If this is your current go-to technique for filling the empty spots in your program, you are likely lacking offer desirability, and I’m sorry to say that it’s never going to get your people dying to work with you. If your dream clients are a hell yes! for you, you have to be a hell yes! for your own offer first.
Join me this week as I invite you to work on your ability to feel abundant desire for your offer and show you how to create offer desirability. Doing this work is the difference between selling feeling hard and it feeling fun and easy, and when you learn to truly desire what you have to offer, I promise, this infectious energy will have more people coming your way.
Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach™ podcast where sales expert and life coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.
Hey coaches. All through the month of April we will be featuring 200K level concepts and interviews leading up to the 200K Mastermind open enrollment, May 3rd, 4th, and 5th.
Now, you might be tempted to think this doesn’t apply to me yet, but I want to encourage you not to skip past these episodes. Often learning more advanced concepts will make the foundational concepts seem even easier. It’s like running on a hill when you train so that the flat terrain becomes easier. So don’t skip this.
And if you’re ready for the advanced selling level and you want to take your business to $200,000 over the next six to 12 months, you can join our mailing list to get all of the information on our upcoming enrollment as it rolls out, and you can apply for the 200K Mastermind on May 3rd, 4th, and 5th, all by visiting www.staceyboehman.com/200K-mastermind.
Enjoy this month’s episodes. Let’s dive in to today’s lesson.
Hey coaches. Welcome to episode 122. Today we’re going to talk about offer desirability. So I just got back from two – what feels like three back-to-back trips of traveling for our wedding, and for the Two Million Dollar group. So I went to Scottsdale for my bachelorette, and then I was home for a couple weeks, and then I went to New York to get my dress fitted for my wedding.
And spent several days there just shopping. All the shopping. It was the most fun. It was probably one of the most fun trips actually that I’ve ever had. All the shopping. I have lots of stories. And then I went to Vegas to meet my Two Million Dollar group and it was actually Neil’s birthday, so I just decided to do an in-person meeting with them and go a couple days early.
So we did that, we met with the Two Million Dollar group, and then I was in Vegas with Neil for his birthday. We were having so much fun, we decided to stay, to extend our stay. So I was in Vegas for like a week. It was the best. We had the most fun.
And also, I did all the shopping there too. Vegas shopping is seriously the best shopping. So today I’m going to tell you some shopping stories. This podcast has been influenced by my shopping stories, by an a-ha moment from Chanel, so we’re going to talk about it.
But offer desirability is something that we work on especially at the 200K Mastermind level and the Two Million Dollar group level. I’m going to tell you what it is, but first let’s just talk about how you know if you don’t have it.
Here’s how you know you don’t have it is if you are convincing people to buy your stuff, if you’re in your copy and in your content, you’re talking about the people who haven’t yet bought your incredible offer or talking to them. You’re kind of poking and berating at them.
You guys do this very cleverly but you’re like, I can’t believe you haven’t gotten my amazing offer yet. And you do some cutesy thing, but you’re talking about hey, I’m calling you out, I’m just letting you know you haven’t gotten my offer yet, what’s up with that kind of vibe.
If you’re talking about how many spots you have left, if you’re talking about how much room you have left in your group, or in your mastermind, if your predominant thought is who hasn’t bought, if that’s who you’re thinking about, who isn’t buying and who should be buying.
Some of you guys get really stuck in dream clients. You’re like, but this person is my dream client. And I’m like, what? No, you’re a dream coach. Your dream clients are only the people who are like, a hell yes for you. And you don’t know who those are because you’re too busy thinking about being a dream coach.
So think about that. When you’re thinking about dream clients, who should be buying, who isn’t buying, who hasn’t bought yet, that tells you you’re not in offer desirability. I want you to think about this for a second. When you see me sell 2K to 200K, Two Million Dollar groups, even Higher Converting Consults that we – if you follow us on social media @staceyboehman or if you interact with our Facebook ads, if you’re on our email list, we marketed that offer, that three-hour intensive on consults literally like its own standalone offer.
Created an entire brand around it. When you see me sell it, any of my offers, anything I ever sell, the only story you’re ever going to hear because the only one that I ever tell is that everyone is buying. Everyone is happy, everyone is excited, everyone desires what we have.
Clients love to buy our offers. And then it happens to be true, but only because we created offer desirability within ourselves as a team first. So I want you to think about the definition of desirable. I looked it up. There’s a couple that I think are worthy of noting when we talk about this idea.
The definition of worth having or wanting. So desirable is worth having or wanting. And then I loved this definition, you can put this – if you follow the model, if you use the model in your coaching, in the model we have an action line that we fill in. This is what I want to be doing.
And then we ask ourselves how we would need to be feeling in order to do that and then what we would need to be thinking in order to feel that way. We do the model all day long in all of our programs for those who want to learn it. But if you are a model coach, or someone who uses the model, this is the best to put in your A line.
Arousing desire or longing. What? I want you guys to think about this. When you think about selling your offer, is what’s going in your A line of the model, your action line, is it arousing desire or longing?
I feel that in my body. That is what I want to be doing when I’m selling is arousing desire or longing. And I achieve this especially when it comes to 200K and Two Million Dollar group because you guys talk about it all the time. I want to be in 200K so bad, I’m just waiting for the next round to open, I’m longing to be in that room, I want to be in that group.
You all have so much desire for it. So I want you to think about that is something being desirable means that this thing, your offer, arouses desire or longing. So offer desirability is the level of desire that your offer creates, wait for it, for you first, and then for other people based on your belief in the value of your offer to you and to others.
So this is a lengthy definition that I made up and I’m going to read it to you again. Offer desirability is the level of desire your offer creates for you and for other people based on your belief in the value of your offer to you and to others.
So if we think about just basic life coaching, what helps me sell my offers so well is my foundational belief about life coaching itself. If you go back to the episode where I talk about emotional wealth over material wealth, I really deeply believe that. I believe having a life coach is the most amazing thing ever.
Life coaching, any type of life coaching, business coaching, all the coaching. I always say life coaching but it’s like, business coaching, life coaching, health coaching, financial coaching, all the coaching. I for myself find such an intense level of value when I think about coaching. I get such an intense feeling in my body of importance of this work that I desire it so strongly that it’s so easy for me to talk about it in a compelling, desirable way.
And then when I talk about it in a compelling, desirable way, it’s infectious to other people. They want in too because I understand the value that my value meter increases and then the desire meter increases based on the emotions I have behind my offer and what I’m talking about.
So I want to give this analogy. I’m actually going to give you some shopping examples too, which is so fun. I love spending lots of money and then talking about it to you guys on the podcast in a way that helps you understand selling and buying. So much fun.
But first we’re going to do a dating reference. So when I was dating before I met Neil, when I was working on becoming a woman who has the man that I dream of, the relationship that I dream of, one of the things that I had to work on, one of the two thoughts that really supported me in getting out there, and I did this program where you had to make dating your number one priority.
They had rules where if you had – you had to tell your friends. I think I’ve talked about this before. You had to tell your friends if you have the opportunity for a date, you will cancel plans with your friends. You had to put the result of wanting to be in a relationship, in a loving, committed relationship, you had to put that above everything else in your life and I did.
And so when I was thinking about when I was putting myself out there and going and talking – this is another rule. You had to talk to all the guys that talked to you, even the ones that you didn’t immediately desire. You had to find why they were attracted to you.
So I was talking to all these guys and putting myself out there in a really uncomfortable way and going on these first dates and two thoughts that I had to practice all of the time to get myself out there until they became who I just was and what I just believed was, “I’m desirable and there are desirable people out there.”
In fact, the thought I had to have was, “There are so many desirable people out there,” especially when I went on a first date that was terrible. I had to be like, okay, there are so many desirable people out there. And what I believed and what I worked on in this program is that the more I find myself desirable, the more access I’ll have to those other desirable people.
It’s not a coincidence that I ended up in the relationship that I have. With a very desirable man. People all the time are like, does he have brothers? He’s very desirable, isn’t he? He’s just so cute. I just love him so much. Can you tell I’m dying to get married? We’re like, 30 days away by the way. I think less at the time of this recording, we’re just in the most geeky fun love bubble right now.
So it’s not a surprise that I got me a desirable man because I was constantly believing that he was out there, that there were desirable people out there and that I was desirable. And the more desirable I felt inside of me, the more I attracted people to me.
I always say – you guys have heard me say this a million times in a million different ways but nobody wants an x, y, z coach. No one wants a sad life coach. No one wants an angry life coach or a resentful life coach.
Well, people don’t want a life coach who doesn’t believe that they are desirable, that their life is desirable. And that has nothing to do with your circumstances. Sometimes you guys latch on and believe, “Well, I have to have desirable circumstances according to my desires and my beliefs currently.”
So once I have the car and the house and the clothes and the bags and the money, or the vacations or whatever it is for you – I was going to say notoriety. Significance on social media, I don’t know. Once I have those things, I’ll feel desirable.
No, it’s you have to feel desirable now with the exact circumstances of your life now. That’s the secret to coaching. At least that’s the secret that I learned about coaching is that the first step is finding desire with what you have. That’s the only way to get more.
But what a lot of you guys do is you think you’re not desirable. We can bring it back to coaching, to being a coach. I’m not desirable, I’m new, I don’t know what I’m doing, haven’t done this before, haven’t worked with a lot of people, I’m not making any money, I’m not experienced, I don’t have a certification, or I don’t have a master certification, or I don’t have this.
You guys have a whole list of things that will finally make you a desirable coach. Or you can insert any word, but I love using desirable here. And then even if you do think that you are desirable, that coaching itself is desirable, people are out in the world wanting coaching, they’re desiring it, it’s like then sometimes you guys struggle with okay, I believe coaching is valuable and people want it, and I believe that they’d buy it from me, but I don’t believe there are very many of those people. There aren’t enough desirable people, there aren’t enough people out there desiring coaching.
So your offer desirability happens when you are abundantly desiring and being aroused and longing your own offer, what you offer to the world, yourself as a coach and your offer. And then when you believe that lots of people are out there desiring and longing for that too, even if you two haven’t connected yet.
So let’s talk about how to create it. How to create offer desirability. So the first step I’ve already told you, it’s very obvious. You have to desire your offer. I teach this in 2K. When you go into 2K, you learn about creating belief in the value of your offer and your clients’ ability to be resourceful and to take you up on that offer and to see the value as well.
And we call this the sales triad, we go through it, and we create concrete – there are so many activities that we give you to constantly be exercising your belief in the value of what you offer and really exploring how to explain it 100 different ways to 100 different people. That’s really the foundation because you can’t have desire without belief in value.
So that in itself is a huge step in the beginning. But what I see drop when coaches go to make a lot of money, if they’re being very honest with themselves is when they start thinking about more money, their level of desire drops when they think about selling to more people. Or rather, more people buying their offer.
They’re like, wait a minute, it was very desirable for the small amount of people but when I think about putting my offer out in a really big way in the world, now I’m not sure. When I think about making say, $200,000 or a million dollars, I don’t know that there’s enough people out there that desire what I have to offer. I don’t know if there’s enough desirability around my offer to make that amount of money.
And how you know this is if you don’t believe you’re going to sell your offer out when you start selling it. And this could seriously be the tiniest little things. In 200K we come in and we create your simple offer, and a lot of my students in the beginning, especially if it’s their first round really struggle with the commitment to that one offer, to choosing that one price for that one offer.
I’ll give you an example. 6K for six months. They’ll go back and forth with drama about should it be 3K for three months or 6K for six months. And what they lose in that drama of what the offer should be is the desire behind the results of that offer, the desire to offer that offer.
It’s hard to desire it when you’re questioning it and you’re second-guessing it and you’re not committed to it. So you have to work day and night to be committed, to be clear about what your simple offer is and go to work loving it.
I had to do this with 2K. I had to believe that people wanted this offer. I had to fall in love with it myself. I’ve talked about having to sell yourself on your offer, that that’s the first step. This is what I mean. I had lots of thoughts that opposed selling myself on the desirability of 2K.
I was like, people want to make 100K, 2K isn’t enough, they aren’t going to want this, they’re not going to understand the name, 2K for 2K. They’re going to be like, what’s that? All of those thoughts, they lower your offer desirability.
So your job, it’s not to ignore those thoughts but to be honest about them, know they’re there, and be constantly selling yourself. And listen, I want you guys to develop the ability – this is what I teach really in 200K. Because it doesn’t really matter.
3K for three months or 6K for six months, it doesn’t matter what your offer is. What matters is that you become the person who knows that you can sell anything to anyone. I always say you know what my clients buy from me? Anything I fucking sell them. Why? Because I understand offer desirability.
I can take any offer you give me and make it fucking desirable. Literally anything. Any one of your niches, any one of the niches in 200K, in Two Million, I’m like, I could go make a million dollars with that niche because I know that I can make it desirable. I know how to sell it to myself first and then go sell it to other people.
And really selling it to other people, this is the second step, is believing in the desire of others for your offer. This is what makes the difference between making selling hard and easy. Selling feels hard when you think that people don’t want what you have to offer. When you think people highly desire what you have to offer, it’s so fun to sell.
We have so much fun selling our shit in our company. All our team members, we have so much – all of it. 2K, 200K, Two Million Dollar group, Higher Converting Consults, we have so much fun selling it. But the way that we talk about it, even within the company, I was just talking to my – I can’t even call her my assistant now. To be announced later, an upcoming promotion.
But I was just talking to my Michelle, we’ll call her my Michelle. I was just talking to her and she was telling me, you know, we’re going to have at least 250 people apply for this round of 200K. And it was like, I was thinking about it as she said it. She even believes deep in her soul that our offer is so desirable.
And that is the way that our whole company thinks about all of our offers. Everybody wants it, we’re constantly fielding questions from people desiring what we have to offer. So you have to work on your desire and selling yourself first, and then your belief in other people desiring your offer.
You all think that that happens, your belief in other people’s desire for your offers happens after they buy it. No. They don’t buy it until you believe they desire it. It’s the opposite of the way your brain wants to think about it.
Okay now here’s the third step. This is so important. We’re going to spend some time on this and I’m going to tell you a story. You have to believe in just the basic idea that buying things, that spending money can be desirable for other people, and for yourself. You have to be able to feel desire when buying things.
You have to be able to feel desire when spending money. So stop right now. I mean, if you’re driving right now don’t just stop your car. But I want you to stop, pause, and think. Do you actively feel the emotion of desire? And if you don’t even know, I don’t even know what that would feel like, that’s your homework from this episode is to find what desire, real longing, arousing desire feels like in your body.
Like that feeling of I have to have it. And if you can’t get it with a thing, you might be able to get it with a person. I have to have this person. And that doesn’t have to be sexual. It can also be like, my fiancé Neil and I, this is a little embarrassing but we seriously long for our dogs when we’re gone.
I know you guys didn’t expect me to say that and I’m sure many of you are laughing right now. We long for our puppies. We’re like, seriously every day that we’re on vacation we’re like, oh my gosh, we call Bella the beans. That’s what we call her and so we’re always like, “Oh my gosh, I miss the beans.”
And we just talk about how much we love our dogs all the time. So we have so much arousing desire in our body for our puppies. And we love them so much and literally, we get butterflies in our stomach on the way home from the airport when we know we’re about to see our puppies. That can be – so it doesn’t have to be sexual. It can be with anything.
You can think about it with your kids, your desire to see them. So first you got to really – if anything that you take from this episode, make sure you have the ability to find that emotion in your body. But then I want you to stop and think, do you ever feel that emotion when you spend money?
A lot of you come to me and you don’t. A lot of people come to me because selling is hard, so they want me to help them make it easier. And the reason selling is hard for them is they have not often been on the receiving end of selling in a way that feels really good.
They haven’t felt a high amount of desire. So I’m going to tell you this story, and this is going to tie into the dating. So I talked about how when you’re dating, as your raise your desire for yourself and your belief in your desirability, the more people come your way.
So I’m shopping in Chanel. By the way, did you know that the Wynn has two Chanel stores? Two in one hotel. And they have different things. I know because I’ve spent lots of money at both of them. But I go into the first Chanel store and I don’t even know, I’ve never been into Chanel.
I always thought it was a little too girly for me and a little too feminine. I tend to be more modern and power, so I’m more of an Alexander McQueen kind of girl or a Givenchy kind of girl. But ever since the wedding has been coming up, I’ve been feeling very feminine.
So I was thinking to myself, I want a Chanel bag. And I had been saving photos of these white Chanel bags, like a white Chanel bag for our wedding week, it will be amazing. So I’m dying to go to Chanel and the whole time, I shopped so much in New York and I never go to Chanel.
So I’m like, when I go to the Wynn – also an interesting fact about the Chanels at Wynn, they do so much business. I actually did shop and got a beach bag in July when I was there. So I did get my first Chanel, but it was a beach bag. Not the same as the little purses.
It’s amazing too. So anyway, so when I was there in July buying the beach bag, they told me that the Wynn Chanel gets some of the best products in the entire company. Even better than their Fifth Avenue store because of the volume of people that go through the Wynn and how much volume they sell.
So they get the best of the best and some of the things that are very rare that nobody else gets. So the whole time I was like, it’s fine that I didn’t get to go shopping at Chanel at their flagship Fifth Avenue store in New York. It’s fine because I’m going to Vegas and I know this little secret about the Wynn, they have really amazing things, so I was really excited.
I walk in and this is the best too, it was very irreverent. I walk in from the pool in my flip flops and my beach coverup into Chanel. So I want to just offer that, that I didn’t go dressed to the nines. I smelled like suntan lotion, I had no makeup on, my hair was in the messiest of ponytails and there was nothing – it was very irreverent to go shopping like that in Chanel I felt.
But I walk in and I’m looking around and I see this bag. I literally for the podcast have this bag sitting on my desk just so I can look over at it and every time I look at it, I blush. I love it so much.
So I see this bag, it’s a blue metallic that almost looks aqua. And I see this bag sitting in a little corner and I’m like, oh, that bag, that looks really unique, that looks like a bag I’ve never seen anyone carry. And I was thinking like, I’m going to Bora Bora, that metallic aqua I bet would look really amazing in Bora Bora.
So I asked to – I’m literally asking him, listen, I put sanitizer on my hands, but I’ve been to the pool, is it okay for me to touch this? Do you have something I can wash my hands? That’s how I felt about this bag.
So I’m touching this bag and I’m putting it on my shoulder and I’m selling myself the whole time on the bag. I know that this bag is very expensive. And I’m texting my stylist and I’m like, the bag, and she’s like, oh my god, that color. And we’re both freaking out.
And then she’s messaging me, that can be your something blue, which I already said I wasn’t doing any of the traditions and I wasn’t doing the something blue. And I was like, oh my god, it can be my something blue. I’m just having the most fun ever.
So I decide to buy the bag. It’s very expensive. I don’t even remember, I think $6800. I decide to buy the bag. And when I was deciding, I was like, do I have time to think about it? Just because I’ve never spent that much money on a bag. But I was really working on still selling myself on it.
And then he was like, it’s the only one left in the entire company. And he shows me on his little thing, he’s like, see, I’m not lying to you, I’m not selling you, I just want to make sure if you want it, it’s literally the last one. And he was like, they don’t make very many of these, when they’re in a really exclusive rare color, they don’t make very many to begin with.
And so then of course I’m just selling myself even harder. So I tell him I’m going to buy the bag. And I sit it down on the counter and I’ve been fawning over it now at this point for like, 20 minutes. And we’re getting ready to check out and another sales associate opens a drawer and I catch out of the corner of my eye this metallic plum boy bag.
If you know what their boy crossbodies are, this metallic purple with gold hardware on it. It was stunning. And I’m like, wait a minute, don’t close that drawer, what’s that bag? So they’re pulling that bag out and so I’m putting that bag on and I’m freaking out. It’s a fall purse but it is the most amazing plum color ever.
In fact, it’s very close to my wedding colors. And so I’m freaking out over this bag, and meanwhile, the blue bag is sitting on the countertop. And all of a sudden, I see the guy motioning to another sales associate and I hear him say something about this customer I think is getting this bag.
And then he looks at me and he looks at this group of girls, there’s four or five girls standing maybe 15 feet away. And he says, “Those girls want that bag if you don’t.” And I was like, oh no, first of all, I’m buying this bag. I ended up buying both, PS.
But then he said, “It’s so strange. That bag has been sitting in here for over a month and no one has looked at it.” And then he said, “It must be because I moved it to the front of the store and that spot might be shining a new light on it.” And I did not miss a beat.
I said, “No, no. My level of desire for this bag is selling other people on this bag.” And he looked at me like I had lost my mind. And I said it again. I said, no like, yeah, I want this bag so bag that the energy around me is compelling other people to want this bag, but I promise it’s not the store shelf. Because it was in the front of the corner – that’s not what it was.
My desire is selling for you right now. And he was like, oh. But I had no – it was literally in that moment, I’m like, I have to do a podcast on this. My desire was so high that someone else was going to spend $6800 on a bag just because of how they saw me feeling, the energy that was radiating off of me.
We’ve talked about your energy can be very pretty perfume or very smelly BO. And my energy around that bag was so pretty and so high and so excited that they were like, I want that bag. They didn’t get the bag. I got the bag. But that’s what I’m talking about y’all.
Offer desirability. Have you felt that way about something that’s been offered to you? Do you get yourself that excited about things? Do you let yourself do that?
Now, a lot of you might fear increasing your desire around buying things especially, you’re like, okay, I get it, I’m on board, I got to feel a lot of desire for my offer, I have to spend time desiring what I’m offering to other people, understanding its value, understanding why it’s desirable. I get that.
But I’m afraid to feel, I don’t want to, I’m afraid to feel desire to spend money. And a lot of you fear desiring spending money because you think that you will suddenly spend uncontrollable amounts of money. But I want to offer that that isn’t true.
If you increase your desire around buying, only two things will actually happen and here they are. Number one, your experience of spending money will be more enjoyable. That seems pretty obvious, but I feel like I need to say it.
Your experience of spending money will be more enjoyable. I hate spending money that I don’t enjoy spending. So I do the work, if I’m going to spend money, I’m going to enjoy it. No matter what it is. I’m going to feel desire for the money going out. That’s how I want to feel when I buy something, and I work really hard for that to be my standard and I’m going to tell you why.
Because number two, the only two things that will happen if you raise your desire when you spend money and when you buy things is you will have a greater standard for how you want to feel when you spend money. Meaning you will have great discernment of what you buy.
So I’m going to give you another sales story. So when I was in New York, my friend Lindsay and I, I got a car service to just drive us around. First of all, people always tell me, I don’t know if I can even desire making more money, I don’t know what I would spend it on, it’s stuff like this.
Did you know that you can rent a car service to just be on call 24/7 when you’re in a city? So we just had a car on demand all of the time. 7am to midnight. Someone just waited on us everywhere. We’d be like, drop us off at that store, we’ll be back. And he’ll be like, I’m going to park over here.
And we’ll be like, okay, we’re going to go down to this place, we’re going to go over here, we’re going to go over here. We just had a car person waiting for us. And then he’d come get our bags so we didn’t have to carry them, and we could keep changes of clothes in the car in case we wanted to go straight from shopping to dinner, but we wanted to change.
It was ridiculous. Just that was the most amazing. So even notice how I did that, how I desired – it’s like $6000 for five days of just having a car service drive you around. Best money spent ever. We had so much fun.
So we’re driving down the street, we’re somewhere in the Fifth Avenue, Madison Avenue area and we see Cartier. And I’ve been hearing all about Cartier and my friend Lindsay, her sister has a bracelet and so she’s been talking about getting a bracelet and I’m very curious about the bracelets.
And I had been thinking maybe I would buy real earrings for my wedding. And so I was like, I want to go into some high-end stores, I’ve seen what Tiffany has, I just want to go into some high-end stores. So we’re like, can you stop right here and let us out? We’re going into Cartier.
So he stops and lets us out, we go into Cartier. And they were so weird. So this is what they’re doing in coronavirus. This is also a lesson to don’t do stupid things during coronavirus as a business.
So this is their coronavirus plan that no one else in New York had. Not sure why they did. But you couldn’t look at the glass cases, y’all. Like you couldn’t walk around the store. Even with a sales associate with you, even if you touched nothing, you weren’t allowed to breathe on the glass.
I’m not joking. So this is what they had you do. So we go up and they get a buy, and he comes and takes us to a desk and he’s like, would you like to scroll online and tell me what you would like me to bring you and I can bring it to you and show you?
I was looking at my friend Lindsay and I was like, this is so weird. If I wanted to shop online, I would. And I have realized because I spend a lot of money on clothes and bags and all the things, and I’ve realized that there really is a huge difference in being able to be at a store, fawned all over, or even buying something in a – part of Net-a-Porter’s – they have a VIP preview. I don’t know, something really special VIP client or something.
Even buying something in that feels really fun, when you’re part of a launch or an event or a limited – you get an email that’s like, limited addition, something like that. That feels really fun. But when it’s just buying stuff online, it’s not the same as buying it in the store in my opinion for me.
I’ve realized that my energy’s not quite as high, I spend a lot more time in am I going to get this, am I not going to get this. So I’m scrolling online sitting in Cartier and I’m like, this doesn’t feel good. And I told the guy, I said I’m going to be honest with you, I will definitely come back but this is not the feeling I want to have when I’m spending money. It just doesn’t feel good. This doesn’t feel like the experience.
If I’m going to drop a lot of money on jewels, not the one I want to have. So it really helped me discern, this is what I want, this is what I don’t want. Now, a side story to that. Later on that weekend, my stylist got me into this exclusive event for – I’m going to say it wrong.
Pronovias Bride – it’s a Barcelona company and I speak Spanish, so I don’t know why – it’s one of those things where my brain looks at the word so fast that I struggle to remember what the letters are in the order. But anyway, a dress company that I did not get my dress with was having this exclusive sale where you could rent earrings and you could – they’re like, $500 to rent them for the weekend of your wedding and you could go try them on and look at them and reserve them.
And my stylist got me in, even though I wasn’t one of those brides. And I’m holding them in my hand and seeing them, I have to see them, like, all the jewels. It was from this outside company, this wholesaler, and they had them all laid out. I don’t even know what you’d call them but little drawers and drawers, full of these beautiful diamonds.
And I got to touch all of them and try them on and I was in this fitting room at a bridal store on Fifth Avenue. It was the most luxurious. And my emotions and my desire was so high. I don’t know if I told this on the podcast yet, but I bought a $25,000 pair of earrings right there on the spot.
It was the day after the Cartier experience. And I was talking to my friend Lindsay and we were like, man, Cartier really missed out. But the desire wasn’t there. So I tell that story to tell you that raising your desire to spend money isn’t going to make you uncontrollable. It’s not going to make you lose control of your money and just go spend all of the things.
It actually really does do the opposite. You get to really become discerning on what feels good and what doesn’t and where you want to increase your desire and where you don’t. And you will also know that you have control over it.
I know when I’m in Chanel and I’m selling myself on a bag, I know what I’m doing. I have conscious awareness that I’m doing that, that I’m choosing to do that. And there are other times where I have conscious awareness that I’m not choosing to do it. And sometimes it feels natural too. It will happen if you allow yourself to go there. Things will just naturally be drawn to you and that’s what I actually told the person at Cartier.
I said, “Listen, I don’t know 100% what I want, I want to be able to walk around and see.” When I went to Chanel, I thought I wanted a white bag. What I actually left with was an aqua blue metallic one. They couldn’t have been different.
This is also a lesson when you’re doing consults and your person is like, I don’t desire this coaching, especially if they know the price ahead of time. You want to still get them on the call. They might be thinking you’re trying to sell them something they don’t want for a really expensive price, and then you’re going to show them something completely different when you’re on the call.
You have to have room in your brain for believing that someone could get on the call wanting one thing and get something completely different and desire that even more. That’s what happened at Chanel. I wanted a white bag. They didn’t have any of the white bags.
And before I walked out, I saw the blue one. And then I was like, woo. And then I started thinking white on white wouldn’t have looked good anyway. Blue on white looks very good. So I sold myself on something I didn’t even know I wanted.
You can do that too and your clients can do that too. But really, I feel the opposite is true. When you don’t have a high desire when you go to buy things, when you don’t let yourself experience that arousing desire, that wanting and that deep belief that something is worth having, even if it’s materialistic like a Chanel bag, if you don’t let yourself have that, what happens is you have a hard time knowing what to spend your money on. You have a hard time spending it and even when you do, you’re often riddled with doubt and worry, and it feels terrible after.
You think it’s because you shouldn’t have spent the money. Not because you should have sold yourself on it in advance at a higher level. You should have created more desire ahead of time. When you create enough desire ahead of time, you never regret spending the money, I promise you.
I really want you to sit with that idea that that would be true is if you sell yourself on it enough first, you won’t have to fear having made the wrong decision. This is true for your own coaching. For those of you that want to sign up for 200K but you’re having lots of drama, just haven’t sold yourself on it enough first.
You haven’t created enough arousing desire in your body that it couldn’t possibly be a mistake, it couldn’t possibly be the wrong time, it’s the perfect time for you, you’re going for it, you’re 100% committed, your level of desire is so off the charts. And not – I want to say this now – desire is different than excitement.
Sometimes your excitement can get really, really, really high and it feels like a frenzy. What I love about arousing desire, at least for me, is I feel it deeper in my body. I feel it lower, it feels more grounded, it feels more – I don’t know what the word is and I’m looking for it, but really, I feel it – excitement for me feels really high in my chest and desire feeling really low in my belly.
Almost all the way through my toes. I feel it almost everywhere. So it’s a more all-encompassing feeling that I think makes you more grounded, and the excitement is what can kind of create a frenzy that goes against you, where FOMO can start happening, fear of missing out, and you can make bad decisions in that way.
But when you’re really working with a desire and you’re feeling it all through your body and you’re selling yourself and you’re loving the things that you’re selling yourself on, you’re loving your reasons, whether it’s materialistic or it’s for coaching that you want to invest in, here are all the reasons that I love this decision and you can get yourself to that desire, you will have less buyer’s remorse.
And here’s what happens because I’ve actually talked to my 200K mastermind about this, and we need to have a whole podcast just on what buyer’s remorse means. People have lots of different opinions about what that means. But what I consider buyer’s remorse is no circumstance can come in your way and make you lose your desire.
Say what? No circumstance. A sudden bill that came up, deciding to go a different direction, finding something “better,” buyer’s remorse is the circumstance changed and then your thought and feeling changed with it. But when you create desirability around the things that you buy and the things that you offer, that is coming from your thought first and your feelings first, and that’s creating the circumstance, the result.
Circumstances and results can be the same things. Measurable results. So that’s how you create the result, you create the circumstance is by your thought and your feeling coming first. You create the desire, therefore you’ll never be in buyer’s remorse, you’ll never be in a situation where a circumstance comes in and changes your thought because you created the thought first, not dependent on the circumstance.
But only when you work on that ability to feel good buying will it be clearer and clearer what to buy, what not to buy. It’s true for purses, jewelry, coaching, whatever it is. and then when you’re really clear on that for you and how that happens, it’s so much easier to create it for other people.
I’m so clear on my ability to create arousing desire around the things I spend money on that when he said, “Oh, it must be because I moved this purse,” it was like the immediate thought was no, it was me. My desire was selling them. My energy around this bag just lifted the whole store’s energy.
I want you to think about if you believed that, if your desire selling your offer lifts the entire industry’s desirability. I literally do believe this, that my emotions around selling create money for all of my clients too. It raises the entire desirability of the industry and people watching the industry from the outside in.
You have that ability too. You can create such strong desire around your offer and around you buying coaching or buying anything, even toilet paper. You can create that where you become a magnet. And when you’re a magnet, then you’re magnetizing, you make massive changes for you, for the clients who work with you, it ripples down to them, their desirability for the things they want changes, it increases the overall desire of what we’re trying to accomplish, our mission as an entire industry.
That is so powerful. But all it takes is starting with your offer. Do you feel that desire inside of you? And if you don’t, you’ve got to get to work on selling yourself to create it. Allow yourself to have fun desiring and spending money on you as well. And really work on your belief that there are lots of people out there desiring what you have to offer right now in this moment. Alright, I’ll talk to you next week.
Hey, if you are ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2K for 2K program where you’re going to make your first $2000, the hardest part, and then $200,000 using my proven formula. It’s risk-free. You either make your 2K or I give you your 2K back. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.