Ep #37: Self-Value Vs. Business Value

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

Hey y’all. How y’all doing today? What is going on with you? Listen, have I told you that I have puppies? I’m pretty sure I have. It’s basically all I talk about and all I spend all of my time doing right now. If you’re not following me on Instagram @staceyboehman, you’ve got to follow me if you want all the puppy pics.

There’s a lot. I put them on my Insta story and videos and just – we are having so much fun and they’re growing so fast. We’ve had them two weeks and they started at like, 12 and 15 pounds, and now they’re well over 15 and 20 pounds. We can barely carry them around. They’re growing like weeds; they’ve graduated from being puppies to heathens is what we call them now.

They are just insane and crazy and it’s still so much fun. And recently, they have discovered their reflection in the mirrors and in the windows and the doors that are glass, and they will just bark at themselves in the glass. It’s the best ever. Or ice cubes. They love ice cubes and we have – I swear, our ice maker. I hate it so much. But it will just shoot ice everywhere in all directions. It never goes in the cup. I put my hand in front of the ice maker to try to direct it into the cup and stuff still just goes everywhere.

And so now, they will bark at the ice cubes and bat them around like cats bat their toys and bark at them and then they rile each other up and then they just run around the house. It’s the best, y’all. I could talk about them all day. They’re so crazy and so sweet, and we just love them so much.

So I know I probably talked about it on the last podcast but just all the puppy things. Okay, so before we dive in, we’re going to talk about business value versus self-value today, but before that, I also want to give a shout-out to one of my clients. I just want to talk about her because it’s a story that blows my mind.

So this isn’t a testimonial I’m going to read. I recently started another class of my 200K mastermind and I created a standard for the students about two weeks before the mastermind. I decided this is how we’re doing the entire mastermind. We’re up-leveling every single thing about it.

It was just the next level of my growth that I wanted them to step into. And two people couldn’t meet the standard, and so with one week before our live event, I sent an email to someone that was on the wait list. They gave us a deposit and they were waiting in case a spot like this opened up.

And so I gave this person 24 hours to pay for the mastermind, book their flight and their hotel, and this person did it. Was all in, like yes, if a spot opens up, I’m taking it, I’m showing up, it’s mine. So this person is Candy Wright, and I just want to celebrate her because then we get to the mastermind.

Y’all, I was hard on them. I brought it to this mastermind weekend in a whole – on a whole ‘nother level. And I gave them a 30-day challenge where they had to make $10,000 of new business in 30 days and they had to do it the way that I taught them to do it at the live event. I called the live event How Money is Created.

And I laid out four steps, and they have to make the 10K in the four steps, regardless of if that’s how they were making their money beforehand, and it has to be new business. So I’m coaching Candy and she’s freaking out a little bit about how it seems a little bit maybe impossible to do that. And I’m asking her what she charges and she was charging $3600 at the time.

And I said well, that’s just three people in full. You can do that. But she’d never charged anyone in full. And I know so many of you struggle with that as well and this isn’t a conversation about you should charge in full, to be clear, I’m just – I have to tell you the story because it’s so amazing.

So we coach on it at the live event and then two weeks have passed. Just two, and Candy has already made $10,000 new business, cash in the bank. Two weeks. A month ago, she wasn’t even in the mastermind. That is showing the F up, y’all. I just have to celebrate her. She doesn’t know I’m doing this but that blows my mind.

Like she almost didn’t get in the mastermind, she had the opportunity to jump in at the very last minute with zero convenience whatsoever, and she made it happen, showed up, and she got what she came for. Seriously, that is amazing. The mindset of someone making 200K, that is what it looks like, so shout-out to you, Candy. You are an example of what’s possible and this – I just think about it all the time.

It’s so much fun when stories like that happen and they happen frequently in 200K because it’s a really amazing mastermind and I bring together really amazing people to mastermind with each other. But this one really just did it for me, so I had to talk about it on the podcast.

Alright, so let’s dive into business value and self-value. I want to explain this as the value that you have as a human, that’s your self-value, and then there’s the value you create to make money, and that’s what we’re going to call the business value.

And I want to have a conversation about the different between the value we have as humans and the value we create in our business that turns into clients and money because some of y’all get confused about this often. And when you’re confused about it, it costs you money.

When you get them mixed up, your value as a human and the value you create in your business, you stop showing up for your business and you don’t like your life very much. So this happens when you make the value you’ve created in your business, a.k.a. the money you’ve made mean things about and your value as a human.

It also happens when you make other people’s reaction to your value in your business mean something about you in your value as a human. So I’m going to give you an example of this. If no one buys from you in six months and then you think of yourself as a failure, failure then becomes how you identify yourself.

Five people show up to your webinar and you make that mean no one wants what you have to offer and then you make that mean even further, no one wants you. I also see this confusion around value as a human and value created in your business when clients tell me that they need to work on their worthiness before they can make money.

So think about if this is you. If you’re like oh, I can’t make money or I can’t put myself out there or I can’t do a live stream or I can’t make an offer because I’m really struggling with my worthiness. If you believe this, what this means is you believe you have to be worthy to make money.

And if you have to be worthy to make money, it also means you aren’t worthy if you aren’t making money. This will get you in a lot of trouble. And any time you bring worthiness, you bring that into the picture, when you start associating worthiness with how much money you’re making or you’re not, everything in your business is going to feel very high stakes.

Building a business will feel very heavy and you won’t want to build your business because you won’t want to keep doing something that consistently brings you face to face with unworthiness. That will feel like a terrible idea.

So on this podcast, I want to separate them out for you and talk about them, what they actually are and how you create both, value as a human and value in your business, business value and self-value, were going to talk about how you create both.

Now, for this conversation, we’re going to call your value as a human worthiness. For this conversation. So here is my main belief. We’re going to start with worthiness. Here is my main belief on worthiness. It is inherent. We are born with it. It never goes away. It is just what we are.

That may be where you need to start is questioning that. Now, you may want to provide evidence right now when I said that that shows the opposite or some other point of you to negate this. But I just want to challenge you to explore if this could be true and if it were, how much more it would serve you to believe you’re just born with it, it never goes away no matter what you do. It’s just who you are. You always have it. Nothing you do adds to it or takes it away.

Literally, if you just worked from this podcast, if you just worked on that belief, you could get out of the need for years of therapy and coaching and models and self-coaching on worthiness if you just choose to believe this right here and work towards that every day.

But what I do also believe is worthiness, just like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Meaning if you don’t believe it, you don’t see it. Our brains actively always find evidence for what we believe and don’t believe, so if you’re thinking you’re not worthy, you will create for you the entire reality of unworthiness.

You will show up, let’s say in your business, feeling unworthy, which will impact everything from how often you make offers to the way that you make the offer, how much you put yourself out there to new people, your pricing, everything.

And then the chances of you creating money from a reality in which you are unworthy will be really slim. So here is how for the sake of this podcast, I want you to think about worthiness. Worthy is a feeling. An emotion created by how you think about yourself.

And this is fun because you could try this on without even believing it’s inherent. You could think of it as something you create in your mind or not, and something you experience in your body or not as an emotion. And I want you to think of it as one emotion, one thought, one model at a time.

So if you remember Making Money with the Model, I broke down the model. We have a circumstance and then we have a thought that drives a feeling, that creates an action, that produces a result. Worthy, where you would put that in the model is as the feeling or the emotion, and that just comes from a thought. One thought creates one feeling, drives one action, and creates one result.

Because many of you tend to think of worthiness as this overall state of being, and it is true. When you get in the habit of thinking and feeling a certain way it does become a state of being. When lots of similar thinking creates an overall state of feeling and being in the world with this general set of results. And many of you talk to me about worthiness and unworthiness this way. It’s a state of being.

Either I am worthy or most often, what I get from my clients is I am not worthy. Or sneakier yet, I struggle with my worthiness, and you speak of it as a state of being that you think is either out of your control or so deeply rooted that you have no idea where to begin or how to work through it, even if you believed you did have control.

The way that you think about it, it’s like this really big out of reach thing where you’re just sort of a lost cause. And it makes it all so much dramatic and really, it makes it not figure-out-able. So again, I just think it’s super helpful to think instead that it’s just a series of models. It’s a series of thoughts that you have that you’ve just thought over and over, and you work on it one of those thoughts at a time, and you work through it as one emotion at a time in your body.

So just like humiliation, you might say I’m feeling humiliated in this one moment of time. So instead of saying I constantly struggle with feeling unworthy, oh, I’m just feeling unworthy right now in this one moment of time. It’s such a different experience when you treat it as one emotion that you experience in one moment that’s just like all the other emotions you have versus it’s this thing that you are or you’re not.

And I also want to just say that when it’s a state of being, where it’s like, lots of thoughts creating a very similar feeling constantly and chronically, most of the thoughts that create that kind of chronic state of unworthy have nothing to actually do with unworthiness or worthiness.

So we don’t walk around saying oh yeah, I didn’t get that promotion or I didn’t sign that client because I’m really struggling with my worthiness. I have a lot of worthiness issues. That’s not how we say it. We might say I didn’t have the right qualifications or I wasn’t able to coach the client through their objections. That thought might make you feel instead, if you were really paying attention to the actual emotion in your body, insecure.

Like oh, I couldn’t coach them through their objection. That might make you feel insecure rather than unworthy because you felt insecure and you showed up apologizing in your consult and then you didn’t sign the client. But that was just one thought of I don’t know how to coach through this objection or the one thought of I don’t have the right qualifications. I’m not certified.

Many of you use that against yourself. And maybe, the real feeling isn’t unworthy, it’s just inadequate. But it is different than unworthy. So it’s really powerful to really nail down oh, even the general feeling of unworthiness is just a series of thinking and really, if I looked at it, all the thinking is actually different and all of the feeling are all different emotions. They might feel the same but they’re all slightly different. That’s so powerful to see that. It makes everything so much more workable, figure-out-able.

Okay, so if you take away so far, before we move on, that worthiness happens with how you think and feel, worthiness is a feeling created in your mind, an emotion created in your mind, most evidence you use to build your unworthiness case is actually a different set of thoughts and feelings that your brain has just kind of lumped together for efficiency under the same category, and worthiness happens one thought at a time.

Now, if you’re struggling with this, you really do just have to focus and work through one thought at a time. That’s the key takeaway. This will make it feel so much more manageable. You just make one thought responsible at a time for your result instead of making it about your entire belief system because when it’s an entire belief system, then you think you need all this work to undo all the unworthiness, and then after you do all of that exhausting work, then you have to also do the doubly exhausting work of creating an entire belief system around worthiness.

So you could spin in the worthy-unworthy cycle for years before ever making a dollar and pay coaches thousands of dollars to help you with all of your unworthiness. And also don’t get me wrong, definitely pay coaches thousands of dollars always. What we sell works.

But let’s pay coaches for results that we can create now. So one thought at a time, that is how you create worthiness. So unworthy happens one thought at a time, worthiness happens one thought at a time. But it is a model of a thought creating a feeling, driving an action to produce a result. That is your value as a human, your self-value.

It is open to interpretation but only through your own eyes. Never through your results or lack thereof. So pay attention. How you think about yourself and your results is what determines whether you are worthy to coach someone or not because of the way you feel, thinking about being able to coach someone or not.

So if you feel worthy about being able to be a coach for someone or not, it’s all about the way that you’re thinking about you, whether you’re good enough to be a coach. That measurement is created by you by the way that you think. It is not inherent. Many of you think it is, that some people are just destined or made to be coaches or natural at coaching and some are not.

You aren’t living in some fairy tale land, believing that you could be a coach when in reality, if you keep taking action you will find out you are never capable of in the first place. Isn’t that our worst fear? That’s what we think. If I keep taking action, I’m going to find out I wasn’t one of the worthy ones. I wasn’t one of the capable ones.

Marianne Williamson has a quote and I always mess it up. All of my other coaches always nail it but it’s something about our greatest fear is that we’re powerful beyond measure and I don’t know if that’s true. I think half that people, that’s true, and I think half the people in our heads believe we are super powerful and our biggest fear is that we’re going to take action on believing that power and find out that that actually wasn’t the case, that we’re not as powerful as we think we are because we have this belief of inherent value or not.

We’re like oh, either there are set people in the world that are worthy of being coaches and then others aren’t. And so I think it depends on what your belief systems are but for me, that has always been my fear. I haven’t been necessarily afraid of I’m powerful beyond measure. I’ve been afraid if I take action, I’ll find out I really couldn’t do it.

But it’s all lies. This is what is important to know. All lies. It isn’t how it works. Money is made by value that you create in your business that is different than your value as a human. So let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about value you create in your business that makes you a good coach and makes you money.

Knowing the origination of that value, of being valuable in that way, of creating value is super important. And this is where it gets really interesting. So remember, worthy is a feeling you get from what you think about yourself, that’s your self-value. Value that creates money or what I call business value is created by the way that you think, the ideas you create in the world, and by how you show up and that’s what we’re really going to dive into. The level of service you provide, the transformation you give people before they ever work with you, and while they work with you, your ability to problem solve all of that.

So value – ready? Wait for it – really happens in the A line of the model. You have thinking that serves you that creates a feeling that drives you to show up and provide a service to people for free and for pay, you create things in the world that were not there before, that all happens in what you do and how you show up.

And then how we measure the value created in business, the value you create in the world is by what we receive as a return in our R line. How much money we make. So here’s the example. You think I can help this person; you feel powerful. You show up and write an email to your list or you post something on Facebook or Instagram thinking of this specific person that you can help.

Somebody reads it, it changes the way they think in the moment. It changes how they feel. It changes how they show up and what they do the rest of their day, and they get a different result in their life. To them, your teachings are now valuable. They get on a consult with you. You show up believing you can help and loving coaching, and what’s possible with coaching. You help them with a coaching tool and then they pay you.

But here’s where the magic happens for those of you struggling with worthiness and being valuable. They are two different models. Feeling worthy and creating value, two different models. Feeling worthy, the emotion of worthiness may not create value. In that example, powerful is what created the value.

And creating value can be done 100% without feeling worthy. What? Stop it. I might be right. So here’s how I know this. Hang with me. If money is created through value and value is created through thinking, you have to be on board with that, there are many people who feel very worthy and don’t have a thought at all that they want to make more money, and therefore don’t go out and create massive levels of value, challenged by a goal of making money or making more money, and never create value that turns into money.

But they feel worthiness. And there are lots of insanely rich people who have created a lot of value that turned into cash who feel completely unworthy. How is that possible? This could change your life if you really see this. They are two different models.

You can feel confident in a skill, say sales, coming from the thought I know exactly what to do and nail a consult because of your confidence in the process of the consult and the tools you have as a coach and make money. And that money can hit your account and you can feel completely unworthy of it.

Or you can feel unworthy going into a consult but feel confident in your skill of selling, and know that you know exactly what to do because you have a sales process you walk your clients through, and specific coaching tools you use and feel confident in that, like lean on the confidence of the coaching tools and the process and make money, but feel unworthy the entire time.

What? I could be onto something. This is great news, y’all. Seriously, you don’t need to feel worthy to make money. Repeat that after me. Say it loud in your car or your office or wherever you’re listening to this. At the gym. If you’re at the gym, maybe say it in your head. You don’t need to feel worthy to make money.

You don’t need to uncover all your massive belief systems around unworthiness from your childhood or your first marriage or how much money you have before you go sign a client. You can just go sign a client. Instead of being an entire belief system away from signing clients, you could be just one thought away from signing clients. Think about if you really believed that.

If you believed you were just one thought away from creating value that turns into cash and you don’t even have to dig into all of your unworthiness before you get started, what will happen is you will just get started. I love the way I said that. Yes.

When you think you have all this deep-rooted unworthiness issues to work through before you make money, you never get started. You never get started. I don’t know why I said it that way but it’s amazing. We’ll keep it in. You make the problem so big in your head it feels unsolvable when in reality, you’re always just one model away from everything changing always.

All of those belief systems that you have, the whole I struggle with unworthiness, said as if it’s a disease that happens to you, when you work on creating value one thought at a time, when you change your thinking pattern one place, it often changes thought patterns everywhere.

So one thought that leads to value could also unwind your unworthiness or create more worthiness. Both equally useful. But not necessary because they are two different models and one doesn’t equal the other. I talk about this. I had a podcast before this one called the Diva Business School Podcast. When you join 2K for 2K, you get all 64 episodes of that podcast. It’s under the bonuses.

And I don’t remember which one this is because now it’s been too many years, but I have one where I talk about turning negative emotion into money, and one of the things I talk about on that podcast is when I was building my coaching business, I felt like my life was falling apart. I was going through massive heartbreak, I was in debt, I had no furniture in my apartment, I was having to drive six hours to work, staying in Super 8 Motels with my dog.

I was experiencing so much negative emotion but yet, I was building my business and making money. How was that true? Because I didn’t have thoughts that I was unworthy of making money. That’s not what I was focused on. I was focused on selling coaching. Those were the thoughts driving the things I did in my business.

It wasn’t about the not having the money, not having the boyfriend, not having the furniture. It was I’m good at sales and I will figure this out, and I know how to help people because I have this coaching tool called the model. And even though my results haven’t even shown up yet, I know this shit works and I’m going to go bring everybody with me.

That is what created me making money even though my life itself, I was in constant negative emotion. Because they’re two different models. And lastly, I just think this is important, having said that, that you can have both worthiness and unworthiness models happening at the same time, and models that create value for you and models that keep you from creating value.

We’re capable of believing things and not believing things all at once. That’s what creates the friction along the way. But if you see it all as kind of this series of models and a series of thoughts that create results, you have so much more power over it and when you see them as different from each other, business value and self-value, you can get to work on business value now and start making money.

You can do that while also working on your worthiness. You can do both or you can do either or. So much more possibility when you think of it that way. And the last thing I will say is I’m also not saying don’t go out there and work on your worthiness. Work on it. Do your thing. But don’t work on it believing it will create the inevitable result of making money.

Don’t use that as what you’re going to do in your action line of your model. Don’t use that as your business plan like oh, once I feel worthy, then I can make money, so the thing I’m going to do to build my business is work on my worthiness. Don’t do that. You don’t need to do that. You don’t have to do that. It’s not the fastest way to make money because it may not – even if you work on your worthiness for years, you could go down that rabbit hole the rest of your life and never make money.

It will depend on what you do every day with the thoughts of worthiness and whether you turn them into value in the world or not. It will depend on the specific thoughts you have that lead you to take action and whether that turns into money or not. So work on the worthiness if you’re going to because it makes your life experience better, and work on business value, thoughts that create skills and give transformation ahead of time and have you helping others and serving others because that is what leads to money.

Alright, I hope this shifts every single thing and rocks your world and changes the way that you think about worthiness and value from here on out. I’ll see you next week.

Hey, if you’re ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2k for 2k program where you’re going to make your first $2,000 the hardest part using my simple 5 step formula for getting consults and closing new clients. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.