Ep #321: #1 Emotional State That Attracts Clients to You

 Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

I am Stacey Boehman, Master Certified Business Coach, and I am so excited to chat with you all today. I have been thinking about this topic for a while, and I was going to record a podcast on this topic, and then I decided I really wanted to go live so that I could see people and engage with people and then I’m thinking I will put it up on the podcast.

So those of you that listen to the podcast, you also have this message to go back to and you don’t have to search through the Facebook feed. So it’s a little bit of a combo. I get to engage with my social media audience and I get to also put it on the podcast and give you all the opportunity to revisit it over and over because this is going to be something to really, a message to really take with you and revisit over and over as it helps you throughout really eternity, forever. This will always be one that you’re gonna want to re-listen to and be like, oh, you know what? I really need this message in my life.

So today we’re gonna talk about the number one emotional state that attracts clients and it’s not what you think. And if you’re joining in the live audience, not on the podcast, if you’re joining live here with me on Facebook, I would love for you to say hello and let me know where you’re joining from. And if you currently work with me, how long you’ve been following me, if you’re a podcast listener, kind of how we know each other, that’s always a fun thing to see on these live streams. I like to go back and comment on them once I’m done and get to kind of know my audience a little bit better. I’m always so grateful that you’re here.

Okay, so let’s dive in. The number one emotional state that attracts clients and it’s not what you think. So I think I teach in my 2K Mastermind this idea that positivity isn’t the prerequisite for selling. And the way that I teach this in my 2K Mastermind is with this idea that people don’t actually want your positivity, they want your value. And so value is what you sell, is what you give when your positivity runs out. And I’ve been thinking about this a lot, of like how else could I explain this message?

And I think as coaches, whether you’re a nutrition coach or a weight coach or a life coach, a general coach, a marriage coach, a business coach, like whatever type of coach you consider yourself, you work in the art of transformation. And I think this is really important to think about when you’re thinking what attracts a client to me. Because we do tend to think that it is some version of positivity, that it’s some version of cheerleading, rah, everything’s rainbows and daisies and butterflies.

And the problem with that is that it’s not really in alignment with the human experience because the human experience, and comment if you know what I mean, is 50-50. It’s hard. You ever think about how hard it is to be alive? Like it’s hard. We go through a lot of challenges every day, all day.

I was just talking to my husband recently about this, and I won’t get into like the whole story, but I was just telling him like sometimes I think as coaches we forget that our job is to understand the whole human experience and be really connected with everyone’s humanity. And sometimes that means really understanding how the load, the emotional load that people carry with them all the time.

And that’s everyday people who consume coaching, that is also coaches who coach. We’re all carrying a big load. We’re carrying the load of our families and our extended families and our communities and our countries. And there’s so many, the health of our families, the health of our own bodies, the finances of our families, all of these things that we’re just carrying with us.

And then we have big challenges. I have around 10,000 coaches that I coach on a weekly basis in various different ways. And the amount of conversations I have on a weekly basis about the load that humans carry, including coaches, is there’s always something, some unsaid thing, some silent pain, something that someone’s working through while also choosing to maybe grow their business, and that doesn’t count the people who are just maybe consumers of coaching or who could be consumers of coaching. I call them civilians, the average of the day people who are not in the personal development world.

And so this is something to consider, is that a lot of people have a lot of stuff going on. This is going to matter in just a second. So sometimes we think our job is to be really positive, really uplifting all the time, but then the life experience doesn’t always allow us to do that, especially if you’re an entrepreneur, because an entrepreneur is constantly going after challenges and creating goals and learning new things, and it’s just one of the hardest things in the world to be as an entrepreneur.

So I actually have a podcast episode that would have come out today. So today I’m recording this on February 12th, Wednesday, February 12th. So the podcast that went live this week was talking about the idea of ambition and pain and how they go together, that the more ambitious you are, the more pain you will experience. I highly recommend going and listening to that episode. It might change your entire life because I think as we get into entrepreneurship, we get into coaching and we feel really amazing and we love it. Even if it’s hard and it’s transformational, we’re activated in an extreme way with coaching.

And then we go into entrepreneurship and we just send ourselves into so much hardness and failure. And it’s because we have ambition. It’s because we want to achieve things that are much bigger than our current life. And so the moment we want to go after something really big, we send ourselves into what my coach used to call the river of misery, but I just in pain, right? We send ourselves into pain, into frustration, into disappointment, into hard things.

And so this is really important to just know that everyone’s kind of, whether you’re an entrepreneur, you know, I assume most of you are, if you’re listening to me, you’re an entrepreneur. So as entrepreneurs, we are living with the life of the 50-50 of life, and then we’re living with the pain that comes with ambition, and also still being, trying to be like the wise old sage and support people.

And this is where there’s a big disconnect when it comes to attracting clients, marketing, like signing clients, is we think while all of this is happening, where we’re building our business, we’re going through the pain that comes along with our ambition. We’re trying to learn new things. We’re failing a lot. And then we’re also supposed to be like rainbows and daisies and butterflies. Hurrah. Everything’s amazing. All the things.

And so then if you’re not, it might cause you to hide, to pull back, to think that you aren’t doing it right, to think that post isn’t going to land, your email isn’t going to work. We call it in the 200K Mastermind a low value cycle. I always tell them a low value cycle doesn’t mean you’re in a no value cycle. You still have so much value to give, but we believe, oh, I’m not valuable if I’m not positive because a coach is supposed to be positive.

But I have a different belief about this that served me really well and allowed me to make a ton of money at all times of my life. So when I started my business, I was going through a really hard time in my life. Two hard breakups back to back, completely heartbroken in a way that I’d never felt in my entire adult life ever, and was struggling with money, struggling to build my business, not getting a lot of traction, had invested a ton of money and hadn’t paid off, just really going through it.

And in this time period, there was a period where I sold, I signed 16 clients back to back in an eight week period. And that year, in one of my hardest personal years and hardest business years, the first $100,000 is always the hardest, I made $150,000 that year. How is that possible? I was not feeling highly positive, “air quotes”, all the time.

Now, there are also times where you sign a ton of clients and you are in a high state of positivity and belief. I call it being in the current, where everything is just clicking and it just feels like magic and you are lit up and in full belief and just everything is sparking and you have so much energy and things are just working. I’ve also done that I signed 1,200 clients in four months last year, between August and November, or sometime in that period. And that was because I was in the current. I had been really doing my work and I just stepped into this state of energy and belief and it just never left me.

So I’ve done it at both times. So it’s not that, you know, we don’t want to try for that. But what I have actually found is that clients aren’t looking for positivity. They’re looking for what I call aliveness.

And the way I would describe aliveness is that they are looking for activation. They are looking for engagement. They are looking for passion, for commitment, for courage. They’re looking for more of like, they’re not all, almost none of them are really on the positive side. They’re not necessarily, how many, this could be something that you could think about is how many people, how many influencers do you follow that always look happy in their life, looks perfect, and you kind of have like a little bit of maybe it’s that jealousy, but envy or something, but it makes you feel bad about yourself. Like you’re like inspired by them, but also it kind of every time you like look at their stuff, you feel less than. And then think of how many times you do that and you never have bought from that person.

I don’t actually think that clients are looking for something perfect. I don’t think they’re looking for the perfect social media, the perfect influencer, the person who has the most friends, the person that has the best clothes, the person that has the most curated profile. They’re not looking for any of that. They’re looking for activation and engagement.

Here’s why. My whole business and everything I teach, Whether it’s my 2K for 2K program or my 200K Mastermind or my $2 million group or anything in my entrepreneur series, what I’m thinking of is the client. I dissect the way that, like what their life is like and not just for my clients, but for my clients. Like I think about the civilians, yeah, the civilians.

When I was pitching in my old lifetime and career, I used to work on military bases. And so that’s where I got it from, is like there’s civilians and then there’s the military personnel and then there’s coaches and then our version of the civilians.

But yeah, if you think about the civilians, the people who are not in the personal development world, think about their lives. Who would be looking for coaching or therapy or something that would be something you do. Just think about it for a second. What’s going on in their lives? Why would they come to coaching? I think about this question more than I know anyone else does that I know in the coaching industry. Like I think about this question a lot.

Why do people come to coaching? What’s their thought process? What’s their circumstances? What’s happening in their lives? What makes them seek help? What makes them not seek help? I answer these questions all the time for myself.

So if I’m thinking of an average person in the world, what I’m thinking about, an average person that would hire a coach, I’m thinking that they probably feel very passive in their life. They have things that they either really wanted at one time and never went after, and they think about it from time to time. And I think of that as kind of like chronic, not living your destiny, just like a low level, not living my destiny and how it impacts you every day of just in the back of your head, you wish there was more, you think it could be better, you wonder why everyone else looks so much happier, why you don’t feel as happy as you think you should, like that kind of stuff.

And then there’s the person who really wants something like chronically bad and they think about it every day and it kind of disrupts their life with if they’re having a really hard relationship if they’re struggling with their weight. They’ve been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease if they are you know having any sort of like really big challenge, if they’ve lost their job, if they’re really unhappy in their job, if they really want a promotion but they don’t know how to even go about it.

I remember before I found coaching, I was selling – what was I selling? I was in a Wisconsin Yonkers department store, so anyone from Wisconsin will know what I’m talking about, in Appleton, Wisconsin, which is actually the cutest city ever. I love Appleton, Wisconsin. I was in Appleton, Wisconsin in December in the middle of a snowstorm and I was selling I think a set of lifetime guaranteed knives called the Master Cut 2 and I was doing my demos and I made $10,000 in one week selling lifetime guaranteed knives in a Yonkers in Appleton, Wisconsin.

And I remember that specific week crying in my car a lot. And I was crying because I felt like I can’t believe how much money I’m making, but this is my life. I’m selling knives. I didn’t go to college. I always imagined I would be highly successful. Even when I was little, I had a really tough childhood.

And when I would kind of check out of my childhood and do a little daydreaming, I just always imagined I would be successful. And so I just sat in my car and I’d be like, I’m not helping anyone. I’m not doing anything that actually matters. And that is like a chronic pain. And I remember thinking if someone could just help me, I just don’t know what else I could do, but I think I could be successful if I just had someone to tell me what to do.

So there are people who live with kind of, I don’t know what the opposite for chronic is, but dull pain. Like they just live with constant dullness of life feels dull in general, they feel dull, They’re maybe buffering a lot. So drinking or smoking or overeating or binging TV, lots of, there’s lots of ways that we buffer to not feel. But yeah, not having purpose. And so it’s either a dull feeling of not having purpose or a chronic feeling of not having purpose that makes you cry every day.

And what people are looking for when they are in these states, whether it’s a dull state or a chronic state. Sometimes they might be looking for a little positivity, a little encouragement, but really, if they are not living completely engaged and activated with the life that they want to be living, what they are going to be pulled and moved by is seeing someone who is, someone who feel like they just noticed it. They’re like, this person is so alive.

I remember I once read in a Joe Dispenza book, I can’t remember which one, I think it was Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, and it was in the very beginning. He talked about how the human brain is built on efficiency. And so From the time you’re like zero to seven, you’re creating all of your belief systems. And then from then on out, your brain tries to just use the same belief systems over and over and collect data and just use the same thought patterns over and over.

And so he said that like measurably scientifically, by the time you’re 35 years old, if you are not doing active work on awareness and consciousness, your brain will become so efficient in using past thoughts that it will be able to take action for you and have you live your entire life, but it will be as if really, truly your soul and your level of awareness, like you yourself, are asleep. So you’ll be living life asleep. You won’t be actually having conscious thoughts and aware thoughts. Your brain will just take over.

And I actually do know and have encountered people like this who live a lot of their life saying the same things, doing the same things, like they’re sleepwalking. And I think a lot of people in the world are sleepwalking. And whether that’s because they don’t know how to get out of it. And so they’re just like living the Groundhog Day over and over, or if they don’t even, they’re not even aware of it, but they are.

So when they encounter someone who is in their full aliveness, when they are activated and engaged with their life, that person stands out to them. That person makes them pay attention. They start thinking, what’s that person got going on? What’s different about that person? How was that person showing up that way?

And this can happen when you are having a lot of success and signing clients and your clients are getting lots of results and you’re posting about it, and that can be really inspiring. Like, especially as a business coach, I know the more activated and engaged I am in my business, and the more I’m talking about my business, the more coaches are inspired to build their own business.

But also, there’s a thing that happens when you are going after a challenge, when you are working hard on something in your life, when you are actively pursuing something bigger than you, even if you are in pain, even if you are failing like crazy, even if you are struggling and you’re just keep working on it, every single time, that still is active. It’s still engaged. It’s still coming alive. So whether it’s overcoming a challenge or celebrating being on the other side of a challenge, it’s still being awake, being alive, being activated, being engaged, and that’s what people are drawn to. And this is really important to know.

The thought that I love to think is people hire a life coach to live. And what I’ve been really pondering in the last few months is not just to live well, but to live all of it. To live every bit of it. People hire a coach now to do grief better. People hire a coach to get out of hard situations. People hire coaches when life is good and could be better and also when it’s not good and it’s really bad and they’re like at rock bottom.

Either way like if life is 50-50, if life is hard for the majority of humans, if hard things are happening in the world, if hard things are happening in your country, if hard things are happening in your community, if hard things are happening in your family, if hard things are happening for you, you want someone who knows how to do the hard.

This is so powerful to know because if you believe this, that the human experience is 50-50, that half of it is hard, if you know that entrepreneurship or any version of ambition creates pain, and you realize that a lot of people are walking around with hard stuff, then what they’re really looking for is someone who can help them through it. And how they know that you’re the person that can do it is because they watch you do it. They see you do it well.

I can’t tell you how many people in the last two years have reached out to me and said, I’ve got to be your client because I’ve watched you go through hard things. I’ve heard you talk about hard things on the podcast, all different kinds of things. And I see you working through it. And I wanna be the type of person who works through it too. I have hard things too, so I believe that you can hold me in my hard things.

I’ve had people pay me $40,000, $50,000, $25,000, $10,000, $2,000. I’ve had people pay me a lot of money and their number one reason they will tell me after they join is, I just knew you were my coach when I saw you overcome your challenges.

This is so important because what we tend to do when we are in challenges is hide, shame ourselves, tell ourselves we’ve done something wrong, that we’re not going to make it, we’re not good enough.

We have patterns of the way that we react to hard stuff and the way that we deal with unexpected things, the way we let ourselves take ourselves out of the game. I can’t tell you how many entrepreneurs right now have taken themselves out of the game because of what’s happening in politics. They’re so consumed by that hardness that they can’t go out and market their business, and they don’t think they should be, and they don’t think other people should be, and they think the world should be shutting down because it’s so terrible what’s going on.

But there’s always something like that happening in the world, always. There’s been in the last five years, how many things can we count that have been so hard you could just stop living because they’re so hard if you think about them? But instead, as coaches, we need to be the people who are activated and engaged and moving through the heart and doing something about it. And when we can show people that’s the way we roll, they want to roll with us. They’re like, I want a piece of that.

So I call this, and I’ve been teaching this for many years, this idea that as coaches, our job is to live in breakthrough. That is our job. We want to always be living in breakthrough. If we are living in breakthrough, which means we are always going after something either in our minds, like we’re working on changing some beliefs, if we’re working on creating a personal result, creating a business result, but if we are actively in transformation, working towards transformation, and not just passively working towards transformation.

I coach a lot of coaches and I see a lot of people passively try to transform. And you have to just think for yourself what that looks like, what passive transformation looks like. When you want transformation but you’re being very passive about it versus active, engaged transformation. Doesn’t matter how hard it is and how hard you’re failing at it, if you’re in the middle of it and if you’re an entrepreneur and if you’re a coach, then you will likely always be, if you are staying active and aware and engaged and awake, you will actively be in the middle of something always, all of the time.

So if you are and you’re engaged with it and you’re talking about it, you’re sharing your breakthroughs, you’re sharing what you’re working on, you’re sharing what you’re learning. People are going to pay attention and they’re going to want a piece of that. So that’s what I’m always thinking about is am I going after something big right now? And if I’m not, I want to ask myself why.

I really believe that there is just unlimited things that we could always be stepping up to the plate to, enhancing our lives, meeting our potential. Just sometimes like even just the day-to-day and managing your mind around that is really important. Like being just actively noticing how your brain wants to be passive and wants to not engage and use a lot of energy.

That is our job as coaches. Our job is to be thinking like, what’s next for me? We can’t just like have a breakthrough one time and then go tell everybody how else to live their lives and have breakthroughs. We’ve gotta be having them all the time. We have to be leading the way. We have to be the leader. We have to go first, be the first domino.

So how we get out of living in this activation, in this engagement, living in breakthrough, being in aliveness as entrepreneurs and coaches. You’re either feeling underwater for something personal or in your business. I talk about those a lot of different ways. Feeling underwater, digging yourself out of a hole, you know, again, personally, professionally, you’re just in a place where, like a consult, I call it consult purgatories, if you’ve gotten a bunch of nos in a row, if it’s been four months since you signed a consult, like Anything where what you imagined was supposed to be happening isn’t happening, and you’re feeling the weight of that, and not doing something about it. You don’t have the tools, the process, the energy, the desire, the courage to really go all in on figuring it out right now. That’s one.

And then the second one is just we get to a place where we feel content or passive. So I’ve been teaching this a lot in my masterminds as well is we do a lot of marketing for nurturing. So like weekly emails, daily social media posts, but it feels very passive. Feels very like we’re just like showing up to show up, but we’re not actively engaged in something big. We’re not actively engaged in what I would call launch energy, like really going for it.

And so those two things, when you’re feeling either underwater or you’re just feeling a little passive, those are the times you step out of aliveness. And there could be other things. How you know is just do you feel activated, engaged, alive, in the middle of a transformation right now? Are you with all of your mind, body, and spirit, your heart and your soul all in on something. And having belief that you’re going to get to the other side, because that’s another piece of it, is having confidence, having belief that I’m getting to the other side.

That is what attracts clients to us. That is the energy that people want. They want to see you living in all of the aliveness, all of your life, in everything that life has to offer. They want to see you doing grief well. They want to see you, not well, that’s probably not the right word, but really engaged with grief. They want to see you engaged with personal challenges, business challenges. They want to see you moving. And then that inspires them to move too.

That inspires them to say, okay, whatever she’s doing, whatever he’s doing, whatever they’re doing, I want to be doing that too. I want to be that enrolled in the vision of my life. I want to be working that hard towards it. I want to be giving that much effort. I actually want to be expending that much energy.

Like the brain, think about the dull or the chronic pain, the brain’s job is to keep us from expending energy, but the soul wants to expend energy. The soul actually wants to be in the middle of a transformation, in the middle of a breakthrough. The soul wants that, but then the brain is like, no, sit down, sit back down. That’s a terrible idea. You’re going to fail. Don’t do that. Don’t put that energy in. It’s not going to go well.

So we have to actively be listening to the soul, to the heart, and moving towards and expending the energy. Like I love to think about how as a coach, I am someone who has no problem spending energy and exerting energy.

I will do the hard things, the things people don’t want to do. I’ve had plans with people or big plans with people to go on vacation or do things, and they’ll procrastinate on the planning like crazy. And I’m just like, oh, I’ll just get it done right now. Like I’m a person as a coach who just gets it done.

Or like I have, there have been projects that people have come to my house. Like I do really crazy, insane projects. Like we got photos done of every month of my son’s first year of life, and then every quarter or every season, basically after quarter, that’s how you know I’m an entrepreneur, I talk in quarters, every season, then after his first year, we would also get photos. Up until recently, he literally melts down now and will not do photo shoots. It’s really painful. I cried on his last birthday because we did this whole – I spent so much time and energy on a photoshoot and we got no photos.

But I do these really intense baby books where I write every single thing down, every word. I print photos in my office and have them taped in the book. I make these beautiful photo books of the professional photos. I do all of these things and people are always like, how do you have time?

But I curate energy within me. I bring up energy. That is what we do as coaches. I don’t let my brain do a lot of passiveness. I just decide what I want and I go after it and I get it done. And I know how to manage that middle part, that in-between, and do it really well.

So that I extract, like if I am going to be in a hard part, if I am going to be in the middle, if I am going to be working on a transformation, especially if I’m going to be in like a low value cycle for a really long time, if I’m digging myself out of a hole, if I’m feeling underwater, I’m just going to get the most value possible out of it. Like everything that ever happens to me, I gain so much wisdom. And because of that, knowing that I’m going to extract a lot of value from whatever challenge I go through, or I’m going to use this in my teaching of my people, I show up to it so much more engaged and activated and alive and awake.

Nina, I need that curated energy because I’m in a low-value cycle. I get that. I coach people all day long on this, being in this activation, being in this energy. So much so that I created a container, a coaching course to help people do this, to help people step into a high level of aliveness. And that’s whether or not you’re actively feeling passive and just not engaged, if that’s that you’re feeling completely underwater because you have been through some hell and back as a human being, as we all do, and for various reasons.

If you’re struggling to connect, struggling to engage and be activated, right? It can be the chronic or it can be the dull, right? It can be like I actively know I’m having to flail my arms to try to stay above water and keep my chin up or I’m just like floating on the water, but also I’d rather be swimming.

I’m gonna teach people my process of how I stay activated, how I stay engaged, and how I create aliveness inside of my body no matter what’s happening. So if you are interested and want to join me in my new course, Alive. It is a limited series course. So it’s a course that we do over two weeks together. There are six classes, and then there is 30-day access to that course, but it’s very limited.

It starts Tuesday. We go for two weeks. You have an additional two weeks to work on, do the work. Do you want to join me in this process and activate yourself, engage yourself, step into aliveness? Just comment alive and I’ll send you all the details.

I am so excited about this course. I taught the idea of living in breakthrough that for the very first time about six years ago and I taught it actually in my also in my very second live event for my 200k Mastermind. So that would have been 12 rounds ago, like something crazy. And this feels like after the original teaching of that and all the years that have gone by, this is the next level of it.

Alright, that is my message. Have an amazing day. Bye!

Hey, if you’re ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2k for 2k program where you’re going to make your first $2,000, the hardest part, using my simple 5-step formula for getting consults and closing new clients. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.