Ep #110: Created Realities with Dr. Chavonne Perotte

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast, where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

Hey coaches. In honor of Black History Month, I have invited my first four Black students who have crossed $100,000 in revenue to guest host each episode this month. They are history-makers right now. They have used the 2K and the 200K process to create incredible results. 

They have come from the medical field, Corporate America, they have doctorates, kids at home, and kids in college. What I love is that none of these coaches are business coaches, so their success is not that of a unicorn or because they sell coaching that offers a financial return.

They did the work to start and grow a business. They did the work of creating value, learning how to sell and becoming influential with the people they meet and within their communities and the entire coaching industry. They are leading the way, not just for Black coaches in our industry, but for all BIPOC who feel underrepresented in the coaching industry, and all coaches wanting to make 100K as a life coach.

I am so honored to have their knowledge and experience to share with you today. Let’s dive in.

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Chavonne: Well hello there. It is Dr. Chavonne Perotte and I am delighted to be your podcast host today. Stacey, thank you so much for this opportunity to share an amazing concept with your listeners. I am especially honored to have this opportunity to speak to you, my fellow Black coaches and really happy to be an example of what is possible for you.

I remember listening to a podcast episode of The Life Coach School where Stacey was being interviewed and just being lit up with excitement for what I could potentially achieve as a life coach. I coach women in couples on marriage and so just seeing what was possible in this industry, for me, was so eye-opening and really helped me keep going and keep moving forward.

And so, as we come to this series of podcast episodes, I am just so proud to be one of several Black coaches who have made a lot of money using the process that Stacey teaches and using my mind and my brain to create what I want.

And as I thought about this episode and the topic that I’ll be sharing with you I really believe that it’s going to elevate your ideas of what’s possible for you as a coach and as a business owner making lots of money and helping so many people in the process.

So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how some of us are really able to create what it is we want in life and how others are still figuring it out. And today, we’re going to be talking about a concept that I am calling created realities, which I think breaks down these two streams and sort of how we can get to producing the result that we want based on this idea that we are always creating what we believe the most.

I’ll say that again. We are always creating what we believe the most. And as I thought about this idea, it brought me back to December of 2018 when I got into the first round of the 200K Mastermind. And to hear more about that backstory and my work with Stacey, there’s a bonus episode of this podcast from June 15th 2020 where you can absolutely listen to some of that.

But I think what is most relevant for right now is that my joining that mastermind, which seemed like something that, you know, was just a dream really started with five simple words from Stacey. And it was, “Decide and commit to being in.” And at the time, I had no evidence that I would actually be in.

I didn’t have the money to join. I had no idea how I would even make the money, let alone be able to afford to get to the in-person event and secure childcare and all of that stuff, all the logistic considerations. And I hadn’t even officially applied. I am that client who came to the consult call with her as a no. I had already talked to my husband and he was like, “The only way you can join is if you have made the money in cash.” He is a very cash-only type of person.

And so, I had never made that much money in my business, especially in such a short amount of time. And it didn’t seem possible. But just the idea of deciding and committing to that reality made all the difference for me because I just decided that it would be my reality. I saw myself in that room. I saw myself walking through the lobby of the hotel that was listed as where it was going to be held.

I decided that I would just sign enough clients to join and I held onto that belief no matter what. There were networking events that I had planned on attending that got canceled. I held onto that belief when consults didn’t show up, when people said no, when people said yes and then came back and said no. I just decided that none of it mattered.

I was committed to being in that room. I was committed to the goal of joining the mastermind and making it my reality. And that is exactly what I did. And part of that process for me was I lived in it as my reality before I had evidence. I took action from that belief. I marked it on my calendar. I started looking up flights. I studied everything that was being taught in 2K and I applied it immediately, believing that the process was going to work for me. And it did.

And so, my story and that example really underscores what coaching is about at its core. Coaching is about believing in things you’ve not yet created in your life. It’s about removing the limiting beliefs that tell you what’s not possible. It’s about consciously choosing to believe in something for the future that, right now, you’re not 100% certain about.

And here’s the thing. As coaches, we do this for our clients all the time. We hold the space for their transformation, whether it’s a money goal or a weight goal, a relationship goal, or even an emotional goal. We intentionally sort of take ourselves to the place where we see it happening for them. And then we show them, step by step, how to get there.

Now, what you probably find, as I did as well, is that it’s one thing to sort of coach someone on this because you’re holding this space for them as their coach and you’re able to sort of pull from other clients you have or your previous experience. You may even be able to pull from what you see happening for other people or what you’ve studied and what you’ve read about. So you have this intellectual belief that it can happen and you’re just walking your client through the steps.

But when it comes to believing this for ourselves, it’s an entirely different story. And I think that as Black coaches, we sometimes have this ingrained belief that success is for others, that it’s outside of us and that this field that we’re trying to play in, that somehow we’re not equipped to play at the same level as our non-Black counterparts.

And what happens is this becomes our reality, not because it’s actually true, but because of how we’ve shaped our environment to reflect it. So, we don’t surround ourselves with people who have the success that we want to achieve. We believe things like, “I can’t attract people with money, my people don’t see the value of coaching and I’m never going to really become the successful coach that I want to be.” And so it is. Because that is the reality that we’ve created. And this was so me at one point, which is why I can articulate it so well. 

But here’s what I want you to know. We all start with a blank slate. And we don’t actually know one way or another what’s going to happen. I want you to just sit with that for a minute. You don’t really 100% know what’s going to happen with your coaching business.

I remember even for myself a point where I had to take myself to the place where I wasn’t going to be successful, where I wasn’t going to make money, where I wasn’t going to achieve my goals. And I had to allow myself for that to be okay. And then, I decided, who am I going to be without this sort of, quote unquote, external measure of success. And I decided that, no matter what, I would be a life coach.

I was at a point in doing this work where I couldn’t actually turn back, where even if I had another job, I just wouldn’t not be a life coach. And just that realization alone was all that I needed to go all in, in believing in my business and believing in my success.

And so, what I want you to do is I want you to just sit with this idea that you have a blank slate. And I want you to bring to your mind a goal that you have for your business, how many clients you want to sign, whether it’s how many for this month, this week, or even today. What is that number?

Now, here’s the truth. In this minute, again, you have a blank slate. There is a 50% chance you could achieve your goal and a 50% chance that you won’t on the timeline that you’ve set. And I’m intentionally starting here with like a 50% chance yes and a 50% chance no because I believe that’s a place where, logically, you can wrap your head around. It’s just math. No one’s going to argue with 50% yes, 50% no. And you don’t really have an intense emotion connected to it. It’s just sort of like a neutral circumstance. Maybe yes, maybe no, I don’t know.

And what happens though is even though this is just, like, a statistical zero-net idea, you spend a lot of time in the 50% chance that you won’t. And what happens is, we begin to build evidence for why not. And it becomes what we believe the most and what we believe the most with a lot of emotion.

The things we’re telling ourselves feel emotionally true and circumstantially true to us. And whenever you have intense emotion surrounding a belief, it intensifies that belief to be your reality. You believe things that you feel deeply and so we become unnecessarily attached to the 50% of beliefs and thoughts that would say no to our goals rather than becoming attached to the 50% that would say yes to our goals. That is how we are creating our reality.

Now, this is a very normal thing to do. It’s the way of the human brain. And I think this happens for a couple of reasons. One, I think, it just feels safer to not get our hopes up. If I just believe that it’s not going to happen, I don’t have to risk being wrong and get my hopes up and then be disappointed. But we know what that creates. It’s just you get to be disappointed now instead of later. and what sense does that really make.

Other reasons this happens is it keeps us from expending energy and giving something our all. It helps us to give ourselves excuses for not meeting people, not telling them we’re a life coach, not making an offer to help them. We just get to sit on the couch and eat cookies instead because, guess what, it’s not going to happen anyways so why expend the energy.

Other reasons is it also keeps us producing what we already have and that feels very familiar. I think that familiarity breeds this fake comfort because it’s familiar. But when you really take a step back and think about it, you’re very uncomfortable, you’re very uncomfortable existing in this space where you see more for yourself where you want to be achieving something that you’re not yet achieving. But if you tell yourself, “Well, it’s probably not going to happen for me,” and you exist in that reality, you just get to stay in what feels familiar.

Other reasons I think we do this is because it just proves the negative beliefs we already have about ourselves. You’re probably familiar with the idea of confirmation bias. So, if you believe that you’re a person that doesn’t really have a lot of value or you don’t have powerful coaching skills yet, if those are the things you believe then of course no one is going to sign up to work with you. And your brain just goes to work to continue to prove that true.

And then, the last thing that I’ll offer in terms of why we sit in this land of 50% no is we actually don’t see it as a choice. It feels like we’re just reporting the facts of life. We’re reporting the news, as Stacey often says.

It’s sort of like, “Yeah, well I don’t have any consults and no one’s engaging on my posts and I don’t have an audience and I don’t even know people.” You say that like it’s actually true. And it’s not.

Because here’s the thing. As coaches, we know that we have a choice in what we spend our time believing. There will always be thoughts that come up for what you can’t do, always. But you don’t have to invite those thoughts in, let them sit down on the couch with you, snuggle up and eat the cookies from your package. Those thoughts don’t have to be a permanent houseguest in your brain.

And what I want to do now is I want to share with you a process that will help you to spend more time in the 50% possibility – we’re just starting there for today – that serves your goals so that you can create the reality that you want.

And the first thing I suggest you do is you focus on why you want to believe in the goal. Have you ever asked yourself that question? Why do you want to believe that you can do it? Why do you want to believe that it’s possible for you? What will change if you just ask yourself that question and allow yourself to want to believe that this is possible for you? Why would it be important and necessary for you to want to believe? Really sit and come up with answers for yourself on that question.

The next step is to sit in the impact of accomplishing the goal. So, we hear a lot about sitting in, sort of, it’s-done energy. And I’m going to talk about that for sure. But even before you go to that place, I want you to just think about what is the impact of you accomplishing that goal; not for you, but for your client?

I truly believe that the more time that we spend focusing on the impact on the lives of the people that we serve, the more we will want to be in the space of believing that it’s possible and creating that as a reality.

I am so personally motivated and driven by the thought of my clients feeling so content, feeling so confident and so grounded and so happy in their marriage. I know what the impact of that is on their lives. Of course, because I see it when my clients are getting results. But even before then, if you’re a newer coach and maybe your clients are still getting results or you’re still refining your process, you can take yourself to the imagined place of your client being successful. That is something your brain has the capacity to do.

And so, I really want to encourage you to sit in the impact of accomplishing the goal. Who will be helped when you accomplish this goal? Whether it’s signing one client or five clients or enrolling 20 clients in your group, whatever it is, what is the impact? Who will be helped? How will their life be different after working with you? What is the impact not only of the months that you guys actually work together, but for the rest of their life?

When you are deeply connected to the impact of your work, you will have no other choice but to believe in your goal because it’s not about you. But it’s about this person on the other side that you get to help.

The third step is playing around with the idea that it’s done. I know, for me, I’ve had an interesting relationship with the thought, “It’s done,” where sometimes I can get like 100% in it’s done energy, and sometimes, I just have to play around with it.

So, again, I want to teach you how to just move yourself slowly to a place where you can actually believe. So, thinking about this idea that it’s done maybe it’s done. And what I would suggest is, if this is something you sort of struggle with, just play with the idea that it’s done at some point in time.

So, even if your goal is like, “I want to sign one client this week,” and your brain is, like, resisting that with a lot of intense emotions, maybe play around with just the idea of, “I’m going to sign a client. That is done.”

The more you can just latch onto something that you actually believe and start imagining it being done, you’ll be able to create that reality. So, just start playing around with it’s done, “It’s done at some point in time. I would like and I’m going to do all I can to create it as being done by this timeline. And I’m also going to keep going if this date comes and goes because I know that it’s done.” Sometimes, this is where you have to start.

The fourth step is look for evidence pointing in the direction of yes. I like to think of this – I don’t even know, you know those little houses where they have all the smoke and mirrors and the doors and it seems like there’s 100 doors that you have to walk through to get to the end? I want you to think about achieving your goal as like that, that there are multiple steps along the way, multiple doors between you and this goal and you’re constantly looking for where one is opening up for you.

What that looks like practically is someone comments on a post. Yes, clients are coming, that’s a door that’s opening. I’m getting one step closer. You even write the post – if you could start there, “I wrote a post and it was not the worst in the world. It offered some value to the people who will read it.” That’s you walking through a door. Someone just sent a text saying hello to you. That’s you walking through the door.

I remember, there were times when I would literally, when people would message me, just my friends just saying hello, I would make that mean I am emitting so much value into the world, I am being such an amazing person that’s calling people into me, that my friends are just saying hi out of the blue. I’m like, “Oh yeah, I’m doing it, clients are coming. People are reaching out to me.”

You can use whatever evidence you want to support your belief. So, I can choose to believe, “Yeah, my best friend just texted me but that’s people reaching out to me. People reach out to me all the time.” And then, I can use that to fuel my belief. Someone read the email, yes, clients are coming. That’s value out in the world that’s going to come back to me.

So, you’re constantly looking for the evidence pointing in the direction of yes. That’s so fun to do. You can literally just go on a scavenger hunt looking for the doors opening. 

I know for me, whenever I set a goal, typically what will happen is I’ll just get that number of consults. And I will just choose to believe, “Oh yeah, that’s just God delivering my goal to me.” I never spend a lot of time worrying about what if I don’t sign all these consults? What if I don’t close all these sales? I’m like, “No, this is my goal. Here it is coming to me.” 

And even if I do get nos, it’s like, “Okay, that’s fine, more are coming.” Which brings me to the fifth step that I would suggest, which is deciding that any closed door is just pointing you to the right open door. A lot of times, what ends up happening is when someone says no or we’re not getting the number of consults, we feel like that means it’s not going to happen. We just use that as evidence to stay in the 50% land of no.

And I think you could just as easily use it as evidence for 50% in the land of yes that when this door is closed, that just means there’s some other open door and I just have to meet that open door. I can’t stay over here looking at this closed door longer than moving on to open the next door.

Now, of course, if you’re doing consults, you want to use the process that Stacey teaches us in 2K for 2K. So, if you’re not in that program, I highly suggest that you join immediately. But you have a way of processing and understanding why that opportunity might not have been a yes.

You can do this not only with your consults, but with your emails and your posts and your live streams or whatever content you’re putting out there, there is a process you can use to evaluate and use that information to go open the next door because you’re in forward movement and you’re going towards your goal. This is so important.

So, I’ll summarize those steps again, because I know sometimes it’s helpful to have that. So, the first step in this process of living in the 50% land of yes, creating your reality, is focusing on why you want to believe the goal, sitting in the impact of accomplishing the goal, playing around with the idea that it’s done, looking for evidence pointing in the direction of yes, and deciding that any closed door is just pointing you to the right open door.

Now, here is what I want to leave you with. This can be so much fun. Did you hear me? It can be fun to do this work. I know sometimes we have this idea that doing belief work can seem like it’s this hard, we’re going into the dark corners of your mind and looking at all your self-worth and your self-esteem issues and are you valuable and getting into comparing yourself to others.

But it could also be really, really simple. It could be as simple as looking at facts. You have a blank slate. Right now, this very moment, you have a blank slate, 50% yes, 50% maybe no. But living in the land of yes, using that 50%, even if you just focus on that 50% you will change your thinking. The thoughts you have when you’re focused on, “There’s a 50% chance this can happen exactly as I’m wanting it to.” 

When you spend your time doing that, you have better thoughts. You have elevated thoughts. You have access to more creative ideas. You will take more inspired action and you will create that as your reality because you’ve lived in it. You’ve created that experience for yourself not by first the external things that are happening, not by the external circumstances, but by what you choose to tell yourself, how you choose to show up, the person you become and what you choose to embody when you live in the 50% land of yes.

And that is so much fun. It is as simple as believing something you want to believe. Do you want to believe in your goal? Do you want to believe that, as a Black coach, the sky is the limit for you? Do you want to believe that you have everything you need right now in this moment to help someone? Do you want to believe that the dreams and the goals you see for yourself are meant to be accomplished? Do you want to believe that you’re an amazing coach? 

Do you want to believe that your people are looking for you and the exact solution that you offer in the way that you offer it? Do you want to believe that what you have right now is enough, that you don’t need to learn another technique, you don’t need to study anymore, that what you have right now is enough? 

Do you want to believe that what you offer is so valuable and that you have the capacity and the capacity to communicate that value in a way that resonates perfectly with your ideal client? Do you want to believe that whatever goal you have, whatever number of clients you want to sign, whatever amount of money you want to bring in is possible for you? Do you want to believe that?

There’s a high probability and a huge possibility that those things are true right now. Do you want to believe them? If the answer is yes, then go do that right now.

It has been my honor to share this idea with you. You are always creating your reality by what you believe the most. Make sure you’re believing what you want to believe and you will have the reality that you want to create. Bye for now.

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Hey, if you are ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2K for 2K program, where you’re going to make your first $2000, the hardest part, and then $200,000 using my proven formula. It’s risk-free. You either make your 2K or I give you your 2K back. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.