Ep #345: Running a Business during Tragedies

Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and Master Coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first $2K, $20K, and $200K using her proven formula.

Hi coaches, welcome to episode 345. Today I want to have an episode, a podcast that lives permanently here on the feed, to talk about something really hard. So if this doesn’t feel like the time where you are ready or you need this message, this could be a week where you scroll through and think about what episode you haven’t listened to yet that could be really powerful for you with what you’re looking for and needing right now in your business. Or this could be very timely, but either way, earmark it, save it, download it. Because I’ve been running a business for 10 years. And what I know to be true is every year, there are many hard things that we go through in the world that we are now presented with front and center every time we get on social media in a way that makes us feel like we have lived the tragedies ourselves. And it’s a lot.

And so I was thinking about this. There was a post in my 2k for 2k. A student asking for help. And I thought, this comes around every single time there’s something horrible that happens in the world. And I just think there needs to be a message for my people with my voice on the way that I think about it. Not that I think about it perfectly, not that my process is the right process for you. But I do think it helps to hear a leader with a lot of experience and the way that they think about things in moments of tragedy. So this episode is really dedicated to how to approach posting in your business, marketing in your business, working, selling during tragic times.

And so the first thing I want to say that I really want you to hear, because if you don’t hear this part, the rest of the message could feel really hard to hear. So the first thing I want you to hear is that I am a human just like you, and I grieve when terrible things happen to other people, and I see them. I grieve so hard. There was one thing early in the year that happened that wrecked me so hard and brought my mama heart to my knees. And I just cried and cried for days. I couldn’t stop consuming the content. My eyes are watering now thinking about it. I couldn’t stop consuming the content. I couldn’t stop reading about it, looking at things.

I remember it was a weekend, and my husband, it was a Saturday and he, my son was napping, and my husband came into the roo,m and I’m just crying. And he was like, “Honey, I know this is so hard and so sad and not what we expected, the world expected to happen. But I’m worried about you. You’ve got to stop crying. You’re pregnant. This is not good for your baby. You’ve got to get it together. I’m really worried.” Like I have really, truly grieved. I need you to know that.

There have been so many things. Like I was thinking about it in my head, there’s been at least six or seven things this year that have absolutely wrecked me. Some of them, you know, I grieved for four days very hard over a weekend, a long weekend, and then I felt like the tears had finally like left my body and I could refocus. 

And then there have been things that didn’t happen on a world scale, but stories that I heard that matched things happening to me in my current time, things that I see that I’m like, oh, this is my exact life situation that I’m living in and this terrible thing happened to this woman and it could have been me and it could have been my child. And then I think about that for months on end every time I’m playing with my child. Like there have been so many things.

So I just need you to know that I am a human and I see the things and they hurt my heart the same way that they hurt your heart. And they’re so unimaginable, and I feel so much empathy, and I cry, and I grieve. I do. I empathize, I grieve. So many things this year. And I do give myself time to do that, to grieve the things that enter my heart.

I actually got coaching on it once because the time that I couldn’t stop crying, I had so much judgment for myself, and I got on the phone with my coach, and I was like, I just can’t stop crying. Like I know that lots of people in the world are crying right now about this, too, but also this feels like an over-exaggerated reaction. I can’t stop crying. And I’m like, I just keep imagining my baby, and I just can’t stop crying. Like I’m just gutted.

And my coach said to me, “You know, there are times where things will enter your body and your heart, and once they’re there, they’re just yours. They’re yours to process.” And that relieved any shame I had or any embarrassment I had for being like really in it. So if something enters my heart, if I see something, I allow myself to grieve.

Now, I’m going to talk about the parameters of that and how I’m able to hold my business at the same time, which is what I think many of you might need to hear. But I just want you to know those two things. I am human, and I grieve, and I do give myself time to do that. I give myself time to be with the experience of humanity. I think that there is something that happens when we feel like it could have happened to us when we feel that empathy, when we are just so gutted for other people, like just feeling so terrible for them. Like when we all go through something together, because social media is just presenting all of us with the things that are happening in the world that maybe catch everybody’s attention. And so when it enters my heart, I do give myself time to grieve.

But then this is the one where it’s like, you need to know the first two things to hear the rest. Because the next thing that I think is really important is I give myself permission to look away. I give myself permission to experience happiness. I give myself permission to be present for my life. I’ve thought about this a lot because there’s been a lot of times in the last few years where this has really been tested and I’ve had some family members that we’ve had some kind of conversations about, family members that believe that you should always look and that it’s a privilege to look away and that we’re not supposed to, like we just got to keep looking. And I think there’s a lot of people that have that belief. We’re being taught like it somehow makes you a better human to never look away, and that you’re a bigger advocate if you constantly are looking. Like I stay looking, I stay vigilant, I keep paying attention.

And if you think about it, we are currently in a time where mental health is deteriorating faster than ever. Anxiety, depression, suicide, all of those rates are at an all-time high. So the conversations I have with people who think you’re always supposed to be looking and you can’t look away, maybe we aren’t meant to keep looking all the time. I have said this for years and years and years, our brains were not created for social media. And I do believe that is the reason we are at an all-time high with anxiety, depression, suicide, like struggling to function as a society, not mentally well, because we’re being fed terrible things all the time and then being told we’re terrible humans if we look away.

But our brains were actually not designed for this. Our brains were not designed to take in the most terrible things. Like I have seen such terrible things, and I mean the worst of the worst, to where like only people who are actual professionals should be looking at these things. And even those people, I’m talking about, like emergency room doctors, ICU doctors, like first responders, and even those people have a very hard time mentally and emotionally dealing with it. Like first responders, nurses, doctors, they are not all mentally well because of the things they see that no brain is really prepared to see.

So it’s actually okay to look away. And I will be the leader to say that. It’s okay to preserve your own mental health. It’s okay to not inundate yourself with images that give you nightmares or that make you grieve so hard you can’t function or go to work. Like it’s okay if it causes you more anxiety. Like I’ve had to be very careful with my social media algorithm. We’ll talk about this in a little bit, but the algorithm is so designed to whatever it is that you obsessively consume to just show you more and more. Whatever you fear, it’s going to show you that and then it’s going to keep showing you that. So like one of the things I have to do is there’s like a little option when I see reels about terrible things happening in pregnancy, delivery, to babies, like I have to go in and say, do not show me more of this.

Because I already suffer from postpartum anxiety. I already notice that my brain is starting to do it now as I’m getting closer to delivering. I don’t need extra things on top of what’s already happening in my brain. And that’s okay. I don’t think that makes me weaker. I think it makes me stronger to be able to tell myself it’s okay. I don’t need to keep consuming something that I didn’t intend to consume today.

The other thing I think about when I think about giving myself permission to look away is that suffering and serving are hard to do at the same time. You have to step out of your suffering to help serve others. And sometimes you serving your people is the best way to help and to contribute to the world.

I have very few people who I know who are actual, like their coaching niches and what they do actually does serve people during tragic times. Like I have the friend of mine who married us, she is a coach for first responders and firefighters. And so she actually goes to fire zones to coach and help the mental health of the people responding and dealing days on end with no sleep and death. And so that’s amazing and it’s perfect.

But your best service may be, your best service to humanity could be you helping your people all the time, no matter what. It could also be jumping in to help things that are happening and to serve in other ways, but just know suffering and serving are hard to do at the same time. It’s just impossible to serve others when you’re lost in your own suffering. So I’m always thinking about the ways to keep myself serving and helping and contributing. And so I just know I can’t be like really living in the suffering all the time. It’s not good.

Which brings me to my next point. You’ve heard me say this if you’ve listened to the podcast for any amount of time or been in my programs, but I consider myself the asset. And I talk about that a lot and what it means. And in this instance, I am the asset to more than myself. This isn’t selfish, right? This is recognizing that other people use me as an asset and rely on me as an asset. And that’s important to know. It’s a big job when someone’s relying on you as their asset for their life and their business, and their success. So even more than I’m the asset to my own family and to my own company, I am the asset to my audience and my clients.

We are coaches. I want you to think about this. We don’t believe, most of us do not believe, that taking care of oneself is selfish. So then why would we think that taking care of our business during a tragedy is tone deaf? Which is what the question in my 2k for 2k community was about. She was saying, you know, I’m really struggling to post for my business right now. She’s like, it just feels so heavy and so hard with what’s happening in the world that, you know, in this specific instance, while in real time, there was just a massive, unimaginable flash flood in Texas that took the lives of many people, including many young children, young girls. And it’s been hard for a lot of people, including myself. And so she was feeling like it just feels impossible to post, wrong to post. And if she posted anything, it would just feel tone deaf.

But businesses have people to help. They have customers to respond to, they have employees to pay, they have products to deliver. They have people waiting for them to show up. And so I don’t think it’s tone deaf for business to continue happening. Like the banker has to go to work because someone needs a withdrawal today. Even if they’re, what I call carrying the heavy purse, they have heavy emotions with them, they still have to go to work. And businesses are the same. In fact, small businesses are the hardest because there’s very few people. There’s not, it’s not like if you call in sick, somebody else can fill in. There’s no one else to fill in for the CEO’s job, for the coach’s job.

So this week in particular, in this instance, in this tragedy, in this moment of time, I had 100, over 100 students waiting. Some of them up to six years. Like today, I, this is Mastermind Week for 200k. And today, I, it was day two on marketing and I asked them as part of the lesson, how long they’d, from the time they heard about 200k to the time they signed up, how long it took. And so many of them, there were a couple of people that said a month, you know, six months, but many of them said one year, two years, three years, four years, five years, six years. Like so many people said between three and six years. They have been waiting that long to participate in Mastermind Week.

So I had to be filled up, not depleted, no matter how tragic and sad world events are. And in this case, I was on vacation when I heard about the Texas floods, and I, again, I could not stop thinking about the parents, thinking about the girls, thinking about reading all the different stories, like telling my husband about the stories. Like I was truly gutted and still am. And I have 100 people waiting six years to participate in Mastermind Week. So I have to be filled up. I can’t be lost in the sadness.

I think in the beginning and in the earlier stages of business, I think it is easier for you to get swallowed up in the grief and seeing everything on social and feeling weird to post or to market or to show up at all for your business, but only because you aren’t believing people are waiting for you. Because when you have people waiting for you and relying on you, when you are their asset, as a leader, you have to move forward. As a business, you have to move forward.

And I was thinking about this because this year, especially, with so many things that have happened in the world that have really caused me to grieve, I’ve also had so many things on my schedule. So many ways to help people. That there has not been, because I’m having a baby and going on maternity leave, there was not one week that could be pushed back. I worked sick three, four, five times this year. Like, sometimes really sick. Like with norovirus, with a chronic sinus infection. Like I have worked very sick this year because there’s just no time. There wasn’t an availability to push something back.

And let’s say I just canceled something. Okay, so let’s imagine if something terrible and tragic had happened when I was scheduled to sell Capacity Work, for example. And there’s no time to reschedule, so I just cancel. Then the 600 people who did Capacity Work, who said it was my best work yet, and to this day, it is still changing their life, would have missed out on that. If I decided it would be tone deaf to sell during a tragic time. But I just can’t. There’s no room to push it back. So I’ve got to do it.

If something happens during a launch schedule, I got to do it. I don’t think that’s tone deaf. I think that’s a mature business. That’s knowing and being very aware and conscious that people are waiting for you. They’ve been waiting for you. They invested a lot of money with you. They’re thinking of investing a lot of money with you. That you are their asset. It’s understanding leadership.

So I just don’t lose, the state of where I’m at in my business, I don’t lose work days anymore to grieving things that didn’t happen to me. I want you to hear that. I know it’s hard to hear, but I do not lose work days anymore to grieving things that did not happen personally to me. If it did happen personally to me, not in my community, like we had a mass shooting in my community this year. I had to work that day.

In fact, I had a live event at my in my city that I think the same week, it was terrifying. I ended up hiring security because I was so terrified. I just wanted all my people to be safe. I wanted to be safe. We spent like $1200 having armed security guards because I just was so shook. And I had to record my three-year plan live in front of an audience. Like that was scheduled, people were flying in, that was already happening. That is a mature business.

So I don’t lose the work days to grieving things that didn’t happen to me. If something does happen to me, I took a week off when my dog died. If it happened to me, I will grieve those things. But if it’s something that happened in the world that caught that I feel grief for and empathy for, I do that in my personal time. I do that on the weekends. I do that on the in the mornings. I do that at lunch. I do that in the evening. I give myself time to think about it and to process it.

I have written letters that I wouldn’t send, but I’ve written letters to people that I don’t know that have been through tragic things that I’m just feeling so sad for them and I just want to say all the things to them and that’s been really healing for me to just, like if I could send them a letter, if I could give them a message, this is what I would say. Like I’ve done that work, like very intentional grieving if you have listened to my podcast about how I grieved my dog. Like I grieve, I feel like I grieve very intentionally.

But I do it in my personal time if it didn’t happen directly to me, because I do have employees and I do have clients depending on me. I am their asset.

The other thing I was thinking about is like today especially, I have a toddler depending on me too. All smiles, ready to play, needing mommy to be mommy, not mommy crying all day scrolling the news feed. And not all of you may have young children or children who rely on you, but that is something to think about. It’s like our families need us and they don’t need us to be scrolling the news feed, crying all day.

The other thing I want you to think about that I mentioned earlier, but I think is worth its own space on this episode, is remember the way the algorithm works. It shows you a terrible thing, you engage, and then it shows you more terrible things until all you see is news from the terrible thing. That is the way it works. That’s the way the news works. We’re going to show you, we’re going to talk about all these terrible things, scare the crap out of you, make you feel awful, keep highlighting the tragic events so that you keep watching, so that we keep getting our ad spend, so that we keep getting paid from YouTube or paid from Instagram, right?

Accounts are actively creating like click-worthy content to keep you on the platform, consuming. But is that the best thing for you and your business and your clients and your audience? Is it the healthiest thing? Now, again, spend time purposely if you want to hear the stories, and you want to read up on it, and you want to grieve alongside humanity. That’s the way I think about it, and I do that.

But truly, I recommend giving yourself a time limit to come back to your world and your life. And then use that empathy to donate time, money, resources, if that feels good, versus just endlessly consuming the news and the terrible things that are coming out and all the stories. Give yourself some time in your own time, but don’t get lost in I can’t work because I’m so distraught if it didn’t personally happen to you.

And then, I want you to think about this. This one’s probably the hardest, but what would your energy and your business be like if you didn’t let the news into your world for just six months? Even 30 days. We really think that we have to be looking, we have to be up to date, we have to know all the terrible things. We have to make sure that we’re not tone deaf.

But one of the greatest things I ever did for my business is master coach training, and the one of the first things they said in master coach training is over the next six months, we’re going to transform your entire life, everything about you. You have the opportunity to really develop coaching mastery. But you’re going to need all of your energy and all of your brain space, and you’re really going to have to focus on you and your self-improvement and like really owning your life. And there’s not going to be room for focusing on everything else.

So they asked us to take a break from the news and not watch or consume any news, whether it was on the actual TV or on the news feed, but to not consume any news for the entire program, which was six months. And I listened to that. And I changed my life so dramatically. I saw the difference of all of the places my energy was being sucked dry.

I lost 30 pounds. I completely transformed my 2k for 2k program. I created 200k Mastermind and sold it, and created $300,000 in a couple of months period. I changed myself as a leader. I got better at my coaching. I worked on some deep relationships with family members. Like, I literally changed everything about myself because I had the energy to do it, because I was focused 100% on me. And that could seem selfish, but now you have the version of me recording these podcasts and creating the entrepreneur series and coaching in 2k and 200k and a 2 Million Dollar Group. Like you get the version of me now because I was willing to be the asset back then.

And so I want you to think about treating yourself that way. Treating yourself like there is inside of you a capacity, a brilliance, a thought leader, a true transformative coach that is going to deeply impact the world. And every second you lose yourself in the things happening in the world, you lose your energy to do that quickly and then help the people who you’re meant to help. And so you have to look at the tradeoff.

I can grieve this endlessly and miss days of work and not post and not market and not sell and not do my business and take breaks every time something terrible happens. And I say that knowing the weight of all the things I’ve grieved this year and also knowing that over 10 years, there’s been an insurmountable amount of things that have happened. Like innumerable, that’s the word I meant. Innumerable amount of things that have happened.

It would take me too long to list all of the terrible things that have happened in the last 10 years. And if I stopped running my business every time they happened, you would not have me on this podcast today right now giving you this message or any of the other messages I’ve given you. You wouldn’t have the leader that I am today. And you wouldn’t have my experience, having sold forty million dollars of coaching. You wouldn’t have the data study and the proven processes that I’ve created. You wouldn’t have any of that.

So think about really, truly what’s on the table for you if you can just focus on you and that feels right and really own you becoming your sharpest version of you to impact the world.

Okay, so here are my final thoughts. If you are grieving and you are feeling deep empathy and you need to take time, take it. I also want to say that. I don’t think anything is going to happen to your business dramatically if you’re offline for a few days. Like in the scheme of things, if you take two days to be offline, even if you’re working and you’re coaching clients, but you’re just not posting doesn’t feel right, nothing’s going to happen for a few days. But just be careful how often you let that happen.

And then a question that we get a lot is your content can reflect what’s happening in the world. You can do that. You could offer support to people who might be grieving or having a hard time with what they’re going through or what they’re seeing. But I will tell you, more often than not, when the news feed is slammed with coverage, I actually think people appreciate seeing something else. Because there’s just only so much you can take. And you could be the breath of fresh air. That is an option. Right? Like there were times where I’m like, okay, I’ve consumed enough. I have to like unfollow everyone presenting me with this because it’s just, I got to lead. I’ve got people relying on me.

Like this week, I’m not only doing 200k masterminds mastermind week, but most of my core program calls, and I’m recording my launch audit course, and I’m recording podcasts, and I have a baby at home or a toddler at home. I still refer to him as my baby. I have got a lot going on. There’s a time where I’m like, okay, I have to just, you know, I’m going to take a couple days and then I’m closing social media and I’m getting back to business. And I’ve got to just focus. I got to be the asset this week.

So I don’t think anything’s dramatic is going to happen if you take a few days from posting off or you post about what’s happening for a few days. Just be careful about how long you let that happen. And then you don’t have to pause your post, or you don’t have to, your post don’t have to reflect everything that’s always happening in the world. You get to be the breath of fresh air.

Now, if you feel your people are directly impacted or your community is, then lead and keep leading. But don’t get swallowed whole. Don’t forget what your people most want. Don’t forget the infinite game. The infinite game requires more commitment to what you infinitely want long-term to create than the finite present time.

There’s a great book on this by Simon, is it Simon Sinek? Simon Sinek. I don’t know how to pronounce his last name. But it’s called The Infinite Game and it’s so good and has really changed my perspective to keep me focused on my mission and what I’m creating, no matter what’s happening present in present time. And so I think about that often.

And then this is also the time to emotionally regulate and increase your capacity to hold duality. To hold running a business and feeling so deeply for people going through the unimaginable. You are actually capable of doing both. You can hold both of those things.

But the final thing I think I’ll share with you is that during these times when I feel really awkward, like that does come up for me too. Like, oh, should I not post? Like, what should I post? Should I say something? Should I not say something? I always imagine the people who have to get up and go to work. Even in the areas affected, the bankers, the hospital workers, the grocery store clerks, those people don’t have the privilege, and I’m saying that, privilege to sit at home all day online thinking they are too upset to work. That’s maybe the hardest thing that I’m going to say on this episode, but it is true.

We do this with entrepreneurship when we’re not seeing our business the same as an actual job, and when we have the privilege to just not work, to take a day off. Most of the world does not have that privilege. We would not call a nurse tone deaf for showing up to the hospital. We wouldn’t call the banker tone deaf. You know, anyone that shows, gets up, and goes to work, we wouldn’t call them tone deaf. We wouldn’t think of them that way. So why do we think of ourselves that way? Got to show up, we got to go to work. Even when it’s hard.

That’s when we hold it. We hold leadership. We hold what our people most want. We regulate ourselves, and we hold the terrible things that are also happening and the deep tragedies that other people are experiencing. Maybe we even hold gratitude, deep gratitude.

Like I remember feeling like when the news first broke of the flooding, I was at the Four Seasons, Walt Disney World in Orlando. And I remember telling my husband, it feels so crazy to me that we are at this beautiful five-star resort. My son is running through the splash pad, having so much fun. We’re being catered food, you know, going to Disney World. Like we’re doing the most luxurious things, and someone’s baby is being washed away in the river. Like it just sometimes blows my mind. It really does. Like it’s like it truly is unimaginable. I really do get it. It feels wild.

And so I was telling him like, the remaining trip, it was like every second I felt so grateful. And I felt that way this entire time. I took my son, I worked all day today, and then it’s been really hot here in Louisville, so I took my son to the pool after I finished working. I’m back working now. I’m recording this episode. But we took a little break, a couple hour break, and I took him to the pool, and I just, it was in the back of my head. Like what a luxury, what a privilege. I’m so grateful that I get to be splashing in the pool with my child right now. Like what a time.

And so I do think that we can hold gratitude as well, deep gratitude. At the same time as deep empathy. I think we can hold them both. I think we’re capable. We have the capacity inside of us. If anybody does, it’s us coaches. But don’t let the empathy and the grief swallow you.

I know it’s a hard, it’s a hard message to say, but I’ve got to say it to all of you. Because you’re going to hear a lot in your entire lifetime of your business, there’s going to be a lot that happens. There’s going to be a lot that fills the news feed. And you’ve got to just decide. And maybe it’s each time, right? Because some things will feel closer to home than others.

But I’ve seen people with really big businesses not be able to move past something happening in the world and lose tons of money in their business because they just can’t, they let the thing happening take over their entire world, their entire conversations, and they stop thinking about their infinite game and their movement and the impact they’re having and they step out of that.

And my job as your business coach is always going to be to fight for your mission and your purpose and your people and the work that you’re doing in the world. So this is my viewpoint. You don’t have to agree with it. You don’t have to take it on. You can take on the pieces that feel useful and helpful.

But you know, I was thinking about, I recorded episodes when COVID-19 first hit and the world shut down, and I was thinking like, those just don’t feel like they are right for some of the things that have happened this year in the world, specifically, that I’ve grieved. And so I wanted to have this episode that felt a little more mature and a little more connected. And so I really do hope this is helpful, but that’s the only desire I have is for this to be helpful and for it not in any way to be anything other than that.

So take what’s helpful, take what’s useful. You know, if you’re one of my clients, I’m happy to dive into the discussion even more, help you through the nuance. Of course, there is always nuance, but I do think this is a good episode to save and a good place to start every time people ask these questions in my communities. I think this would be a great way for me to say this is my official answer for most situations.

Okay. I know this was a heavy one. I know it was a hard one. I do love you all. If, you know, it landed, I’m so happy. If not, you can come back to it when you’re ready. Sometimes we’re just ready to hear things in one moment than another. And next week we’ll be get back to our regularly scheduled content. All right. I’ll see you next week. Bye-bye.

Hey, if you’re ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2K for 2K program; where you’re going to make your first $2,000 the hardest part using my simple five-step formula for getting consults and closing new clients. Just head over to StaceyBoehman.com/2Kfor2K. We’ll see you inside.