Ep #291: Miraculous Decisions

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

Hey, coaches, today I want to talk to you about miraculous decisions. I’ve been coaching on this a lot, I mean just I think in general I have this conversation a lot but it has come up in the last six months to a year quite a bit in all my rooms in some way, shape or form. And the way that this conversation typically happens is when coaches are selling coaching and I think I talked about this a little bit on How to Hear No Gracefully.

But coaches might be selling coaching, and they’re judging the people who don’t buy because they will have all these reasons why they can’t and why it’s so hard and they won’t believe in themselves. And they feel frustrated and they’ll tell me, “Well, I believe I had those same circumstances and I chose to believe in myself.” Or the conversation will come up with coaches who have done really well for themselves and the industry.

And people will say things to them, whether it’s their friends or their family or their clients or potential clients or people just reaching out to them. They’ll kind of make comments like, that’s great for you or must be nice or I can never do that. In a way that sort of triggers the person to feel like their hard work has not been recognized and has been diminished in some way. They’ll be like, “Well, it wasn’t luck. Look at how many decisions I made to get here.”

And they feel sort of offended by someone treating them as if it might be like they’re a unicorn or they might just be lucky. I see lots of marketing that feels kind of poking people with the idea of there’s no such thing as a unicorn. And I say that sometimes, but not in a poking way. So, it’s not that you can’t talk about people’s belief that it’s a unicorn. But it’s whether you’re using that to be offended that people think that you’re a unicorn versus just making sure they know it’s really not like that and here’s why so that you can believe in yourself too.

And so, I’ve had a lot of these conversations where I am talking to my students, telling them that it would be super easy for me to be frustrated if I wanted to be. Be frustrated to people who weren’t buying or be frustrated at people who didn’t believe in themselves or be frustrated for people who aren’t willing to invest in themselves as much as I’ve invested in myself. Or people who weren’t willing to show up the way that I have shown up.

And it would be easy to be offended that someone would make a comment that would diminish my work ethic or the amount that I’ve invested in myself or the everyday, just the volume of value I’ve put out in the world. It could be easy to do that. But I don’t go there because I have this belief that I think some people might think is contrary to taking ownership of your results in your life, but I don’t think that that’s what’s happening so, I want to explain it.

When I look back to my story, when I look back to my very first introduction to life coaching and then every moment from then on out that led up to here. I recognize a very, very deep understanding and clarity of how I got here, taking responsibility for every decision I made, opportunity I grabbed, dollar I invested, hour I put into work, every person I coached, every resource I created, the sheer volume.

My husband always says, “No one has, you just go in your office and get to work so hard every day. No one tells you to do that. It blows my mind that you just self-motivate yourself to do that.” And so, I can see every step, every moment where I could have gone one direction and I chose to go a different direction. I can see that so clearly I have no question about it.

And there is a piece that I layer on top of that, that I genuinely believe that has me never othering myself with other people. And never judging other people for not taking my path or not having my courage or not having my resilience or not having my work ethic or not having my risk tolerance for investment. This is the other piece of it. So, I see the pieces where I take full responsibility for my life and see every step of the way that I created my results.

And I also deeply believe when I look back, how miraculous every one of those decisions were. And I don’t think it matters if you believe in God or universe or spirit or Mother Earth or whatever it is that you believe. If you believe in a higher power, and maybe you don’t, I guess maybe it would take believing in some sort of miraculous thing, energy in the world, something that is interacting with us as humans. But what I believe is there is, whatever it is out there, there is a miracle in every decision I’ve made. I believe that deeply.

I look back at who I was and the life I was living when I first heard of a life coach. And actually, I think it’s miraculous a couple of years before that, I remember exactly where I was, this is so crazy, exactly where I was. I was at a café, it used to be called Vent in Louisville on Frankfort Avenue and had this beautiful outdoor brick patio and I was with my best friend Miguel. And I was telling him because Miguel and I were always scheming together for how to be successful.

We moved to Atlanta together to become actors and we just were always scheming. We wanted to just do all of the things to become successful in some way. And so, I remember telling him, “I know that I could be successful if someone just would tell me what to do, I would do it.” If I could just find someone who could say, “Do these things and you will be successful”, I know that I would bring the doing.

Two or three years later, I went on a work trip that I requested to go on. This is why it has to be a miracle, I requested to go on this trip, I wanted to go to Colorado. And I requested, “Hey, at some point, if you have a training group that I could take in Colorado, I’d really like to go.” And then this opportunity came up. Two Canadians were flying in. They were going to come work for the company and they wanted a team of people to be there to greet them and show them the best time, which was very random in our company, that didn’t happen a lot.

So, I was like, “Who are these Canadians coming? They must be the big deal that they’re sending a welcoming committee.” And I’m going for two weeks. And they want me to just make sure they have the most amazing time. But I got to go to Colorado. And this Canadian coming in, her and her partner, she was a life coach, she had started a life coaching business. And she told me as we’re training in this grocery store in Colorado, I think Aurora, Colorado, she tells me, “I’m a life coach.” And I say, “What is that?”  And my eyes light up like diamonds.

And then that same exact trip, my best friend was with me, and she said, “I’ve always wanted to be a life coach.” and she’s my best friend. We traveled to do this job together. We had never talked about life coaching. I’m like, “What do you mean you have this thing you’ve always wanted to do that I know nothing about? What is happening right now? Tell me what’s going on.” And so within two weeks, I’m immersed in this idea of life coaching.

I remember my friend saying, “I want to learn how to be a life coach. I’m going to become a life coach.” And I remember thinking, I just want to work on my life. And so, we spent two weeks life coaching with this life coach. And then after we leave Colorado and we had the most incredible time of our entire lives and cemented friendships together like never before. And I leave with two best friends. I already had one best friend but I leave with a new best friend.

And then I think within a week my best friend texted me and said, “I’m driving home from Florida”, on a road trip with her partner at the time and she said, “I’ve found this podcast, it’s called The Life Coach School Podcast, you have to listen to it. It’s just 11 episodes so far, but you have to listen to it.” I think it is absolutely miraculous that someone sent me The Life Coach School Podcast. I think it’s absolutely miraculous I found it 11 episodes in.

I was actually supposed to go to this work trip, which was the absolute worst nightmare of my entire life, the way it was set up. We were going for a week in the woods, sleeping in cabins. I had to sleep on a top bunk that didn’t have a ladder to get down. I had to use a dresser. I had to get off the bunk by getting onto the dresser and then slowly lowering my body. That is how I got out of the bunk that I was forced to sleep on at this camp retreat that was set up like we were children. No cell phone service for one week. We didn’t get to choose our meals. We didn’t get to sleep basically ever. We had to play these stupid game. It was the craziest time ever.

And the whole time I’m driving there, I’m telling myself I’m going to turn around. I can’t do this anymore. I’m quitting. I’m going to turn around. But I’m listening to The Life Coach School Podcast and I get to the episode on Byron Katie and Loving What Is. It is absolutely miraculous that at this time in my life, going to the worst thing I could ever imagine, I hear the concept of loving what is. And I decide to spend the whole week trying it out.

And I become the most energetic, magnetic, transformed person that week. I got a raise. Transformed my relationship with the CEO where we used to just scream at each other through texts and calls. I knew I was un-fire-able and I hated the guy. And so, we would just yell at each other, I’d be like, “Fire me, do what you want. You’re never going to do it.” Just craziness. And I took responsibility for it all, all of it. Got promoted to run Puerto Rico for our company, got sent to Puerto Rico. Miraculous, absolutely miraculous, all of these little steps.

The fact that I heard the very first offer to go to coach training that was offered on the podcast as a brand new podcast and I said yes to that very first one. The fact that I said yes to the very first one, to me feels miraculous. The fact that I got into The Life Coach School early was miraculous, that I was there kind of from the ground up, to know everyone at the school. It was miraculous.

I was just telling one of my clients in Two Million Dollar Group that the class I bought was a live coach training. And then three months later they did another class and it was more expensive but it had a business component with it. And I emailed the school and I asked the school if I could pay the difference and have the business training because I was like, “I don’t have business training. I don’t know how to get a client.” And they responded back and said, “No, sorry we didn’t offer it for that class. We offered it for the classes moving forward.”

I think it is absolutely miraculous that I responded, “Okay, I totally understand.” I didn’t go online and start tearing the school down. I didn’t decide I hated the school. I didn’t decide I’m done, I’m never coming back. I said, “I’m going to figure out another way.” And then I showed up a year later having made $200,000 in my business and I got the attention of everyone at the school. And I think it’s miraculous that I was watching Jody Moore teach sales on stage and I elbowed the person sitting next to me and I said, “That’s going to be next year, I want that to be me.”

And I think it was within a year or two that I was the person on stage teaching sales. I mean, Jody still also gets on stage and coaches sales, but then I got to also get on stage and coach sales. Miraculous. I think it is absolutely miraculous that I got invited to be in the Million Dollar Mentoring room and dropped everything and said yes and that I showed up to every single meeting, did everything that was said.

I think back to 2K for 2K and I just can’t believe that I said yes and went all in and just had so much faith. I think all of it is so miraculous. The fact that I had two coaches so early on in my career, pour so much into me, and be so available to me, and even now care so much about me and my success. That they’re always willing to take a call, always willing to message me back, always willing to say, “How can I help you”, because they believe in me so much. I think that is miraculous.

I remember my first coach, she offered to coach me for free and I got a couple of calls in and said, “I want to pay you because I want it to feel as good for you as it does for me when we get off the call. And I want to make sure I have my call every single week. And I want to make sure that I’m on your actual client roster. And I just want there to be no difference between me and all your other paid clients. I want to be a paid client.” It would feel great to me to be a paid client, even though I had no idea how I was going to pay her. I think that is miraculous.

I think every ounce of every step I took, there’s no other way to describe it. When I look back at where my life was, it would have been so incredibly easy at any of those moments to do the opposite. And because of that, that’s why I take full responsibility, absolutely I see and own every decision I made to show up. I see so easily how I could have done other things. During COVID, I had so many people I knew that were playing games and hanging out. And I was every day working harder than I’d ever worked.

I was like, “If I can’t travel and I can’t do the things I love to do in my free time, all my free time, I’m just going to coach my people. Let’s go.” That was a miracle. There’s so many things that I accept full responsibility and I accept and receive the miracle of it all. So, when I’m selling to people, and they tell me that I’m a unicorn and it’s easy for me. I’m like, “I get that, I really do.” And there is some element of having to allow the universe, God to support you along the way and to be able to see the miracles and take advantage of them.

And also, there’s a little bit of it that feels like it actually was miraculous, there was a large amount of luck. And because of that, what I’m interested in is the thing I can control, which is all of the pieces of responsibility that weren’t miracles. And then also bringing the energy of miracles so that my people know how to take advantage of them too. But I’m never turned off by someone thinking, someone that’s not being hateful about it.

Someone who’s on my webinar who’s like, “Yeah, but for you, I can see why it would be so easy. You had all of these things.” Or on the opposite, where they’re like, “You can do it and I believe you can do it. And I believe other people can do it, but I never believe I could do it. I’m so far from that belief.”

I was telling one of my clients on a recent call, I said, “Listen, my first breakthrough in coaching was just paying all my bills and not even paying them in full, just making sure every person I owed got at least some amount of money.” My first transformation of learning how to start taking control of my life, it was that small. And my belief was so little in myself, in the universe, in other people, in what was available to me. I remember thinking $100,000 business would have been I’m rich. That is a miracle. That will never happen for me.

I remember having such disbelief in my capability and myself. I remember that with such tenderness. And because of that, my brain just doesn’t go there to other myself. It goes to compassion. It goes to a deep, deep desire to help those people, to be the person constantly in your ear, in other people’s ears, constantly out there, no matter how small we have to start willing to start there. I don’t get annoyed by it. I don’t say, “I don’t want to help the people who have never made any money, it’s too hard.”

I’m like, “Let’s go. I’m going to get in the arena with you. Let’s get muddy together.” I know, I know what it’s like to tell the first person I’m a life coach. I know what it’s like to have people sneer a little bit about it. I know what it’s like to make someone mad when you’re coaching when you’re a new coach, I know what it’s like. But just all of the hard stuff and I connect with that and because of that, the value I offer and the way that I sell is deeply impactful for people, deeply impactful.

And it’s created an entire, I don’t know what you want to call it, but an entire movement of coaches who are now making money that we’re never making money before because I showed up to meet them where they are. And show them the things they can be responsible for and also help them grab for those miracles. I think the one thing that people say, actually there’s a difference between how you receive my marketing and how you actually experience me coaching. And I think the work of all of us is to even those things out as much as possible.

But one thing people say that are actually coached by me in my programs, one of the things they will say is how surprised they are by how willing I am to meet them exactly where they are, no matter where that is. And I think that is because it’s very easy to judge others when you aren’t recognizing your miracles. It’s very easy to get frustrated at others when you aren’t recognizing the magnitude of the combination of what you’ve done and the miracles that have presented themselves.

Every opportunity that has come my way, I’ve earned, but also it’s a miracle it was given to me. It’s like two things colliding together to make the result. And when I believe that, and I know some people are like, “No, no, no.” You have to take full responsibility and that’s what coaching is. You all know if you’re in my programs, that I am very strongly teaching personal responsibility.

And I also think we have so much fun when we’re willing to be in the miracle, when we live and break through, when we live in opportunity, when we live for the magic that can also meet us when we work really, really hard. And because of that, that is what makes me sell better. It’s what makes my coaching available to more people. More people resonate with it because I am meeting them where they are, because I am joining them. They don’t need to believe for me.

I’m like, “Of course, you don’t believe. Of course, it’s really hard to show up. Of course, it’s really hard to invest. Of course, it’s really hard to bet on yourself. Of course, it’s really hard to leave your job. Of course, it’s really hard to do all of these things.” I deeply feel that. And I know the leaps of faith required to build a business are so great.

One of the things that was really impactful for me is, my coach, Brooke, said to me or probably to everyone, and I just took it and received it as if it was said to me personally. I think it was actually on a podcast. She talked about how it’s really easy to get self-righteous when you get successful. And she said she never wanted to be someone that thought she was better than other people because she had coaching tools, because I manage my mind I am better than you. My mind is cleaner than yours.

And that was profound to me. I heard it very early on, maybe it was right around when I was getting really successful. And I caught my brain a couple of times being a little judgmental to people who don’t have thought management and who aren’t managing their brain. And I remember catching it and being like, “Oh yeah, how does it feel when I feel that way about myself, or when I feel that way about other people?” It feels terrible. So how do I want to feel? I want to feel compassionate, understanding.

It’s also why I don’t walk around trying to sell coaching to everyone. I don’t think everyone needs coaching or coaching is right for everyone. Some people have it naturally and I think it’s amazing, it’s so great. If your brain doesn’t need work, it’s amazing. Do I think everyone could benefit? Of course. I love selling coaching. I love the value of coaching. I don’t let myself get into self-righteousness or othering or I’m better than because I have more money or because I have had more coaching or because I have coaching or because my brain is clean or whatever it is.

That was so powerful for me to hear, and that really helped me also be with all the people where they are and meet them where they are and say, “Hey, let’s lift up together. Let’s go together.” I really wanted to give you all this message today because I think if you can step into that, if you can see every decision is miraculous, that you have made to transform your life.

If you are someone who tends to get frustrated, or judgy or righteous, or other with your people or on a consult. Or when you think about people not being willing to invest in themselves or not being courageous or brave or not believing in themselves and how much work it is to get them there. Think about someone that’s poured into you and all they created for you to make it easy for you to believe in yourself and be that person for other people. Believe in the responsibility and hold yourself and everyone to everything we can possibly control.

And also, be the person who recognizes opportunities and miracles that collide when you’re that person that constantly shows up. The idea that the universe or God meets you at your effort level, some version of that, that you may have heard, that you get divinely supported at some point when you show up. Think of that and allow that to humble you, connect you to your people.

Because it’s very hard to sell coaching when you don’t feel connected to your people, when you are judging them, when you are othering yourself, when you are feeling righteous, when you’re frustrated, when you think it’s just too hard to make them believe in themselves. This episode may not be for some of you. But I coach on this so often in every single one of my programs. It comes up so frequently for people, which I think is totally normal, but I do think this is the solution.

Take all the responsibility for all of your success and every step that got you where you are. And remember that it’s also a miracle that your brain let you do that, that you did that, that you had some courage, there was some whisper inside of you moving you in that direction. There will be such a slight but powerful energetic shift for you and how you engage with other people and how they receive you and what’s able to happen for them in your presence.

Every day all your job is, to go out there and help people believe that they could have something better than what they have now by just a little bit more. And every day that you show up, they get a little bit stronger and they believe a little bit more.

I was telling my client, I was saying, “For me, I want to show up as often as possible in a bunch of different ways, whether it’s on the podcast or on a webinar or a masterclass or a challenge week, in my programs, on social media, in my emails.” I want to show up as often as possible because every time I do what I think about is there are people who are ready to sign up and get started and make money as a life coach right now or make more money and help more people.

And then there are people who are not ready, but every time I show up, they’re getting a little more ready. I want to keep being an opportunity. I want to keep being in their ear, keep being a chance for them to grab a miracle.

Alright, I hope this was helpful. I hope you have an amazing week. I love you all so much, and I will talk to you next week.

Hey, if you’re ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2k for 2k program where you’re going to make your first $2,000 the hardest part using my simple 5 step formula for getting consults and closing new clients. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.