Ep #389: Business Tears

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Hey coaches. Welcome to episode 389. We’re going to talk about business tears today. This is actually something I recorded on my cell phone, just a little quick audio note. A couple of weeks ago, maybe a month ago at this point, I had a few really hard weeks, few really hard weeks of tech issue after tech issue after tech issue.

There was only one other time in my business where this happened, and I’ve been trying to think of when, but it was like at the point of feeling like, I don’t know how to describe it, just the greatest amount of powerlessness and stuckness, like when you’re in quicksand. And the feeling I had was just so overwhelming that I had to intensely cry it out.

And I don’t want to spoil anything, but the next day, I was left with an explosive amount of energy because I was willing to have compassion, I was willing to normalize this experience, and then I was willing to let that emotion move through me.

And I told my team, we’re going to save this episode for a week that we just feel like this is the time. This is the time to release this. Like, I just know at some point this is going to be the time. So, flash forward a few weeks, and then I have an entire disaster, not technically. If you listened to last week’s episode, it was a lot of things all at once, and I had the completely opposite reaction.

No tears, no stress. I wasn’t apathetic. I was just calm and grounded and completely in my power. I can’t even describe. These things should have caused me massive amounts of drama, and they didn’t. I was good. I handled it like a boss in such an incredible way. I recorded a video and put it on my social, and then I’m like, we got to put this on the podcast. And so then I started thinking about this, this reaction of business tears, and then the opposite reaction of complete and total empowerment.

And I decided that now was the time to release this episode right after that episode because if you’re in any of my containers, the thing that you know about me is I am constantly trying to bring entrepreneurs and coaches out of black-and-white thinking. This or that. Often people will ask me in my containers, they’ll say, “I’m using this against myself. You’ve said this one thing one time.”

And I will go in, and often maybe they’re misunderstanding what I’ve said, and maybe I’m able to show them that, but sometimes they’re taking something that I’ve said, and they’re using it in a context that maybe it’s not the most useful. And I think it’s a really important lesson in realizing that there are times where there is coaching that lands for me so hard, and I’m like, yes, I needed this right now. This was the perfect lesson. And then, there’s another time where the complete opposite is what I needed to hear.

I don’t believe that coaching inherently is hypocritical. I don’t think it’s all or nothing either. I don’t think there’s one thing you’re going to hear in coaching that lands for every single possible thing that ever happens. There are some things. I have one sentence that I use a lot in my business. This is just the beginning. And I can use that for hard stuff and good stuff. But not everything is like you can use one exact coaching for every specific thing always. No, sometimes you need to hear one thing and sometimes you need to hear the other.

One person can come on the call crying their eyes out, and I’m going to coach them so freaking tough. Knock it off because I know they’re creating suffering in their brain and indulging and it’s really not useful and someone’s got to snap them out of it. And then somebody else can come on a call and they’re crying their eyes out and I can tell they are suffering with so much pain. And I’m going to hold them and I’m going to be compassionate. Like it’s not the same every time. It’s not just like one answer across the board. So I think this is the perfect time to hear two messages in deep contrast with each other. 

And both are true. One day you might have a terrible day. Everything is going wrong. Your brain might fall off that current one little, like fall out of the vortex, whatever you want to call it. You might fall out of empowerment into a low-value cycle one day and it is just complete doom and gloom and you need to cry that shit out. And the next day, you might need the completely opposite reaction for yourself and your business. You might just have it naturally, or you might need to be coached into it.

This and that. This is how I receive all of my coaching and give all of my coaching. This and that. So, I want you to listen to this audio, especially if you listened to last week’s episode, when challenges maybe just aren’t challenges. But I want you to hear that right next to business tears. And I want you to hold both of these episodes for whichever you need most in the exact moment you need it. You will know which episode do I need to refer to. I think if you listen deep within, you’ll know which message is meant for me right now. And both are completely fine because both of these reactions for me happened within a month. Both of these reactions, same exact month.

This is normal. All right, y’all. Here is my, I hope the audio is remotely decent. Here is what I recorded in the thick of business tears or right after the thick of business tears. Let’s listen in. 

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Hey coaches. Let’s talk about business tears. Hopefully the audio sounds mostly decent. I’m recording from my phone because I just don’t want to lose this conversation that’s in my head. I want to get it straight out to you. I had a bad day a couple of days ago, a day where many tears were shed from rage, anger, frustration, but mostly I was figuring out like, what’s the rage about? And I realized it was like the deepest state of feeling powerless. 

That comes up for me a lot with tech. I’ve been very open about that for many, many years. There’s something that makes me feel like I’m going to go mad when hours and hours and hours of your life are lost to figuring out tech. And this has been my last two weeks for many things. I remember there was another time in my career where this happened where it felt like moving through mud, hours and hours and hours, weeks, months, constant tech issues. And it felt like at one point, am I manifesting this? Like I just kept thinking, am I just attracting this? What is going on?

And then it went away and I didn’t have tech issues for a long, long time, and now it’s back. Apple can’t figure it out. The people surrounding me can’t always figure it out. My tech guy just got remote access to my computer to try to figure it out. Like we have taken all the steps. But yes, I’m able to laugh about it today because I processed through so many emotions yesterday. But I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

Are you willing to shed some business tears? And do you make that mean something about you? That you aren’t cut out for it, that you’re overly emotional, that you’re out of control with your emotions, that something has gone wrong, that you’re not being an example of what’s possible, that you’re a fraud, that everything that you’ve created in the past is a fluke because clearly you’re a hot mess, just in general being a hot mess.

I’m curious for you to think about what do you make your business tears mean? What do you make the really bad days mean? Do you use your business tears and your really bad days against yourself? Here’s what I want to tell you. Here’s what I believe business tears mean. Here’s what I believe really bad days where you’re feeling the rage of powerlessness, when you’re feeling extraordinarily disappointed, when you missed the mark so much you feel a little crazy, like how the hell did you think you were that close to begin with? The days where you feel like everything is piling on top of you and the pressure could just implode you.

Those days mean to me that you care. It means to me that you are deeply passionate. It means to me that you want something bad and that you are expending time, energy, effort to create it. It means that you are committed. It means that you care with every single fiber of your being, every ounce of your soul. It means that you are bought in, you are sold. It means that you do give a damn. It means that you are meant for this. It means that you have emotional regret. It means that you have emotional buy-in. It means that you are willing to go to every end of the spectrum for your dreams, meaning you are willing to go all the way to such excitement and such big vision and such extraordinary dreams, and you’re willing to back all of your energy and effort into it, that the flip side of caring so much and putting so much effort and energy and love and desire into something is that you’re also going to swing to the other side when things don’t go your way.

The other side of the spectrum is the business tears. It’s the disappointment, it’s the rage, it’s the frustration, it’s the tears, it’s the helplessness, the powerlessness, and being willing to experience that and letting that show you and reveal to you how much you care and how much you want this and how much you’re committed. That should reinforce to you and ignite to you that this is exactly the right track that you’re on, that you are meant for this, that you are willing to go to bat for this. It should have you doubling down if you make it mean, if you assign meaning to it in the right way.

If you let it show you that this is literally how bad you want it, that you are shedding deep tears over it, and if this is how bad you are wanting it, this is what you are meant to do and what you are meant to create. And if you are willing to go to the deepest depths of sorrow for your business and pick yourself back up, then there’s nothing you can’t accomplish if you know I’m going to pick myself back up after that. If you make it mean something great about you, that you’re shedding those business tears, that you are that disappointed, that you are that angry, that frustrated, that powerless in that moment, then what you want is the power.

So you take this moment, and you tell yourself, I care. This is the extent of how much I care about this. And then I’m going to use that to fuel me to pick myself, I’m going to care for myself. I’m going to lick my wounds. I’m going to be tender with myself on the day that I’m feeling so helpless, but when those emotions pass through me, I’m going to pick myself up. I’m going to suit up and I’m going to go again because that’s my dreams on the line, and now I know how much it means to me. That is what business tears mean to me. That’s how I see them.

I don’t see them as part of a deficiency inside of me. I see them as a healthy expression of when things go wrong and an identity piece, an identifier of just my level of buy-in, my commitment, and how much I care about things. I love that about me. I love that I care so freaking much about something that I’m willing to cry for it. I love that I care so much about something that I will cry multiple days over it, that I will keep going through it, that I will keep picking myself back up.

I don’t expect perfection. I don’t expect myself to be a robot, to be artificial, to go through everything in neutral in neutral gear. Is gear a neutral? Is neutral a gear? You can’t drive in neutral. Maybe the car will coast. If you really want to drive, if you want to hit the open road, you’ve got to be putting your foot on the gas, and every once in a while, you have to put your foot on the on the brakes. If you drive a lot, you open yourself up to wrecks, tickets. If you live in the Midwest, hitting things like deer. You open yourself up to obstacles, but that’s it. It’s like foot on the gas or foot on the brakes. Neutral doesn’t get you anywhere.

So yeah, I have really big swings. I care a lot. I’m really bought in. When there is disappointment, when there is frustration, when I’m feeling powerless for something I want power over, yeah, I’m going to have a big emotion about that. You can too. It’s okay. Nothing has gone wrong. This isn’t baseball. We do cry in business. All right. Have a beautiful week, y’all. Talk to you next week. Bye-bye.

Hey, if you’re ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2k for 2k program; where you’re going to make your first $2,000 the hardest part using my simple five-step formula for getting consults and closing new clients. Just head over to StaceyBoehman.com/2Kfor2K. We’ll see you inside.