Our values seem good and right, like the news giving you factual information, and that makes it hard to coach to the best of your abilities, especially if you’re new to coaching. I’m giving you real examples of false negatives and false positives to demonstrate how you might be weaving your thoughts into your client’s decisions.
Tune in as I explore the idea of belief bias and how I don’t let my beliefs or my client’s beliefs get in the way of their transformation! Anyone can do this and understanding it is going to get you to expert level coach!
Welcome to the Make Money as a Life Coach podcast, where sales expert and life coach Stacey Boehman teaches you how to make your first 2K, 20K, and 200K using her proven formula. Let’s get started.
Hey lovies. Happy Wednesday. How are you doing? How is your business going? Do you feel amazing about it? I feel really great about mine and I just – I’m in such an amazing place where I’m really spending all of my time thinking about my clients, which is so fun.
It’s kind of fascinating. I feel like in the beginning of our businesses, we spend all of our time thinking about ourselves and about our beliefs and about our thoughts, and I’ve just completely shifted into this place where I’m truly really only thinking about my clients all of the time and just creating and creating and creating and I just have this anticipation build up because I haven’t released it yet to my clients.
So it’s like, I’m still in the birthing it in the world and creating phase, but I have spent so many weeks just thinking about how excited they’re going to be. Even for you on the podcast, I have up to 30 episodes of the podcast planned out. I’m so excited about the episodes, I can’t plan them fast enough and get them recorded fast enough and I’m so excited about the work I’m doing in my 2K program, the new things I’m creating for that and the new things I’m creating for my 200K program.
It feels like I just can’t get the stuff out of my brain fast enough, but I’m fuelled by the excitement of how much I know my clients are going to freak out. I know you’re going to freak out when you hear the episodes, and it’s the best place. So I just want to lend those thoughts to you for your week. You could think about your clients that way and be so excited for them to sign up for coaching and for them to get that transformation. And to know how stoked they’re going to be to finally have something shift and change in their life. It’s so good.
So let’s dive in today. We’re going to talk about belief bias. So last week we were talking about clean selling. So there’s your thinking and then there’s your client’s thinking. And when you’re in your brain, you’re doing muddy selling. It’s just not clean. You’re thinking about you and you’re not thinking about them and looking at their thoughts as a coach would.
And remember, only coaches sell coaching. Not salespeople. I love selling but I love selling when selling is serving and helping someone believe in themselves and take action towards those dreams. Not when it’s about me and creating my dreams. But it isn’t just about not thinking about yourself when you’re selling that makes the process clean, and that’s what we’re going to talk about today.
It isn’t just about serving. It is also about the process of decision-making being clean. That process for your client. That process being influenced as little as possible by any outside force. Your thoughts, or even someone else’s. clean selling is also a practice of purposefully directing the client’s decision to their brain.
So I’m going to talk about that in this episode today. I’m going to give you examples of that. Because if you bring your mind and your thoughts into the conversation, your selling becomes influenced by all of your values and belief systems. Therefore, it filters your client’s decisions through your beliefs and then theirs. That’s why I call it muddy. It’s not clean. It just takes a little bit of your stuff and then it takes a little bit of their stuff and we don’t want any of your stuff coming in there.
I think this is important because you might think that you’re using your values and it’s good, like, everybody believes their values are good and right, but you can’t use your values and beliefs that you think are right without also letting in the sneaky judgments and fears about life and the world and other people and your client and desires for you to make money and the desire for significance that comes from hitting your goals, and a lot of that you just see as truth.
You kind of see it as like, it’s just the news. It feels like it is true so it’s right. So you don’t have the same ability – in fact, that’s why coaching, that’s why we even do coaching is we don’t have the ability 100% of the time all the time to differentiate, to see facts from our thoughts. We just see all of our thoughts as facts.
So because of that in ability to do that as a human all of the time, to be able to watch our mind, that’s why we want to hire coaches to help us, but it’s also why we don’t want to trust our mind and our thoughts in a sales conversation. When you’re using your mind, you’re using all of it. You’re using positive and negative beliefs because you just can’t differentiate the difference between the two all of the time.
You don’t know always beliefs that serve you and beliefs that don’t, and beliefs that serve your client and beliefs that don’t, especially when you’re in this heightened intense emotional conversation about – when money is on the line and it’s a new person and you’re not comfortable with them yet. There’s just so much going on on a consult. I just want you to keep all your thoughts out of it.
When you don’t keep your thoughts out of it, I call this belief bias. So a bias is a prejudice in favor or against one thing compared to another that is considered to be unfair. Like, if you look it up in the dictionary. Now, here’s what’s interesting. Whether it is for or against something, it is defined as unfair.
So whether it’s for them buying or against them buying, whether you think they totally should but or they totally shouldn’t buy, your belief being introduced into the sales conversation makes it unfair. It biases the client’s decision. It’s crazy, but it’s true.
And we all know the experience of someone trying to talk us into something. Even if it’s totally what we should buy, and even if they’re totally believing it’s the best thing for us, it feels pushy and manipulative. So belief bias is your beliefs creating prejudice in the sales or coaching conversation. Your coaching being influenced by what you already believe, swaying a client based on what you say, a.k.a. convincing. Otherwise known as.
And again, it’s either for or against. It’s just your mind interfering in the decision-making process. Now, you might say, “But wait, there’s no way I’m biasing my client not to buy from me.” But really seriously, why would you ever do that? But I want you to think about this. You are when they tell you they don’t have the money and you agree.
You’re like, yeah, that situation, it sounds pretty bad, I agree with you. That’s you biasing them on their decision. When you use your thoughts to have an opinion on what they said, any time you do that, instead of showing them their mind, you are biasing them from your own mind.
Another way this comes up is when you don’t offer coaching because you don’t think they’re ready, or they aren’t your client. I hear that a lot. You don’t connect with them on the call and you tell yourself it’s because they weren’t your people, but really, it was because of your thoughts about the person you’re speaking with interfering with your ability to connect with them.
I see this a lot. The judgments my clients have about what the client is capable of. Who they are now, who they can be, their ability to massively change, all of the drama and crap they have in front of them, like, how hard it will be to change, all that they will have to do to change. Your opinion on all of that shouldn’t matter at all. It really doesn’t matter.
What matters is the client and their belief. How do you know that they should buy their house instead of working with you to get the result that they really want? Maybe – we don’t know, but maybe if they buy that house instead of getting emotional help, they’ll be sitting in that house still miserable.
But if you have a belief that the way to be successful in life is to buy a house and renting is a waste of money, and you’re using your brain in the conversation, you will agree with them. When they say they can’t afford it because they are saving for a house, you’re going to believe them. And it won’t be because that actually is the best thing for them. It will be the thing that you happen to agree with because you’re in your thoughts agreeing instead of being with the client coaching.
My clients use scenarios like this a lot and they say, “Well, they weren’t committed, they didn’t have the money.” But that isn’t why they didn’t get the help they needed. It was because my client failed to show up and do their job as a coach and coach them and show them their mind because of their belief bias in the conversation.
Biasing yourself against helping the client by coming from your own beliefs. That’s really what it is. It’s like you’re using your own beliefs to agree with them for why they can’t do something. When in fact, we don’t know, apartment living could be totally fine for them. Apartment living is literally just fine. It’s a circumstance. It’s neutral and you get to think however you want about it.
I had a 600 square foot apartment with no desk and only a laptop and two spoons and I built a multiple six-figure business. I was completely happy. I was making, I don’t know, $400,000 or $500,000 a year when I moved out of that apartment. My fiancé was like, “Gosh, this is an uplevel, you needed it.” But I was just totally fine. I had my priorities straight.
I knew what was really going to make my happy in the long-term that was being my greatest self and creating my legacy and creating my business and creating an investment that would pay me over and over and over for years to come and I was willing to just live in that little apartment to do that. And maybe they would be too when they learn that the house wouldn’t create happiness for them. That it’s available to them always no matter what and you can teach them how.
But you can’t show them that when you’re busy thinking about your thoughts instead of theirs. When you’re busy thinking about the house you want and you think you should have and you think is necessary to be doing life right, and then they tell you that they have to be living in a house and you’re like yeah, that’s really important, you don’t have the money.
Now, it also might not be the best thing for them. We don’t know. But when we’re in our mind thinking on a consult, we aren’t in our client’s mind questioning everything they’re saying. And what’s tricky is we think thinking our client can’t do it or isn’t ready is being in integrity. We think we are using our good coach judgment. We think it’s serving them.
Next time you think they aren’t ready, I really want you to ask how you know. Did that thought come from your brain based on your thoughts? Your judgments about them, or from coaching them and them telling you they aren’t ready and the coaching leading both of you to understand that they aren’t ready. Letting the coaching do the work.
You don’t want the client to do the work and just stay in their beliefs, and you don’t want for you be doing the work. You want the coaching to do the work. You want to be just showing them the two options of the decisions they’re making.
Let’s go with the house scenario. I always say a consultation is just an hour where we make powerful decisions and we seek truth. Do they want the house more than they want the result they’re after and why? And which one do they value more and why? Really letting them decide will tell you if they’re ready to go after the result they want no matter what or not. You just present the choice they don’t even realize they’re making, and I think that’s super important to know is they don’t even realize they’re making that choice.
So you’ve got to show them that without you helping them decide. But when you’re thinking about them on a consult, you’re using your thoughts, your beliefs to bias the conversation and you input your thoughts into the decision instead of theirs. So belief bias, I think this is super important to know, creates the opposite of serving.
Now, I’m talking about belief bias, not serving your clients. And in this situation, I want to be clear. I’m talking about either belief bias, positive or negative. Here’s why. Positive belief bias clouds your judgment. It clouds your presence with your client when you get too excited about your client. You’re still back in your brain. That’s the key.
So I want to give you an example. I’m going to actually give you two examples. So here’s the first one. I had a client and the client – we were talking back and forth on the 2K page because I have them do consult evaluations and she said in her entire evaluation, these are some of the things she said. She said, “I had no idea. I was talking to someone I’d think is a dream to coach. It felt so organic and awesome. And she was psyched and ready. And she knew she had money objections on the coaching and making her 6K investment back, and she recognized it was all her mind drama and she fully owned it was her mind and not reality, but she wanted to wait until May when she was done paying a bill and then working with me would be the first thing she did.”
And she said, “To me, that was a very clear and self-owned decision despite her feeling kind of deflated about waiting because she really wants to start now.” So here’s what I told her. The client said that she totally saw it but she didn’t. And how we know that she didn’t is she didn’t have a shift, and I would have stayed with her there and given her a shift there.
If she really saw it, like really saw that her mind was creating her not having 6K and would create her having 6K and more, she’d not be waiting. No one ever waits to make money they believe they can make. This was the moment on the call. If she doesn’t believe she can make money now, enough to feel confident enough to spend it before she makes it, what will her result be going out and doing it on her own?
Because her thought truly is I can’t make 6K in two months, which is what she would have had to done because that’s the amount she wants to wait. She wanted to wait – she did the consult this month, she wants to wait for two months, so she didn’t believe I can make the extra 6K that I would have to pay my coach in two months.
And how does that make the client feel? Think about that even for yourself. That’s what I asked my client. Think about that. How does that make her feel? And what will she do? How will she show up feeling that way, thinking that thought and what will she create? It aint 6K.
And that’s what you want to show her and then stay with her to help her see. And my client came back and said, “Well, she didn’t shift her coaching on her money objection but she did fully own that it was her lack of belief in herself as you’re saying here.” And I said this is where I would disagree with the client on the consult. She didn’t own it. She wasn’t owning that it was her mind creating her result because people who own that it is their mind and themselves holding themselves back change it. As soon as you truly see it, you change it.
She owned it kind of like an excuse to make herself feel bad. She owned it in a way that took her power and not gave it to her. It’s like when a coach says – and I get this a lot, “Well, I chose powerfully not to work my business this week and take a break from it,” yet why would they ever do that? Seriously, I would never just own that I’m taking a powerful break from my business. Why would you ever need to take a break if something wasn’t wrong?
Or, I know I’m supposed to not eat sugar and flour but I chose very powerfully to do it anyway and I know it’s my work but I just chose in the moment and I knew it was my choice and I ate it anyway. But if you don’t want to eat flour and sugar, there’s never a choice where you’re choosing powerfully to eat it if you don’t want to eat it. That doesn’t make sense.
So in this scenario, my client’s belief about her potential client as that it was her dream client and she loved her. And she was so connected to her that she got in the pool with her. She identified with the client. She believed her story and she missed the thing that needed to be coached on. The real thought holding the client back from investing in herself.
And that her belief was actually creating her not making enough to have 6K available to spend investing in her brain. If she had that belief already, she would already have the 6K just sitting in her account. And her belief is the answer that it is possible to make 6K in two months with her brain and get the help she needs now, and the decision was really about waiting to make the money.
She wanted to wait until she had more money to make more money, which is also fascinating because she also has a belief, I’m just realizing right now, she has a belief that it takes money to make money. Which also means that she believes money is outside of her and not truly within her control. Now, my client was connecting too much and believing in her client too much and in her brain agreeing with her client and missed this.
At one point, she even wrote that she told the client it’s okay to wait until May in order to make her feel better about feeling deflated. This is also a sign that you’re not coaching your client from a clean space. You’re in a space of identifying with your client with their feelings and their thoughts and using your thoughts to connect to them through mutually accepted beliefs. Like, oh yeah, it feels bad to wait, I totally understand that and I want to make you feel better about it.
But when you’re not using your beliefs, you’re not thinking anything about the way that they’re feeling, so you’re not projecting your own discomfort of them feeling that way and then trying to make them feel better about it. So for this reason, this ability to influence your client’s decision from a positive place and a negative place, when you’re new to coaching and selling and you haven’t mastered this, I just really want you to stay out of your brain completely.
Whether you’re thinking they’re amazing and they’re your dream client or not. Because being in your brain will create what I call false negatives and false positives on consults. So in the case with my client, and we will never know, this might have been a false negative. She was a no, but only because she didn’t fully understand the problem and the solution.
If she had really shifted and got it deeply, she might have been a yes. We’ll never know. That would have been her decision. But my client didn’t get her to clearly understanding what the problem was because she herself missed the problem. She was pulled into the client’s energy. Or hers was influence by her own thinking. One of those things.
So a false negative, a false no, a no that might have been a yes happens when a client doesn’t understand fully the problem and the solution and that is within their control 100% and available right now. When they don’t understand the actual decision they’re making, this client was making a decision to wait to make more money. Why? Would was she doing that if you’re doing that?
I want you to think about this right now for you because I know a lot of life coaches who are waiting to make more money. They’re like, making the decision to wait to make more money. Why would you ever do that? And here’s why; she was choosing comfort over who she wanted to be. The comfort of not risking $6000.
That’s more comfortable than risking $6000 to be who she wants to be. But she didn’t truly know making 6K was in her mind and within her control and available now. She didn’t see it. My client didn’t stick with her long enough for her to really see that. And how we know they see that is they just shift. It hits them, I just snapped my fingers. I don’t know if you can hear them but it hits them like a ton of bricks and immediately they feel totally in control and they have power and they feel great and then they make decisions towards what they want and their future that they want to create.
She could make that today. 6K is available to make in one day. I’ve made like, 120K in one day multiple times, over and over. I’m like, I’m sure I could make 200K in a day. I could probably make a million in a day. That’s going to happen. I remember telling my fiancé that the other day. Right now, we make 100K in a day many times, but one day it’ll be a million dollars in a day. That’s really going to blow my mind.
That’s possible. I believe my mindset. That is possible to create that in my mind. It’s why I keep investing in coaching to help me with my mind because I believe that’s the solution. I believe any amount of money is available. Just like turning your marriage around is available in one day. It’s not just for people who are entrepreneurs.
I’ve changed my relationship around in one instant. Getting over your ex is available overnight. It really is. Any result can be created the moment you take your power over it. And she still might have been a no. This is super powerful to know. Some people actually do make that choice even when they see it. They realize they don’t want the life that they’re dreaming about more than they want their comfort.
But clean selling is getting them to the place where they understand this decision and you can’t get them there without a super squeaky-clean mind. Now, let me say, my mind is super clear when I’m selling because I do a lot of work to get it there. Those five steps from last week’s podcast. And because I’ve had four years of practice with coaching consults and selling and practicing this.
You will miss these in the beginning. That is why it’s so important to do the work I teach so you get better. Every time you get aware of what happened in hindsight, you get more aware of it in the present. It’s why I have my clients constantly doing evaluations of their consults.
So let’s talk about false positives. I have another client example for you and so many of you are going to identify with this. So another client of mine tells me that she just signed a dream client. Let’s just say any time you think a client is a dream client is like, flashing lights going off like it’s an alarm. You’re totally not in a clean space any time you think you have a dream client.
But she said, “She said everything right. She was fully committed. She knew she needed a mindset coach if she was going to grow her business. She already spent a lot of money on a certification but she also knew that all that money was an investment and it was coming back to her and that she didn’t care how much it was to coach with me. She was doing it.”
And she even said I might feel a little nervous but I’m all in before she even knew the price. She was like, I’m in, we’re doing it no matter what your price is. And she said she knew this was her next level and she knew that my client was the perfect coach for her. And she said yes on the consult. She set up her first appointment and she told my client exactly how she would be paying and when. And then 24 hours later, she text and said she talked to her husband and it was too much money and they just couldn’t do it at the time, and my client was so confused.
And I get that. Being like, wait what just happened? I see this as often as I see false negatives. My clients will tell me that their clients were 10 out of 10 on commitment and then they said no. What happened? They were a yes. They said yes on the call and then they text or emailed and they were a no. So many false positives get missed when we get too excited on a call. When we think a client is our dream client.
And let me just say, in my experience, the real dream clients don’t often appear that way. I try not to assume if a client will be one way or the other. I don’t like to label my clients in any way. Because if we’re being honest, I was a super difficult client to coach. Sometimes I still am. My coach Brooke, I was just on her podcast recently on her what it takes to make millions, and she was like, “Stacey does not like to be told what to do.”
And that is true. I really have a very resistant mind. I’m working on it now at this level. I’m more coachable than I’ve ever been, but I used to stay in my mind drama for a very long time and be very defensive in my coaching. And I didn’t listen a lot. And now look at me, I’m super successful and I’m super coachable and I’m killing it and I’m helping a ton of people. My brain just happens to be super aggressive in all of its thinking.
So it serves me when I’m nailing my belief, I’m a force to reckon with. I can create anything. But when I’m in my mind drama, dear lord, look out. So this is why our judgment of a client just really has no place on the call. We really have to set it aside either way. And when someone is in I’m all in shouting from the rooftops, I’ve just seen that way too much. I don’t believe it any more than the no.
Now, I’m also not saying try and turn the client into a no. I just keep myself in the space where I am seeing everything they say as a story. Questioning it for them, for their sake, and being open to listening. I actually thought about this client scenario a lot and my first reaction was that my client might not have been able to prevent it because her potential client lied. And when I say lied, she wasn’t honest. She didn’t bring her real thoughts to awareness in the conversation.
She said she was totally in and then in a conversation with my client after she told her no, she told her her real thoughts about the money and so apparently my client had told her the price and she’d had thoughts about that price, about it being too much and they couldn’t do it and they’d already invested so much, but then she lied and totally said it was fine and yes, we’re moving forward, we’ll come up with the money or something to that extent.
And she basically said something other than her real thoughts about the price, and clients will do this to you. They will not be honest with you. And so then I was thinking, well, how do you prevent that? And I really thought about how I’d prevent that. And so after thinking about it a lot, I realized, if my client had been in complete open space, not thinking this client was a dream client, she might have created more comfort to be open to talking about the thoughts. The ones that aren’t so pretty and have drama and fear behind them.
When I was thinking about this scenario, from what I know about it, my knowledge, I think they both got carried away in the fun of the call and in the connection to each other. They liked each other too much. The client, I was thinking about her mindset and her thoughts because this is what I do, I’m always thinking about my client’s thoughts and my client’s client’s thoughts.
And the client probably didn’t want to ruin the fun subconsciously or consciously, I don’t know, but she didn’t even want to acknowledge her thoughts. She might have even been people-pleasing really. We don’t know, but the space, the way I think about it is the space wasn’t created for her real thoughts to come out on the call because of the energy on the call and that was totally controlled by my client. Or within my client’s power to control, to be responsible for.
So clean selling is selling without bias from your beliefs. It is focusing on the client and listening for everything. It’s not believing any stories. It is seeing everything the client says as a story, which really, it is. Everything we say as humans, everything we think is a story, and it’s either one that serves us or doesn’t.
The client who believes she couldn’t make 6K, that story did not serve her. The client who believed she was all in committed when she wasn’t, that thought didn’t serve her because had she not thought that, had she said her real thoughts on the call, she could have gotten help on those too. If she had brought her real drama to the call, instead of her false confidence, she would have gotten the real help she needed.
I saw this a lot early on in my coaching. Even in my coaching calls, you want to be careful of this. Even when you’re just coaching clients who are already paying you. They will bring false confidence to the calls. You’ll have entire calls where all they’re doing is talking about how amazing things are and how great they’re doing and all the things they’re doing, and you get to no real shit. You don’t get to the deep drama of it.
It’s like, just surface level coaching and it doesn’t serve them at all, which is different than if your client is super negative all the time and then they have one call where they’re totally believing in themselves. That’s not what I’m talking about, but if they constantly come like – I remember having a client and just every call – this was probably my first year of coaching.
Every call she wasn’t actually coming for coaching. It felt like she was coming for me to cheerlead her on and just tell me all the amazing things and for me to say all the amazing things to her and boost her false confidence that she had. And I really – you want to be careful of clients who do this, whether it’s on a consult.
I have coaches who will report on consults that the client was just everything was amazing, and I always tell them like, well then ask on the call why they’re there. Let’s not spend an hour talking about how amazing things are and how everything you’re doing that’s right. Let’s talk about why you want to hire a coach. Let’s bring up the crap.
And I have to tell this to my coaching clients because they want to coach themselves and then come and they don’t want to present their drama because then they think they’re not being a coach if they have drama. And I’m like, stop being a coach for a second, let’s get into your drama, that’s why you hired me.
So I think thinking in stories is super important. Thinking it’s all a story and it either serves us or it doesn’t. So the way I’m thinking about it is like, everything’s a story that my client says. Does it serve them or does it not? Super simple.
If you heard this podcast so far and you’re like, “Wait, I’m confused,” this is it. When you’re listening to your clients, whether you’re on a consult or whether you’re on a coaching call, all you’re doing is thinking about what they’re saying. Everything is a story. Does it serve them or not? Super simple. That’s clean selling. Does this serve them or not?
And I think this is a really important distinction. Bringing your beliefs into the conversation is different than showing them what they would think, feel, and do, and therefore create as a result if they already had the result they want. That is going into your client’s future from a place of them having achieved the result and helping them see possibility where previously they have not. That’s you coaching.
This is how we create different results than we have now. We think different thoughts, we have different stories. And the only way to create a result is to think, feel, and act like the person who already has it. It’s like I say the reason that makes it difficult for you to do something is the reason you need to do it.
The client who doesn’t have 6K, that’s the reason she needs a coach. She doesn’t have 6K, but she is capable of it. If she truly believes she is in control of the money she makes and she will make 6K in two months, she will feel confident and capable. She will take action from that capability. She will show up like the person who is making 6K in two months and she will make 6K in two months.
She doesn’t believe that thought though, so she won’t make the 6K. So even though she doesn’t have the 6K, it’s why she needs to hire a coach, so she can learn to believe that she can make 6K in two months. She doesn’t know how to learn that on her own. If she did, she would have already done it.
So showing her what the person who makes 6K thinks, feels, and does now on this decision to invest in coaching is not the same as bringing your beliefs into the conversation to convince them to buy and it isn’t manipulating. It’s what they came for. They just don’t know what they don’t know.
And the cleanest selling shows the clients this and still lets the client decide. And if the coach recognizes that the client truly doesn’t get that, they keep at it unless the client doesn’t want them to keep at it. That is what a coach does. How do we know if a client gets it? Remember, when the client really sees that it’s a thought, that they’re in control of their life, when you really see that it’s just your thinking that can create the result you want, you take action from a different belief to go get it.
But you do this showing them their future from their brain too. You do this by asking them questions to get what they would think, how they would feel, what they would do now if they already had the result they want. I teach in my five-step sales process in my 2K for 2K, a step called painting the vision. And I’m always telling my clients when they’re doing this, painting the vision of the future results and the impact of those results for the client, you’re doing it from the information they give you, by asking them really great questions. Not you just imagining their future for them.
And a lot of people will ask me, “But isn’t overcoming objections and coaching them beyond their first no going against what they said they want because they said no?” And I think this is where it’s a fine line. My answer is no, and here’s why. They’re coming to you to see them as the person who has the results. Not the person who might not be capable.
They are coming to you intentionally because they want the results. They want help. And their brain’s job is basically to tell them no and you have to remember why they came and help them over the hump. I really like to think consultations are me being hired by their dreams for an hour. That is why they came. They want something, and they have intentionally come to get it. So permission to coach hard for your client’s dream granted, but just not from your own mind and from your own motives, intentions, and beliefs.
Imagine if they want a pot of gold and it would change their life and they’ve told you that and they want it badly. But in order to get it, they have to go through a wooded forest of ghosts and the scariest things imaginable. Your job is to walk them through the woods. Knowing the ghosts aren’t real and knowing it is what they want. Not you shoving them into the woods because you think they should go through them because their life would be so much better with the gold. You’re not doing that. You’re just escorting them to what they want.
Now, the scariest things imaginable for your clients are going to be like, I’m going to spend the money and not lose the weight, my husband will be mad at me, I’ll end up living in a box. Once actually I was told, “If I invest with you, we won’t have the money to buy Christmas gifts,” and I immediately told them that wasn’t true. And not from my brain, but from looking at their behavior, there’s no way they got on the phone knowing the price if it was even an option that they wouldn’t be able to afford Christmas gifts for their kids. It was a dramatization of their brain in the moment.
It was their brain talking them out of going into the woods after the pot of gold. And as a coach, I know that’s the way the brain works. And when I’m a coach looking at their behavior, I’m going to catch something like that. But when I believe Christmas gifts are a necessity and I have a fear of that happening for my kids or a fear of not being able to provide and I go to my brain for what to do next, I’m in trouble.
I’m biased with my own belief and now my selling isn’t clean. Now my coaching isn’t clean. You have to do your consults that way, your marketing that way. Using their brain to find the answers but knowing what their brain is up to and watching their behavior.
And I find a lot of coaches struggle with this because they’re either totally invested or it’s the case of extremes. Or they go to this weird neutral place where they don’t care at all and they aren’t invested and they just throw their hands up and see where the cards fall. That’s also not what I’m saying.
You have to take your basic beliefs as a coach into the call. You have to take what your client has hired you to do. Even if they’re just paying you in their time for that one hour into the call, you have to remember they came to you as an expert in helping people get what they want, helping them overcome their brain. That is why they want to hire a coach.
I take myself as a coach into the call with me. My belief in myself to get anyone results using their brain, using the model, and now all my past experiences of my clients getting results, like, I get to take that with me too. I didn’t in the beginning, but I get to take it now. I take my belief in the human capacity for change. I’ve seen deep, total life transformations over and over and I believe anyone can do it.
I believe coaching is the fastest way to get it and I believe you can use coaching to create any result you ever want. So there’s no result they would ever be without. There is nothing on the line. The ghosts aren’t real. I also believe consciously; no circumstances are bad. We’re going to talk about that next week.
And I continue to believe that throughout the entire call. And with those beliefs, I use my skillset as a coach during the call. My skill as a coach is backed by my belief. But the coaching tools are running the consult. And just like I don’t use my beliefs in the call, I also don’t use my client’s beliefs. I don’t let my belief bias in, and I don’t let my client’s belief bias in. Their story of why it won’t work either.
If I’m doing all that work to not bring in my beliefs, I’m not taking theirs either. Nobody’s stories make it into the consult. So I’m looking at that and looking at their beliefs biasing them towards it being possible to have their dreams. I know going into the call that that’s going to happen, otherwise they would have already had the results they wanted.
So I think a great question to ask yourself is how would your selling change if you believed in all of your clients before they even got on the phone and no matter what they tell you, like it’s your job? But you only use your skill as a coach and your coaching tools to navigate the conversation.
It’s like, do you think I can lose weight? Yes, anyone can when they know what to do and have accountability through coaching and are committed to doing it. But what are your thoughts? Do you believe you can lose weight? Do you want to believe that? Do you want to believe it bad enough to get help to do it? If you had already lost the weight, what would you be thinking about it? About yourself? About getting help and getting started now?
There’s where you want to go. Remember, the most basic explanation of how to get any result is by being the person who has the result through your thoughts, feelings, and actions until you get that result. And coaching facilitates this process in the brain. So my job on a consult is to facilitate that process using coaching tools and their brain that keeps me open in my mind, not muddied by my own limiting thoughts and judgments of the world or being overly connected to the client.
And showing them the contrast of their thinking and feeling and doing or not doing that is creating where they are now and what it will take to get where they want to be and then coaching them through the forest of the scariest possibilities. But at any time that they start fighting me to go, I let go. I let them back away because I can’t walk it for them. They have to want to go, even if they’re scared. They have to be open to getting past the scary part.
It’s like their blindfolded. I have the directions to get them safely through the forest, but they have to take the steps themselves to move forward. They have to be willing. And if they aren’t, that’s okay because I also carry the belief that where they are is just fine too.
Happy clean selling. I’ll talk to you next week.
Hey, if you are ready to make money as a life coach, I want to invite you to join my 2K for 2K program where you’re going to make your first $2000, the hardest part, and then $200,000 using my proven formula. It’s risk-free. You either make your 2K or I give you your 2K back. Just head over to www.staceyboehman.com/2kfor2k. We’ll see you inside.