Ep #55: How Vs. Having Done

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.

Welcome to episode 55. How are you doing, my coach lovies? How was your Christmas? Was it amazing? Mine was. Check, done. We did five Christmases in five days and it was fantastic. And I got the most amazing Christmas gifts, which is not really a thing that I anticipate or look forward to. I usually don’t tell people, unless they pry something out of me, I just like to be surprised.

But I never have big expectations. I really love to just be in the Christmas energy, but I got some amazing gifts this year. Like really good ones. My mom – actually, let me tell you about this one first. So Neil got me – so excited about this – Neil got me the Mirror. Have you guys heard of this? They’re on Facebook ads all the time for it.

I know the craze is Peloton and Neil said I had to try the Peloton before I ordered the Peloton and I tried it and it turns out I don’t like cycling. But I actually do love doing weight lifting and yoga, and I work out with a trainer three times a week so I really like that kind of HIIT workouts and I asked for the Mirror, which I think suits my personality better and he got it for me. I’m so excited.

They haven’t come and set it up yet, so I will let you know if I love it. But when they set it up, I’m going to use it like crazy. At least for the first 30 days. Apparently, you get to try it for 30 days. So that was my favorite gift from Neil.

And then my mom, oh my gosh, she made me cry. My mom commissioned my sister-in-law who is an art teacher and paints and is really amazing at what she does, and she commissioned her to paint a watercolor of my home, and it’s my first home, so I’m very sentimental about it. And I opened the package and it was this beautiful frame and I just started crying my eyes out.

I don’t think either of them were prepared for it. It was perfect. It looked exactly like my house. Apparently, they even – Skye, my sister-in-law would even text Neil and be like, I need you to go outside and take a photo of what the house looks like at night. I need to see what the lights look like, and she even nailed exactly how they look. It was the best gift. I think it’s so special.

She also did one for my sister. She nailed her house too, and I just think it’s such a special gift. It’s just something about it. I don’t know, I can’t even explain it, but it just warmed my heart and made me cry and I love it so much. We haven’t found a place to hang it yet but we have it sitting right where you can literally see it when we’re on our couch, like, you see it everywhere.

So for now, we have it set somewhere in a really pretty place, but I love it so much. You have to go look at it. We’ll link up in the show notes her Facebook business page so that you can – she posted my sister’s house and our house so you can see them. They’re just so beautiful.

I’m obsessed with it, and I think that everyone should now have a watercolor of their house, and it’s such a great gift. I have to tell my realtor about it actually. It’s just such a good gift. It’s a gift that you can give everybody and I can’t imagine anyone who would not love it or who would not want it for themselves. You guys just got to get watercolors of your house.

Listen, go look at mine, you’ll know what I mean. And if you order from my sister-in-law, you’ll be supporting a local art teacher. I mean, local to like, my family in Indianapolis. Probably not local to you if you live in Australia. But anywho, a middle school art teacher. You love them. We love our teachers.

Anyway, you got to go look. We’ll link it up in the show notes. Look at my house in watercolor. Just the little things, you guys. It made me cry my eyes out. Alright, I hope you got amazing gifts like that. I hope you loved your gifts like that. I hope you got some sentimental ones. And if not, get some sentimental gifts for some other people next year. It’s like, giving is the same as receiving. That’s the way it feels to me.

Anyway, okay, let’s move on. Let’s talk about new year’s because now we’re in the second week of the new year I think by the time that you will hear this, and hopefully you’re so excited about your goals. I’m very excited about mine. And so here’s what I wanted to do for this entire month is I wanted to share brand new concepts with you here on the podcast that I created to help my 200K students achieve at a really high level.

Now, I’m going to talk about them from the beginner stage mostly. And they can be applied to anything. So whatever you set your goal at, you can use these concepts. So last week we talked about how to set and achieve goals, and I offered for you, just as a little recap, to set small goals in the beginning if you are not a person that commonly sets and achieves goals. Like you don’t believe that about yourself that you set and achieve goals as who you are.

If you’re not there yet, which most people aren’t, especially in the beginning of your business, you do this, you set small goals so that you can grow your track record of achievement and your self-trust, so that you can start to set bigger and bigger goals.

Now, I do this even with my huge goals. I make little goals in between to help me build up my belief. And you can build up that track record using monetary and non-monetary goals as markers. So I’m going to give you an example.

This year, my goal is five million dollars. I will be working on getting to $400,000 a month for my five-million-dollar goal. But I will also be working on things that will get me to that 400K a month. So the big thing we’re working on now is optimizing our most successful funnel right now, and when that’s done, just the act of putting that time and energy and thought into making that better, before it even makes some money, it will be this little mini marker to create trust that I’m getting closer to that monetary goal. It will build my belief a little bit more.

And when it starts to make money, my track record for myself, for my own self-trust will be even better. I’m believing now ahead of time that I will figure it out, and that I’m committed to making it happen, but my belief will grow stronger as I take action and produce results that get me closer to that. You can do that too.

You can do that by going to networking events, starting to get consults. Even if they don’t convert. Joining a program to help you. I hired a new Facebook ads person from the place of getting really serious about this direction in my business and we started working together, and I had this immediate shift of this person’s going to totally help me up-level my game. Our minds together, we’re going to achieve this goal.

So any action you take towards your goal can be a mini marker of achievement to help you believe in the proximity of that achievement. We’ve talked about impossibility, possibility, and inevitability, and taking action takes you out of impossibility and into possibility, and the more action you take, the more you shift yourself from possibility to inevitability.

It just adds to your belief, especially if you do this from a place of awareness that you are doing it, that you’re taking action in order to build your belief. Especially if you’re getting consults that don’t convert, if you’re telling yourself, yes, but at least I’m getting consults, before I wasn’t even getting consults, so there’s a point where I thought it would be impossible to get consults and impossible to make money. Now I’m getting consults.

They’re not converting but I’m still further along. I’m still closer to my goal because I’ve achieved this mini marker of at least getting consults. I have to remind my clients of that all the time. I’m like, there was a time when you didn’t get them at all. You’re not converting them, they’re not saying yes, but that’s okay. At least you have them. Now we have to work on a new problem.

So when you take action towards a goal, you really tell yourself about how serious you are towards that goal, and you shift from impossibility to possibility to inevitability. You build that track record of achievement and your own self-trust that you are going to commit and figure it out no matter what.

So this week, we’re going to talk about taking action towards that goal, towards all of your goals, the mini markers and the big ones, from one of two places. How energy or having done energy. So here is what most people do when they set a goal. Based on just our brains work as humans. They go into the how energy. How do I do this?

So I want you to just first take a breath and notice how you feel when you ask how. For anything. How do I do this? How does that feel inside your body specifically? And then I want you to think about what you are inclined to do when you are feeling that feeling.

I find typical behavior when you are experiencing how energy, you’re a little bit frantic about everything. So you might make like, lots of lists of things you need to do or ideas to try. You might try to plan it all out in your brain. And for most of you, this might even be where you stop taking action.

You get so caught in your brain in a spin cycle of confusion and doubt, you have such a case of what I call the I-don’t-knows, that you do nothing, except maybe try and ask a bunch of questions and consume a lot of information.

Or you start trying to anticipate actions you will take and obstacles you will face, and then figure them out, and it all happens in your brain. You think about how to solve for them ahead of time before they happen to prevent failure ahead of time, which has you unproductively failing. Failing ahead of time. It has you stuck in your head creating instead of creating in the world.

The types of things you will focus on and think about a lot are like, all the confusion you have, the places you don’t believe, or any questions you still have, or the information you think you still need, you will think that this is a logical place to be. You’re like, I’m just missing information.

I was coaching one of my 200K students and I offered her a route in her business to take. And it was different than the route that she had thought that she was going to take, and she said, her response to me after thinking about it was, “Okay, so here’s where I’m still stuck with this,” as if she needed just a little bit more coaching.

And I didn’t even let her finish, and here’s why. Because we think in order to be clear on the path forward, we need more information. More of the how. Like specific details. Like, we just need to relieve a bit more of the confusion and uncertainty before we can move forward. And of course, somebody else always has that certainty and information, right?

It’s just the first place we go in our brains is what we don’t know. We never go with, okay, here’s what I know, here’s what I have. We immediately go to here’s what I don’t know, here’s what I don’t have. So I asked her instead to go to all the things that she did know. All of the places that she agreed that this path might be better. Anywhere that she wasn’t confused about the coaching I gave her.

Even if that light was tiny and flickering and hard to find, to find it, and to work instead on expanding that little flicker of light, instead of figuring out the darkness and trying to turn it into the light. Do you see what I’m saying here?

You can fight the darkness, you can fight the I don’t know, and you can focus all your energy and time into figuring the I don’t know out, or you can just work on and give all of your attention and energy to what you do know, where you do believe, where you are on board with the coaching and with the plan and what you’re going to move forward on. Give the energy to the light.

So the fighting the darkness it the how energy, and really, the work is just being aware and knowing when you are there, because that energy will actually slow you down so much. It spins you out. Looking for the how does not help you find it. Let’s say it one more time. Hear me. Looking for the how does not help you find it.

Seriously, if you could just work on that belief, everything would change. We think as humans, that’s how our brain works. We think the opposite is true. So we waste a ton of time. But think about this. Not only does it not create the result that we want, not only do we not find the how, when you are in the how energy, you literally push it away. I think you make it further away. You go in the opposite direction.

Imagine if there was a fork in the road and you can go one way or the other, and one takes you completely to the left and one takes you completely to the right, it’s like you’re out in literally left field forest and you’re looking, trying to figure out the how. You’ll never know that until you do it. It’s the hardest thing to wrap our minds around.

Like, you didn’t know how to do math until you did. You didn’t know how to walk until you did. You didn’t know what being in love was like until you were. People always tell me, you can’t possibly ever even understand the magnitude of being a mom until you are a mom. I believe that.

I’m like, I know for sure things will shift for me that I can’t possibly see once I become a mom. It’s just like there’s things you can’t learn until you’re there. And I think it’s so true for business. You won’t know the specific how until you’ve done the how.

But ultimately, all of this comes back to who you are being. Even if you don’t agree with me that you can’t figure out the how ahead of time and that trying to figure out the how takes you in the wrong direction and pushes you away and you can’t find it when you’re looking for it, if you don’t believe that, or you don’t get on board with that, you don’t agree with that, it’s okay. Let’s just hit it from another angle.

I think it also comes back to who you’re being when you’re in that energy. So that’s why I asked you to think about how you feel in your body when you think about how and what do I do and how do I do it and I don’t know how to do it. Think about what thoughts you tend to think, the way that you interpret every result you create.

The way that you interpret other people’s behavior. Think about this. The way you react to a client saying yes and then backing out, when you believe that you don’t know how to make money is very different than when you believe your first $2000 is done. It’s done. No matter what, you’re going to be the person who’s going to have paying clients.

Do you feel that energy? The response to the client backing out of coaching is very different there. You’re like okay, this wasn’t the person. My person’s still out there. The person backing out doesn’t change your belief in your goals. But when you’re in the how energy, any result that doesn’t align with the goal that you’re trying to create affects your belief. It slowly erodes it.

You’re like, oh, someone said yes and they backed out, see, I told you, I don’t know how to do it. Must have done something wrong. I don’t know how to do consults. I don’t know how to make money. I’m never going to figure it out.

Notice the thinking that’s so different when you think that you don’t know how to do something and that’s the predominant thought and energy driving what you do and how you interpret the world, versus if you’re like, it’s just done. Yeah, this consult didn’t say yes, if you’re in 2K, I’m going to do an evaluation, I’m going to have somebody look this over, tell me what I might be missing. I’m going to learn for myself, I’m going to figure out what I’m going to do differently and I’m going to apply that to the next one and I’m going to keep going until I achieve my goal. It’s so different.

And when you’re in this place, in this how energy, your ability to be coached and receive coaching is also far different. I have clients, when they’re in the how energy, they always present like I’m not giving them what they need. It’s always my first indicator. It’s like, their big symptom, it shows me exactly where their mind is.

Because confusion leads to helplessness. When you believe you can’t take action until somebody else helps you. That’s being helpless. Like I can’t do anything until my coach responds to me, until I have someone look over this copy, until I have someone do this or do that, or I have someone tell me what to do next.

It slows you down. And it even has you approaching your coaching with helplessness. It really puts you in this you have to tell me exactly what to do and even when you do, I still don’t understand and I’m still confused, so I need you to explain again. I started doing this thing in 2K. Actually, in 200K too.

I give explanation one time, and then I expect my clients – this is the standard I hold for them is to figure it out. If they don’t understand what I said, you have to take your brain to understanding. It’s just a skill that you have to develop that we’re not used to developing. We’re just used to asking more questions and getting more clarity and trying to understand deeper what someone else is telling us, but it’s like, of course they don’t understand how to do any of it, they haven’t even attempted it.

They literally read my response and then like, immediately asked how and for clarity and more information instead of okay, let me sit in this for a second and see how this could be right and see how I can understand this and see where I’m totally on board. Let me take my brain to a different place to approach this coaching.

And another emotion that how energy brings up for a lot of people is doubt because if you’re looking for the how and you don’t think you know how, you don’t know what the how is, you start doubting that you’ll ever figure it out. And doubt always leads you to hope.

And just remember this. Hope is not an emotion that serves you in achieving your goals. Think about how it feels in your body. I hope my coach tells me exactly what to do to make 200K. I hope I make a million by the end of the year. I hope my launch goes well. It just never leads you where you want to go. It takes it out of your hands.

You’re like, I hope something else happens in the universe because I don’t know what’s going on over here. I don’t know how. I don’t know. It’s never going to produce your goals. Okay, done, end rant. So let’s talk about having done energy.

This is the energy that I work on the most too. I’m not exempt from this. I work a lot on this. So when you think about your goal this year, I want you to work on finding the feeling of it being done. That feeling is not excited by the way, I promise it never is. You’re going to have to trust me on this.

My clients like to argue with me sometimes on this too. They’re like, it is going to be exciting. I’m like, listen, I think it’s an indicator that you’re not truly feeling the actual feeling yet. You’re not truly there in the done energy yet.

And here’s what I will say; here’s why I say this is I have never achieved a goal and felt excited because I’m already the person who achieved it when I achieve it, I became that person so deeply in my mind that it becomes just who I am. So by the time I crossed a million, I was like yeah, that’s who I am. I made a million dollars in my business.

I had done so much work and taken so much action towards that and it had just become who I was that I didn’t feel like I had just won the lottery. You win a million dollars in an instant, you will for sure feel excited if you just are given it. But if you have to create it, you’re not going to be excited by the time you get there. It will just be who you are.

Okay, so now, if you’re not used to bringing up feelings in your body, I want to move on, I want to take a second to talk about this. If you have no idea how to do this, bring feelings up in your body ahead of time, it’s not a problem. This is just where you start towards achieving your goals.

The more life coaches I teach, the more sensitive I am to there being so many different types of coaches. Many coaches are very action-oriented. Everybody gets trained – some people aren’t even trained, but if you are trained, you may not be trained in feelings. You may be trained in different processes and methods and there are so many different coaching certifications and trainings and ways that you can learn to be a coach.

So not everyone is trained in feelings. We have a ton of coaches in 2K and so what I’ve been really – the more we grow our community, the more I realize like, I just have to teach everything from the beginning. And if you aren’t really trained and practiced in feeling your feelings and bringing up feelings ahead of time and this feeling work just feels really weird to you, also don’t think that because I teach it, you have to teach it to your clients.

Just start working on it in your life. Don’t go into this shame spiral about it or start making it mean that you’re not going to be an effective coach or you’re not an effective coach. Many of you like to do this. Just think of it as learning a new skill and learning a skill for yourself that you may or may not teach your clients once you have mastered it inside of you.

But don’t think that you are a less than coach because you haven’t dealt with feelings. That’s not a problem. But we’re going to talk about them today. The skill of learning how to feel. And be willing to practice it. It will feel very weird at first.

And I also want to say, all of you really know how to feel in reality, right? I think the issue is always just being aware of the feelings. Like connecting your brain and your body. But a simple way to do this is just think about a vacation that you might be taking this year. Imagine yourself there.

What feeling is in your body? Are you at the beach? Get very specific with your picture. Are you at the beach? Are you with your family? Are you by yourself? Is there a book in your hand? Are you sitting down? Imagine smelling the ocean. Imagine feeling the sand.

Do you feel calm? Do you feel peaceful? What’s the feeling inside you when you can really visually imagine it very clearly? Or are you hiking? Do you feel powerful? Create a vision so strong that you can feel it in your body. And I do this with vacation just because I think so many people are able to look forward to vacations and imagine taking a vacation and feel the feelings ahead of time. It’s just something I think we’re good at. I think humans love to travel.

But it doesn’t have to be vacation, but something that you are looking forward to that you’re really excited about. I have thought about how I will feel on my wedding day like, a million times. So if you can do this with something, you can do it with your goals too. You just have to start small.

Imagine going to your first networking event. Find the place in your body where it’s done. You went. And imagine it was great. You get to just decide what it was, so let’s just imagine that it was great. You met some nice people and you even met one person who was interested in hearing about what you do.

Make that image so vivid in your mind that you start to feel it. Then name that feeling as close as you can. Then try it with something else. Try it with a consult. Imagine them saying no and you failing on your first consult. That’s actually a really good exercise to be willing to feel negative emotion.

When I was first learning this, it was so powerful because I realized when I could drum it up, I had power over it. And that I could equally release it and then those bigger negative emotions seemed less scary. So maybe try for a no. Many of us are very familiar with anxiety. That might be a feeling, but it’s still something that you’re feeling in your body.

Then try saying it for a yes and just work your way up to the goal that you have set being done. And start with your mini markers too. So if you want to make 100K, try finding the feeling of 2K being done, and then 5K, and then 10K, and then 20K, and then 40K, and then 50K, and so on and so forth.

You’re finding the feeling of having done it, of it’s done. And the purpose of doing this is so that you can find out who you are when it’s done. I do this now with 10 million dollars. Sometimes it’s still hard to find that and I have to remind myself to go back to that place of being 10 million-dollar Stacey who has done that and achieved that, and it’s in the bank.

And I have to work on finding that place and slow myself down to find that place before I start taking action. And again, you can do it on the non-monetary things too. So I wrote a book in 2019, which is so crazy that it’s last year, but I wrote a book in 2019 called The Consultation Code. And even in creating that, I had to go to the place where it was done.

I had no idea where to even start. I had to put a ton of work into it for an extended period of time. I included like, 50 consult evaluations that I did with 2K-ers where I read their evaluations. And then I thought about how would I answer this if it was the first, last, and only time I ever got to answer it. And I did that over this three-month period inside the program, so every person who joined from then on out could learn from it.

And then I wrote down on paper my brain when it comes to consults and overcoming objections. All my expertise. And it took a lot of thought and disciplined work. It was like that consistent action I had to take. And even though it didn’t have a direct response yet to my bottom line, to making money as I was creating it, this three-month period, I was still practicing being in having done energy and practicing that skill set to create that book into life, through all of that tedious little work in the everyday moments.

For me, in that book specifically was like just turning in the outline to my person who designed it. Just doing that and saying okay, I think this is what the sections are going to be. But I had to get into that place of having done because I remember being for a month or two before I started on it, being in that how energy.

And I’m like, I don’t know, I don’t know where to start, I don’t even know how to design a book. I have no idea what’s going on. I guess I’m going to have to find someone – one of those people. I don’t even know how to find one of those people. It was like I just spun out and avoided and didn’t do it.

So the having done is going to help you do those little bitty tasks every single day, day-to-day. The little things that will add up to the big things. One of the things that I would do is I would take walks where I would just focus on the feeling of the book in my hands and my clients learning from it. And I worked constantly on expanding that feeling.

And I made that my main job, whereas a lot of you want to get to working on that list, working on a consult evaluation and creating these are the chapters that are going to be in it and finding the person. You guys want to approach all of that before you get in the having done energy.

And what happens is you actually most often burn yourself out before you get through the work because you’re just approaching it from this like, white-knuckle place of taking action and feeling bad. That’s why I wanted you to find that how energy in your body. It doesn’t feel good.

Okay, so then, once I started finding that place more and more, the more I could hold that place, the more the book would begin to unfold. It was easier to experience that feeling of discipline and take my time and attention and get my brain on paper and to edit and design and to put it all together when I believed it was done. And it helped us teach thousands of coaches at a higher level and serve so many more clients and make so much more money.

Like I imagined having my first 200K month using the creation of that book. And when I felt that being done, this is the other important part is it felt so clear what the next move was. When you are fearing that you don’t know how, you’re afraid to just take one move and then the next. When you don’t think that you will accomplish something, when you think that you don’t know how, you fear every move you make because – it’s so subtle, but notice if you do this.

You got to be onto yourself. Because taking an action and moving forward would bring you closer to what you believe to be true, which is that you don’t know how and will fail. And when you believe that you will do it, you believe in that accomplishment, every move you make, even if it ends in failure, you will believe it is still bringing you closer to achievement.

When you are in the having done energy, you could fail a million times and you’ll keep going and you’ll learn from those failures and it won’t shake your belief. So you’re more likely to take action and move forward even if you only know the next move in front of you when you’re in having done energy.

Now, you also have access to the how when you’re in having done energy. Actually, the only place that you ever have access ahead of time through the how, before you achieve it is in the having done energy. Because there, you have access to the level of thinking that creates the how, that drives the action that you don’t know yet that you have to take.

So if you want to make 100K for example, the how lies in the way that you think, feel, and show up at 100K. So you have to get there in your body first, and that takes the most time. Many of you get so impatient with this, so it takes even longer.

You think the why that’s happening is because people are just mean and they won’t tell you how and you just need more of their time and they’re making you go the long way. I always ask my clients when they’re in this mindset like, why on earth would I ever do that? It doesn’t serve me ever for you to not make money fast.

Especially with the high prices of my mastermind, it literally doesn’t serve me at all. And every time I ask them, they’re like, oh, makes sense. I’m like, yeah. I’m not telling you to go the longer way. And notice that when you think in your mind that your coach is trying to make you take the longer way. I used to be in that mindset too when I was in that desperate how energy.

It’s like, no really, it’s the faster way. But when you resist doing it this way, when you aren’t aware that you’re in how energy, you just make it the longer way because you’re doing it backwards. Not because it’s the longer way. So spend your time and energy finding the feeling of belief. Accessing your thinking and ideas and creativity with this belief. Taking action with this belief. Being the person in all of your life with this belief.

And you will walk yourself into achieving that goal, but you have to spend more time in having done energy than the actual taking action. If you can’t find it right now, you find it and then you go take action.

Okay, so here are some things to remember. I’m going to summarize it. We’ve covered a lot of ground. First, you need to just be able to identify who do you show up as to your audience and your business and your goals when you’re desperately searching for the how. You’ll be able to see that it does not serve you, I promise.

Then you have to see and truly understand in your core that looking for the how does not help you find it. Notice where your brain goes when you are figuring something out. Is it going to what do I know and where am I totally solid and certain, or what do I not know and where am I confused and where do I still need more information? Such a powerful place to literally retrain your brain to direct the other way.

How has you focusing on what you need to do. And then you have to really look at how much of your time is spent focusing on what to do and figuring out the how, and how much of your time is spent believing. Even if you’re a coach, by onto yourself.

Having done has you focusing on believing and being and letting the how come to you as you take action as the person who’s done it. Having done doesn’t mean you don’t go through trial and error and that you don’t fail. Failure is part of figuring out the how. Having done just allows you to fail and not freak out. Having done keeps you in massive action. And having done makes you like the person you’re being while you’re taking action to achieve your goal.

Many of you try and become paid life coaches, but you don’t even like the person you are and how you act while you’re doing it. You have to make sure you maintain who you are in all the good ways while you’re working to become someone different.

And finally, having done has no timeframe. When you believe it’s done, you don’t rush things. You don’t shortcut. You don’t force in unnatural ways. Like you don’t try to convince people to buy from you. You don’t reach out to them again just to check in when they don’t respond to you. Having done is about trusting and keeping going until you achieve your goal, no matter how long it takes.

Alright, so this week, focus. Where are you at? Are you in how energy or are you in having done energy? And notice when you’re in each one, what results it produces for you. Alright, have a great week my loves.

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