Ep #229: Buying Emotional Health

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

Hey coaches, welcome to episode 229. So many of you have reached out to me, messaged me, told me in 2K, told me in 200K that the Envisioning Extraordinary Wealth episode, episode 225 was so powerful for you in so many ways. And for some of you, you said it was very triggering and it helped you work through so many things. And one of the things I’ve been thinking about since that episode and then I also did an episode where I talked about things to know about me on episode 227.

And I was thinking about unsaid things have context to the things that I teach. And I mentioned on that episode that one of them is my journey from going from being, I would have considered myself very poor to extraordinarily wealthy in a very short period of time, within an eight year period. So I was just thinking about kind of the ties of these things, these polar opposites. And one of the things that I want to offer is right now where you see me is I have made an extraordinary amount of money. I do think I have stewarded that money really well.

And then there’s been an overflow of that money into my life that has created a lot of material wealth and a lot of just opportunities and not so subtle signs of being super wealthy that led to that episode. But one of the things that I was thinking about is truly the things you see now in my life, the extraordinary things that come from being very wealthy are really overflow. You’re seeing the overflow of the wealth, meaning when I started my business I lived in a tiny old apartment while I was making between $3,000 and $5,000 a year.

I remember walking around my apartment complex and being like, “I’m probably the richest person here.” But I didn’t want to take the time, not the money, the time away from my business to look for a new apartment or to look for a house and move. I knew the investment of that, I have coached so many people who were like, “I’m moving and so I can’t work my business for a month.” And I’m like, “Wait, what, why, do you have to move? Is it an absolute necessity? Literally you can’t not move?” That’s the only reason I would move if I’m building a business, all the way to millions.

I was like, “I’m investing, I want to get to $1 million as fast as possible, I want to create a seven figure business and that was the priority. And so I didn’t put anything that would take time or finances from my business. I didn’t want to put that in front of that because that’s what you’re doing when you make decisions that are for material possessions or that possess your time. When you put those ahead of your business then that takes away from it, those become the priority. So I did not want to do that up until $1 million.

And I didn’t do that. We didn’t buy a house until I was making $800,000. We didn’t upgrade our cars until I was making almost $1 million. And at that point those things became not, I know a lot of coaches teach, make really big investments in yourself as far as clothing and houses and cars so that you jumpstart your nervous system into another realm of a higher earning or something. And I’m like, “No, don’t do that. What if it doesn’t work then you just put yourself in debt for things that are things, material things, not emotional things.”

I am a huge proponent in investments, investments in your mind, investments in your skills, investments in your emotional world. Those are the things I would spend my money on first because those will fuel my business. Those will fuel my growth in my business but not the other stuff. So when you hear me talk about some of the things that material wealth has created I just want to offer, I’m just in the overflow right now. And I’m not trying to brag, I’m not trying to make you feel terrible. That’s not it at all.

But early on in my business I put all of my money into my business. I paid for an extraordinary amount of coaching, an extraordinary amount of business help, all of my monies went to all of that. I built a very lean business so that I could put all of my money into paying for coaching basically and then grew my business expenses very, very, very lean, team members, contractors, things I needed.

I didn’t have a website or a podcast until I made at least 100K, all the money went there. I’m getting somewhere with this, I promise, but I put all the money there. For so long that it got to the point where I couldn’t buy any more coaching. I remember I was coaching one time, I was in three different coaching programs at the same time, actually I think this happened to me twice. And I really needed that for my business growth. I would do it again 100%. But I remember thinking, okay, this might be too much coaching.

Let’s take a break after this and do one or two things at a time, my life coaching or emotional coaching and then my business coaching. But I really did get to the point where I couldn’t invest more in my business, I couldn’t spend more in my business for investments for the future proportional to our growth, we just couldn’t do it. So then there was this overflow money and then we started putting that money into, we paid our house off and then we put money into the stock market and money into retirement plans. And once we couldn’t do that anymore there was still overflow.

And then that is the material things that you see. But I think sometimes that you all don’t know or experience that part of me as much anymore because it’s just the steel brick, whatever, cement, I think it’s cement is the correct one, cement foundation to my house, all you see are the fancy window treatments. And so I just thought that would be really important to say. And then I wanted to do an MVP, most viable podcast episode. This episode was originally episode 117. And the title was Prioritizing Emotional Wealth Over Material Wealth.

And I wanted to do this episode again but I wanted to just change one thought before you listen which is, I titled this episode Buying Emotional Health. And the way I want you to think about this when you’re listening to this episode is for yourself and for your clients. Really I want you to listen to this for your clients. I mean obviously for yourself but really think about this for your clients as a coach who is selling coaching, selling what you are selling is emotional health in some capacity or business health if you’re a business coach.

You’re selling something that has typically an intangible value, weight loss, whatever it is. And so it’s really helpful for you to think about what you are selling, what you are offering to someone is emotional health in some capacity. And what they are buying is that. They are buying emotional health. So whenever I have people give me objections, they don’t throw me off. If they tell me, “Well, but we have some house renovations coming up.” I’m like, “What? Why would you want to renovate your house over renovate your life?

Why would you want to put money into a kitchen remodel instead of finding emotional peace and power for the rest of your life, learning how to be more present in your life for the rest of your life? Why would you not want to get rid of 100 pounds of weight that you carry around every day mentally and physically, why would you want to do that instead of getting a new couch, going on a vacation, buying a new car unless it’s literally a necessity?” I remember, I bought a new car, a 20 year old car and this was when I finally decided, I have to buy a new car and a brand new freaking car. I’ll tell you this and then we’ll dive into the episode.

I was driving down the interstate, this was when I was pitching, I was coming from Nashville to Louisville, so I was going 65 north, for those of you that are familiar with the Midwest. And something popped off under the hood of my 20 year old Camry, flew up under the hood and then wedged in the accelerator of the engine. So my car started accelerating, I could put my foot on the brake to the floor and nothing was happening. And there are semis all over the interstate, it keeps accelerating and at that point I’m going 120 miles an hour in this car, freaking out.

I’m like, “I am going to die”, literally my life flashing before my eyes. And by the grace of literal God, there was an exit at a point where I was literally getting ready to rear end people. There was an exit up ahead and no one got off of it and I flew off the exit 120 miles an hour. And all I could think to do, I had a really old car, I pulled my brake and turned the engine off at the same time and my car slammed stopped and then the engine literally just kind of imploded, smoke coming out of the car. And I’ve never been more terrified in my whole life and I said, “I’m never getting in that car again.”

I had my boyfriend come and get me, I was an hour or two outside of Louisville, come and get me, I’m never getting back in that car ever again. And so I bought a new car. Okay, so if you have to buy a car because your life in danger, do so. But if you just want an upgrade or your client just wants an upgrade, I just think we need a new car, it’s five years old. You’re like, “Wait, what?” And it’s not that I’m going to talk them out of those decisions, it’s just in my brain, it doesn’t seem, sometimes you guys are like, “Oh, yes, that is very important.”

But only because you’re still living in the paradigm of material wealth being more important than emotional wealth. That material things are more important, societal things that we do have more weight in your mind as well than literally I could live in a box as long as I had power over my mind and my body, I really genuinely believe that. So these are the things, the thoughts I wanted to leave you with. And then I’m going to dive into this episode, but I want you to just remember and just know, I talk about the material wealth I’m experiencing now and the fun ways I’m spending my money.

And I’m planting those seeds in my clients’ minds. I’m doing that from when that’s overflow. That’s overflow things because the things I will always prioritize are the things that give me emotional peace, presence and calm and grounded-ness. Emotional freedom, emotional wealth will always be my number one priority. That is what I believe we are buying when we buy any type of coaching. And that is what I believe we’re selling and for that reason, because I am living that example, it is much easier for me to not be distracted by material objections.

Okay, so I thought this could just be helpful to rehear on so many levels, let’s just dive in.

                                                                                                                   

 

Hey coaches, welcome to episode 117. I’m so excited to talk to you today. I’m kind of fired up. We’re going to talk about emotional poverty and emotional wealth and material poverty and material wealth and understanding the role they play in our life experience.

So, I created a training called Higher Converting Consults. In creating this training, I was talking to my 2K community about all the ways that their clients have come up with money to pay for coaching.

And the list was pretty incredible and so creative. It really inspired me. But some of the coaches in the community were talking about how just the idea of this topic, of people coming up with money and the ways they came up with this money were very uncomfortable for them. And some of them were saying they wouldn’t want a client to ever put their coaching on a credit card or they wouldn’t want a client to cash in some or all of their IRA or they wouldn’t want them to sell stuff or they wouldn’t want them to not take a vacation, that they would just accept their no.

And first, I just want to say – and we’re going to actually dive into this deeper in the training I created. But this resourcefulness from the client to come up with all the ways – literally hundreds of ways, it was so awesome – that the clients came up with the money for these coaches didn’t come necessarily after they said no and then they were convinced into a yes and then coached into finding the money.

This was an assumption that some of the coaches had is that this came, they said no, and then were kind of coerced into coming up with the money. These were clients who wanted to be a yes. They were a yes. And they were willing to look deeper than the money they had readily on hand to get coaching for themselves. I think this is sometimes a misconception that if someone is resourceful, it is because they were manipulated and convinced or that someone shouldn’t need to be resourceful, they shouldn’t do things that require their resourcefulness.

And that’s just simply not true. The more we can actually push ourselves to resourcefulness, the more resourceful we will be, the more resources we will create.

So, I wanted to tell you this quick story and I’ve probably told this story before on the podcast. But I signed up for the Life Coach School. That’s where I got certified. I remember finding my coach Brooke and her podcast, The Life Coach School Podcast, I remember finding that at like episode 11. And I just fell in love.

I had just been introduced to life coaching and so I was really open to the idea and this felt like – everything she said just made so much sense. I started helping myself so much through her podcast and started changing my life just with 11 episodes.

So, I don’t remember at what point she offered coach training, but I remember the first time that she mentioned it on the podcast. I was like, “I’m signing up. This is happening. Me and my best friend at the same time.”

And it was when she was still early enough in her business that’s he was doing the second sales call. So, we had our first sales call with Miss Jody Moore. And then I had my second call with Brooke. And I remember being in a Walmart parking lot in, like, Arkansas or Missouri, somewhere. And I remember leaving.

Actually, I remember, it was Arkansas. I remember exactly where I was. I remember leaving the store, going out to the parking lot, having this conversation. I’m in my little sales apron and I just finished a show, so I leave and I go in the parking lot and I’m talking to Brooke Castillo on the phone about going for life coach certification.

And it was $6000 at the time. It’s not anymore. It was a lot of money for me at the time. Like, I remember thinking, “I have no idea how I’ll come up with $6000.”

I was talking to her. I think I even told her I had no idea how I was going to come up with the money, but I have to do this. I’m going to figure it out. And I remember her saying, not in a way of trying to get me to commit, but more of like, “Oh, let’s see what she means by that. How are you going to come up with the money?” I think she may have said that, in a way of just testing how serious I was and if I wasn’t going to just say that and then not have the money to pay, because at the time she was only allowing 25 people to come into training at a time.

So, I’m sure she was just wanting to make sure I wasn’t going to take someone’s spot and then not deliver. And I was like, “Oh, listen, I’m going to work extra hours. I will do whatever it takes. I 100% do not care, I will be there. I’m going to figure it out. I’ll make more money in the current hours I’m working, but I will do it. I’ll be there.”

And I’m so glad that’s he didn’t be like, “Oh, but are you going to have to take out debt? I don’t know, like, I don’t want you to have to work more hours. I don’t think you should do that. It sounds like you don’t really have the money…”

I’m so glad that she just said, “Okay, sounds great. Excited to see you.” She trusted in my resourcefulness. And I am forever grateful for that moment. I talk about it all the time. I’m so glad she didn’t pity me when I told her I was selling slicers in Walmart and that I didn’t have money. I’m glad that’s he didn’t believe I couldn’t have better results and create more for myself. I’m so glad that she didn’t feel sorry for me or get lost in my story, like there’s no way she could afford my coaching.

I’m so glad she just didn’t have any thoughts about it. She doesn’t bring anything to the table. She didn’t tell me that I should come up with the money. She didn’t convince me how important coach training was. That might have turned me off because it might have seemed salesy. She didn’t do any of that.

She just left me up to my own devices to be super-resourceful and believe that I was capable of doing that. And it got me thinking, as I was creating this training, that this does come up for a lot of coaches, especially now the coaching industry, which I think used to be seen as this more woo thing, now is really calling in doctors and lawyers and psychiatrists and corporate CEOs, like people who have money.

And maybe, who have always had money and maybe that is because of always making good money decisions, not maybe because you were born into wealth. Like, my fiancé never had a lot of money and wasn’t born into wealth, but he’s always been smart with money so he’s always had money, right?

So, what I’m seeing is that if you’ve never ever had this rock bottom financial crisis, or even just never had the experience of no money, not having money, never had the opportunity to question the experience to go through it, you may not understand it.

And listen, I used the word opportunity just now very consciously. So, some of you have just never had a circumstance that allowed you to have to do that work, to transcend material poverty and gain emotional wealth. So, because you haven’t had that experience, some of you are allowing your clients to stay in emotional poverty to protect their material wealth.

I just want you to know, be aware that you may be doing this. You may be allowing your clients to stay in emotional poverty to protect their material wealth. This I not how you will see it. You will see it as a very responsible thing you’re doing. You’re being very responsible protecting their material wealth.

But you need to know that it comes sometimes at the expense of their emotional health, their emotional wealth. And this is a pretty human condition, our desire to believe that material wealth is responsible, our desire to hang onto it, to protect it, to be attached to it.

Since money was introduced into the world, our relationship with it has grown more and more codependent. I really recommend reading The Soul of Money. I’ve talked about it before on the podcast. It is so powerful on this subject. Lynne Twist is the author.

So, there is material wealth, lots of money, lots of things. And then there is material poverty, less things, less money, maybe no money. And then, completely separately and not at all at the effect of the material is emotional wealth and emotional poverty, someone who is considerably unhappy and has lots of net-negative experiences in their life and that negative result coming from a mismanaged or unmanaged mind and lack of knowledge and understanding and experience with emotions would be experiencing emotional poverty. They may have one or all of those things.

They might be having a negative experience in their life, meaning they are feeling negative in their life all of the time. They may have negative results that come with that. And I would say 100% of the time, if they are having a negative experience, a negative-feeling experience in their life, they are 100% creating negative results. You have to do the work to figure out what those are in that relationship and in that conversation on a consult.

And that may not be – like, whatever their negative results are may not be something you consider negative. It may be what is negative to them, what is the experience of their life, how does it feel for them and what are the negative results that they are creating to them in their belief, in their life, because they don’t have tools for emotional management? They don’t know how to create emotional wealth, emotional freedom.

And I would say, now more than ever, we have more people in this world experiencing emotional poverty than ever before, regardless of their material, their physical circumstance. I’m talking about there are people in severe physical and material poverty that are experiencing severe emotional poverty. And there are people with massive wealth, material physical wealth that are experiencing emotional poverty at levels we have not seen before.

I think that’s the true epidemic in our world right now. We have a lot of pain, emotional suffering happening in the world, which is also why coaching is one of the fastest growing industries right now in a medical pandemic, according to LinkedIn. And all the results that I’ve seen with my coaches I’ve worked with and Life Coach School enrollment is the highest enrolment it’s ever been.

People are experiencing this. And this is way before the medical pandemic. I think the rise of social media has created a lot of emotional suffering in the world, a lot of the ways that our society has evolved. There’s been a lot of positives, but with every positive, there’s a negative.

So now, we have this emotional poverty and suffering that is happening all over the world. But you know what, every negative also creates a positive. So now, we have life coaches out there to help people.

But as coaches, it’s really important to understand the difference and the importance of emotional wealth over material wealth. And they aren’t either or. I don’t believe that for a second, just to be clear. You’re not choosing one over the other.

But if you were a coach who has issues with their clients’ money situations, who has thoughts about it at all, you need to dive into this. You have to know what causes happiness and what does not. Because our job as a coach is to help our clients move towards things that will create a net positive experience of their life.

That doesn’t mean our job is to create a net positive wealth experience, material experience of their life. So, just notice, if you’re thinking that subtly, subconsciously, not actively at all, but where you’re tying the life experience with the material experience of life and you’re considering a positive material experience as the result that people should be aiming for, or that a negative material experience is what people should not be aiming for. You really have to be clear about this.

The things that don’t bring you happiness or a net positive experience, you’ve got to know what actually does bring you happiness and what doesn’t. The things that don’t, money is the first one. It really is, I promise. I want you to test this. You don’t even have to just take it for my word. I want you to test it.

Other things that do not create a positive experience in our life, other people’s opinions, status, success, achievement, material things of any kind, vacations, Christmas presents. That’s not relevant right now. We’re after Christmas at the time of recording. But it may be in the future, when you listen to this in the future.

Now, listen, I’ll be the first to say, money can buy a lot of circumstances that can make life easier and maybe make you happy. But only temporarily because your thoughts about whatever you’re buying feel good. You can buy a nice house and feel good and have this bump in self-concept, but only for a little while. Then you’re going to be sitting with the same brain that was creating the emotional poverty in your fancy house.

So, you’ll be in your fancy house suffering. I have actually coached people who are like, “Well, I want to put money down on a house.” And I coach them on what’s more important. Do you want to be the way you feel now in that house? Or would you rather feel the way you want to feel not in that house?

Like, if you had to make that decision, which would you choose Some just don’t realize that they’re making that choice. They think buying the house will be the thing that makes them happier permanently. They imagine being in a bigger house with more space for their family and that that will magically make all of their marriage issues be better and that their children will be happier and healthier and do better, and the whole family will just be like this happy little loving family because of this house. They really believe that.

It’s our job to just tease that out and let them know that unless something changes in their emotional world, they will be in that house feeling the same. They might feel better for a little bit. But it will be temporary. It’s just our job to show them that.

What I’m talking about, what I believe coaching represents is permanent net positive change. It offers a permanent net positive experience because when you learn how to manage your mind and your emotions, you can feel however you want to feel and think however you want to think, no matter what circumstance you’re in.

So, for every circumstance that ever comes in your life, in the future of your life, you have the tools to decide to feel good, to create the experience you want to create. You now have power over your life, no matter the circumstance, for every circumstance. For the fancy house or the not so fancy house, or the apartment. You get to decide. That power, that choice is what creates a permanent more positive experience because you have more ownership over your life.

And listen. I’ve created $11 million over the last six years, most of it in the last two. And I know for a fact that the only thing that has created a positive experience permanently in my life forever, lasting permanent change has been learning how to deal with emotions and manage my mind. That’s it.

Private flying, fancy house, perfect furniture, amazing clothes, killer vacations, none of that will create lasting change and happiness and has not. I’ve also been able to be incredibly unhappy with all of the fancy things. So, the only denominator is what’s happening in your mind and in your body. That is the only thing that determines someone’s happiness and their overall experience and quality of life. It’s so important to know this.

Here are some things that cannot detract from your net positive experience, the quality of your life; debt. I know you guys want to argue with me, but it’s true. Negative bank accounts, working more, working a second job, working a third job, interest rates, lack of material things, having to sell material things, other people’s opinions of you, success, status, other people’s happiness. This one is very interesting. We’re going to talk about this more later on. But I will say that I really genuinely see a lot of women have been socialized and conditioned to choose other people’s happiness over their own as a way of creating their happiness.

So, if my husband and my kids are happy, then I will be happy. If my mother’s happy, I will be happy. If my friends are happy, I will be happy. If everyone around me is happy, if the PTA is happy, if all of the people, my boss is happy, my coworkers are happy then I will be happy. And it’s this endless putting of ourselves last in an effort to create a positive life experience for ourselves. It never works. It’s impossible.

But it’s hard to know this, especially with the debt and the negative bank accounts, working more jobs, high interest rates, lack of material things or lack of what you consider are basic things. Like, if someone’s like, “But I’m saving for a house and I live in an apartment right now,” you’re like, oh, a house, that’s very important to have. Unless you live in Manhattan, then you’re like, what? Kara’s always like, “You talk about your 600 square foot apartment and I’m like, you are rich.” Because that is rich in Manhattan, so everyone that’s not in Manhattan maybe, or Chicago, the major cities.

If you’ve never had these experiences of these circumstances, you’ve never been in debt and you never had the negative bank accounts and you’ve never had the option to have a net positive experience during this, to be happy in your emotional world, or even just not know that there is better things out there.

There was a time in my life I was very happy. I wouldn’t have even known I was missing out on anything. I had things in my life. They were all circumstances. And I was happy with them. I was happy with the things in my life. I was happy with the apartment. I was happy with the $600 in my checking account. That felt like a lot of money. I was happy buying the groceries I was buying. I was happy with the things I had in my life, with the money I was making.

That’s okay too. You cannot have a lot of material things and not have a lot a money and be happy and not even know that you shouldn’t be happy. That’s what I’m talking about is you may have never had these circumstances to know what it’s like to be happy and not want more, or to want more and still have a positive experience with the things that you currently have. Or you’ve had the experience but you still have resistance around that experience and you never want to go back.

You didn’t create a positive experience for yourself within that situation and that circumstance. You resisted it the whole time and then maybe you created wealth from resistance and then never wanted to go back. And so, when you look back at your poverty, you’re like, “Oh it was horrible, it was terrible, I’m never going back.” But just know that even that is a skewed experience. It’s delegating happiness to the things. It’s thinking the debt caused your feelings, the negative bank account caused your feelings, the working a second job, the interest rate, the lack of material things caused your feelings. But it didn’t.

I think this is what my superpower is in teaching coaches how to sell coaching to anyone. Because I’m not living under the false pretense that material wealth or money can create our happiness. I have lived the opposite. I have been poor. And when I mean poor, I mean really poor, y’all. I’ve talked about it before, but borrow the remaining $6 on your best friend’s food stamp card just to get by for the week and buy a couple of groceries poor.

$6, you’re like, “$6, how do I make a week’s worth of food work on a food stamp card that isn’t mine?” Driving around with a bungy cord holding the hood of your car together poor. Bills come in and you just throw them away poor. Living in Super-8 Motels poor. Eating the vegetables you slice up in the demo because you don’t have money for food poor.

I’ve been there, really poor. I’ve stared at the negative bank account. I’ve done the hustle with the bank to extend my money game. I figured out I could do a withdrawal of cashback at the grocery store and take more money out than I had in my account and overdraft it myself, but to get by. I would overdraft it by $600 and take that cash and live off of it until I could come up with it. I’ve done the hustle, y’all.

Those of you who have done the hustle with me, you know what I mean. And those of you who don’t are like, “What is happening.” I’ve experienced it. And I have been happy being poor. Y’all got to back and listen to Thoughts About Poor People. You think people shouldn’t be poor. They shouldn’t be in the situations they’re in. People shouldn’t have debt. It’s bad. People shouldn’t have high interest rates. They should have all the money to pay for all the things. They should be easily able to pay for coaching. They shouldn’t not be able to pay for coaching.

You have all these thoughts that if they’re poor they have to be unhappy. If they have lack of money, it must mean that they will be unhappy, it must be a terrible situation, a negative situation.

But I had coaching. I had agency over my brain and my emotions. I had freedom, which was so much more valuable to me than the things. And I’ve also been financially and emotionally bankrupt. I’ve been in debt in a terrible emotionally and physically abusive relationship with no idea what my future held, where it was going, and no tools to help me find emotional wellbeing, emotional freedom, emotional wealth, no tools to manage my emotional world while I was in physical poverty.

I have been lost, full of trauma, full of anger, victim mentality, thinking the whole world is wrong and I’ve been wronged and I’m a victim to everyone and everything and life is not set up for someone like me to succeed and the universe and god hates me. Like, I’ve been there. I feel like it’s a sermon now, like we’re here preaching.

And when I was there, I will tell you, then I would have given every single thing I did have to get out. And I did. I gave more than I had. I borrowed money. I sold furniture. I sold clothes. I bought money with really high interest rates. That’s what debt is, buying money. And I was willing to do it with the highest possible interest rate.

I cashed in my IRA. I had like $6000 in an IRA, and you take such a big penalty that the penalty was like $1200, so I paid $1200 to get $5000, but that $5000 helped me pay for coach training. And I was willing to pay at that rate.

Listen, y’all, I was willing to pay at that rate to change my life. I worked longer hours. I would drive 10 hours to work a store that became available so I could make some extra cash. They’d be like, “Well, if you want to work this week, we have this store, it’s 10 hours away.” Or, they’d be like, “Listen, you can work this store close to your house. It’s a mediocre store, an average performing store. Or we can put you in this store all the way in Appleton Wisconsin 12 hours way, 13 hours way, I don’t know, far, and you can make a lot more money.” I’d be like, “Put me in there. I’ll drive. Leaving today.”

I did it all to create emotional freedom. And I want to say this. It’s so important for you all to hear it. So, everybody stop and hear me. I did it all before I even knew I wanted to have a coaching business. Did y’all hear that? I knew that I could be happy living in a box if I had coaching tools, if I were willing to feel any emotion, if I knew how to feel emotions, how to recognize my thoughts, how to choose my thoughts, how to decide to think about myself and feel about myself and how to forgive myself and others and how to take responsibility and how to intentionally decide what I wanted and work to create it, how to be happy regardless of any circumstance that came my way.

This is emotional wealth and I really want you to check in and see what you’re giving higher importance, truly. I was willing to give emotional wealth higher importance even before I knew I wanted to become a coach and knew there would be any sort of financial return.

I Just knew it was more important in my life. I knew that for me I needed it that bad. So, your clients may be willing to do that too. They’re going to be less willing or less open if you’re not even considering it an option for them, if you don’t have that thought process, you won’t even be able to meet them on their level.

I want you to think about this. there are four experiences we can have in our lives. We can have emotional poverty and material poverty, or physical poverty, or you could say circumstantial poverty. So, we could be really unhappy and have circumstantial poverty. We can have emotional wealth and we can have material poverty. So, we can be happy but not have materialistic circumstantial money results.

We can have emotional poverty and material wealth. Rich people can be unhappy too. We can help them as life coaches too. That’s okay. They deserve to be happy too. And we can have emotional wealth and we can have material wealth. What? I feel so strongly in my mission to help women coaches gain emotional and material wealth. You can have both.

Men, I love you too and we do have a lot of men in 2K, which is so fun. We love you. Come, all of the men. I need to do a podcast with the men of 2K. But for women, I do believe the bar was set much lower for us. We are socialized to not earn as much and create as much material wealth and to quietly and privately hide and shove down our emotional poverty to be ladylike and to put other people above our emotional wealth.

So, I feel really strongly in helping people create both. I want you to consider what you believe about the possibility of creating emotional wealth and material wealth, and what you believe if you had to choose for no which is the most responsible choice. Is it more responsible to choose material wealth over emotional wealth? Why do you think that?

I want you to consider that you could be wrong, that believing this could be a disservice to your client and to yourself, and be willing to at least explore this idea of emotional wealth over material wealth. Even if you are a financial coach, your clients, meaning the world, all humans in the world, have been taught that material wealth is what creates a net positive experience.

Look at advertising. All advertising is, “Buy this physical thing and you will become happy. Become rich and you will be happy. Rich and famous equals happy. Your clients will all come with this thought error. They’ve probably spent their entire lives trying to create happiness with this thought error and it hasn’t worked.

It’s the most important thing. You guys can all sit there and think about all the ways you try to create material wealth or material things, create happiness through material wealth or through material things, and it hasn’t worked.

So, your clients will come with this thought error, some of them. Some of them will come knowing this is not true and are willing to sacrifice their material result for an emotional one. Let them.

But some of them may come to you and tell you, “Well, we’re planning a trip to Disneyland and we just can’t afford the added expense.” And you’ll want to agree and think, “Well, this will be a memory with their kids that they will have forever and that is more important.”

You’ll associate their children’s happiness with a trip to Disneyland or Disneyworld. I always went to Orlando, so Disneyworld. But my parents took me to Disneyworld four times. You know what? They still got divorced. I still had a traumatic childhood of being the go-between of two parents who couldn’t be in the same room together, who would always let me know how horrible the other one was.

I still had parents who couldn’t deal with their own emotions, so never mind the emotions of a child going through all of that. And I don’t blame them. They didn’t have the tools. But I would have rather them had the tools than taken me to fucking Disneyworld. Y’all know what I’m saying?

Like, I would have preferred that. Looking back, I would have much preferred my parents spend money on a coach and their emotional world than Disneyworld. If their priorities are attached to material wealth, if your clients are attached to material wealth, you need to be willing to fight for them.

Not judge them. I’m not talking about judge them and tell them they’re wrong. We don’t know that they’re wrong. But you need to be able to have a conversation about it. I would. Depending on the client. There are two types of clients. Client A, who doesn’t want to coach with you and isn’t really committed, just thought it might be a fun or a good idea, going to Disney instead of coaching and the whole conversation was surface-level and you’re like, cool. Have so much fun. Or, he was like, “Listen, I’m just not willing to do that, I want to spend money on this.” Great.

Then there’s client B who is in massive distress, binge eating, dying slowly in her emotions by herself, silently suffering, who says, “Well, I really want to, but the family vacation is coming up, I just can’t do this right now.” And the sub-context is again, I can’t do this for me right now.

And I’m going to shake her and I’m going to go to war for her. For her emotional freedom, not my material wealth and my material goals; her emotional freedom. And I’m not going to hold back out of my discomfort around someone having lack of a vacation or debt or any other material worldly thing or out of my own thought error that material and physical is more responsible or important and has a bigger impact on someone’s life experience than the emotional component.

Now, a lot of you right now think this sounds very lovely if you are helping people create more money or with something that will give a financial or material return. But this is true for all coaching, general life coaching, dating coaching, weight coaching, confidence coaching, whatever coaching you sell. You have no idea what having emotional management will do for your client and how it will ripple truly. You can’t even be fully understanding and aware of the ripple it will have in their life. You couldn’t possibly understand or know ahead of time that full effect that it will have on their future.

And really, it’s none of your business. I would stay out of thinking it’s going to have a negative effect. If you want to go all the way to the positive, get really creative and really think about it, all the ways it could positively affect them.

But actually, let’s first go there. Let’s say that they never get a financial return and they add 10K of debt to the 12K they already have. So, now they have $22,000 of debt and they work with you on something with a non-financial return. You have to be careful that you don’t decide that that $22,000 debt, that circumstance is worse than the result of an unfulfilling life. It’s worse than a person not having emotional tools to help them through life.

$22,000 of debt is neutral. Everyone has a different thought about it. What I am interested in is what is the experience of their life. I would go $22,000 in debt and so would many people in order to create a lasting net positive experience for my entire life moving forward.

I’d also work to pay that debt off, just like we work to pay houses off. 30 years of debt with a house. The house will never bring your client the level of happiness that coaching can provide, especially if you’re not just coaching them but you’re teaching them how not to need you and how to apply what you teach in their life on their own. They’re investing in life wisdom.

And that’s assuming the worst, that they will have to work harder while happier, with more tools to help them every day with their mind and emotions. I was willing to do that. You’ve just got to stay out of making that decision for people. And if you’re going to fight for a decision, fight for the one that will leave them with the higher net positive experience, knowing that only comes from our thoughts and our feelings, not our circumstance of money.

Now, some of you might think, “But they might not get results and learn and grow, and then I just took their money and I did create a net negative experience because now they don’t have the money and they don’t have the emotional happiness. They don’t have the emotional tools. They didn’t get it. And that’s where you get to work on your belief in what you have to offer, in the value of your specific coaching, yourself as a coach. And in your client’s capability.

Accepting their noes and the reasons why they can’t doesn’t make you have to work hard on these things. It’s much easier. You can get away with not really diving deep into what you’re offering, your process, your coaching.

Now, the other thing that you can do is refund them. You don’t love your experience working with me and think it totally changed your life, I will refund you. Then you never have to worry about it again. You just have to coach yourself on sufficiency and being willing to always refund that money, and maybe the thought that people wouldn’t abuse it.

Again, you can do the work on your beliefs, or you can let them go with an easy no as an excuse and send them back with the same net negative life experience they came to you wanting to get out of. So, I wanted to cover if they don’t get any financial return ever first. I wanted to go to that worst case. And even if they didn’t get the financial return and the emotional return. We’ve covered both of those.

But now, I want you to consider how many ways money can come to a client once their life experience dramatically changes after working with you. Checks showing up in the main, promotions, managing money better because they manage their mind better. Just the money they already have. If your mind is unmanaged, I guarantee your money is too.

One client recently posted in 2K that she was driving hours back and forth to work and working like, I don’t even know, 60 to 80 hours per week, it was something insane, and had no time for her coaching business and was exhausted. And then, she just decided to go in and sell her boss – she’s in 2K – sell her boss on why she should get a promotion on her value to the team.

And she left the meeting making more money working from home, so no longer commuting at all, she gained, I don’t even know, 12 hours a week or something insane with her driving. Maybe it was more than that, 24 hours. I wish I had the story. I tried to find it. I couldn’t find it for you all. But working from home, managing a team.

And no, she has more money and more time for her business. What? So, there’s that, just people being more courageous to ask for more in their life, just because they suddenly realize there’s an option, because they gain the confidence to do it, because they learn how to be okay to ask for things, even if they don’t get them.

But then, what about every person – I want you to think about this – who gets deeply changed through coaching. Because you know what happens. A lot of them decide, once they are deeply permanently changed, that they want to pass that gift along to other people. That was my story.

I hired a life coach and I remember my best friend saying she wanted to become a life coach and I was like, “Oh, I am not interested in that. I don’t want to have a business at all. I just want help.” And I was willing to do all of those things, sell my furniture. All of that was before I became a coach. That was just in me getting my own coaching. I just want help.

And them, after a year of getting help, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else with the rest of my life. You help someone deeply on say weight loss, and they grow confidence in their entire life. Their kids see their change. They see them making an effort and now their kids have more respect for them and their relationship is better. They listen more. They have more vulnerable conversations.

And then, they have more confidence and their sex life gets better. And then they start showing up more fully in their life every day, just more fully to everyone, to everyone, to everything. They may want to become a coach like you, and now you even changed their entire life and now they have new wealth possibilities.

Listen, your job is not to interfere with them getting emotional wealth with your attachments and thoughts about material wealth. Don’t let those get in the way. Now, some of you might be in this boat and thinking, “how do I have the conversation without being pushy and I don’t know what’s best for them. I just don’t know how to handle it.”

Listen, I want to tell you this, if you haven’t done this work yet and you’re the person who believes, like, “I’m a financial coach and I don’t believe in debt and I teach my clients not to have debt, so how can I have them have debt in order to work with me?”

Trying to figure our objections and deal with someone who either is a no because they’re attaching material wealth to happiness, or they’re telling you they’re going to have to figure the money out and put it on a credit card, trying to figure that out with your own material attachment is trying to solve a problem with the mind that created it.

I’ve already given you some examples of how I would handle that. But we’re not going to dive anymore into it because you can’t understand it until you do your work on your thoughts and feelings first, your attachment to worldly things, what you are making that mean, the responsibility you’re assigning that, to happiness. You’ve got to work on that.

And I just want to tell you, this won’t mean that you’ll make reckless decisions for you or your clients if you do this work. It’s not all or nothing. What it does mean is that you learn how to make emotional wealth your main priority, you filter your decision-making, you have freedom from fear of material poverty, which means you’re no longer resisting it and having attachment to it and coming from lack and scarcity when you coach and when you sell. And now, you make better decisions. You coach better. Your better decisions create more value, which creates more money. Just because you put emotional wealth first does not mean you’re depleted of energy now or have no time or you’ve completely lost desire to create financial wealth.

No, it actually means you have more time, more motivation, more inspiration, more desire. Law of attraction, it teaches us like attracts like. When you are emotionally wealthy and you have that as your highest priority, when you make decisions with that in mind first, when you are vibrating at the highest level, you will attract more things to you at that level, including money, if we want to get woo about it. You step into the vibration of more money, of more material wealth.

Now, if you want to get more technical, more logical, if you look at the model, just the statement that your thoughts create our feelings and your feelings are what drive your action and then your action creates your results, the model where you believe emotional management is the highest priority for having a better life experience, think about it.

You as a coach, you are a walking billboard for life coaching, when you believe that and you make that your highest priority. You are an example of what is possible, to have emotional wealth, to have emotional freedom. You’re living in that breakthrough. You’re a shining example of life coaching. People will flock to you when you are the full embodiment of a life coach in your mind, in your feelings, in your actions, in your results.

You will be a product of your product. You will make so much more money being a product of your product. When your client is in a model of emotional management first, what else are they going to create in their life with all that energy? Write a book? Launch a business? Get a promotion? Spend more quality time actually present and engaged with their kids? Have more romance in their life? Be more spontaneous? Spend less? Invest more?

The results that come from emotional freedom are endless. It’s our job to know that going into a consult and going into a conversation about money. That is all. I want you to be willing to consider that, that the most responsible thing you could ever do is invest in your emotional wealth and let other people do the same.

Hey, if you are ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2K for 2K program where you’re going to make your first $2000, the hardest part, and then $200,000 using my proven formula. It’s risk-free. You either make your 2K or I give you your 2K back. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.