Ep #342: Being On the Fence and How to Get Off

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and Master Coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first $2K, $20K, and $200K using her proven formula.

Hey coaches, welcome to episode 342. Today, we’re going to talk about being on the fence and how to get off for you as the student, and then for your clients, and why this matters. So I have been, this year, if you haven’t noticed, selling a lot.

Now, part of that, the biggest part of that, is that I started this year as my 10th year in business, my celebration year. And I have, for the last two years, I think I’ve talked about this on the podcast, that I have been creating courses in my Notes app on my phone. Like this idea for a course, this idea for a course, paying attention to my students, but I never had the energy, the time, and there were other things in the business that needed worked on that I couldn’t put that work out into the world. And then we finally got to a place where I could just unleash value, unleash creativity, play, just launch.

And so I have, I think, launched something almost every single, I think every single month this entire year so far. Now, part of that is also because I’m going on maternity leave, but I also wonder, I think if I weren’t going on maternity leave, there would just be something that we would be doing in August, September, and October as well. I feel on fire, my creativity is at the highest, and I’m just enjoying myself so much. I know so many people are afraid of launching, and they think it’s so masculine and it takes so much energy and it wears them out, but I have really had a lot of fun.

And one of the things that has happened this year, when because I’ve been selling more, is that when I sell, and I teach this to my students, is you’ve got to get people talking. It’s the number one thing. Your sales emails, your live streams, your social media posts, your, you know, networking, anything that you’re saying to market and sell your business is your best theories and your take on what you’re offering. And then there’s how people respond to it and what their thoughts are and what they’re looking for and so every time I do an entrepreneur series course, one of the things that’s been fascinating to me is the very first post when we open the group is always “tell me why you joined.” What about this marketing enticed you? What do you want to take away from this course?

And then, of course, what I love to do is then weave in the things that people say that aren’t in like the master curriculum. I weave those things in throughout the conversations to make sure people get what they came for and that we really touch on the way people experience, for example, how they experience lack of capacity or how they experience challenges in their business, or we’re doing ROI right now. So, you know, when they think of returns on investment, what inspired them and what do they want to take from that, and making sure that we really include… the conversation is robust.

And one of the other things that comes up a lot when I’m selling is the reasons people would and wouldn’t buy, right? When I’m getting people talking, that’s my goal. What are the reasons you would buy and you wouldn’t buy? Beyond “I’m not interested.” That’s not interesting. That’s not feedback that is really valuable, but to have someone tell you, this is what really drew me in, this is what felt valuable to me, or this is where I’m stuck, is really valuable information for you to help your people.

And so I’ve been selling a lot, and I naturally, as you sell more, you will also get more yeses, and then you will also get more no’s. This is something important to just know ahead of time. People think it’s one of the things, especially in my 2 Million Dollar Group, when we’re coaching, they’re so surprised when they start scaling, is how they feel like they’re getting more no’s than ever, and they are. But I always tell them, and you’re also making more money than ever.

We have to keep that in check, right? We have to know that just if you are offering a thousand people something and then 2,000 people and then 3,000 people, the more people you offer, the more there will be no’s, and also the more there will be yeses.

So the no’s, I like to study those and I like to think about them for my own self and my own marketing, but also for my teaching because I’m, it always feels like a meta experience, if that’s the right word for it, because I’m teaching you how to also sell to your people and you’re also a student buying from me.

So I always think there’s a lot to learn there. And so that’s really where this podcast is coming from is I’ve been getting of the group of no’s that I get, of people who talk to me during my sales sequence on the fence. Like “I’m on the fence of buying this thing,” “I’m on the fence of investing in this thing” has come up a lot.

And then in the coaching that I’m always doing, I’ve also found this coming up with being on the fence of actually building your business, being on the fence of quitting, being on the fence of going to the networking event, being on the fence of, you know, really going for it. Whatever it is, I just feel like in the last so far this year, the number one thing I’ve heard from a lot of people is that they’re on the fence. Like if they’re actually considering something, not “I’m not interested,” or “I’m a no,” or “I know that’s not for me,” but “I’m on the fence.” I do think that is an interesting thing to look at for my students who are also selling coaching to other people who may also be on the fence.

And I want to talk about this in a way that I think is really interesting, that I think maybe you haven’t thought about before of what being on the fence means that I if you stay with me could be a really big transformation for how you make decisions and then how you help other people make decisions. Because I do believe, and I’ve said this many times, if you’re in my 2k for 2k, you have heard me say this, our job as coaches, and it doesn’t matter what you coach on, health, nutrition, marriage, trauma, grief, divorce, weight loss, business, I mean, all of the different things. Whatever you coach on, at the end of the day, you are helping your clients make decisions that align with getting the results that they want. You’re helping them make new decisions, different decisions than they’ve made before.

And typically, you will have people, like even if you’ve paid attention to your own self-coaching and your own implementation of things, there are times where you will get coaching and you will hear it and it will feel valid and it will feel true and like I should probably do this, but you will be on the fence of actually doing it. Or there could be a moment, I always describe this in my, I remember when I did relationship coaching 10 years ago.

The very first thing I hired someone for, really, it was life coaching, but the big chronic pain was my relationship. And one of the things I was constantly on the fence about was the moment where I would be ready to explode at my partner. Something would happen, and you know that moment where you’re ready to just pounce, and I would have to catch myself and pull myself back from that experience. And sometimes I would be on the fence of like, am I going to jump in and start yelling or am I going to calm myself down, get to neutral, drop into my vulnerability, look at what I’m actually feeling, and learn how to communicate that properly. So there’s so many times that we’re on the fence of things.

But what on the fence is, the way that I think about it for every situation, is its indecisiveness. And that is really important to know. It’s actually the opposite of decisiveness. And that again, is what we teach our clients. I think it’s the number one thing we help people do. Like, if you were like, what does a help a life coach do? I help you become decisive in your life. Decisive about the things you want, decisive to take action towards them.

I help you get out of the land of indecisiveness. What do I want? I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what the future looks like. I don’t know how to get there. All the “I don’t know,” I help you rid yourself of that. That’s what we teach our clients. If you really start thinking about it and that’s what coaching is every day, taking action, being decisive in how you’re going to think, how you’re going to feel, how you’re going to respond, what you’re going to do, what results you’re going to create, decisiveness, decisiveness.

No one created anything big in their lives, any major changes ever, by being wishy-washy, not knowing, or being on the fence. So we have to be expert fence-hopper-offers. Experts at hopping off the fence the moment we find ourselves on it. Which means anytime, for any reason, for any topic that we catch ourselves sitting on the fence, we have to know that what we are actually sitting on is indecisiveness. And then we have to immediately turn that into decisiveness.

And in order to do that, you’re going to want to have an inner process for that. And hopefully, that inner process, whatever you work out for yourself, is rooted in the same things you would teach your clients if they are making decisions. We want their decisions rooted in sufficiency. We want their decisions rooted in intention towards what they want to accomplish. It’s the only way you accomplish something is you take action decisively towards what you want. We want them to take action with self-confidence and self-belief. Right? Most humans are right in the world right now are taking action from lack of self-belief, lack of self-confidence, and that’s why they don’t like their results. So we have to build that confidence, build that belief by taking action every day as if you would if you had that.

We also want to make decisions that come from your future self and your future desired results. Again, it’s the only way you get there, and they have to be decisive. You don’t take the action the same way if you’re indecisive, but you know what the action is, and you take it, but you didn’t get your brain on board. Decisive is when your brain is on board, your emotions are on board, and then you go for it. That’s true decisiveness. And we also want that inner process for being decisive to be grounded and calm.

Like, I bet you could find a lot more as well, but those are the things that came to mind. Like when I am being decisive, I want to be sufficient. I want it to be intentional towards what I want, rooted in self-confidence and self-belief, rooted in my future self and my future desires, and from a grounded, calm place.

I don’t want the decisiveness to be rooted in fear. Sometimes we do that. We’re very decisive. Oh, I don’t want that. Now, it’s okay if you’re like, I don’t want to ride this amusement park ride, or I don’t want to go, you know, take a walk at night down this street, or I don’t, you know, want to go fly right now. Whatever it is, it’s like sometimes your fear and steering you away from a decision is good, but not when it’s creating the life that you want. Any decision made from fear is not going to give you the outcome you want. So we don’t want decisiveness rooted in that. And we also don’t want decisions that are coming from you being stuck in where you are now and not seeing a future path forward.

Because a lot of people that you get on consults with, that’s where they’re coming to you from. They are stuck in exactly where they are now and where they’ve been, and they have no clue how to move forward. And if they try to make a decision with you to say yes to you and your coaching, and they are stuck there, they will not be able to get past that.

Which is why if you’re in 2k, we talk about creating a vision for them on the consult and making that very tangible and showing them what’s on the other side so that they’re very motivated to leave where they are now because they have to overcome a lot of fear in order to leave where they are now. But most people, if they just can’t imagine another reality other than where they are now, then they’re going to have the desire for something new, and then they’re going to be stuck where they are, and that’s what creates the indecisiveness and sitting on the fence.

Sitting on the fence is “I have the desire, and I don’t have the belief.” I have the desire, and I’m stuck looking at my situation now and not seeing an alternative to get out of it. So the desire feels more like a wish or a hope or a dream. It doesn’t feel tangible. And then we also don’t want the decision rooted in urgency or lack. Like I have to take action urgently, or else something terrible is going to happen. I have to take it because I’m lacking, and I have to make up for that. Because believe it or not, that’s also not the right energy, right? To go create your future life, to go do the thing, to go accomplish what you want to accomplish. Unworthiness, unbelong, like not belonging, smallness. These are all other factors that come into sitting on the fence.

And so I think your biggest thing that you want to be thinking about right now is for anything that you’re on the fence with in your life, you want to pay close attention to why you’re on the fence. What has you there? What has you with the desire and then firmly planted on the fence, stuck in where you are now and not really believing a true future different than where you are now or being stuck there because you think the circumstances that you’re in right now are so big that they prevent you from getting off the fence.

Because your clients will think that, too. They’re going to hear all of your best-laid offer of how you’re going to help them. They’re going to hear all the value you would bring them, all the solutions you’re going to give them, how you’re going to help them become someone new. And then they’re going to be like, “this sounds amazing, however…” and “I’ve got a lot of money going out this month and you know, I’m waiting on some clients to pay me and I’ve got this going on and I’ve got that going on.”

And really, what they’re going to be telling you is my circumstances are so big that I have to sit on the fence right now with my desire and just watch because my circumstances prevent me from hopping off. And if you are not an expert in hopping off the fence, you will not be able to walk other people. It does not matter how many amazing questions you ask or what you say to them or it doesn’t matter, you will not be able to get them off the fence either.

This is why this matters. The more decisive you are, the more decisive people you will attract in your marketing. It’s just an energetic thing. I always tell my clients, your future people who want to coach are thinking about a certain type of coach. Like they’re thinking of who that person is and who they aren’t, and what the coach possesses that they need. And they’re looking for the person who models that, who lives that, who just is that. And if you aren’t that, they will not reach out to you and ask you to help them.

You can’t, if you are energetically on the fence, especially a lot of times, but really in anything big, then you’re not an energetic match. You’re not being the person, being the coach that they want to hire, because they want to get off the fence. That’s why they’re asking for help. So you’ve got to become a master at not being on the fence ever. So you want to know “why am I on the fence” the moment you recognize being on the fence.

What are the actual thoughts keeping you from making a decision? You have to be very clear what they are. Again, it will be impossible to help someone figure out what their thoughts are that are keeping them on the fence, the real thoughts, and the real feelings if you don’t have a practice rooted in this. It doesn’t matter what I teach you in 2k, 200k, 2 Million Dollar Group, doesn’t matter. This will, it will be a mental block from you.

And sometimes when you are figuring out why you’re on the fence, when you’re asking yourself, why am I on the fence? Like if I catch myself on the fence for anything, I’m exploring immediately. And sometimes our feelings reveal our thoughts. Like we are like, oh, I’m on the fence, I’m feeling uncertain, why? Here’s the thought that I’m thinking.

Or sometimes our thoughts reveal our feelings. I’m on the fence because I’m afraid this won’t be any different than all the other times. And then you’re like, okay, how is that, what feeling is that inside my body? And then do I do I think that is my best intentional feeling for creating the results I want to create and the person I want to become? For me, it’s whichever is easiest to find; I’m going to explore it. Whether it’s a feeling or a thought or a thought or a feeling, I’m going to explore that.

Now, here’s the key. This should not take more than a few minutes. Not days, not hours, minutes. Decisive people are very quick to figure out what is keeping them undecided. Decisive coaches are good at exploring their thoughts and their feelings to figure that out. You want to become that person very quickly. So not hours, not days, not weeks, not months, not years, minutes.

Now, it could, if it’s something really big, way beyond your normal decision-making processes, then it could be days. And it could maybe be a few weeks. I think that’s still extraordinary. But it could take a couple of days. I’ve considered a $100,000 investment before in my company, like $100,000 paid in full up front. I’ve considered that investment, and it took me a few days to unwind my indecisiveness and figure out exactly what it is and all, and coach myself on all the thoughts that were coming up, and like really make a clean, clear decision. It took me a couple of days, but not weeks, days.

And that was like the top of I think what I would call like my tolerance for decisiveness, right? Like my tolerance for decisiveness is very, very high. And $100,000 might have been at the time the top for me. I’d never made a $100,000 investment before in one thing. And I had already, that was the year I invested $233,000 just in coaching. I’m not talking about ads, I’m not talking about team, I’m not talking about any of that, just coaching on my brain. And so it was a lot. It took a couple of days.

But then I had decided, and I had a very clear reason. And I also want to tell you that specific reason was I just, I had some colleagues tell me, like, Stacey, you could do this on your own and save $100K. I was in the shower and I had an epiphany of I could, I don’t want to. I want to feel supported in this. It would feel amazing. The way I imagine myself feeling when I feel supported through this learning this thing, and coaching on this, I really do think it would make the difference of my energy levels, my capacity to, you know, be there for my students, sell, deliver content, create new things. I just felt like I’m willing to pay that much money for support to feel supported, to have someone holding my hand through something, to have someone teaching me, and me not having to figure it out through trial and error.

And that ended up ultimately being my decision. I could have where I am now in my business; I could have figured it out, and I just didn’t want to do it on my own. And so that, like having access to that’s my reason and I love that reason, now I’m on, I’m off the fence, and I’m decisive.

But my tolerance being that high is from a thousand little moments or 100,000 little moments along the way. It’s exercising it every day. Why am I on the fence for this thing or that thing? Doesn’t matter what it is, but for sure investments. Because I’m always thinking like, how do I help you be more of a product of your product, more in integrity with what you’re selling, so that you easily overcome objections for people who genuinely want to be yeses?

You have to think about it, being on the fence literally means I’m indecisive because I have this desire, and then there’s something in the way. I’m either not believing that I could go beyond where I am now, or it feels like my circumstances are too big to overcome, or my past is too big to overcome, my shame is too big, something is there that’s too big for me to overcome, but I also have this desire, so I’m just sitting on the fence. I’m not on the other side to be a no, but I’m also not on the side to be a yes.

Remember that’s what that means. So we’ve got to be experts in doing that. And I want to say the best way that you could start becoming an expert in this, if you’re like, well, what’s an inner process? Like, what should I do? This one’s the simplest. And if you ever are on the fence, you guys are going to laugh. It’s really simple. But if anyone, if I’m ever selling, and this happens a lot with my entrepreneur series or my 200k Mastermind, I will have because I have such a huge community in my 2k for 2k program, that people will post and they’ll either tell other students who joined or they’ll tell me “I’m on the fence.” And they won’t always say that they’re on the fence, but I know they’re on the fence.

And so they’ll say, “I’m thinking about doing this, but here’s my reservations.” And then they’ll list out all the reasons why they wouldn’t do it. And all the reasons why it would be hard. And every time I ask them one question, and when they do this question, every single time they end up signing up. Every single time, they end up moving forward. Are you ready? It’s not rocket science. I always tell them, “Okay, so you’ve given me a great argument, you know, and all the reasons why you wouldn’t do it. Tell me why you would.” That’s it. Tell me why you would do it. You could ask your people this, too. You can steal it.

But here’s why this is such a simple yet profound question and process. Because our brains are so used to giving us the argument for why we wouldn’t do something, why something is impossible, why it won’t work, why we’re not enough to do it, all the nots. This is why I wouldn’t do it. This is what’s in the way. It’s going to give you all of that all day long. And we’ve trained ourselves to only listen to that. So, post after post, customer service, email after customer service email is entire paragraphs of all the reasons why someone wouldn’t do something with one sentence of I’m thinking of doing this, but here are six paragraphs as to why I wouldn’t.

And so they’ve just never thought, they’ve never considered the desire part. Why do I desire this so much so that it has me on the fence? Because I could equally just be like, look at these five paragraphs, it’s very evidently a no. But the desire is there, nagging. It wants to be seen, it wants to be heard, it wants to be included in the conversation. And I find that the more you include desire, the more easily you start taking action in your life towards what you want, and the more you create a life that you truly desire.

I’ve been talking about desire a lot because I just, I don’t have anything on my calendar anymore that I don’t desire. Team meetings, podcasts, classes, emails, like anything. There’s nothing on my calendar that I don’t desire. So I never have to use self-discipline. So when I take action from desire, then I’m not working against myself. I’m not using willpower. I’m not using discipline. I’m not disciplining myself.

And when I make decisions and I move towards my desires decisively, then I create a life that I truly, unbelievably desire. I get all the things I want. And that’s I know what you want, and that’s what I know your clients want. So the secret sauce is just paying attention, giving the desire the same amount of voice that you give the lack of desire or the stuckness, or the no’s, or the this is why I wouldn’t. Just give it 50% airtime. It will change your life. You’ll be absolutely shocked at what will happen when you start listing out why you would do something.

Go to why you would go to the networking event, why you would join the course, why you would, whatever it is, say yes to the coaching that you’ve been given and do the thing, why you would start the podcast, why you would, you know, market this thing that you’ve had an idea to market forever. That’s another thing when I’m in 200k, I’m coaching a lot of people, and they’re like, I’ve been thinking about doing this forever, but here are all the reasons why I wouldn’t. And I’m like, okay, let’s talk about all the reasons why you would. And I get people off the fence so fast with that question for everything.

Try it on. Just this week, everything you’re on the fence with, list out your desires, see what happens. And then like, tell me about it. I would love to know. It’s a powerful exploration. But we’ve got to get you off the fence. You can’t have any of that energy and be selling coaching at the same time because you won’t be able to help people off the fence for themselves, but also you won’t be in your full coach energy because coaches get people off the fence. It’s what we do.

All right, have an amazing week. I am so excited to be talking to you. I have a lot of amazing podcasts planned out coming up that I think are going to be so valuable. So I’m so excited to get back in the recording studio and be knocking these out for you all. I will see you next week. Have a beautiful one. Bye-bye.

Hey, if you’re ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2k for 2k program; where you’re going to make your first $2,000 the hardest part using my simple five-step formula for getting consults and closing new clients. Just head over to StaceyBoehman.com/2Kfor2K. We’ll see you inside.