Ep #289: Hearing NO Gracefully

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

Hey coaches, welcome to episode 289. I’m so excited to talk to you all today and do this episode. It’s going to be a good one, so it’s going to be one you’re going to want to save forever. All right, are you ready? We’re going to talk about how to hear no gracefully. 

This is something I’m encountering with people who have been selling to me recently, but also this is just something we talk about often in 2K for 2K. When selling, this comes up. You hear no inevitably. It’s part of the game. It’s par for the course.  I know that a lot of y’all struggle with this. I also want  to just offer before we dive in, it’s normal. It happens. It’s hard to hear no. I think for all humans just because I think it brings up the primal fear of being rejected and then therefore being left to die lonely, essentially.

So I think that this is such a normal thing. If you’re ever in my programs, 2K for 2K is really where you learn to sell coaching. If you are in that program, one thing you will always know is it’s safe to not be graceful. I create a container where we don’t shame people for being bad at sales, for stepping over the line, for not being graceful, for being salesy, for being attached. We don’t shame people on those things because those are the things that you have to work on in order to get good at selling. 

We have an entire module called Clean Selling. The goal, how you know you’ve done this well, is you are a lot less attached to the sales. You are able to hear no and handle it gracefully and to stay in service and not make it about you. That’s what we’re going to talk a lot about in this episode. But to not take it personally and to have a lot of power for what to do next when you hear no. A lot of times you’re going to hear no from people who actually want to be yeses.

I always say, I want you to think about this, is all people who get on a sales call with you, they’ve gotten on that because they want to be a yes. They want to work with you. Then what happens when we’re new at selling and we’re not great at selling yet, we talk them out of being a yes and then they become a no. Then that presents in the form of an objection. 

So this person who got on the call to want to be a yes, but because they have an inexperienced sales person, they become a no. Something happens on the call and they become a no. Then there’s a moment, there’s an opportunity to recover. What happened that made them a no, to recover that and make that still become a yes. Whether it’s on that call, on a follow-up, or in the future, there are opportunities to recover anything that happens. If you come into 2K, you’re going to learn my consult process.

So I want you to imagine you do a consult and this person wanted to be a yes, and you messed up. You didn’t explain the value as good as you could. You weren’t as clear about how they were going to get results. You didn’t spend enough time anchoring a really strong why they want to do this work and the value they’ll get in their life and the impact and what their life will look like and tangibly how it will present once they have the solution, why it’s worth it. You miss one or all of those points. 

Then they give you an objection and you hear no, how you move forward, I want you to imagine if there were like five or 10 minute window, because I always teach my students to have extra time to hear no and then have time to address it. But I want you to imagine if that no was just an opportunity to figure out for you where you went wrong, address it, create more safety and actually create a yes and close the client. That both of you could feel really good about that because the person came to the call, and they wanted to be a yes in the first place, right? 

You have to believe that to believe that overcoming objections is actually in service of your person and not about you getting to a yes at all costs for you because that’s never what I’m teaching ever, ever, ever. But I do think that most people, if they’ve taken the time to spend an hour on a call with you, they want to be a yes. Some people, a small percentage, might have been a yes, but it really truly is just way more expensive than they imagined. There are ways to figure that out and even solve for that as well.

 

But I think a lot of people become nos in the process simply because they’re not clear on how they’re going to get the results. Literally, the process you’re going to take them through to get results. They’re not a hundred percent sure it will work for them. They just, things are left a little ambiguous, and it’s just enough for them to be like I don’t know if I’m going to part with my money. I don’t have the confidence yet in either myself, what you’ve offered me, or you. 

So it’s easier to give you an objection and say no than to even figure out what it is that has taken me from a yes to a no and to tell you anything I might’ve experienced that might be uncomfortable for me or what my brain is saying right now or that I’m unclear. It’s just such a beautiful moment when you hear the no to open the conversation instead of end it. 

But in order to open the conversation rather than end it, for you to feel safe and comfortable to do it and for them to feel safe and comfortable to go into that conversation, you have to handle hearing no gracefully. So there’s no shame in this. I think this is the work of getting really good at selling life coaching or coaching in general or selling in general. I think this is the par for the course. These things are the only things I would truly spend time with in the beginning of your business.

It’s like marketing is great, but you got to be able to close people once you get them there. So, if you know how to close and you market to one person, and one person reaches out for a consult, you could have a client if you’ve figured this part out. 

Then I want to just highly recommend if you are not in 2K for 2K yet, you’ve got to get in the program so that we can cover things like this and we can get into the nitty gritty of solving this for you. If you’re in 2K for 2K, I’ve already promised y’all that this is coming. 

I’m actually going to create an entire new module. At some point this year, I’m going to create a whole new module and train just on this specific thing. It’s one of the beautiful parts of our community expanding. The more people we have come in, the more problems come up that haven’t been solved or specifically addressed in the materials. So I do that in trainings, in modules, in challenges. We like to address those things as we grow. So it’s always a good thing. So this is what I feel like has been coming up for y’all. Let’s dive in. 

Okay. So how I have the four main times that I think we hear no as coaches are when someone cancels a consult, when they say no on a consult, when they send a no via text or email, and when they don’t renew. So I want to just walk through examples of ways to be graceful when hearing no and things that people might say to you, ways you can open up the conversation. 

Then I kind of want to end with some thoughts to think and some actions to take a process for being able to hear no gracefully. Then if you’re in 2K for 2K, I do want to create a new module for this, a new classroom for this. So you look forward to that coming in the future. For now, you’ll have the podcast, but I do think this has been something that really needs to be trained on at the next level. 

If you’re not in 2K for 2K, I do want to say what I’m about to go through with you is a very specific example of the type of things you will learn in the program that are just in the conversations we’re having and the way that I teach people to think about things and how to respond to things and having this type of specific language or ways to think about the language is so valuable. These are the types of conversations where the relationship moves forward or doesn’t based on your ability to respond and your ability to respond well. 

Okay, so I just invite you to come in. This is one tiny thing, one tiny aspect of so many different ways and conversations you’re having with clients. It’s just so important to get it right because there are so many sales available on the table if you do. Okay.

So someone cancels a consult, here’s what I want you to think about in the context of hearing no gracefully. You want to think about why do I think this person canceled a consult. Now, there could be a really simple reason, which is it’s not a good time and I need to reschedule, right? So typically, my first response is hey, I noticed that you canceled your consult scheduled. Do you need to reschedule? If so, not a problem. Let me know, right? Just something really simple. 

And/or if they say, hey, I’m actually canceling this consult. Like I don’t want to do this consult anymore. Then part of my hearing no gracefully is I want to understand why, not try to get them to change their mind, which is what I think sometimes people think overcoming objections are or what they’re supposed to do next. A lot of sales and marketing people teach this is like oh, you’ve got to get them to agreeing to a consult again. You got to make them want it again. For me, I just want to understand why they did and now they don’t. 

There could be lots of reasons for that. They could have, for example, if you’re willing to get curious and think about it, they could have a thought error about the process and how the consult call is going to go. They might think I’m not prepared, or they might have talked to a friend and a friend’s like a life coach? Scam. They might be like I don’t want to get into this, right? We don’t know what happened, right? They might think this is going to be emotionally taxing. 

If we get the answer from them, right, the way I used to sell consoles was like oh my gosh, no. Not at all. I promise. I think if anything, you’re going to leave having so much energy. I’m going to do all the work. I’ll do the heavy lifting. I’ll get all the information I need. Like a lot of people say that doing a consult is kind of like talking to a best friend, but the best friend has all the answers. I’ll be like it’s kind of like that. Like it’s going to feel really good. Right. 

So I just want to find out is there a thought error in what this experience is going to be like or what working with a coach could be like that is so misunderstood, it causes the person to want to just like back out. Is it a misunderstanding of the value or the service you provide? 

Let’s say you’re a business coach or an ads manager, like whatever it is, you offer a value or a service, and they thought they were signing up for one thing. Then suddenly they’re like oh, I don’t know. Maybe they don’t do this. Maybe they see a new piece of marketing that contradicts something, or they get an email from you in the in-between and something you said made them go wait. 

I’ll give you an example of this in just a second, but there could be a misunderstanding of what you do and how you’re going to help them. Suddenly they’ve created a thought in their mind that what you do isn’t the help they need.

If you coach with me, this is probably more rare, but I know I have canceled some things based on a negative response to a person’s particular sales tactics and processes. Like if it feels really, I always call it bro marketing, but just like if it feels really aggressive, it can not make me feel super safe. I’ll give you an example of this in just a second.

But one way, if the person is not rescheduling and they’re actually canceling, if I’m being curious and I want to open the conversation, I might say or text or email something like I’d love to understand your change of heart if you’re open to sharing with me. Some version of that. Now, change of heart is a little bit of an assumption. 

However, if someone signed up for a consult and then canceled it, I do think you could like measurably say that’s a change of heart. So some language around that that feels comfortable for you is like I would just like to understand this change of heart if you’re open to sharing with me. I’d love to know what happened.

So I told you I would give you a little brief story, but I recently scheduled a consult with someone and then on their email, there was just something they said that seems like a red flag to me. Then I looked a little bit more into it, and I was like okay then, I’m a no. I canceled and then they responded to me. Instead of asking me what happened, which I could have shared with them, like hey, this one line of this email made me like really back out. It was like something about this call is not confidential. I was like what? 

Especially as you start making more and more money and your name gets more and more known and your business gets more and more known in the industry, like I’m going to need an expectation of confidentiality to get on a consult with you. Right? Like that’s one of the first things I used to tell people when they got on consults. Just so you know, this consultation is confidential. So the fact that there was like big, bold letters of this is not confidential. It was like a little like oh, that’s a no. 

But here’s what’s really interesting. Then they responded, their salesperson, turns out I wasn’t even going to talk to the person. But the salesperson responded oh, so you don’t want to solve this problem anymore? The problem I was going to solve. I just remember thinking no, I didn’t say that. You made that about me and not about you. You made it about my desire or my commitment or my follow through. 

I think people likely do still want to solve the problem when they cancel a consult. So it’s like a little confrontational to assume that they don’t want to solve the problem. It almost feels a little shamey. It’s like one of those sales tactics that’s like a little gross, a little icky. I didn’t say I didn’t want to solve the problem. They didn’t say that. So let’s get curious and figure out what happened assuming they do still want to solve the problem. 

Then my guess is, if I think critically, there was a thought error about the consult or the value or misunderstanding of the value or service I provide or something I did created a negative response for them, and I want to be curious what that is. So get curious, get open. It’s not a big deal. Most people who cancel consults probably won’t tell you and won’t respond to you, but it’s worth an ask to clarify if they wanted to reschedule or to ask if they’re open to sharing why they canceled. I think it’s worth an ask. 

It’s not a big deal, again, if they don’t respond. If they had asked me, I would have told them. I would have told them the big red flag. They didn’t. They didn’t care. They just wanted to make sure I felt bad about it, which I didn’t. 

Okay. So now let’s talk about if they say no on a consult. So the theme of this is going to be don’t make the no about them. Don’t make it their problem. That’s what I mean by don’t make it about them. Don’t make it their problem. Don’t make it about their faultiness, right? Don’t judge them. 

Don’t try and tell them they’re deciding wrong or like just believe that secretly they’re doing it wrong. They’re deciding wrong. That they don’t want to solve the problem bad enough, or they don’t find solving the problem valuable. Like those types of thoughts or thinking really is kind of like, oh there was something faulty with you. It’s your problem.

Versus thinking about what you might have done on the consult that created the no and then making the opening, the conversation about service to them. Right? So like what you don’t want to say is well, you just told me this was going on. You don’t think that’s worth solving it? Or some version of, well, nothing’s going to change. If nothing changes.

I see that a lot, by the way, in people’s marketing. It’s not a good look. These type of lines come from judgment. They didn’t say I don’t think this is worth solving necessarily. They might’ve just told you no. Now they might have said it’s very expensive, but that’s not the same as I don’t think it’s worth solving. It could mean a lot of things. 

One of the greatest things The Life Coach School taught me is that you really don’t know what a sentence means, and it’s better if you find out instead of assuming. So if someone says it’s really expensive, the best thing maybe that you could say is what does that mean? What does it mean when you say it’s expensive, or what does it mean to you that it’s expensive? Right? I’m curious what this definition means. 

Because the person could say yeah, it just means like I’m going to have to be really serious about this work, and I’m going to really need to think through how I’m going to show up. Then there’s an opening for the conversation.

Versus oh, it’s really expensive. Then you take that as something else and either judge them, have a quippy comeback that’s not in service of them in the conversation because you feel like you’ve been told no. None of those things really create service. 

So one of the things that we talked about, if you listen to the recent podcast I had, I interviewed a client, Sarah Hall. We titled this episode Turning Objections Into Value. One of the things we talked about on that episode is really truly when someone has an objection or when they say no, there is so much opportunity in that moment to create so much value for the client, to open up the conversation, to serve the person. 

If you think hearing a no or overcoming objection, if you think your job in that moment is to press to a yes, you will always back out or do it in a way that doesn’t feel good for the person. If you have the belief, which I do very strongly, that if someone signed up for a consult, they want to be a yes because no one invests an hour of their time to be a no. 

Like if they sought you out, and they signed up for a consult, and they carved an hour out of their life, and they showed up, likely they do want to be a yes. So my firm belief is if they end up a no, it’s because I created that. I believe that’s what we do. They come to be a yes, we turn them into a no with something we’ve done. 

Then the only way to improve or to even save the person that wanted to be a yes and then somehow became a no, the only way to salvage that is to get curious and to make it about oh, it had to have been something I did because they came to be a yes. They came to at least vibe check or to see. They came to be curious. They came wanting it.

So it has to be, I clearly did something wrong. No matter what they say, like I missed something. I’ve got to figure it out in this moment. That’s my job is to figure out what I’ve missed and to be in service because it’s not in service to have missed something because I’m just not as experienced in sales. Then to let someone who wants to be a yes and has now ended up a no because of me leave with all of their misunderstandings or thought errors, like whatever it is.

So I’m going to give you some examples. So someone says, if they actually say to you no, I don’t think I can swing that. Then maybe you ask them a question. They say I just don’t know if I see the value. If you take that on as your responsibility to show the value, you might ask them follow up questions to get more information, such as, are you unclear about how you will achieve the results with me or not sure you’ll actually get them, or you just don’t think what you match for the price or you expected it to be less, right?

Like I might give them like four different ways. I’m like okay, you don’t see the value. Then clearly you weren’t clear on the results that you will achieve with me or how you’re going to get them, or you just don’t see it as a value match for my price where you had an expectation that it would be less. So you’ve got like a little bit of sticker shock. Because all of those things can be talked through, right? We can figure out. 

I can go back and re-explain. You can tell me specifically what you’re not clear about so that I have another chance to re-explain it. You can talk to me about your thoughts about the value and we can maybe open up a conversation about what they expect the result to be like in their life over on what value that will contribute. Maybe there’s an opening there to show them how much value will really be created if they get the result. Maybe they don’t believe they’re going to get the result.

Or if they expected it to be less, there’s an opportunity to have a conversation about what they expected it to be and then just the difference in price. If it’s like really just having a conversation about even if it’s more than they thought, if they could get past that, is the overall result or what they want to create, could that be worth it, right? There’s just so many ways to take the conversation. 

There’s no one size necessarily that fits all. It’s more about if someone says I don’t see the value or some version of that, not going into anger or judgment or resentment or fear or shame and running away and ending the conversation or blaming the person and putting them down or making a little snide comment here like nothing’s going to change if nothing changes. 

Listen, if you’ve done these things, no shame, just change. Let’s just work on it, okay? We all do this. We all react and like lose or have cloudiness happen in our brain when we get emotionally overwhelmed or emotionally rejected. 

Okay, so let’s say they say I have to talk to my spouse first, okay? So some of it is like figuring out what you could have done better and some of it is just serving at the highest level. I know this is a really like triggering topic for some people. Like people, it’s a polarizing topic. People have like very strong opinions about this.

So I like to handle it a bunch of different ways. But one of the ways if they’re like I have to talk to my spouse first, if I am serving my person at the highest for me personally, I’m going to dig deeper for several reasons, and I’ll kind of talk you through it just in what I might say to the person. But for the most part, what I deeply believe and what I deeply know is for me, I get yeses or what people might be saying here or desiring here is partner buy-in. So they might be like, oh, we do this as a partnership. We always run things by each other. 

Here’s what I know. There are very specific things when my husband and I tell each other we’re going to spend money where we’ve decided and we’re just telling the person and we are running it by them out of respect, but we’ve already made a decision. Then there are things that we go and we’re like I’m thinking of doing this, and I want you to tell me your thoughts. If you agree, I’m going to do it. But because I’m not 100% certain, I kind of want your buy-in too. That’s just a human experience. 

But if it’s the second and they’re not 100% bought in, I could give you an example of this with something that’s so silly. But if I like something and it’s expensive, like it’s a dress or a shirt and I really like it but it’s expensive or a purse, sometimes I’ll show my husband. If he’s like oh my God, I love that then I’m like yes. I don’t feel guilty about how expensive it is. 

But if he’s like I don’t know then I’m like oh, okay. I like it. If we both love it, it just feels more fun to get because I know you’re going to be excited when I get it too. My husband is also really into fashion. That’s a silly example, but sometimes his answer does sway my decision. 

So if I know that just about human nature and I want to show up in service, then I want to at least, again, open a conversation. So I might say something like okay, sounds great. Before you talk to your spouse, do you mind me asking what you want to do and what your thoughts are? I might just open the conversation with that.

They can also say no, I don’t want to talk to you about it. But if you ask them, typically they will open up a conversation with you back if you’re truly feeling curious and not combative. There is a difference. There’s a difference between curious versus combative. 

Then if I’m really being in service, I talk about this a lot. Sometimes being in service means saying something that feels uncomfortable for you to say, but is important to say as a coach or in that moment. So I have said this before. 

Let me be honest. In my experience, most people who talk to their spouse without having decided themselves first that they are actually a yes and being very clear on the reasons why and knowing specifically what the value that they intend to take from a coaching relationship, the conversation doesn’t typically lead to getting started. Here’s why.

Your spouse wasn’t on the call and missed everything we talked about and all the value. It’s typical that they will ask you questions and then you will not remember the answer because you also just experienced this for the first time in one hour. This isn’t what you do for a living explaining how this works. Then you both might meet each other with each other’s uncertainty and then you have no one to talk about it. Then you just decide from there. 

So here’s what I want to recommend. Number one, talk to him and anything you have questions about or that he has questions about that you can’t answer with certainty, it doesn’t mean something’s gone wrong. Just text me. I’m happy to answer it. You can even tell me a time if you know when you’ll talk to him, and I can just make sure I’m available. 

Number two, I recommend deciding for yourself first and being very strong in what you want and why because you are actually the one that has to implement the coaching. Even if they think it’s a good idea and they approve, you might still feel a little uncertain even if they do. The only way you’re going to feel certain is if you decide for yourself what you’re going to take from this, the specific work that we’re going to work on, and why it’s important to you. If you have that, the conversation is going to be so much easier.

Then number three, if all else fails, I’m always happy to set up a follow-up where your spouse joins and can ask me directly. So notice that I haven’t shut down talking to the spouse at all. I’ve opened up a conversation. I’ve shared my experience. 

Now, listen, I know a lot of people, I don’t want to get too caught up on this specific example, but I do know a lot of people think well like just trust that they want it bad enough that they’re going to talk to their spouse and their spouse is going to be supportive, and they’re both smart and they see the value. You did a good consult, and they’re going to come back a yes. I do think it’s worth doing that all the time.

I think that that, like for me, for all the consults I ever did, I found it more valuable to believe the person was going to be resourceful. They wanted it. They were going to do the work to get it. They were going to have the hard conversations. They were going to fight for it. They were going to come back and be a yes. I always believed that. It also made what I did in the in-between while I waited so much more valuable. I was out talking to people instead of like stressing about whether they were going to buy. 

Also, I also know human nature. I’m tapped into my own. I’m tapped into all the consults and conversations I ever had. I’ve done lots of conversations where spouses do get on the follow-up. 

So I also just have a lot of experience, and I think it could be sometimes naive for us to believe that the tools we teach and have as coaches of being very decisive, of knowing what we want, of being clear on the value we’re going to take from something, of believing that we’re going to show up to get it and then easily making decisions and enrolling other people is like second nature. Only to us because we’ve been coaching and we get coached and we’re good at decision making because we can navigate our brain. 

It’s naive to think that someone’s unintentional thinking and thought errors aren’t going to come in and influence their decision. Those are the reasons they don’t have the results in the first place. 

So I don’t think it’s salesy at all if someone comes on a call with a coach to finally take action, to make something happen that they deeply want, that’s a huge pain point or would be a huge desire of theirs, don’t think it’s salesy for us to show up in service and fight for that and to think about all the things that could get in the way of doing that that may not just be very natural and easy for them to do. I think decision making is one of them. 

Now, you can disagree with me. It’s totally fine. But I do think I have a lot of experience and I’ve thought a lot about this. Again, it’s the difference of is it going to be I have compassion and I understand how hard this is and I know all the obstacles your brain’s going to face in having this conversation, and I just want to prepare you. Or is it I’m just being combative, and I think you should make your decisions without your spouse? There’s such a big difference.

Okay. So that’s an example of if they say no on the console, either because they don’t see the value or they’re just not ready to decide, and there’s lots of other things that come up. Again, I’m going to create a more extensive training on this, but I want to just get y’all thinking about it right now as I have availability to just get it out to you. Okay.

So let’s say that they say no via a text or an email response. This is the ones we talk about the most in the community just because we have such an abundant community. We have the ability for you to literally post what the person text or emailed you, the exact phrasing that they used, and then you have the ability to get lots of different coach’s insight on how to respond.

That’s typically what happens in our coaching community a lot is you see these types of conversations in real time. This client said, and sometimes it’s like they want to quit coaching. That could also go in a module that I create for this. Like that could be another thing to train on.

What happens is someone says no via text or via email, or they email you that they want to quit coaching or whatever it is, and you have an emotional response to that. It just becomes hard to know what’s the right thing to say, or what should I do? It’s like what we do all day long when you have other people’s perspectives. But I’m going to give you some examples here. 

So the first thing you want to do when you get a text or an email response, or just in general anytime you hear no. If you want to do it gracefully, the best way to do it is get on their level first. I have a philosophy of meeting them where they are always. 

So what this looks like is if they say I just don’t think it’s the right timing. It could be as simple as I know some of you are going to be like wait, what? The sales queen is telling me this? It could be as simple as I respect your decision, and I’m here when the timing does feel right. That’s a very graceful no. I respect your decision. I’m here when the timing does feel right. 

Now, there are a couple other ways you could respond that are also graceful and in service. I totally respect your decision. It honestly has to be right to get maximum benefits. But I am curious. You said you were 100% go on the call. Did something happen after we talked? I’d love to get your feedback or your thoughts. 

So this one is assuming, because this happens a lot, is people say yes, I’m 100%. Maybe you even ask them, is there anything that would get in the way of getting started? They say no, and then they respond back some version of I’ve changed my mind. The timing isn’t right. Or I talked to my husband, or I checked my budget, or some version. So you could use this moving forward for really any of those, some form of it. 

I respect your decision. Honestly has to be right to get the maximum benefits anyways. I am curious. You said you were 100% on the call. Did something happen after we talked? I’d love to understand your change of heart, or I’d love to get your feedback or your thoughts. Some version of that.

Another version could be, I totally get it. Listen, it’s the hardest balance. Let’s just say they said my family’s got a vacation coming up or something. So I totally get it. Listen, it’s the hardest balance. What we want versus managing our family’s needs, and it’s an imperfect process. If you’re open to it, it would be helpful to hear what feels the most challenging about getting started with your current circumstances. 

You see how I’m opening the conversation? I’m curious. I want to understand specifically what has happened in this person’s brain, what they’re thinking, what obstacles have presented themselves. Just so I understand, but also because I may be able to serve in that moment. But first, I’m going to meet them where they are. 

It is hard. It is hard to manage the life we currently have and the life we want. I believe that’s factual. It is a hard and imperfect process, and it never feels like there’s a good time. So that’s understandable. We’re managing other people’s needs if we have families. Yep, that’s happening too. Like, can you feel compassion for that? If you can feel compassion for that, like you are going to be more graceful with this person. 

Let’s assume they tell you, you’ve said one of these things similar to options I’ve given you here. They actually do give you a response, and they tell you what’s hard about getting started now, or they tell you like more details about their timing or whatever it is. They give you something that’s more specific. Then you could respond, again, these are not like scripts. This is to get you an idea of what a graceful response sounds like. 

Yes, I totally get that. I do think coaching would help with this. One of the things I work on with my clients is how having personal coaching every week actually gives to the family. When mom is rested and she gets heard on a weekly basis and gets to problem solve with someone else’s help, everything tends to get smoother. But I also get feeling like there just isn’t even enough time to think about it. I think getting started is the hardest part, and it for sure does require a time commitment. So I’m here if you ever change your mind or things slow down a bit. 

So notice that I addressed that I do think I could still help, but also I validate, again, meeting them where they are and not in a salesy way. Again, this is not a sales script. This is not like step one validation. It’s the way it comes off and how you come up with the right thing to say. I’ve done a couple of podcasts on this before. I think there’s one on how to respond to clients.

But what you think to say and how you say it comes directly from the emotion you’re experiencing. The thing that always helps me respond at the highest level is getting into compassion. So many of us are just so judgmental because we’ve had the same experience, but we were willing to take action anyways.

I’m like yes, and that was a miracle. That was so hard for us too. It’s a miracle that we were able to still take action. Can you get into compassion that this person has a lot going on and feels overwhelmed and feels like their head’s underwater. They really want something big in their life. They wanted enough to call you and talk to you about it and think about coaching. Then they were confronted with the time commitment, the process to get there, and the financial commitment. 

I don’t say that to freak you out and make you be like oh, no one’s ever going to buy. It means you’ve got to understand that. It’s a hard decision, and we can make it easier. We can help them. We can serve them in this moment by understanding it’s a hard decision and like spending some more time with them on it. 

Their brain wants to naturally give up obviously because it’s easier to do that. But we want to remember that this person wanted to be a yes and wanted to say yes to themselves and likely telling you I don’t think the timing is right is actually very disappointing for them. Them telling you I just have too much going on with the family is probably disappointing for them. They probably feel sad that they’re not getting to move forward. It may not be the actual thing they want. We don’t know. We’re opening up a conversation. 

For the business coaches out there, they might say listen, I’d really love to invest. My business is just not where I want it to be, and I can’t imagine spending more money on it. Can you get into compassion about that? I have so many people that have come to me over the years that are not willing to invest in their business in the current moment and then so confused when other people aren’t either and like a little bit lost on how to handle it. I’m like get into compassion. 

Yep, I get that. Investing in your business when it’s sucking is literally the hardest. It’s the hardest. It’s so scary, especially if you’re making less, and you’re in a decline. It would be a huge leap of faith for you, and I respect that truly. I hate that you’re having this experience. It’s one of those things that we just don’t think is going to happen until it does.

I do want to offer that although there aren’t guarantees, I do know I’m willing to work hard and problem solve this with you and treat it as my own business as well. That’s now or in the future. Whenever you decide, I’m here for you. 

So I’m meeting them where they are. I’m understanding. I’m having compassion. I’m also offering. I get it. I’m just reinforcing that I am willing to work hard with them. You know, my process, I feel very confident it will help them or whatever it is, right? Whatever type of coaching you do. It’s so helpful to have someone say I get this. I know it’s hard. I do know there’s a solution and a way out, and it’s a tough decision. I’m here for you either way. Or hey, listen, I understand. Honestly, I think it’s our worst fear, right?

Like I was trying to imagine what type of examples people might give. I have a couple of clients who like sell coaching to parents who have children who have various issues like behavioral issues or diagnoses or whatever it is. So I was thinking of this one for if it was one that was fear of it not working. So I understand. 

Honestly, I think it’s our worst fear that we’ll try something, and it will not work for our kids. It’s like we can hang on to the hope that there could be a solution out there. But if we try and fail then we believe we’ll be out of hope. Not sure if that’s how it’s feeling for you, but I want to offer it’s pretty common. I want to offer for you to keep listening to my podcast, stay on my list. 

If you can implement any changes at home with my free stuff, it would give you a little more courage to take the next step to get the handholding support. You just need your brain to feel safe to try. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. If it ever gets really, really bad, please reach out to me. Even if you haven’t hired me, it’s okay. 

Again, understanding, compassion, love, adding a little bit of fight in there, right? Reinforcing that you can help, and it is solvable. It is helpable. But then also ending with understanding, compassion. The door is always open. 

I love to guide people to my free stuff to keep engaging. I always like to just think it’s like a no for now. How do I want to handle it if it’s true if it’s a no for now?

So I hope this was helpful to just hear me making up some objections in my brain and then how I would respond to them. Here are some thoughts to think. This isn’t about me. How can I love and understand them in this moment? How can I have compassion here? What would I want to hear? This is hard. This is a hard decision. This is intangible, which makes it even harder.

This isn’t always guaranteed. It is a risk. They might be missing information or understanding, and that’s on me. I always want them to feel safe to come back. I want to support them even if they aren’t paying me. What’s the one last thought I can leave them with to serve them? Then I always love to reread it and just say am I proud of this response? 

Listen, everyone will have different ways of responding. You have to do it with what feels in integrity to you, but just make sure you’ve really thought through what happens in a brain when it’s trying to make a decision to make a change and then has to pay for that change. Pay to get help for that change. Just think it through. Know what a normal brain goes through and understand that and be prepared to help that brain every step of the way. That’s the way I think about it. 

I feel like, and this is good, this is a good thing. I’m always going to have bolder responses than you all will maybe possibly have even in my compassion because I’m so experienced, because I have made so many changes in my own life, because I’ve made so many investments, because I’ve seen so many people make changes, because I deeply understand how hard it is to say yes and what level of support and service is required to get someone there.

Just have a different lens, but I didn’t always start with that. I just started with lean into compassion, get curious, and open the conversation and see where it leads us. That’s okay. You can also borrow mine. You can re-listen to this. You can get the transcript. I’m not a big fan of sales scripts because if it doesn’t feel genuine to you, it will come off as a sales script to someone else. 

I just like you to get a feel for how it could be, but then you’ve got to figure out a way that you could take the conversation that feels authentic to you but also still serves the person and helps them in their decision-making when their brain is going to make it very hard for them to make a decision. So here are the actions to take.

When you hear a no, this is the process you do. Get yourself regulated first. Take a breath. You have no idea how breath is such a powerful regulator. Just take a breath. Notice your judgments and righteousness. Like, I would have done this differently. I would make this decision easily, right? Whatever it is. I’ve invested in myself when it was hard, right? Notice the judgments and righteousness.

Step into your highest, wisest coaching self. Put your coaching hat on in that moment, the unattached hat. Find love. Come from love. Come from compassion. Get curious. Offer service and always leave the window open. Seriously, listen, I know we don’t like to talk about this. No one wants to talk about this because it makes you feel like you’re a bad person. But this is what I want to end with. 

Coach yourself or get coached on any feelings of anger, resentment, or judgment that come up when you don’t get an easy yes or you get a no. Because I was just coaching a client on this recently, and she was thinking that her resentment was caused by people saying no even though they have gotten so many results from her free podcast. So she was feeling resentful. I’ve given you all these results from my free podcast, and now you don’t want to pay me.

I was telling her when you let go of the resentment, you have the ability to get curious about what’s happening in their brain. They’re likely investing in coaching for the first time, and their brain is probably telling them I got results already with the free stuff so I’ll just keep doing that. That’s safer.

They don’t know that there’s a whole other level of results when they actually get to work with you. 

I always think about if you can get results with the free stuff, you’re missing out on 10 times results if you’re actually in the container doing the work, and you have the person in your life regularly sharing more than what they’re sharing on the free stuff. you actually get the how, and you actually get the process, and you get support.

I always think about it, and you can say that when you’re not in judgment. When she was in resentment, she couldn’t think past that strong of negative emotion. So I was telling her, you have to make peace that you’re going to give away lots of free coaching, and you’re going to give away way more free coaching than you think to get paid clients.

Then when you make peace with that, you can think about what’s waiting for them beyond the free results. You can think about the value of the paid results, and you can have a deeper conversation there. You can have a conversation about how paying is actually the better choice and why. What opportunities does paying open up? Get good at communicating that. 

But you can’t do that when you’re wrapped up in the emotion of resentment because it takes away all of your compassion, your curiosity, your openness, your love, your understanding. It takes you away from meeting them where they are. It takes away your own highest level critical thinking. You’re not showing up then as you would as their coach. 

In that moment, it’s the perfect opportunity to show them what coaching really is and the value of coaching by demonstrating it, by demonstrating love and compassion and openness and curiosity and zero judgment. That’s holding the space. It’s a perfect opportunity to do it in that moment. 

Listen, she wasn’t feeling resentful because people weren’t buying. She was feeling resentful and then losing the sale. That’s what I told her. You think people don’t buy and then I feel resentful. No, the resentful shows up the moment you hear the objection on the call. Then because you feel resentful, you don’t get a yes. You lose the sale because you don’t respond gracefully and in service and open the conversation and figure it out with them. 

I hope this was really helpful. I know I have lots of clients waiting on this podcast. I said listen, listen to the podcast coming out. I know I’ve had a couple of long ones in a row, but I thought they were really, really useful. I’m really down to help you all as much as I possibly can for free. I’m always going to encourage you to join my programs, 2K, 200K, specifically 2K if you’re having this issue. But listen, I’m also going to help you for free here. So have an amazing week y’all. Talk to you next week. 

Hey, if you’re ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2k for 2k program where you’re going to make your first $2,000 the hardest part using my simple 5 step formula for getting consults and closing new clients. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.