulation and the way you help a toddler find regulation is you teach them that the emotion they’re experiencing in their body is not harmful to them. It’s safe for their body to experience this emotion.

So I tell myself this emotion isn’t an emergency, it’s safe for me to feel this emotion and then I work towards feeling it. Easier said than done and just one of the ways that I teach my students to expand their emotional capacity and the coaching that we do week to week together, that is just one of the little tricks, but I think it’s like a really impactful one if you can try it on for yourself. All right, have an amazing week. I am so excited. This episode will be releasing while we are in our opening for the 2025 class of the 2 Million Group. We’re enrolling one time this year.

So if you’re looking for someone who can really give you advanced strategy to get to your first million or your first couple of million and can hold the emotional capacity work and really hold space for you to have all of the feelings and work through all of the feelings, 2 Million Dollar Group Room is the place to be. You can apply at staceyboehman.com/2MillionDollarGroup. If you’re listening to this episode after our enrollment ends, you can also join the wait list at staceyboehman.com/2MillionDollarGroup. We’ll be enrolling for a full year class. I’m super excited to mentor a group of students all the way to the million dollar mark and beyond for a full year and have a lot of close proximity to their growth and to see them become the next millionaires in the industry.

All right. So I will see you all soon. Have an amazing week. Talk to you next week.

Hey, if you’re ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2k for 2k program where you’re going to make your first $2,000, the hardest part, using my simple 5-step formula for getting consults and closing new clients. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.