In this week’s Consult-Month-themed episode, we are diving into the topic of how to speak to clients on consults. Spoiler alert: it’s your thoughts. There is one key aspect of your mindset that establishes, directs, and creates the energy in which you speak to your potential clients on consult calls, and it’s a game-changer.
The ultimate role and value of having a coach by your side is to be in the energy of someone who truly believes in and sees grander possibilities for your life. This was my experience when I hired my first coach, and being in the presence of a belief more powerful than I could even comprehend at the time completely changed my life forever.
Join me this week to learn one simple mindset shift that will profoundly transform the impact you have on your consultation calls. You’ll hear why your consults currently feel hard and heavy, how to become unshaken by objections, and the energy in which to approach your clients, even if they’re going through objectively difficult circumstances right now.
Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach® podcast where sales expert and master coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula.
Hey, coaches, welcome to episode 250. Are you ready? We’re going to talk about how to speak to your clients on consults. And spoiler alert, spoiler alert, spoiler alert. Forgot how to talk for a second. It’s your thoughts. It’s your thoughts. It’s your thoughts. So we’re going to talk about a very pivotal part of your mindset that establishes, directs and creates the flavor, the energy to which you talk to your clients on consults.
There’s a very basic foundational belief that you have to have if you’re going to have an amazing consult and give your client a real good experience of what it’s like to work with a coach. And I think that is less about how much you coach on the consult. I actually teach my students not to coach on consults. If you are joining us in Higher Converting Consults, I’m going to tell you why. How it actually affects the client in a negative way. It’s going to blow your mind just a little bit, especially if you’ve been taught to give coaching samples ahead of time.
I’m going to tell you why this is not so great, especially for one-on-one consults. So I’m going to talk about that. But there’s actually something that’s more important than giving sample coaching to show your client the power of coaching, for them to experience what it would be like to work with a coach on a regular basis. Are you ready? It has to do, I think the importance, the value of a coach is that a coach sees us two ways.
They see us as a whole human being, a whole worthy human being and they are able to see us much more whole, much more worthy and much higher, much more successful or much more happy, having much more achievements. They just see a grander vision for what’s possible for us in our life. That is actually the power of having access to a coach or a mentor is that they create a space of belief for you, of who you could be and the life you could have. And it’s so strong and so clear that it’s easy for you to step into it. Their belief actually starts to rub off on you.
You’re like, “Wait a minute, maybe I could do this.” So the first question I want you to really think about for every consult you do or everyone you’ve ever had is, are you truly believing at the core in the moment, in general, are you believing that your clients are whole and perfect and capable when you are selling to them? Or are you believing they need you or coaching to be whole, to be okay, to be better? And better is better than where they are now, meaning that they should change, they definitely need to change.
And that if they do the things that you say, they will be a better person, a more worthy person, a more capable person, a more whole person, a more perfect person. It’s very subtle. I’m going to break it down though, how it shows up for you. And then I’m going to also kind of end with my own experiences of this.
Because I have had dramatic experiences of being in the energy of a coach who believes very deeply in a different life for me, different possibilities, grander possibilities. That have seen me so big that it has allowed me to step into that and become someone that I literally would have never even dreamed up or imagined, being an eight figure earner. Having a multimillion net worth was never even on my radar when I started coaching. I just thought if I could make 100K I would be rich. And in fact, when I started coaching I didn’t even want to be a coach. I just wanted to change my life.
I remember my friend, my best friend at the time. She was like, “I want to be a coach.” And I was like, “That’s not for me. I could never be a life coach. Who would ever take me seriously as a life coach? That’s not even on my radar. I don’t want that. I don’t need that. I’m not even looking for that.” I remember having that conversation with her. I was like, “That’s good for you. I just want to change my life.” So I have been in the presence of really powerful belief that is bigger than myself.
And I have seen the value of that as if that’s all I paid for and all I got, it was enough before they ever taught me a single thing. It was so powerful to be in that energy. So I’m going to give you some examples of that. But first I just want to break down the difference of in a sales situation. If you are in a one-on-one consult situation or even if you are l selling on a webinar or group selling in some way, in your emails, in your copy in your marketing. I’m going to show you really how this shows up.
So here’s the difference. When you believe that your client is whole and capable and perfect, their problems do not seem overly complicated for you to solve. The solution feels simple. And when you see who they could be and what’s available to them based on where they are now. If you see this grander vision for them while also maintaining that they are currently now whole and perfect and capable. The solution to getting there does not feel extraordinarily complicated.
What also happens is you are unshaken with objections. They seem so small compared to what’s waiting on the other side. I’m going to talk about this, when you believe that the person needs to coach, for you to be okay. But I just want to for one second, just take a second right here and say this. The reason we get so caught up in objections is because of how we are thinking about the person we are speaking to.
We call it in my coaching school, we call it being in the pool with someone. When you just agree with all of their circumstances and you’re like, “Oh my God, that is really terrible. Oh, my God, you really should save all your money. Oh, my God, your future is very bleak or it is very scary.” Whenever you have this emotional reaction that they say something and you believe them. This is an extension of this, being in the pool with them, believing their sad story, their sad circumstances, how hard it is.
When they tell you all their terrible circumstances and you’re like, “Oh my God, yeah, you’re right. I don’t have any idea how you’re going to get out of this.” So for some of you, you will connect with the word ‘whole’. And some of you will connect with perfect but some of you need to just look at your belief and their capability.
Because you see all their circumstances and you’re like, “You’re right. I don’t know if you are capable, sounds pretty hard. Those are really tough circumstances you’ve gotten yourself in. Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know if you’re capable and resourceful of getting out of it.” You’re not saying that but that is kind of what you’re thinking underneath it. When you have a reaction with their objections or you’re in it yourself.
If you’ve listened, I think it was episode 15 where I talk about when you have a hard time coaching on objections that you have yourself. So if you’re not seeing yourself as whole, perfect and capable, then you will swim in the pool a lot with your clients as well. And it will be very hard to see them as whole, perfect and capable. So that’s just another little gem that I get to set aside for another day is, are you seeing yourself whole, perfect and capable?
But when you do see your client as whole, perfect and capable, you really won’t be so taken aback with their objections. And you won’t get in the pool with them so often. Their objections will seem so small compared to what’s waiting on the other side. And what will happen is you will speak to them as their highest self because they are likely not seeing themselves as whole, perfect and capable. So if you are, you are already seeing them higher than they see themselves.
And then you speak to them in a way that’s almost like they’ve already achieved what they want. Your belief is so strong that you speak to them from the place of they’ve already achieved it. And then they receive you talking to them differently than anyone else has in their entire life, differently than they talk to themselves. And that’s not always just rainbows and daisies and butterflies and fluff.
Sometimes even in my coaching situations, someone speaking to me from my higher self is going to give me the most belief and love and support and girl, you are not seeing yourself as big as you are. I’m constantly coaching with my coach to remind myself of how big I am and what a big impact I have and what I’ve done. It just is my life, so in my head, I’ve got all of my own insecurities and all of my shortcomings and the goals I have and where I haven’t reached yet. I experience the same thing you all experience.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to see my highest self. So my coach is always just reminding me of how amazing I am basically. But sometimes, sometimes that coaching also is super tough coaching. I remember I told her once something about my postpartum anxiety I thought I was having. And I said, “If this happens I’ll never get over it.” And it felt so true and deep for me. And she said, “You would.” And it felt so harsh for her to tell me, “You would”, at the time, you would, of course you would get over it.
It felt so hard and I remember thinking, she’s seeing how resilient I am. She’s seeing how tough I am. She’s seeing how I never give up. She’s seeing this piece of me who is a fighter. She’s seeing this piece of me that no matter how low I go, I will end up coming back up high. That’s how it struck me later, when I thought about it, I was like, “Wow. Wow. That was hard. That was courageous but also she could only say that with so much love and seeing me bigger than myself and more capable, more resourceful, stronger, more resilient than I was seeing myself.”
So if any of these words are landing with you, whole, perfect, capable, resourceful, resilient, strong. So it’s the flavor, the way you speak to someone dramatically shifts and changes. And it’s different than any conversation they’ve ever had in their entire life with other people or themselves. The other thing that happens is you do see their future way bigger than they see themselves and you see it so clearly that it makes it simple and easy to have confidence to step into it for them. Just the way you talk about it is so clear. They’re like, “I could totally do this.”
And even though you see their future way bigger than they see themselves, because you also see them whole, perfect and capable. There isn’t this insane grip on them taking action on it. You’re like, “You’re whole, you’re perfect and you’re capable. Also, you don’t need to do anything to achieve that, but if you want to.” It’s kind of maybe how you see your children. I look at my son with such unconditional love.
My husband and I joke about this all the time. One of his friends said that they’re going to do stuff as they start becoming more capable. They’re going to do stuff that’s going to be really small. But the way you’re going to see it is you’re going to be like, “Jason Bourne, right there, just superhero, look at him. Look at my kid, literally Jason Bourne.” And we were laughing because we had one of those moments the other day. So he’s 16 months and he loves to play with bubbles outside. We have a back patio and he loves to play with the bubbles.
And he has this little Buzz Lightyear drinking sipper. And we were looking for it and we didn’t see it. And he’s playing with his bubbles and we see it sitting on a ledge. And I was like, “Neil, he was like he knew to put it on the ledge.” He’s placing his cup somewhere to come back to. What? We also keep the bubbles on the ledge so it was like he made the connection that things go on the ledge, that you can store them there and come back for them later. And he exchanged the bubbles for the drinking glass. And my husband was like, “See, Jason Bourne.” That’s how it feels.
So we love our son so much. We think he’s already just so whole and perfect and capable with every tiny little accomplishment that he doesn’t really need to do anything. I don’t need him to become an astronaut or a lawyer or a doctor or a coach or an entrepreneur. I don’t need a banker. I don’t need him to do anything to be whole, perfect and capable to me. He’s already done that.
So if he never worked a day in his life, his value, his worth, if he never accomplished anything major and material in the world, if he never invented something. He’s still whole, perfect and capable and amazing and fucking, Jason Bourne, without doing anything. And also, I can see this huge future for him if he wanted it, that would be so available to him. I hope that helps click just a little bit. Everything you do is amazing and there’s so much opportunity for you out there if you want it. The world is your oyster. What do you want?
When you speak to someone like that, they don’t feel like they’re going to fail you as much. They don’t feel like they’re going to fail themselves as much because they’re whole, capable and perfect right now. And you’re just reminding them of that. The other thing that happens when you think that someone’s whole, perfect and capable and resourceful and resilient and strong, whether they coach with you or not. You feel honored to have the even opportunity to be on this person’s journey. I say this a lot and I don’t know that people truly believe me, but this is genuinely the way I feel about my students.
When they come through and they come into my program and I get to help them in any way in their journey, I genuinely feel honored. When they have a breakthrough, when they go out and hit a big money goal or they do something that blew their mind or they do a branding shoot and they come back and their branding looks amazing. And I just think to myself, every accomplishment they celebrate, every aha they have, every step they take towards being more intimate and aware of themselves. I’m just always like, “You blow me away. I’m so honored to be a part of your journey.”
And listen, I remember a time when my coach used to tell me this and I used to not believe her. And I used to think it was bullshit and I used to think she’s blowing smoke up my ass. She’s just selling me. I couldn’t even remotely believe that she would see me that way because I was so far from seeing myself that way. And so some of you might experience that when I say these things. You might be like, “Okay, Stacey. I need 20K. You’re not feeling honored to be on my journey.” But it’s true, you make your first 2K, I’m like, “So honored to be this little piece of your story.”
But I just feel so much regard and respect and reverence for my clients and the opportunity to infuse any wisdom, guidance, anything in their journey and be a part of it and it also just feels like that. Especially as you grow bigger and bigger and bigger, your own accomplishments will stop blowing your mind. But the things that other people do, will blow your mind, they’re accomplishments. And so I just truly feel that way rather than, and we’re going to talk about when you think they need to coach with you to be okay with the experiences.
But when you feel honored to be on their journey, it’s a very different experience than when you feel responsible for their success or failures. The reason you feel responsible in a way that’s heavy is because you’re like, “This person isn’t whole, perfect, capable, resilient, capable, strong, resourceful, resilient.” When you’re not seeing them that way, then you’re like, “I’m going to make them that way.” And there’s this tight grip versus I talk about creating 100% results. I really love to give myself that challenge.
I love to take it on for me. How can I focus on what I can control in the chain reaction of teaching them and mentoring them and helping them grow their skill sets? What are all the things I can control and focus on in this equation? That doesn’t feel heavy when I also think if they didn’t coach with me, they would figure it out. They could go coach with somebody else. They could figure it out for themselves. It goes back to again being honored to be chosen to be on their journey. So to me it feels more like a challenge and a game and something I do from a place of love.
And it doesn’t feel as hard when you’re also knowing, I just had to do a lot of work on this too especially as I scaled my business. I was holding space for bigger and bigger containers. I had to believe that my clients were going to show up and do the work and that I didn’t need to hold their hand. If you’re believing you’re going to have to hold their hand, you’re going to have to do a lot of the work for them. You have to think about them all the time, You have to take notes for them.
I’m coaching a client right now in my 200K Mastermind. I’m like, “What do I need to do? How do I need to help you to stop taking notes of your clients and not doing all this work in between your calls? Let them do it.” And I think this is part of it. It’s when you don’t see them as their highest self, if you’re not seeing them as truly fully capable, then you think you have to do the work for them. And then the 100% results feel very heavy.
If you think I’m trying to tell you to sell 100% results then you’re going to be like, “Oh my God, there’s no way I could have a sales conversation where I promise results. Because it’s so much on me and then I don’t know what they’re going to do. I don’t know how they’re going to show up. I can’t be responsible for how they show up.” Versus I just so deeply believe they’re spending money. They’re going to get what they came for. They’re going to show up. They’re going to do the work. They’re going to ask for help. They’re going to raise their hand.
And even if that’s really hard and it takes a while, that’s part of their journey, and they’re going to get there. I have so much more patience for them if they’re not getting results. I also recently coached a client. First of all, she’s very close to 200K, very close. When I’m seeing in her highest self I’m like, “What was happening here?” But she was having so much suffering, thinking that I was disappointed that she hadn’t got there yet, feeling so, so bad about that.
And I was just like, “Oh my God.” I literally told her. I was like, “First of all 100%, I promise you, I’m not thinking you’ve let me down. I’m thinking I’ve let you down. And I’m scouring my brain, if anything I’m not thinking about it regardless, because I think your results are amazing. But if I were thinking anything, it will always be that it’s my fault and that there’s something that I can control and that I can be responsible for that I haven’t taught you yet because I see you as so perfect.”
And it’s not, I don’t hold my clients at a higher level of responsibility in any way, shape or form at all. But I just don’t have this grip that allows the challenge of working diligently to always get better at teaching and explaining things so that they are able to get results faster and easier. It just makes that easier for me and not heavy at all because I’m not feeling responsible. I just know this client is going to figure it out. I feel so much patience for her figuring it out. Feel so much love for her figuring it out.
I know this could be a little tricky because I can explain it all day long, but if your thoughts are not on that wavelength, it will sound like I’m reading an instruction manual for putting something together that’s 1,000 pieces. But you’re just going to try on some simple thoughts that I’m going to give you at the end.
Okay, I want to give you one more and then we’re going to move on. Their objections, when you’re seeing them as whole, perfect, capable, resilient, resourceful, strong. Their objections will seem almost silly, very, very small compared to what’s waiting on the other side but not in a condescending way. It’s a very important distinction.
I actually joined The Life Coach School when Brooke Castillo was still taking consult calls. It just feels so crazy. And I did a consult call with her, a sales call in the parking lot of a Walmart. And I want you to imagine that if Brooke heard me say, “I can’t pay you. It’s $6,000. I don’t have $6,000.” I think I told her, “I don’t have $6,000, so I don’t have any idea how I’m going to pay you.” And I remember her response was just like, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” It wasn’t even what she said. It was the energy she said it in. It was as if she was seeing this life I’m living today so clearly.
So the energy around it was just it allowed me to believe I probably could figure this out. It wasn’t even, she didn’t say a lot. She didn’t convince me. She didn’t go into a whole spiel. She said four words, four or five words. It was one sentence. It was a blip on the radar, but the way she said it, the energy, I still remember it to this day. And it’s so easy when I’m in this place to coach my clients on anything when I’m thinking of them this way. When I know their struggle and suffering, when I’ve been there myself, I know their struggle and suffering from deep, I’ve been there.
And I have so much compassion for them from a place of recognizing that I still struggle with my belief in my smallness too, from a place of I know how hard it is to see yourself big. And I still see you that way so I can hold compassion with perspective and give you that perspective. And I can hand that out anytime you need it, anytime you need it. So any objection you have just seems silly, small. Maybe that’s the better word, small. Not in a condescending way and not in a way that I feel I have to manhandle them seeing it and they’ve got to get it right away.
It’s just like, this is so small in your bigger, bigger, bigger journey. So that’s what happens when you feel, when you believe your client is whole. When you believe that they need to coach with you to be okay, here’s what happens. You speak to them from a place as if they are missing something. And it’s the opposite of what a coach does for their client. They’re missing something inherent or deep or complicated or hard. You come with lack of belief to your sales call.
Sometimes you guys come with pre-judgment ahead of time on your sales calls, maybe from past sales calls. But if you come with lack of belief or judgment, it’s very impossible for them to find belief on the call with you for themselves and in you. Okay, let me say that again. If you come with lack of belief, it’s impossible for them to find that belief on the call with you. And then their problems seem so big and so heavy. You doubt in their ability to get results, you don’t find connection with them.
And mainly you don’t find connection with them because you’re so busy talking at them as the scholar, as the wise sage, as the person who knows more than them, who’s more whole than them, more capable than them, more resilient, more stronger than them. You don’t mean to do this. It’s just when you’re seeing them small, it will be hard to connect with them and you will talk at them. You also might judge them if they don’t buy. I just made a face when I said it because I know it’s going to feel icky when I say that, because if you’ve done it, it’s going to be like crap.
I want to offer though, any of these things I’m saying, this is just what happens from a thought that you can change. You don’t need to have any shame around it, no shame in the game. Already told you, when my coach said these things to me, I was in such a low place of belief for myself that I thought for sure she was blowing smoke up my ass and not being genuine and being fake. Early, early on in my coaching I saw saying these things as being fake, as being prophet like or I don’t even know how to describe it.
It just felt so fake to me. I was like, “No one loves someone this much. No one sees someone this purely. No one believes in this level of capability of someone.” My first coach is now making $30 million a year. I make $10 million a year. She might have been right and genuine, but at the time it felt very smoke up my ass.
So if you’re experiencing this, if the things I’m saying are either, you’re like, “This is smoke up my ass”, or you’re judging yourself so hard and shaming yourself for not doing this. Don’t do either of those things. This is normal. This is just something to work towards. So if you judge them, if they don’t buy. If you handle objections in a way that implies that they are making the wrong choice for their life and their okay-ness by not hiring you, if you don’t hire me, you will not be okay. If you do not hire me, you will not get to these results on your own or it will be very difficult for you so you’d better hire me.
No. Surely they’ll get to the results on their own. Surely they can do it. If you believe they need to coach with you to be okay, you get swallowed up and stuck in agreement with their objections. I already talked about this. I’ve spent a lot of time on this. But just notice if you have any thoughts that are some subtle version of, this is an exaggerated version but I don’t know if you can do it. You probably shouldn’t pay me. I don’t know if it’ll be worth it for you.
If you have any thoughts that they may not show up, even if the way they show up to the consult is kind of like that. What if you saw them as whole, capable and perfect and you’re like, “Listen, what’s going on here? This isn’t you. You’re not showing up. You’re just not seeing how whole, capable and perfect you are and how resourceful and resilient you are. It’s okay, if that’s the first thing we need to work on, let’s work on that. But you’re perfectly capable of doing that.”
If they’re like, “I don’t know if I’ll do the work.” “What do you mean you don’t know if you’re going to do the work? Of course, you’re going to do the work. Right now, if you are feeling that little self-belief, let’s just work on that because you are totally capable. You are not seeing what’s possible for you. You’re very stuck and that’s okay, but you’ve got this, you 100% can do this.” You can only say those things without sounding convincing if you mean it.
People always ask me, “What’s the difference between convincing and selling or being salesy and just selling?” And it’s literally not what you say, it’s how you’re feeling when you say it. When you’re convincing you’re trying to convince yourself and them. When you believe in them, then you don’t need to convince yourself and you don’t need to convince them.
I’ve given you a lot of my thoughts, but I’m going to give you some thoughts that you could practice, because this may be so far from where you are just right this second that you might need to just start a couple at a time. And I promise you if you juggle just one or two loose, everything’s going to come stacking in place. I’ve been there. You will get to this place, trust me. I have been in the ultimate, I don’t believe in myself and I don’t believe in my coach when my coach believes in me. So I’ve really come to the other side. And so these are the thoughts that I want to offer you.
I really believe coaching is for high achieving individuals who want more out of their life or they want to solve thinking that keeps them from being high achieving or highly intentional. I also believe all people are capable of being high achieving, highly intentional, whatever that is. Some people aren’t going to identify with achievement, but highly intentional, highly capable, just functioning humans, normal functioning humans. And all people just need to be shown how amazing their life is already to create major positive changes, if they just start seeing their life as the miracle it is.
We all have our circumstances we can’t overcome and all these annoying things in our life and all these pain points. But if you had a life or death moment, if you had your life flash before your eyes. If you thought that your life might be over, you might see it differently if you got another chance. All of the problems would have been so small. If you were just anchored into I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m healthy, I’m safe, I have love, I have connection. I have that ability even if I don’t have that with an immediate person, I have that ability to generate it in myself.
That’s really all we have to do. If we can anchor people into just that, it’s so much easier to create major positive changes from there. I also think behavior that takes us out of okay-ness, our clients that come to us and they don’t feel like they’re in okay-ness, they don’t have okay-ness. It just comes from forgetting we’re okay. And I have done that because I have literally gotten to the place where I could live in a box and I still know how to choose my thoughts and feelings so I would be okay. I have a negative bank account and I’m okay. I don’t know what I’m going to eat, the next meal and I’m okay.
So to see someone that has those levels of circumstances and still see their okay-ness, that is a powerful place to come from when you’re thinking about what the role is of a coach. I see them as whole wonderful, capable beings as my job. They are perfect. If they are suffering, suffering is human, it’s not a condition of their lack of okay-ness. Suffering is human, not a condition of their lack of okay-ness and safety in most situations.
They are worthy of a bigger future and all of the love and success and all of their desires in the world that they could possibly want. They’re just worthy of them. So anything they want, we can make it happen because they’re capable of having it. They’re whole, they’re capable, they’re worthy, they’re resourceful, they’re resilient. So they can fail a million times. That’s not going to be a problem. They’ll get back up and go again. I do believe if they are suffering there are solutions. That’s where I come in, if they want to take them. But remember, suffering is also human.
So sometimes you’re not ready or open to end your suffering and that’s okay because you’re just living the human experience. I want to work with people who see themselves as whole and want more. I’m not after the broken people. That to me is if they really, truly see themselves as deeply, deeply broken, if they’re not functioning and they see themselves that way, they may need alternative solutions like therapy. To me, this is a thought, coaching is more fun this way, when I’m just a value add, when I’m an experienced add.
I like to think of having a life coach as wonderful and luxurious. I remember when I had no money, I made 60K a year before taxes and I was paying for two grown adults’ bills and lives. And I remember paying, I think I was paying $10,000 a year for my coach and cutting all my expenses to be able to make it happen. And I remember feeling like it was the most luxurious thing. It was the secret weapon that I had that no one else had. And I just felt like I had a freaking guardian angel on my back 24/7. That is the best feeling.
If there’s any reason to hire a coach, it’s that reason. How you feel walking around life knowing, if I have any issues, if I have any roadblocks, if I have any disagreements in my life, if I have any problems, I get to come to a call every week and have someone else help me solve them. What? Who has that in life? Luxury. And I do believe that other people’s belief in my capabilities was a transformation in itself.
The other people taking me seriously was the transformation, that other people believing me regardless of my past mistakes and current circumstances. That was a transformation and it allowed me to become who I would become. I will never, ever forget the coaches on my journey who saw me bigger than I am. I remember the Walmart parking lot conversation with Brooke Castillo and her not speaking down to me, thinking less of me, thinking of me as not resourceful. You all, I’m going to get emotional.
She did not see me as a mop saleswoman. She did not see me as a Walmart worker. She did not see me as white trash, as someone who grew up with no money, who lived at one point in her life in a trailer. The second person in her entire family line to ever go to college. She didn’t see me as a redneck. She didn’t see me as not smart. The way she talked to me in that conversation. It literally changed my life, that sales call.
And then again, I remember I joined Million Dollar Mentoring and I just recently told this story. There was eight of us and we came in to make $1 million. And everyone in the group came in at 500K. I am surrounded by people like Jody Moore, Katrina Ubell, Corinne Crabtree. I’m trying to remember who else was in that first group. I’m going to forget people, it’s morphed since then. But I was with people that I was like, “What?” They’re smarter than me. They’re further along than me. They’re nicer, kinder than me.
They were so calm. They were so much calmer than me. I spent the entire first year feeling inadequate. They were all making more money than me and they all had just more business structure set up than me. I’m so good at sales, I didn’t have to have any of that business structure. But then when I went to $1 million I was like, “Oh, crap, I don’t have any of it.” That’s a big part of the reason why I started teaching that in 200K and then in the transition of Two Million Dollar Group is to prepare people. I just didn’t have any of it. So I spent a lot of the year feeling inadequate and really behind.
Anytime we were talking about sales, Brooke would ask, “Stacey, what do you think?” And I would always look at her, I wonder if she remembers this. I should ask her. I would look at her like a deer in headlights kind of almost not offended, but what are you doing? Why would you ask me? Obviously, I don’t know. You’re all making way more money than me. I don’t have the answer for you. Deer in the headlights, I’m so confused why you’re asking me. And everyone would turn and look at me, my face would feel so hot. And I’d be like, “Why do you think I have the answer?”
I really felt that way. I really felt that way. And then I would say stuff throughout the round that people would latch onto and be like, “Oh my God, that’s brilliant.” And I’d be like, “What?” I didn’t see it. And it felt like, [inaudible], put me on the spot. What’s going on here? Stop doing that. And then flash forward, I caught up a little bit to the way that she saw me and was like, “Wait, every time I talk about sales, it does help people, even people making more money than me. They don’t think about selling the way that I do.”
They’re not from the lens of the client mindset, the way that I think. They don’t have the same confidence around it. the kind that you get from doing shows selling mops in Walmart to hundreds of people every day for seven years and then still has a certain level of confidence about selling. But I just didn’t get it. I was like, “Why are they asking me? I’m not the expert here.” And eventually that was a really profound thing for me, for them to see me that way.
I also remember in coach training, I’m just thinking of this too. I remember in coach training when we were in El Dorado Hills in a Holiday Inn Express, 25 of us. And we went to dinner with Brooke after the certification. And my best friend and I got certified at the same time. And she loved us and no offense to anyone else that was in the class, but we were probably one of her younger people at the time that came in.
I just remember, when I walked into certification, I’m seeing all of these women who were in their at least probably early 40s with these beautiful Louis Vuitton bags and they’re so smart. Many of them have been to Ivy League colleges. They’re really strong feminists and they’re just so well put together. I felt like none of that, just nowhere near their league. I remember having to tell myself, I paid the same amount of money to be here as these women, that seem out of my league.
But I just remember, Brooke loved us so much and genuinely just wanted to be around us and that blew my mind. I was like, why? It was just her friendliness, her excitement to be around me, blew my mind. I also remember my first coach, how many times I talked about this, but how many times she would say things to me and I would be like, “What? This cannot be genuine.” It felt so foreign to me, but she would be so excited. She always thought I was so funny. She still thinks I’m so funny.
But the way that she would see me, I remember one time we were walking in Laguna Beach, California. I had just had my heart broken. I told her that I felt in my heart, in my physical being in a 10 out of 10 pain, 10 out of 10. And it had been a long time. I don’t even remember at that point if I was still even in love with this person or I was just so hurt from the whole experience but I just felt so much pain. I was like, “I don’t think I’m ever going to not feel this way.”
And for the next 30 minutes, she went on to tell me the type of love I would have in my life and the person she saw me with and how she saw me in my life being in love and this grand vision for myself. And I remember thinking, how does she see that as possible from where I am right now? I just had a conversation with her recently, I was sending her my photos from Italy. And she said, “Oh my God, you’ve literally created everything you ever wanted. You’ve created everything you have ever wanted.”
And that reminded me of that conversation in Laguna Beach. I was like, “Damn, she saw that, she saw that right then and there.” Those little moments to me are as transformational as being taught the model, as being taught any business skill sets, of learning a funnel, learning an email sequence. I remember when my coach, Bev, when I was having a really hard time and she was like, “Stacey, you’re so resilient. You’re the most resilient person I’ve ever known?”
Something like that, “You’re just so resilient. Of all my clients, every time you come and you are in lowest of the lows, the deepest of the hole. One week you’ve turned around and you’ve already got a plan and you’re already implementing it. You’ve completely changed your mindset. We coach on things, you’re not open to them at all. You’re like, “Oh, I’m not open to coaching on this.” The next week you’ve already coached yourself up and you’re a completely different person.”
And every time she says things like that to me, I’m like, “You’re right. You’re right. You’re right.” And I’m able to step into that. So I want to offer to you that this is possible for you with your clients. And you will make so much more money and sign so many more clients with just this shift. Just the shift of believing that your client is whole and capable and perfect and wonderful and funny and amazing, a great human, resilient, strong, resourceful. Just believing in their ultimate capability and speaking to them from that place.
One of the things you could do as an exercise, I’ll leave you with this, is before you get on a consult, if you’re in 2K and you have the pre-consult questionnaire, you can do this in addition. You can think about the person that has signed up and you might not know a ton about them, but anything you know about them. And don’t make them do this work for you, please God, don’t. If you’re following along, Consult Month with me on my Instagram @staceyboehman or on my Facebook, I’m going to talk about this. This is one of my posts that I have geared up to post.
Dear God, don’t give them pre-work before the consult, don’t do it. Some people do that successfully. I am not a fan, okay, my opinion, don’t give them pre-work. But your pre-work before the consult, first start with imagine their life is perfect and amazing right now as it is. It’s perfect. Find the way that that’s actually true and genuine for you. I’ll give you one example before we go. Then find what’s possible for them in the world only if they want it. And sit in that before you get on the call.
Instead of what many of you do where you’re like, “I’m about to get on a call and I just know based on what she said, she doesn’t have any money. The last 10 clients have all been no’s and here’s the reason they’ve given me and this person’s going to be a no too.” I know, I know the fear and the doubt, I know it. But instead of recreating the same situation over again, find how they are perfect and amazing and resilient and resourceful and capable and all of the things and how their life is perfect now and then find what’s possible for them even if you have to make it up and imagine it.
Just sit in the possibility of that’s possible for any human on the planet. Any human on the planet, it’s possible for them. And I’m going to give you one last example, okay, this is what I mean by this. Some of the hardest times in my life, I look back now and I genuinely feel gratitude. And I’m like, “I am so grateful I had that experience for many reasons.” Or I can see the value it played in my life.
For example, I remember how painful and frustrating and hard starting my business was especially when I had no money, especially when I was living in Super 8 motels, driving my dog around with me, going to pitch in grocery stores. I remember that time and how hard it was. And it wasn’t at the time a walk in the park and now I look back on that moment, I’m like, “Oh my God, that was amazing, that whole thing.” I was in the work. I was in the constant transformation. I’ve never fought so hard for my life, ever and it was amazing. It was amazing.
It’s kind of like, if you remember being broke in college and eating cold pizza and you look back on that sometimes and you’re like, “Those were the days.” And I’m not talking about all experiences. I’m not talking about chronic illness, things like that. But I’m just saying a lot of our life things that make us feel really down and out are opportunities to look back on them with fondness of what that allowed for us. How that allowed us to step up to our life and to feel alive and going after something more.
That’s what I think about my journey of even changing my life. I think about the journey of hiring my first coach just to coach me and change my life. I look back on that journey it’s like, gosh, it’s such a beautiful feeling of every day waking up and tackling my life and really working hard to turn it around and change it. That was the most alive maybe I’ve ever felt. And it was one of the hardest times of my life. So that’s the way I choose to see my clients even when they’re in difficult circumstances, even when it’s hard in almost all situations.
I’m not talking, sometimes you all try to challenge me in outlier situations, but you could find how you could use this message even with outlier situations or situations that coaches would coach on, not therapists. Maybe that’s a distinction. And I would consider those of you all that are trauma coaches, maybe that’s even in that area, but you could still do this work. You could still see how someone experiencing trauma, post traumatic growth, what’s available for them on the other side.
Some of my traumatic things have also given me posttraumatic growth. So I think if you’re willing to look you can find it.
Alright, that is what I have for you today for Consult Month. Follow me @staceyboehman on IG and I am so, so happy to continue the conversation. And if you have not signed up for Higher Converting Consults, I am going to give you 14 common mistakes, what you’re thinking when you do them, how the client experiences it, what they think about it. And how to fix it, and behavior that indicates that you’re doing it. I’m going to teach you my five step sales process.
And I’ve invited some of my clients who have mastered consultations to do a panel with me where we just spend time answering your questions about consultations. Make sure you sign up, it’s staceyboehman.com/hcc2. This is the second time I’ve done this class. I did the last class in 2021. And I’m going to bring it because I’ve had two years to coach on this material since and all of my new thoughts now. It’s going to be incredible. Alright, I’ll see you next week, loves. Bye bye.
Hey, if you are ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2K for 2K program where you’re going to make your first 2,000 the hardest part and then 200,000 using my proven formula. It’s risk free, you either make your 2K or I give you your 2K back. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.