When someone starts poking around your brain, it can trigger resistance, defensiveness, anger, and it can bring up a real lack of safety in our minds. However, when you can embrace coaching and be coachable, that’s where the real growth happens. So, it’s time to talk about the art of training your brain so you can make the most out of any coaching you receive.
Tune in this week to discover how to increase your coachability. I’m sharing why this is so difficult for even well-seasoned coaches to wrap their minds around, and I’m giving you some incredibly simple but practical tips for how to make yourself more coachable so you’re not leaving any potential on the table.
Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.
Hey, coaches, welcome to episode 174. Today we’re going to talk about increasing your coachability. And I’m very excited about this episode. But first I realized I haven’t given you a personal update in a long time. Some of you all care about that stuff. Some of you have been asking how the pregnancy is going. And let me just tell you, not well. No, it has been lovely, an amazing experience, just an eye opening lifechanging experience in my life. And I’m so excited for my little boy, so excited to meet him but life is 50/50.
I have been sick the entire pregnancy. I will say the universe had my back. January was our biggest month this year by far of anything we have planned up until after my maternity leave is over. It was the biggest month. We came out guns blazing. I talked about that a little bit on the $10 million podcast. But we did an incredible amount of value. Offer Week, which was five days of live coaching with me on offers, going straight. Basically, there is a one week break to go into Making Offers Bootcamp for six weeks straight.
And then we had the 200K live event, it’s the start of our mastermind. We did a behind the scenes experience with the 200K live event. Then we opened a once in a lifetime one time pre-enrolment for 200K at that live event for five days and let people join for the August class early and have six months access to the member portal and to all of the process so that they could start making money now and get on their way to making 200K before we even get in the room. And so, January was insane.
And I tell you this to say I feel the universe had my back and my body let me not be deathly ill for a six week period during all of that. I still was really having a hard time eating, and things not sounding good. And I was very tired for some of it, the live event wore me out in a way that has never worn me out. The coaching wore me out. I did Two Million Dollar Group, that wore me out.
And it’s so fascinating, I’ve been talking to some of my other friends. I have several friends, three at least that I can think of right this second that are pregnant right now, not including some of my clients that are also pregnant. And so, I’ve just been talking to them about how pregnancy, the one thing that’s so crazy to me is how fast my mind wants to go and how hard it wants to work. And my body just can’t keep up and it’s so strange to me. I have a hard time anticipating and remembering that I may not have the same energy that I had once before.
I’m so used to having the same level of energy that my brain is like, what’s happening right now? Or I catch myself in situations where I’m like, why did I schedule that? Why did I do this? I scheduled myself, I’m going to mastermind, and I’m committed to going to mastermind at 35 weeks pregnant. We’ll see if I make it there. But I have talked to my doctors. I can still travel up until 36. I do not miss The Life Coach School’s yearly mastermind. We haven’t done it in two years. It means so much to me. I’m speaking on stage.
And so, I’m going, and then I scheduled, we’re doing our Million Dollar Group meeting with my colleagues two days after this. We have to be there for sound check and then it’s, I think, a two day event. So, three days for mastermind. And then I think there is one day break and then I’m meeting with my Million Dollar Mentoring. And I have one day break and then I’m meeting with my Two Million Dollar Group. And I was thinking just yesterday, that’s some bullshit I used to do. Pregnancy Stacey, I’m going to have to rethink this.
I might have to do my Million Dollar meeting virtual so that I can come home right after mastermind and have a day in my bed before Two Million Dollar Group. What was I thinking? Anyways, so that’s really fascinating. But I had the six week period where I felt like I was getting back to my normal. And then all of my food aversions came back, all of my nausea came back, extreme fatigue came back, just want to lay in bed. What is happening? It’s relentless. And followed by those of you who have pregnant are going to know what I mean.
Pure lava stomach, like lava actually in my stomach and then everything I swallow is just like burns, like acid going all the way down into my lava stomach. It’s like my stomach has become the deepest depths of hell. This is where I’m living. So, I’m trying to cherish, I have three months left, I’m just this Saturday as I’m recording this I will be in my third trimester. As you guys hear this I’ll be almost getting ready to give birth. We’re recording way ahead of time to prepare for my maternity leave and work a little bit ahead.
But I’m trying to enjoy my last three months. I read a poem where this is the only time where it’s just you and your baby. And he’s kicking me right now as I’m doing this podcast. But I’m trying to enjoy that time and be present with it. But it’s laced with get out, get out of my body. I want it back. I want my body back. My friend, Lindsay Dotzlaf was explaining to me, the first meal she had after one of her babies. It was Steak n Shake burger, double fries, cheese sauce, shake. And I was like, “Yes, talk dirty to me. Tell me more.”
I’m like, “I don’t want that right now, but I can imagine as soon as I give birth.” She’s like, “You feel better instantly.” I’m going to bring all the food, I can’t wait to be able to eat and not feel like death after I eat. And then not have to mind over matter food going down my stomach in the first place because nothing sounds good. So, it’s been a very interesting 50/50. I have to spend a lot of focused mental energy being excited and thinking about baby, and thinking about connecting with baby, and thinking about baby coming, and planning, and doing nursery decorating, and registering, and buying things.
And just imagining him tangibly being here so that I can really allow the other things that are coming with it. So that’s what I’m doing. We’re about three months away. And to wrap it up we have some exciting few weeks coming up. I’m about to take my first ,second babymoon. We did a mini one in New York. And now we’re going to Turks and Caicos for seven days to Amanyara. What? Oh my God, I almost cried. I got so excited thinking about it. I need sun. It’s winter in Kentucky, I need sun.
And then we’re also doing another mini one in Palm Beach. I’m meeting with my team and we’re doing a three day training event for my team and some new people we’re hiring. But Neil and I are going to stay on the tail end of that and do some babymooning in Palm Beach too. And then a week later we’re going to Austin and Austin will be my last trip for The Life Coach School Mastermind and then I’m home. And then it’s delivery time, it’s like let’s go.
So that’s what’s happening with me. That’s some baby updates. But by the time you hear this it will be April. And I will be very close to having baby B, baby Boehman. We’re very excited. So that is an update on what’s happening with me. And then I’ve been a little bit quiet. I’ve just been getting to work on the podcast. But that’s me.
Let’s talk about increasing your coachability. I have been wanting to make this podcast for at least a year. I had a first draft of it that I made a year ago. And I actually created for 2K for 2K, a booklet, you can actually, it’s a PDF booklet inside 2K for 2K that you can get in the member portal on how to be coachable. And how to make the best use out of coaching. I think a lot of people genuinely just don’t know what coaching is or how to receive it in the highest way, most useful way possible. And I do think being coachable really goes against every single thing your brain has taught you to do.
Because remember, your brain, its job for the most part is to protect you, to keep you the same, to keep you thinking the same things, feeling the same emotions, and doing the same things so that it can conserve energy. To pay attention to all the things that might kill you, or harm you and your survival. And that is what it’s focused on. So, if some coach comes in and starts poking around in there, there are a lot of things that can happen. And I want to just give you a couple of examples. It’s not really what we’re going to deeply dive in today.
I’m going to give you some, just some simple practical things. But I just want you to understand why it’s a thing, why you want to think about your coachability is that when someone gets around poking in there what can happen is it can trigger resistance, defensiveness, anger. It can trigger literally fight or flight in you. It can really bring up unsafety, the feeling of not being safe. It doesn’t actually make you unsafe, but you feel unsafe. It triggers something inside of you where your brain is like, this is not safe.
And what can happen is we can take that experience and that feeling of, you coached me and all of a sudden I feel unsafe. Or all of a sudden I feel really angry, or I feel hurt, or I feel, you know, I have this negative reaction happening inside of me. The experiences basically boils down to, I do not like this. I want out. And I think a lot of times we think that that means the coaching has been bad or wrong, or is not good, or is not coming from a loving place. And it signals us to get the hell out of there. I almost said a different word, you all have heard me say it before.
But our brain is like, get out now, something has gone wrong. And so, I think that studying the art of being coachable and increasing your coachability is literally learning how to take all of your brain’s alarm systems that feel so real in the moment, and so visceral, and your body’s physical reaction and retraining that. And creating safety for yourself. And creating openness to something for the sake of growth inside of yourself. So, it’s very, very important.
And I want to just tell you before I dive in that I was an extraordinarily resistant client my first probably two to three years of coaching. And then it got less and less as the years went on, but I mean I really think this is the year where I have spent the last year, my goal has been I want to increase my coachability and be as coachable as possible. Because I just don’t want to leave any value or potential growth on the table on my journey to 20 million. So, I’m opening myself wide up.
And so, I just want to offer, if you have these sort of aggressive extreme emotions, they feel aggressive, or extreme, or resistant to you in any way, just any sort of really negative. I’m explaining it to you the way that I feel it in my body. But this just alarm system going off of this is not okay. I just want you to know that that really, when I think about my first year of coaching, that is how it felt. And bless my first coach’s heart because that’s all I can say.
There would be times where she would say things like, “You cannot speak to me this way or I’m going to hang up the phone now. Or I think that if something doesn’t change this relationship is going to have to end.” I’m not exaggerating to you when I say that I had a very strong physical, mental, emotional reaction to being coached. I don’t even know. I’m not using the right words to describe it but to me it felt animal like. Like I am being pushed into a corner like a raccoon and I have to fight and claw my way out and it’s your fault.
Everything was very focused on this is, you’re doing this to me. Not this is happening inside of me but you’re doing this to me. And she really didn’t ever give up. And I will also say, if you have this experience what I have found is it takes a lot of vulnerability to keep coming back, first of all, a lot of courage and a lot of vulnerability to keep coming back. That’s what I recognized in myself. I look back and I’m like, damn.
You could have easily been mortified that your coach was like, “You cannot speak to me this way. I’m hanging up the phone. This must change or I’m going to end the relationship.” You could have been so mortified. You could have been angry at her permanently and then, well, eff you, I’m out anyways. You could have been defiant. But instead, I wanted it really bad. I think deep down inside I really wanted it.
And so, there were some little piece of me that was always fighting to sink into the vulnerability and to find the safety and to find what my coach was trying to say that would always trigger me into this animalistic, very defiant, and sometimes even I’m not saying that you all are but sometimes I was downright mean. I would say mean things, things that felt true to me like, “You’re just saying this because you want my money. You don’t really care about what’s happening with me, you care that you get your paycheck.” Shit like that, you all, I had a lot of extreme fears and reactions.
So, I’m not condoning them. I am saying if they’re happening, nothing has gone wrong. And I want to say, if you keep coming back, you’re extraordinarily brave, and courageous, and vulnerable. And just listen to the piece inside of you that is like, okay, but let’s keep going. And so, I would always, it would take me sometimes a couple of days. I would calm down. Sometimes I would apologize. Sometimes I would just message like, “Oh my God, I had the biggest breakthrough, here’s what happened.” And bless her heart she never said anything. She just let all the things go.
And so that’s really helped me by the way, be a coach for people like that. And to not have that be a big thing if you do have that reaction because I used to have it. So that was me, I just want to let you know, if you have those extreme reactions it’s completely – I don’t want to say it’s normal, but it is. It’s just a variation of normal when it comes to coaching. So having said that, the last year, I’m not going to be speaking from that space on coachability.
I’m going to be talking about it from a little bit higher level only because if you have been listening to this podcast for 174 episodes, I do think you are coachable. You have coachability if you are in 2K, if you’re in 200K, if you’re in Two Million Dollar Group. If you’re in any of those programs, if you’ve taken my trainings and you’ve applied them, you are coachable. If you’ve applied anything you’ve heard on this podcast you are coachable. So, let’s start there with the thought that you are coachable.
And what this episode is doing is increasing that coachability. So that’s where I’m going to start. And if you are feeling, I just highly doubt that you’ve made it 174 episodes and you’re not coachable. So, the problem is learning those basic things. But if it is, one of the great places to learn that is in 2K for 2K. We have ask a coaches that will always help you open up your coachability. And you can do that while applying the coaching to your business.
Every time you go and get coaching in ask a coach, or on the Facebook page, or on a live call, you’re increasing your ability to be coached every time you open yourself up to doing it. Every time you listen to a podcast episode, if you hire a coach, everything that you do, every coaching, every bit of coaching you expose to yourself to, you’re increasing your coachability. So, let’s just decide, everyone listening right now already has coachability, you’re coachable.
Regardless of any reactions you’ve had to coaching in the past, even if it’s one time, it doesn’t have to be consistent, it could be whatever it is, you are coachable. So having said that we’re going to talk about increasing that coachability. And the first thing that you need to know when increasing your coachability is that coachability isn’t about the coach. So, it’s not that there are some coaches that are better at coaching you than other coaches. That there are some coaches that are more skilled, this is what I have learned on my journey this last year.
It’s not that there are some coaches who are better skilled. Coachability is about you, your thoughts first of all about the coach coaching you is part of it. But then the other part of it is your ability to make use of any and all coaching, or any and all value that is given to you in order to create value for yourself. So that’s the definition I really want you to work with is coachability is your ability to make use of any and all coaching or value that you receive in order to create value then for yourself. So, it’s all on you.
Now, I’m going to walk you through that definition basically with my journey over the last year of the philosophy that I now have that makes me extraordinarily coachable, that increases my coachability to the highest. And allows me to get value in order to create value for myself from any coach on the planet, any type of coaching, any method. I’m there for it all. I’m just a value absorbing machine at this point.
So, here’s the first thing that I have discovered about that it has increased my coachability is that my mindset coach doesn’t need to earn more than me, have higher credentials than me or be more experienced than me. So, I’m going to give you guys a little exception or caveat here on I do feel really strongly if I’m learning a process or a strategy. And being offered a specific outcome that the coach who created the process that I am learning does need to have earned more than me, and be further along than me, and have the results that I want.
It doesn’t mean that all the coaching in that container has to be – I’m going to give you an example of that. It doesn’t have to be directly from that person. So, for example, I learned the process that I now teach that’s kind of flowed through me, and out of me in my own little flavorful way, that I teach my 200K students. I learned that the process that formed that process from my coach, Brooke. I learned how to make millions of dollars, that process of making millions of dollars through my coach, Brooke in a mastermind.
Yet any of the coaches that are part of that mastermind can coach me on that process. Because they’re just coaching, once you learn the process you’re just being coached on your mindset around the process. So hopefully that makes sense. But I do feel really strongly if you’re offering a weight outcome or a business outcome. And you’re saying, “This process is the process to guarantee this outcome.”
For me personally I want to be coached by someone who has actually lived and breathed that outcome and mastered that outcome. And the process I’m doing has been created from them having achieved the result. But I have a process to follow for my business. It’s the process I teach in 200K. And then I have a mindset/life coach, whatever you want to call them, who coaches me on my thoughts, and my decisions, and my results in my life and my business, just my emotional capacity, processing emotions. Things I think that we like to skip over as business coaches.
Or in the process of making more money we just want to get coaching on our business, and we tend to ignore the other things in our life once we’ve gotten to that place where we’re making money as coaches. So basically, I bring any and all things to my life coach, mindset coach, to my call, I bring all the things, whatever I want, and we coach on any of those things. So that coach, the coach who’s coaching me on my mind does not have to have, they don’t have to be a master coach. They don’t have to be more experienced. They could be a brand new coach and coach this brain.
I used to have a thought that you had to be mastery level to coach me. And I’ve hired some coaches this year that were coaches who weren’t even certified in the model, who don’t really coach with the model, which is the main tool. And we’re going to talk about that I think in a second. I think that’s on my list, when I look through here, that it doesn’t have to be the method that I particularly use. They can literally, coaches that use their own method, that have their own processes, that aren’t certified at all. Coaches who are certified with different places.
I have worked with I feel a more wide range of coaches this year and last year than ever before. And so, for me it’s not about their credentials, it’s not about their experience, it’s about their ability to show me, to mirror me my mind. And that has made it very useful. So, this first one is for those of you who may be like me, who are a little uppity, and think your story is, and this is where it comes from is my story is I’m difficult to coach. I’m very smart and I can take over. I’m very aggressive and I can take over the coaching and direct you instead of you directing me and not in a good way.
I can just be very forceful when I’m being coached, or very blunt, and in relationships too. We’re just putting it all on the table. Neil has been the first man that I’ve not been able to just walk all over. And the first guy that can kind of simmer me, handle me and not let me just direct the whole thing which is a good thing. Has the capacity to take my very strong personality.
So, I used to let that mean that other people can’t coach me and that it requires a certain level of skill, or that it requires, someone has to be making a lot more money than me to even coach me on anything in regards to my business. And I’ve said this before just a second ago but one of the things that when my coach, Brooke, stepped out of our mastermind, one of the things, I realized how much I was hanging on her specific coaching being the highest most valuable and I’ve got to have it. Just from a very attached needy place.
And I was able to let that go and let my peers in, in a way that I had before but not at the same level. We’re talking about increasing your coachability. I’ve really been able to let them in, in a really powerful way. I learned my mentor’s ideas and her process, but I get the coaching from the container. Because we’re all observing and following the same process. So, I just stopped labeling anyone else’s coaching being more useful than the other. And I labeled the container very useful. And damn, have I gotten some extraordinarily useful coaching, mirroring of my brain.
And actually, I will say in my Million Dollar Mentoring, a lot of business strategy that has also been very useful from them as well. So really it’s just notice, the biggest thing that will increase your coachability is any manual or rules you have for who your coach needs to be, their credentials, their experience, their earning capacity. Again, I do think it’s fair to say if I’m going to learn a process and a specific strategy, and philosophy, if I’m going to learn that, I want to make sure, if I’m going to buy business coaching specifically that is a process.
Then I always love to know that I’m learning that process from someone who’s walked the walk that I’m going towards. But once I have that process anybody can coach me on it. Once I have my business set up, anybody can coach me on that. So that kind of leads into the second thought that I have that has really unlocked things for me and unlocked value for me is nothing’s off limits. We can go anywhere. We can explore anything. And I will deeply consider everything. Nothing’s off limits. We can go anywhere, explore anything. And I will deeply consider everything.
I worked with a health coach this year. And what’s so fascinating is that I have never done health coaching before and had lots of really un-useful thoughts about my body. And my body’s ability to take care of me. Not weight stuff but actual health stuff. Yet, in the beginning I noticed myself wanting to direct the coaching and think things or say things out loud like, “I don’t think that’s it. That’s not what I’m thinking. I don’t do that.” And I really had to humble myself to okay, my ego with coaching was a little high.
But you don’t know everything. You don’t know where to direct this conversation, even if it doesn’t feel right, let’s try this because this is the area where you’re not as aware. Alright, so for me the thing that has opened up my coachability is not allowing not in my vocabulary. Not is not in my vocabulary.
So instead, what I will do is I will communicate to my coach possibly, I might say it out loud just to say it, if I notice the resistance coming up, that this is where my brain is going. It wants to say, “That’s not it.” It wants to say, “That’s not what I’m thinking.” It wants to say, “I don’t do that.” But then I’ll say right after that, “But I’m willing to go there and explore it.” With the true intent of actually genuinely being willing to take time and explore that, even if it’s the entire call, with this standard of I will find something. That’s the only way I’ll let myself go there.
I have found I’ll only go where I don’t think, I’m like, “I don’t think that’s it.” I’ll only let myself go there when I’m like, “We can anywhere and no matter what I will find something, and it will be useful.” So, I don’t let myself believe that I can go anywhere that leads to a dead end for me in value, awareness, and usefulness. Okay, so I’m going to say that one again. I don’t let myself believe that I can be led or go anywhere in a coaching session that leads to a dead end for me in value, awareness, and usefulness. I am open to it is one of my most useful thoughts.
That’s what being coachable is, being open. Saying no is the action of being closed. So, for you, you could pay attention to how often you say the actual word, no, or a sentence that describes your no. That’s you being closed to the coaching, closed to deeper awareness in your brain, closed to value, closed to insight, closed, this is the way I want you to think about our offer to you is it’s being closed to what you want. We don’t think it’s being closed. I just want to offer that.
When it’s happening to me I don’t think I’m being closed. What I think is I’m being very aware of my brain. I’m communicating to you the awareness I have that negates the awareness that you have seen in me. You’ve seen something in me and I’m telling you that my awareness is higher than yours. I know my brain better. And here’s what’s so tricky because I know a lot of you guys are so afraid of being manipulated, or led the wrong way, or what if someone really does coach you wrong, or whatever it is.
Here’s what I really uncovered for me, and I truly believe to be true about the brain and what I know to be true about coaching because I’ve been coaching for seven years now. Is that what we have awareness of in our brains is the surface level awareness. It’s our conscious thinking. We don’t often or really ever have access immediately and off the top of our head to our subconscious brain. That’s what has to be kind of dug up.
Your subconscious brain, how you know when you’ve uncovered something in your subconscious brain is you’re like, “Holy shit, I had no idea I thought that. Or, oh my God, I didn’t even know that was there.” What? I didn’t even see that I did that. I’ll give you an example of this. My COO recently told me that I said something that hurt someone’s feelings. And when she said it to me, and I just happened to be on a call, a recording, so I could look at it. And when she said it to me, I was like, “There’s no way I said that.”
I just can’t even believe I actually said that to the degree that I was like, “It’s so out of my awareness that I could possibly have said that, that I need you to send me the recording. So, I can watch myself say it.” I’m like, that’s not consciously what I’m thinking at all. It was baffling to me, I couldn’t believe. I was like, “That’s not consciously what I’m thinking at all, I promise.” That’s not even remotely in the land, if you asked me what I consciously think and believe that it’s not even in that land. So, I can’t see that having come out of my mouth. And sure, as fuck it did.
I watched it like what is happening? It felt so foreign to me. So, by the way, as you increase your coachability you can laugh at things that you do like this, you can find humor in it. The brain is very fascinating to me. But I was genuinely shocked. So, it was like she had uncovered something that came out of me that I wasn’t consciously aware of. And I felt terrible. Whether I intended or not, I didn’t feel defensive it all. It was like, oh my God, I feel absolutely awful. I can’t believe that. It’s not what I meant. It’s not what I thought consciously.
And I could figure out where it came from but that’s what I mean by our subconscious thoughts are not in our awareness. They’re not immediately available to us. So, when we flip through our brain of what we know, and what we think, and what we believe, none of our subconscious thoughts are coming up and being presented to us. So, when we say, when I was thinking out loud or actually saying out loud, “I don’t think that’s it, or that’s not what I’m thinking, or I don’t really do that.”
That was a big one in my health coaching is I said that frequently. “Well, I don’t really do that, or I don’t really think that.” But then if I let myself explore it I could always find something. And so that was really interesting for me. My beliefs about my body and my health, specifically my actual health, the way my body performs to make me healthy were very deep engrained and very unaware, very not available to me. So, it took me being willing to go to those places to find that stuff.
So, I just want to offer that to you, we get a lot of ask a coach responses, a lot that are like, “That’s not it. I don’t do that.” And I mean we also have a high volume of requests. So, I’m not saying all of you that come to ask a coach are un-coachable or don’t have high coachability. I’m just saying, these are just some of the things that we see in the high volume of coaching we get is believing that where the coach took them was not useful for them.
And I just want to offer for all of you, no matter who you coach with, even if it’s not me, that whatever a coach offers you is just a lane in your brain to go down and explore. And there’s never a reason not to if you believe, if I explore this lane I will leave with something. As my standard I will find something. I always get value. I always find awareness. I always find usefulness, even if it’s not the exact thing. Might have to go down a few avenues but even if it’s not the exact thing I will find something.
And all of those somethings that I find, and they’re not just something that’s not valuable. It’s something that is valuable, that is useful, all of that will add up in my total awareness to grow me as a human at the end of the day which is what I want. So that’s another one. And then here’s another one that’s close to nothing’s off limits, similar to nothing’s off limits. And this is the one I mentioned earlier that I thought was on my list which is the coach can coach me any way they see fit.
This one’s tricky, you all, are you ready? It’s going to make you so coachable. Can you feel it? The coach can coach me any way they see fit. They can use words, descriptions, techniques, coaching tools, or methods, any of them that they want. So, I’m going to give you an example of this. When people write in to ask a coach they will say things like, “I don’t want you to just tell me it’s my thoughts and give me a model to explore. I want strategy.” Or they’ll say, “Don’t use the model on me.” Or they’ll say, “Only use the model with me.”
Or they’ll say, “I want the same coach every time, it has to be the same one.” Or they’ll say, “I want a different coach, this coach, I don’t like how this coach coaches me.” Or, “This doesn’t feel loving.” Or, this one feels really useful, you all, is, “Coach me hard.” If you start off with, “I want you to coach me hard,” we get those people. We’re like, “I’m here for it, let’s go, coach me hard.” But all of those things are manuals and instructions for how to be coached, manuals or instructions, whatever word you want to use.
You’re instructing the coach how to coach you. Everything in your manual, I just want to offer this, again this is from my journey, so you get to just take whatever you want from it. But everything in your manual, every instruction that you have is a restriction. A restriction that restricts you from your awareness and ultimately from getting what you want. It’s a circumstance that you add to the coaching relationship that makes progress and success more difficult. And this is what has been so useful for me.
This is how I have thought about it, is I don’t want to make my coach’s job difficult. I want it to be easy. These are thoughts I have that are super helpful, that make me coachable. The easier it is for them to give me coaching the more they’ll want to coach me, enjoy coaching me. And really what will happen is they’ll just come to our relationship with the highest thinking energy and collaborative spirit.
I’ve become so coachable and so fun to coach that I genuinely, I’ve never asked them, but my thought is my coaches love to coach me because I’m such a fun, good student. And I make use of all of the gems that they offer so people love coaching me. So that’s one.
Another one is, and this one’s tricky, okay, again, this is increasing your coachability, so this is a little bit more advanced. And this one I feel might be the most advanced on my list is, I don’t even need someone to be holding space for me. Meaning I don’t need them to be unbiased, or clean in their mind, or like me. Now, listen, if you are a 2K student and we’re talking about selling, I’m going to hold you to a high standard of holding the space for your client, being unbiased, and being clean in your selling but sometimes we’re not. Shit happens. We’re human.
And it doesn’t have to keep you from making the sale and it doesn’t have to keep you from getting the coaching. So, I don’t need someone to hold the space for me. I don’t need them to, to get what I came for or I don’t need them to like me. What? So, they could be judging me, pushing their own ideas or agenda, they can have opinions about the coaching I need. And I will still walk away with what I need to move forward. I can look past that, find the value of what was said, leave their judgment or opinion aside.
Or I can even uses their judgment and opinion to solidify what I do believe which is still valuable for me. And I can also recognize that my opinion about how they’re showing up to the coaching could be completely false no matter how much evidence I think I have in their actions. Because I can never know what they’re actually thinking and how they’re actually feeling. But even my own assumptions, let’s just say they’re true, I just agree they could be true, they don’t have to take me out of getting what I came for and what I need.
Now, I will say it is absolutely stunning and beautiful when someone does hold space for you, and have no opinions, and judgments, and put their own beliefs on you. It’s a beautiful thing. Not required to get what I came for. Approval not required either. So, you could not approve of me all day long, I’m still getting what I came for.
This one I’ve learned and experienced for myself with my Ob office, with my pregnancy. I can totally see all their judgments. They’ve got coronavirus judgments about my travel. They’ve had judgments about my sex drive. They’ve had judgments about my nausea. I can notice them and let them go and still ask my question and get my prescription, or that doctor’s note for jury duty. Regardless of your opinion this is what I need. And you all know how I feel about this.
We have talked about this on a previous episode, that it’s not our coach’s job to like us. It’s their job to be a mirror to our mind and let us see what we can’t see on our own. And I want to offer, I’m going to layer that with being teacher’s pet is a distraction and can actually take you away from getting what you need. When what you want is to make 200K, but what you need is for the teacher or your peers to like and approve of you, you will have very different A-lines, action lines.
If you’re looking at the model, you’ll have a very different set of actions in your coaching sessions, they have very different outcomes. I have seen this play out with many, many clients who want me to like them, want everyone in the room to like them, and want, teacher’s pet may not be the right description for it, so don’t take offence to some of the words I use. I am using the words I use for myself.
But when you want to be liked by your peers or your coach versus the result you actually came for it can send you in different problem solving, different pathways in your mind and having you create different outcomes with your work with that coach.
Alright, so here’s another one. The hard part of the coaching relationship is on me. What? It’s up to me to figure out what the coaching means, to clarify in my brain, to sit with it, to ponder it, to explore it. And find what they are trying to show me and apply it. So, my first year in Million Dollar Mentoring, everything that my coach Brooke said felt like a foreign language to me. Or it seemed in my brain to lack necessary details and explanations, or further instructions. And so, what I would do is I would always try to ask for more and she would never give it to me. And it was the greatest gift ever.
I had to work hard to figure it out for myself. I had to use my brain. I just wanted to keep using hers. I wanted her to do all the work. I’m like, “Your brain is smarter than me, so you tell me, you clarify it. You explore it with me right here right now. You show me exactly what you mean. Give me step by step instructions. Give me a strategy. You help me apply it because your brain is smarter and better and so obviously it’ll go faster if you do that.”
That’s what we think, if the coach helps me directly and walks me all the way through this it will go faster. And it will in the short term, it will go faster in the short term. But what it won’t do is have you working so hard to figure it out for yourself that your brain becomes more valuable, that you actually get faster and faster at processing and making decisions for yourself. To where now I need very little direction. I’m incredibly resourceful. And I know the work so much deeper because I had to get there on my own without someone spoon feeding it to me.
And it made me trust myself and be willing to put the work in to figure it out and arrive at my own conclusions from what was given. And it’s made me $10 million. That’s all I really need to say is now it’s created in me a $10 million brain. So yes, it will feel like it would just be so much faster, and it would be in the beginning. But in the long term it’s going to actually slow you down.
So, the slower process for you of going through your own brain and putting the coaching relationship, and the results, and the coaching, and understanding the coaching, and clarifying the coaching, exploring it and step by step applying it. Putting that all on you will actually speed you up in the long run.
And this last one is from me and one of my best students, Maggie Reyes. This is from both of us. She doesn’t know I’m doing this but it’s from both of us because she said something out loud on a call that was exactly what I do. It’s exactly how my brain works. And so, it’s how her brain works. It’s now my brain works. We’re both amazing students. We both get a ton of value from all the coaching. We’re sponges of value from anywhere and everywhere.
So, I want to end it with sharing you this one, which is everything said to someone else is always for me, directed at me, personal and live. Okay, so you’ve often heard me say things like, “Grant Cardone said to me.” I say this a lot. My friends make fun of me for this, my coaches or my students will bring this up as well. I often say that, “Will Smith said to me. Grant Cardone said to me.” But I didn’t actually have a conversation with them. Have you ever had that experience?
Do you let yourself have that experience where you imagine an audible book or a book you’re reading, is that person having a personal conversation with you? I want you to imagine the difference of reading a book or having a conversation, which affects you more deeply. We think the circumstance, the actual conversation and how it’s presented is what dictates how we receive the information. This is why so many of you are so caught up on is it live, can I come live, what time are the calls? I have to be there live.
That’s how I’ll get the most transformation and it just seems prudent that I invest in a way that I can get the most transformation. But it’s actually how we think about the information that determines how we are affected. So, my client, Maggie, said on, I think it was a 200K call. She said, “When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I was gone for six weeks and we had instructors that come in and coach regularly in the program anyways, they came in, in 200K and were instructing.”
And she was in the middle of one of her early launches where that’s happening every day, not just every week when we have a call, but every day. So, I’m on vacation, she’s in a launch, and it wasn’t going how she was expected. And so, what she did is she just turned replays on of all the mastermind calls. We have them in the member portal, every mastermind call we’ve ever done since the beginning is in the member portal.
And she turned on those replays of those mastermind calls and she said she approached them as if they were a private coaching call with me directly. As if they were live, not replays, as if I was coaching only her every single time. And all that I said was exactly what she needed to hear. That is high coachability, my friends. I do this too. It makes me a value receiving machine. I get my value and what I need anywhere and everywhere. I 100 x my investment always.
If I’m in a class I guarantee because of the philosophies I have shared with you on this episode, my return will be higher than anyone else’s in the room with me. Even at church y’all, I’m not Catholic and my husband will be like, “You got all that from that sermon?” And I’m like, “Yes, I did. I didn’t come here to just sit, kneel, sing, and leave. I came to take something for myself and integrate it into my mind, body, and spirit, Catholic or not.” I am a value receiving machine.
Everything I’ve shared with you really is simple, but it is profound and will make you a value receiving machine. And you can just take one of them and work on it at a time, just one thing. Or you can take them all and be like, “I’m just going to notice all of these things when I’m being coached.”
And here’s what I want to end with. I just want to end this with acknowledging the current class of the 200K Mastermind, January 2022. You know who you are. The coachability in the room has been so high. The value everyone receiving has been so great. I know it’s inevitably going to be our highest grossing class ever cumulatively, the combination of everyone’s gross. On stage, we just did the live event. I’m recording this in early February. We just did the live event.
And on stage, students were sharing their ahas and so many of them were from conversations with their instructors, their breakout groups, their peers. There was a radiating vibe that you could tell they were getting value everywhere. Everywhere they turned, more conversations were happening. And those conversations were more valuable, just value, value, value. And we even started doing these weekly group focus times where every week a student hosts a two hour block with a specific goal or concept that everyone comes to work on together.
So, the last one was intentional thought creation. So, what they had to do is they came together on the call, and they did intentional thought creation for a full hour on one thing. And then the second hour, they turned their screens on or whatever, they come together, and they discuss for another hour, for the second hour. And they can get feedback from each other. And the posts after that call in the Facebook group, I could tell how much everyone took from it.
And this actually will be the last thing I offer is taking from equals coachability, and that equals value, and that equals the fastest route to get where you want to go. The more you can take something from something the more coachability you have, more value, you will be able to turn, the more coachability you have the more value you will receive that you can then turn into value for yourself to get you on the fastest route to get where you want to go.
So, shout out to 200K, you all are leading the way with being coaches with high coachability. It’s why the 200K room is such a valuable room to be a part of, 200K plug right there.
Okay, you all, actually, I think 200K, our next enrolment will be over I think by the time this launches. But get on that waitlist, we offer value there every week too. I literally, what I’m coaching my 200K students on, I write in an email. And I send it out every week on the 200K waitlist. So, get on that, we’ll link it up in the show notes. And join in our next enrolment phase. We’d love to have you.
But either way, start working on increasing your coachability. This will be a skill that will make you so much money and create so much value for you, and really in every area of your life. Your physical health, your mental health, your financial health, your spiritual health, everywhere.
Alright, I love you all so much. Have an amazing week. I’ll talk to you next week.
Hey, if you are ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2K for 2K program where you’re going to make your first $2000, the hardest part, and then $200,000 using my proven formula. It’s risk-free. You either make your 2K or I give you your 2K back. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.