Ep #133: Filling Yourself Up and Taking Care of You

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

Hey coaches, welcome to episode 133. Today I want to talk to you about something I don’t think gets enough attention when we talk about making money as a life coach. Something that often gets lost in the entrepreneurship, money, sales, marketing shuffle. And that’s the absolute necessity to take care of yourself and fill yourself up first in order to make space within you to help someone else fulfill and care for themselves. To help with their life you have to have enough energy coming from your life to do so.

So many of you who aren’t making money aren’t signing clients. It’s not because you aren’t posting enough or meeting enough people, for some of you that’s it. But some of you are making hundreds of offers but below the surface of that hustle for money lies an unhappy, unfulfilled coach with a lot of unprocessed stuff in your own life.

And we’ve talked about how we give off a sort of energetic smell to us based on our overall state of being that we’re in. So how we feel on a daily basis it either smells like roses or it smells like ass. And it has to do with how well we are cared for by ourselves. The way that we take care of ourselves, the inner work we do for us. The walking example we become of the tools we teach. And I’m not talking taking baths here. There’s no amount of baths filled with all the candles and the bubbles and a good book that will wash mental BO off of you.

No amount of naps or walks, I’m not talking about that kind of self-care. I’m talking about putting yourself first in your day, honoring what you want and not lying to other people and filling your day with obligations. Processing your own emotions, feeling genuinely grateful for your life, practicing being on a daily basis the person you want to become. Making hard decisions for the future you want to have. Being intentional with your thoughts and feelings and how you show up for your life every day.

When you do this, you are so whole and so complete. You have so much space inside of your brain and your heart, inside of your emotional body that you can totally and 100% deeply care and take care of others, be there for others.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, I have a friend, Lindsey Mango-Goodman. Hopefully, she doesn’t mind that I just hyphenated her name like that. That is such an example of what is possible to really be a life coach. To be a walking example of what it means to have been coached, and coach yourself on your life. To be that end result of that coaching, of that self-coaching and of that being coached. To fill yourself up to really be available truly, spiritually available for other people.

And I want to tell you about her today, about my experience of her. We have been friends for years. But the last six months I have been truly struck by how she has shown up to our friendship, her life, her business, just everything. She is such an example of how I want to be in my friendships in my life. As you know by now, my wedding was cancelled with COVID. And I actually officiated her wedding. So, she got married and then we were supposed to get married roughly six months later, and then COVID.

And as our reschedule date drew nearer without a firm answer of whether we would get married or not, it was Lindsey who gently and thoughtfully nudged me about once a week to start wedding planning again. And it was really painful for me to lean back into excitement for my day when at the height of my wedding nearing, and those final 90 days of planning it got cancelled.

I think it literally happened two weeks after we came back from Napa from our last official visit to do our tasting and our table setting display, all of those final things. We got back two weeks later, COVID, the world shut down. And then nearing our wedding we didn’t have a firm answer of whether in fact we would actually be doing it. I really drug my feet on it because it was just so painful to hope again and to start planning without knowing if it was going to happen. Knowing it was highly possible we would start planning again and it would just be cancelled again.

And she was just there. She was just there on a slow, but consistent and loving basis to just nudge me forward just a little. She checked in nearly every week with little hints of, “Well, maybe we can start looking at bridesmaids dresses.” And then she would try to get me excited. She’d be like, “I’ll come over and we’ll look online together.”

And then as the wedding got nearer and we finally did get a yes, she was there for every single thing. We had sort of this kind of squished, my bachelorette, my wedding dress alterations, and a work trip in just a few weeks. I decided to do an in-person meeting for 2 Million Dollar Group, which she is in. And we decided to do it in Vegas. We were going to be there for Neil’s birthday. So, I said – we were literally going to do the meeting and then we were going to leave the next morning for Vegas.

And I said, “Wait, why don’t we just leave two days early for Vegas, do the meeting there and then we’ll just be there longer.” And so literally for Lindsey and I, it was my bachelorette, Vegas, and then going to New York for my dress fitting, which is something that we originally had planned before COVID. We were going to go and spend a whole week in New York and just do this amazing like friendship trip. And then it got cancelled as well and so there was a lot of events surrounding my wedding that got cancelled and just a lot of waiting my whole life.

I know for everybody it’s different. Some people aren’t that into weddings or they don’t ever want to get married or whatever. But for me I’m the girl who waited my whole life and dreamed of my wedding my whole life. My dad as we were dancing together even said how proud he was because he knew. He remembers me planning my wedding and saying I wasn’t going to get married until I could have the wedding of my dreams. And then he was just saying how proud he was that I made that happen. And so, for me this was a really big deal.

And so, there was so much disappointment that I’ve had to work through and so many different events that I didn’t think I was going to get, like my trip to New York, like my bachelorette. And so, as it came around again she was just there for it all. We thought we were originally going to have to quarantine for three days after we got to New York before doing my three day dress fitting. And she was just down to do it. She was excited to do it. It wasn’t an obligation to her. She was looking forward, listen, it blows my mind to even say it to you all, she was looking forward to quarantining.

We had decided to bring work projects that we were going to work on. And then we’d, you know, we had looked at their menu for room service. And we stayed at Equinox hotel in Hudson Yards. And there’s a whole – they have the Equinox gym and then it’s this whole health inspired hotel. And so, they had these crazy lattes, and smoothies, and just really healthful food. And so, we were making the most out of that.

And then we thought that the dress fitting was going to have to be four hours each day. And we ended up not having to quarantine or not having to be there for four hours a day, so it was amazing. But she was just there for it, she was down. She was like, “Let’s do it.” Excited about it. And I had no expectations for this trip but she made it so special. Everything I wanted to do she was all in beginning of the day till the end of the day.

And not like, “Yeah, let’s do that.” And then on her phone and mentally somewhere else, she was present the entire time with me. She was actually taking photos and sending them to my bridesmaids of me in my dress. And she would constantly ask me questions about the wedding to get me really excited. And when we were there we actually found out that we were 100% moving forward with the wedding. California released their guidelines and we were going to be able to have it.

And we were actually getting ready for dinner at this restaurant we both love called Buddakan in Chelsea. And we – so we’re getting ready and we find out and I’m freaking out, crying, hugging her, calling Neil, calling my family, texting people. And she grabbed her phone and all of her makeup and came into my bathroom and started getting ready next to me. And was like pulled that Jagged Edge remix, Let’s Get Married. And was jamming out to that, just getting me so hyped. I started calling her my hype girl.

And we actually ended up walking in to our reception to that song, so thank you Lindsey for that. But she just made the entire – that moment even so special for me. If there was a maximum specialness to be had in that moment. She was there to expand it and make it happen. And we ended up missing our reservation because we stopped to celebrate so much and we had to sit in the cold on the street and eat and she didn’t complain once. And I had lots of thoughts about it and was being a Debbie Downer for sure.

But she committed to even making that special, sitting on the New York street, it was not – some of the places that had outdoor seating made an attempt to make it look cute and a vibe to be outside. This place did not at all. It was – there were metal pipes pushing heat out at our table. And it was literally on the street next to an orange cone. And we were all dressed up super fancy to celebrate and she just made it the most special night. It ended up being one of the funnest nights that we had.

And we met some of my friends for dinner on a couple of the nights that we were there. And I just watched her be all in to get to know them too, super present and interested in them. And she wasn’t in a hurry to leave. The last day we ended up staying and we went to the spa. And we didn’t get home until seven at night. And she had scheduled herself to work the next day I think, or actually I think she gave herself the day off and didn’t schedule herself till Tuesday. She had really made accommodations to be there for me.

And in the middle of all of it she was waiting on news about some test results that she was getting in. And she could have easily made lots of conversations become about her diagnosis and she didn’t. We did talk about it, but truly you could just feel that her mind wasn’t there. It wasn’t preoccupied. It was where she was in the present moment. And again, I was just so struck by that. Waiting for a diagnosis, test results of a diagnosis and giving a friend five days of your undivided attention to make her special event one to remember forever. Who does that?

I was paying so close attention. It wasn’t her ignoring herself or putting other people first either. I could really tell that she had just made peace with whatever results came back. She had processed her emotions around it. She had committed to being present and creating memories with me. It was just so inspiring.

And then when my wedding week came, actually, I have to say this, she got results back, and they were actually on that New York trip too. I think on the last day she got her results back and they were better than what she had hoped for and expected. And so, we got to celebrate that as well which was so fun. It was a really amazing moment.

And so, my wedding week came. And she was the same steady Lindsey, checking in to make sure I had a good time, asking if I needed anything. I asked her at the last minute to speak at our rehearsal. And her response was, “I was hoping you would ask me.” And then she prepared the most touching speech to us that was truly representative of how much care she has put in to getting to know both of us as a couple. And then when my honeymoon was cancelled she came by and she brought this basket full of goodies and a card for us. And I’m actually going to read it to you.

So, this giant basket of goodies. And in the card said, “Stacey and Neil, while I know this is not what you expected, sometimes marriage is about taking shitty moments and the worst things ever and making them a little magical. I hope this helps create a little magic for you all tonight. Here’s what we’ve got. Caymus because it’s likely Stacey will have one glass and Neil will have more. Two candles, one Stacey’s taste, tobacco vanilla, and one Neil’s taste, lemon grapefruit.

Cheese and crackers to go with the wine, pickles, honey, butter, jam, and almonds to go with the cheese and crackers. A photo in a frame to remember the magic from your wedding week. And not let that stupid travel agent take away from it. Little bowls for your jams and honey. Good vibes only dish for more jam and honey, and of course for good vibes. A cutting board to make it pretty like Napa. Desserts, one for each of you. And since Neil didn’t eat for a month. Always, love Lindsey.”

You guys, she even printed a photo from our wedding week of us at a winery, kissing, and printed it out and put it in a frame. This was such a simple but grand gesture. And it was really a turning point for me in my depression of losing the honeymoon I planned and waited for, for two years, swimming in all of the negative emotion. We immediately pulled everything out and opened the wine and lit the candles and made a cheese board. And just connected and felt that magic that she wished for us.

When you don’t take care of your mind and live your most authentic intentional life that you want to be living, you don’t have time and energy to even think of things like this. That was the predominant thought I had when I was looking at this basket. This basket was a representation of the way that she cares for herself that this is how she cares for others.

You miss little moments like this to really give someone else a little of your magic when you aren’t filled up and taken care of by yourself. And this is true in friendship, in love, and in business. When you are drowning, you don’t have the strength to save someone else. You don’t go the extra mile. You don’t fully engage with the moment that you’re in, with the human you are with. You don’t connect. You don’t give your presence. You don’t make the lasting impression. Lindsey is the best example of filling herself up so much that her energy pours over and into everyone around her.

It is my honor to be her friend and to share her with you. We all need to take Lindsey’s lead, fill ourselves up more, be available for others more. I really want to offer that what if the only thing you had to do to make money as a life coach was this. People are always asking me, “How do you create more value?” And I would say by being more of you. Having more of you to give, because you have really done the work, because you do the work every day. By giving someone your full attention, truly connecting to everyone you meet and the people who are already in your life.

Not being other places in your mind. Listening and really hearing what people have to say. Paying attention. Being aware of when someone could really use your support. Not needing to me asked but just showing up for others. In the beginning you may not be there. You may have lots of work to do and that is okay. But when you are on your business’s time, leave your stuff at the door, give yourself permission to come back to yourself on your own time, and please do.

Don’t leave yourself for the last hour of the day at 10:00pm at night. Give yourself your full attention right away, first thing the morning. I know Lindsey does. You can watch her Insta Stories. She is the queen of waking up and getting her latte and journaling and doing something for her in the morning. And working out, and eating something healthy, and really filling herself up even physically in the morning and taking care of her.

And then be where you are always fully with all of you. You chose to be there. Even if it’s your day job be there fully as who you want to be in this world no matter what the circumstance is. Make time for yourself and work on yourself as if having a business depended on it. Help yourself as if helping others depended on it, because it does. You can’t help anyone else if you aren’t helping yourself first, it’s your first and only job in the beginning and always.

And if you want help with this, hire Lindsey. This is what she does, it’s who she is. She has a program called Anything But Average. And she helps coaches be in integrity with what they are offering by being a life coach, a coach of life. By starting with yourself first, doing the work on you so you so you can get out there and do the work with others. And be the example in every area of your life with everyone in your life.

You can find her at lindseymangocoaching.com and on IG @lindseymango_. And Lindsey, if you’re listening I just want to say I love you and I appreciate you. And I hope for all of you listening that this message inspires you to live a little more like Lindsey every single day. Alright loves, I’ll talk to you next week.

Hey, if you are ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2K for 2K program where you’re going to make your first $2,000, the hardest part, and then $200,000 using my proven formula. It’s risk-free. You either make your 2K or I give you your 2K back. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.