Ep #178: Not Giving Up On Yourself with Jamie Lee

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

Hey coaches, so today I have a very special podcast episode planned for you. I have been following along in several of my coaches’ journeys in the 200K Mastermind and the Two Million Dollar Group. And some of them have very inspiring work that they have done on themselves, gaps that they have bridged to get to where they are. Things that they have worked through that I think are highly valuable for you to hear from them.

So, they didn’t reach out and say, “Hey, I want to teach on the podcast.” They weren’t doing this work for anything other than themselves. But I wanted to feature their work because I felt like it would be so useful for you. So, over the next couple of months, I am going to play some of these episodes that they have recorded for you. You’re going to get to hear them throughout the next three or four months here and there. And I encourage you to take these episodes as seriously as you would take hearing from me. They are so inspiring.

I have been following their work in my pages and it’s just in the Facebook pages and on our calls. And it’s really stood out for me. So, it will be extraordinarily valuable for you. It’s one of my favorite things about masterminds as you get to learn from other people’s ideas and their work. It might not be your work at the time, but it will be your work either in the future or it is your work, and you didn’t know it was your work. They’re going to present ideas to you and how they have worked through things in a way that will be so applicable to you and your own growth and your journey.

So, I hope you enjoy this as much as I have enjoyed hearing these and watching their journey, and learning from them myself in my own self-coaching, learning how they show up in the world has been deeply impactful for me. So, without further ado please enjoy one of our guest podcasts from one of my star 200K Mastermind or Two Million Dollar Group students.

                                                                                                           

Hello. My name is Jamie Lee. I’m an executive coach for smart women who hate office politics. I help them get promoted and better paid without throwing anyone under the bus. Usually, I’m talking to working women about their career strategies. But today here on Making Money as a Life Coach podcast, I’m here to talk to you about how not to give up on yourself. In other words, how do we as life coaches not throw ourselves under the bus in our journeys of promoting ourselves to becoming a fully booked coach who is better paid?

Before we dive into the topic let me tell you a little bit about me. I am a Korean American immigrant, first generation, meaning I was born in South Korea, and I moved to the States with my mom and my two sisters when I was seven years old. And that was about 33 years ago so you know exactly how old I am. I started coaching in 2016. Well, to be fair I started consulting and helping women negotiate their salaries in 2016. And I realized that self-coaching tools were necessary in order for me to really help women create the self-confidence and the mindset to implement the strategies.

And so, in 2019 I got certified with The Life Coach School. And in May of 2019 I joined 2K for 2K. I started making money right away. And so, November 2019 I joined 200K Mastermind. Now, since starting my coaching practice, since from 2016 I have made half a million dollars, $500,000. That’s a lot of money. And most of that, 70% of that I made since joining 200K in the last two years. But guess what? It almost didn’t happen. I nearly gave up on myself.

I’m going to tell you this story of how I almost gave up on myself because I think it really shows the power of coaching, how we coaches need coaching and how coaching saved me from giving up on myself. Here is what happened. The year is 2020, it’s February, it’s right before the pandemic lands in United States. I go to Atlanta, Georgia to attend the live event and Stacey gives me lifechanging coaching to help raise my self-concept as well as my business prospects and profits.

You see, I had started 200K two years ago charging $1500 for 12 weeks, for a three month package. And there is nothing wrong with that price, it just didn’t match the level of my positioning or the level of results that I was able to deliver to my clients. And so, Stacey suggested, she offered that I can charge $10,000 for a six month coaching package. And the thought that really helped me get there was the price matches the quality. But at that time, back in 2020 my self-concept was not there yet.

And then the pandemic started, lockdowns started, there was some situation in my family that was creating a lot of drama, a lot of fear in my brain. And we life coaches know that circumstances don’t create our emotions, our thoughts do. And the thought that I had was, oh, no, I can’t make money and I’m not safe. I got scared. I panicked. I struggled. I didn’t make money as a life coach because I was thinking, I can’t make money. I’d been signing clients for about two months.

And at the time, Stacey had a different standard. There was a standard that you had to meet to stay in the mastermind. She’s since changed that but back then I thought I was going to flunk out. I thought I was going to get kicked out of 200K. And I wanted relief from this feeling of failure. And so, this was a small act of giving up on myself. I sought out advice from people who were not life coaches. I sought out advice from my beloved life partner who bless his soul, wants the best for me but is not a coach and so has never made money as a life coach.

And then I jumped in the pool, and I agreed with him that the best plan of action would be for me to leave the mastermind, for me to give up on myself, and my vision, and my goal. I wrote Stacey an email really politely backing out of the mastermind asking for a refund. The unexpected happened, it’s kind of silly when I say that because I noticed how Stacey was my business coach, so of course she would coach me.

But back then my brain was in belief, in full belief that I can’t make money. And I thought everyone around me would agree and jump into the pool with me that I can’t make money, that I’m a failure and so I was surprised when Stacey asked me to answer. Why do you think you can’t make money? So, let’s just put a pause here and I invite all of you. If you are in any sort of river of misery right now about making money as a coach, I want to invite you to answer that question for yourself. Why do you think you can’t make money?

When I was asked to answer this question in April 2020 two light bulbs went off in my head. First of all, yeah, it’s just a thought, it’s just a sentence in my brain. I’m just believing it like it’s the news. And the reason I’m believing it is because I was socialized, I was taught to believe that it’s sort of virtuous, that it’s good to give up on myself when things are hard. It was a moment of aha because I was able to step out of my model and see it as an effect of my old programming, not a conscious choice.

And so, this meant that I had a choice if I were to be conscious about it, to think otherwise. That was an aha moment for me. And number two, Stacey believes that I can make money as a coach. And that was so inspiring for me. I was like, wow, she doesn’t think that I’m a failure. And maybe she’s right, maybe I too can believe in myself. Maybe I don’t have to give up on myself, so I changed my mind again. I stayed, I worked on my beliefs about myself, about my coaching offer, about my clients.

I still, I continue to work on my beliefs about myself, my offer, and my clients. This is the sales triad that Stacey teaches us in the 2K for 2K program. And instead of giving up I doubled down on the process, I recommitted. And then within weeks I started signing clients. And two years later I have created and collected $350,000. I had my first six figure year, 100K year as a life coach who expanded her business during a pandemic. And last year in 2021 I made 200K in 13 months and I’m working to make that shorter.

And I signed 12 clients at my $10,000 price. I was able to implement Stacey’s coaching that she gave me in February 2020. It took me a year, but it was right on time. But if I had given up on myself none of that would have happened. Now, remember, I share this story with you because it shows the power of coaching and how we coaches need coaching. But beyond that, my mind is kind of blown thinking about how it also shows the power of making an upfront investment to getting coached.

Remember, I joined in November 2019, I had made an investment in myself, a serious one. And that was the decision that led me to getting the coaching in February. No, it was April, it was April 2020. And that coaching led me to not giving up on my myself, on doubling down on the process.  And when I doubled down on the process that led to me creating breakthrough after breakthrough in my career, in my business as a coach. Even before I started flirting with the idea of giving up on myself I had made a down payment, I had secured my breakthrough by investing in 200K.

That’s a thought for all of us to practice. Your clients paying for coaching upfront is a down payment on their breakthrough. I’m going to say it one more time. Your client paying for coaching upfront is a down payment, is how they secure their breakthrough, their transformation. You could even say, the investment itself is a transformation. And I had set myself up for this breakthrough, the transformation when I made the commitment to join 200K in November, months ahead of the pandemic.

Okay, so that said let’s talk about what it looks like. What does it look like for you when you do give up on yourself? Obviously I gave you my example, almost quitting or quitting before you have the result that you want, or watering down your ideas, your uniqueness, your offer, your ambitious goal to make it more palatable for people who are not your best clients. I have done it all. I have done both. And I’m going to be honest with you, I’m in the trenches with you.

I will be working for the rest of my earthly life to continue to notice these patterns, to notice the urge to give up on myself, to catch myself, to coach myself and to evolve past this. And looking back, I’m really fascinated by how the decision to give up did not feel like I was cutting myself down. It didn’t feel like I was hurting myself. It felt polite. It felt like relief. It felt familiar. I had the thoughts like, of course I can’t cut it, of course I can’t make money, of course I’m not good enough.

But I was jumping into the pool with my fear brain and what I like to call the itty bitty shitty committee. If you notice these patterns, please do not beat yourself up. I like to tell all of my clients no one gets promoted beating herself up, life coaches don’t promote themselves effectively. You don’t market yourself, you don’t sell yourself effectively when you are beating yourself up. And so, I think this is important for us to think about, how not to give up on ourselves because ultimately it separates the wheat from the chaff, the average, or the good coach from the great coach.

And if you are listening to this podcast you are somebody who is intending to be great, to make money as a life coach, to do something that millions of people don’t get to do because they give up on themselves. And so then how do we do that? I think there are four basic steps and here they are. Number one, investigate why you have the urge to give up on yourself. And then number two, make the decision, choose yourself. Number three, recommit to an infinite timeline. And number four, surround yourself with greatness.

Number one, investigate why you have the urge to give up on yourself. When Stacey asked me in April 2020, “Why do you think you can’t make money?” That was the moment I had a glimpse into socialization, into my early childhood training, into what I was told by my parents and society about how to treat myself when things get hard. Inevitably in your coaching journey, things do get hard. Sometimes you’re in the river of misery. Sometimes clients say yes and then they back out, two days after they said yes or right before the coaching starts they say no.

Or sometimes clients ask for a refund, sometimes really politely or sometimes not so politely. Sometimes you have life that happens. Sometimes a pandemic happens. Sometimes you go through grief and loss, all of these things have happened to me in the last two years. And I have had the urge to give up on myself but when I investigate, when I ask myself, what was I taught, how was I socialized to treat myself when things get hard? I had the shocking revelation that all of my early childhood was about giving up on myself.

Let me give you an example. I was born in South Korea and one of the earliest fables, the moral story you can say, I was taught was the story of Shimchung. And Shimchung is this very filial, loyal, goodhearted girl who wants the best for her father who is blind. And the long and the short of it is that she ends up sacrificing herself, her life, her body so that her father can regain his sight. She throws herself off a boat, not under the bus, but she throws herself off a boat to appease an angry god so that her father can regain his sight.

Now, you don’t have to be South Korean to have been exposed to these narratives of virtuous heroes who give up on themselves, give up on their freedom, their desires for the benefit of others, especially the benefit of the patriarchy. Think about Beauty and the Beast, think about Belle locking herself in this remote castle with a hairy scary beast to help her father. Or think about The Little Mermaid who turns into a pile of bubbles for some dude.

We have been taught over millennia to give up on ourselves for the benefit of the patriarchy, especially if you are somebody who identifies as a woman. So of course, when things get hard we have the urge to give up on ourselves, we have been programmed to. And I share this with you not to be hating on ourselves but to be, let’s meet ourselves with some understanding and compassion. And let’s notice that coaching is about redefining who we are beyond the constraints of socialization.

Coaching is about developing our resilience in spite of what we have been taught, in spite of the patriarchy. Coaching is about the art of choosing ourselves again, and again, and again even when things get hard, even when our fear brain offers us zero dollar thoughts like I can’t make money as a coach. I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve it. Let’s just remember that part of the reason these zero dollar thoughts come up is because patriarchy taught us to think them.

And also, let’s remember that just because it’s been on loop over millennia, it does not make it true. We have a choice. And so, this is the segue to step number two.

You’ve got to choose yourself again, and again, and again. I like to think of it as yeah, let’s be selfish but let’s remember that being selfish and choosing yourself is an act of service. I teach my clients that self-advocacy is an act of service. It is the very opposite of what patriarchy taught us to think about speaking up for ourselves especially for women. It is the opposite of selfish and greedy. You putting your hand up asking for that raise and promotion, it does more good in the world than you realize.

Let’s pause and really think about that though because when a woman who’s really good at her job fully owns and articulates the value of her contributions, presents it to stakeholders, to decision makers. And then ties that value to what she’s capable of doing in the future and advocates for the promotion, for the hot job that she wants, she not only helps make her boss’ job easier, she helps bring additional value to her company, to her team, to other people who are looking to her for an example of what’s possible.

And this 100% applies to us life coaches. We want to be fully owning and articulating the value of our services. And here is a great way to do this. You want to think about not just what am I doing in the coaching container but what is the impact of that? What is the result of the result that you help your clients create? And this is the reason why you don’t give up on yourself because there is tremendous benefit when you don’t give up on yourself that other people get to have.

I once guesstimated the lifetime value of my client getting a $20,000 raise which is just about the median raise that a client gets working with me. And I asked myself, what would be the compound effect of that? Let’s say this person is a youngish professional, maybe she’s in her late 30s or early 40s and she’s going to continue to work in her career for another decade or two. And her salary compounds every year as a result of the raise. There is a compounding effect because you get a percentage of raise based on your total compensation over, and over, and over again, usually.

And so, I just guesstimated what would be the incremental income that she has because she asked for a $20,000 raise and she got it. And it was two additional million dollars, two million dollars, just one person, a rough estimate, a conservative estimate. And I had another client who went from overworking. She was working 60 hours a week and then she reduced that to 40 hours a week, got promoted to senior director, is on the track to becoming a VP. And she’s just more authoritative, more confident in her interpersonal conversations at work.

And I thought, what is the lifetime value of that when you compound that over another decade or two of working in her career. And that was 60,000 hours, 60,000 hours. She can become a master in six different things if it takes 10,000 hours to achieve mastery. She can become a master of belly dancing, and cooking, and French, and etc., and relationships, and family. It unlocks so much potential, so much possibility. And so, I had to remind myself when I think about giving up on my offer, when I think about giving up on my coaching vision and my goals, that is what is truly at stake.

And so, before I give up on myself I’ve got to do some self-advocacy with myself. I’ve got to advocate for my vision with myself. This is what we call self-coaching. This is what intentional thought creation is all about. You choose yourself as an act of service because you direct yourself to the lifetime value that you would rob your current and future clients of when you give up on yourself, when you give up on your dream, when you give up on your vision.

And let’s remember, it’s not going to feel terrible when you give up unless you actively direct your brain to the full lifetime value that you are offering, that is truly at stake here. And so that brings me to number three.

We’re thinking about not just giving up in the moment but what is the lifetime value. And therefore, you also commit, you recommit to an infinite timeline. This is one of the biggest takeaways from being challenged to create $25,000 in a month. This is a challenge, 25K Challenge is something that we get to do inside the 200K Mastermind container. And my first round, my first or two rounds I didn’t make 25K. I made less than half of that in a month. But I learned that the true lesson here is that you stay committed to that goal for as long as it takes.

I just shared with you, I made 200K in 13 months. It wasn’t 12 months but so what? I gave myself an infinite timeline. And so, in the third and fourth round that I had been in 200K Mastermind, right now I’m in my fifth round. So, I’ve been inside the 200K container for two and a half years. The first full year I didn’t get close to making 25K within a month. But last year I did that over, and over, and over again. I made 25K in a month five times pretty much over, and over, and over again because I committed to an infinite timeline.

Here is another key lesson from 200K that really helped me think about not giving up on myself even when things are really hard and all you want to do is weep is that Stacey has taught us to think about how there is always demand for your unique service, for your unique voice, for your unique offer. There’s somebody out there who wants to hear from you with your non-linear background, with your interesting backstory, with your unique voice. And that demand has been there even before you had the idea to start a life coaching practice and it will always be there.

And so, the challenge is just for us to invite people and to speak about the value and the benefit of your coaching services in a compelling way so that you can meet that demand that’s always there. This reminds me of Abraham who teaches the law of attraction who says, “It never gets done, and you can’t do it wrong.” And so, as somebody who almost gave up on herself and the 200K container, I just want to remind you, you can’t do it wrong as long as you stay committed to an infinite timeline even when you almost give up on yourself.

Even when you have to take breaks because you get sick, or there was a loss in your family, and you had to take a break to fully grieve and mourn. This is something that I had to do. I got sick, I had to grieve and mourn my father, but you always get to come back and work at it when you are ready. You can’t do it wrong, it never gets done, and as long as you stay committed to an infinite timeline you ensure that it gets done. So, I have two quick visuals that I want to share with you.

Last week I went to the Whitney Museum, and I attended a mini tour of some of the classic American paintings that they have in their permanent collection. And one of the paintings that were explained to us, we got to hear the backstory of this beautiful art deco painting done by a female American artist whose name I can’t recall right now.

But the point of the story was that this painting was done in 1922. And it had never been on full display for a long period of time until 2022. It took 100 years for this beautiful painting to see the full light of day and to be on this display publicly, proudly, it took a 100 years. And I was thinking about, wow, imagine if that painter had given up on herself. That painting would not have had this opportunity to touch me, to teach me about the value of being committed to an infinite timeline.

And then there is this second visual that I want to share with you, this is something that I heard at The Life Coach School Mastermind. One of the speakers talked about a gold prospector. Somebody was digging for gold for years and years and they were not hitting gold and they gave up. And then the next person who bought that land found gold three feet away from the last prospector. It was just three feet away.

And so, I think about us life coaches sort of being in the middle of the spectrum, on one end is the artist who doesn’t give up on her unique vision even if she doesn’t achieve fame in her own lifetime. And the other end is the gold prospector who quit three feet away. And I thought about us about being in the middle of that. What if we don’t give up three feet away? And what if we don’t give up on the unique vision and the lifetime value of that even beyond our own lifetimes?

And when I imagine ourselves being in the middle of that I kind of get this, wow, kind of Zen, calm, peace kind of feeling. And I think it’s apt because we’re both artists in how we use our creativity to build our practices but we’re also trying to make money. We’re all trying to get to gold. And so, I want you to imagine you are diligently digging, you’re only three feet away and you don’t give up on the vision, on the lifetime value of your services no matter how long it takes.

And it dropped me into this delicious kind of uncertainty that opened me up to possibility. Not giving up on yourself, to keep going, to keep building your coaching practice is to dance with this beautiful possibility.

And finally, step number four, surround yourself with greatness. This is the great thing about being in 200K Mastermind is you get to see these coaches at every level of income, from 25K to two million and beyond, go through every and all imaginable hard thing that we just discussed. And there is no there, there, where it stops being hard. It’s 50/50, sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s not. And they keep going. They don’t give up on themselves. And then they strike gold.

And I think every single one of the coaches that I have peer coached with, every single coach that I admire, and I want to learn from, they all went through hard things. They all experienced the urge to give up on themselves. They’ve all been exposed to patriarchal socialization, but they didn’t give up. That’s the one thing they didn’t do that ensured that they succeed. And when you don’t give up on yourself when things get hard you are joining us, you are joining the greats.

Every coach that you admire and look up to they went through something really hard, they just didn’t give up. So, surround yourself with greatness. Join 2K for 2K, join the Facebook group, join 200K. Surround yourself with greatness. And also, I think about the mentors that I really admire, and I think about yeah, they’ve been through this too. And they just investigated the urge to give up on themselves.

And then they made a conscious choice to choose themselves, their vision, their goal, because they took their brain to the lifetime value, the full effect of the value that they’re offering their clients. And then they too surrounded themselves with greatness. So, there you have it. I really hope you found this helpful. And if you would like to share your favorite takeaway from this podcast, you can find me on Instagram @jamieleecoach, it’s spelled J-A-M-I-E-L-E-E-C-O-A-C-H, jamieleecoach and you can also find me on my website, jamieleecoach.com. Talk to you soon.

Hey, if you’re ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2k for 2k program where you’re going to make your first $2,000 the hardest part using my simple 5 step formula for getting consults and closing new clients. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.